Wedding Bliss

 

 

I have searched for love out side of myself.. only to find it evade me like the mist… to evaporate as I tried to grasp at it.

I have listened to others tell me who I am and what I want.. only to be left wanting.

I have had my emotions controlled by men who tell me what I want to hear..as they feed off of my my energy.. and I have been left ..not empty..but with just parts of me..as I have given away to them what they truly stole away from me.. and so it is that I have searched for the key..but I have searched for this key outside of me.

I blamed myself.. for their lack.. I saw this lack as something lacking in me..and so again the pattern emerged inside of me..as pieces that I missed.. ohhh how I missed myself ..all the time thinking that it was someone else that I missed.. feeling lonely for what I thought was him.. but all along it was me I missed.

I listened to words of idealized romance.. I listened to him speak only of himself.. I listened to him tell me what his needs were.. I listened to him as he told me who he was and what he believed in.. I listened to him as he tried to make me into what he thought was his ideal.. I listened and I listened as I was nothing but stealing away from myself..but I blamed him.

And so it is just very recently it happened again..a man that seemed like a God.. who told me when I was dreaming of Angels it was him I was dreaming of.. he told me he was the other half of me..and he believed that women were empty without men but men were filled endlessly.. yes he said he loved me, yes no one could compare to the love that he had for me and that I should have for him.. just believe in him..and only him, faithlessly as this would prove my enlightenment and that I am indeed worthy of such a great love that only he.. my Twin Flame could give to me and I to him..and so it is the power began to shift from me to a man. It was all to be on his timing and his plan.. as it was all in his sense of good timing that we should be together..and then I felt the drain again… but this time..a light came on.

I found the key..to my patterns.. I found my heart.

I found that love has always been with me and that I have never been empty.. and any man or person who needs to steal energy from me.. has not found this key.

I found the love.. I found that it exists in the moment..of gratitude for all that is.. I am complete.. I am in contact with my higher self.. I am the Angel in my dreams..not him or anyone else.. I am the love that I seek..and it has always been so.. am The Bride and The Groom..in knowing this I am whole.

I walked in to the shadows.. In the light of my awareness of who I truly am..my shadow self becomes so much less..as I am so much more in my new awareness.

My Angelic Self.. lifts me up from the ashes.. as I am transformed.. I am that I am.. there needs be no more..than this.. I am love

And so it is…

I wed bliss..

  • Noa

    Amazing change!
    Hello, I’m a single woman too and I’ve been reading your blog for a while, inspired by your spirituality and bravery. Many of your words about your pain caused by all that terrible men touched me as it was so familiar. You’ve been through such a lot of pain and disappointments and kept going. This last post is very different, like it’s been written by a new woman – more calm and less angry, even happy. May I suggest that it was an impact of that “time planning” man? He sounds the one who finally did not take or grab, but gave you something unconditionally, maybe true love that you were looking for? Your story reminded me of my old pain and similar situation. May I give an advice as someone who made that fatal mistake and lost a man of her dreams because like you, I was impatient and “mad” about his “time settings”. Busy men have to plan their time after all. What if to be more flexible, more understanding? I lost it all. But I hope that you didn’t lose that special connection between the two of you? Don’t let go, think better before it’s too late… It is obvious that you love him too, as for his love – it have changed you within a few months, or maybe a few days… but the change in you (I can only say by reading your blog) is amazing. Don’t lose the gift that was given to you. Wishing you love.
    N.

    • http://twitter.com/goddessofsacred Gracie Ackerman

      Thank you for your reply.. yes it has to do with him this change..and it is also a spiritual awakening of my own..but the awakening probably caused him to come into my life. I do love him..it just is.. he lives very far away from me.. but I can’t help that my heart calls out to him..it just simply is

      • Noa

        As far as Manitoba or as far as Florida? Since when distance disturbed to real love? Our grandmothers were managing with it. My love was distant too and lasted years, it was not distance that killed it, it was my mistake. Your heart tells you the truth Gracie. Call him, write to him, he will be next morning at your door. He loves you.

        • http://twitter.com/goddessofsacred Gracie Ackerman

          Noa..he blocked me off of his facebook page..He doesn’t love me. I told him that I love him..and I do love him..I asked him what he wanted from me..he said nothing. I had offered to purchase a plane ticket for him..as he struggles with money. I asked that he would skype with me..so that we could plan..so that we could get to know each other. I have three children.. He would come to live in my home..if he came to Canada.. I needed to build trust with him. If he moved in I would have lost the alimony. In 6 months after he would move in with me. I tried to get to know him past his facebook page but he wouldn’t open up to me. I tried everything to get something concrete from him..but he wouldn’t open up to me..the more I tried the more he backed away from me almost seeing me as an enemy or an invader of his life. Yet he would message me again and say he loved me and wanted to be with me. We shared so much spiritually.. when he blocked me off his facebook.. he told me he did not want to come to Canada and be with me..then I watched his picture disappear ..and I felt my heart break as I realized he blocked me.. I can not message him anymore.. it was my only way of connecting to him.. this tells me he never loved me..was he just in love with love? as he didn’t want to get real with me. I offered him my life..my entire life…I was willing to give as much as I could to him..because I love him..but he has shown me he doesn’t love me..and that he never did.. he will just live in my dreams now.. I can’t even see his pictures..this hurts so painfully..words can not express..it feels like he died.. but I will always love him.

          • http://twitter.com/goddessofsacred Gracie Ackerman

            I am grieving him

          • Noa

            I’m so sorry about it. But you’re a strong woman and you’ll be allright. I belong to a non-profit organization empowering women of all nations and helping them to recognize their inner strength and change their life. Where can I write to you in private? I would like to share with you a couple of helpful links and also to give you some personal advice. We women must support each other.
            N.

          • http://twitter.com/goddessofsacred Gracie Ackerman

            thanks Noa.. I do have spiritual work to do.. I am guided .. tonight I am writing about authentic spirituality..and were I am going with the Goddess Wisdom

    • http://twitter.com/goddessofsacred Gracie Ackerman

      I wish you much love too my friend.. thank you for reading and for your comment <3

      • http://twitter.com/goddessofsacred Gracie Ackerman

        I was wrong.. he just told me he doesn’t wish to be with me.

Links