When I was a young girl; I was a tomboy, I loved playing street hockey with the boys. Left defense was my position of choice..but if right wasn’t doing it like they should; I would make up for the other player. I was very competitive, I could take hits and give them.. I earned the nick name ” Slasher ” it still makes me laugh. Now that I am all grown up; I am a very athletic and fit woman; even being in my 40s, having had three children; I could still slash and check now. I love training and sports. But I hate the macho bullshit that goes with sports. All the money that gets funneled into a game; a game that is primarily owned and made into a monopoly by rich greedy men. I know from experience that it promotes a sense of entitlement and sexism to men, that trickles into homes and marriages.. this is the experience I had with my now ex husband.
I found that hockey could be used as an excuse by my husband as the reason not to have to be present with his family; my ex also used work and golf for the exact same reasons. Using work as an excuse not to parent or spend time with me, was a way to take the high road for as master manipulation; after all, how do you fault a man for wanting to supply for his family? Hockey, and or other organized sports were his reward for all of his hard work outside of the home; you see I was being taught in a very sexist way, that he was entitled to his entitlement; that my work in the home or outside of the home wasn’t as important as his. I was being told by my husband and by society that if I was a good woman; I would be submissive, I should, we all should , just handle the kids, the home and our own feelings of loneliness.. to martyr our own happiness.. for the sake of his.
I wonder how many other women fake liking hockey to make their men happy? I wonder how many women fake being cool with it when they are seething inside because he puts a game ahead of his wife and kids..? I bet it’s like faking an orgasm; because she cannot reach those peaks of pleasure; because he is there only physically but not emotionally. How many women are listening to the hockey game playing in the background having their man right next to them..but feeling a total disconnect; lack of companionship.. being not alone but feeling totally alone?
I cannot count the number of dinners I made for him that he didn’t even taste; how many times our then young children did something cute, monumental or amazing.. when he was right there in the house, that he didn’t even see. How many women have cooked the dinner; put the kids to bed, washed the dishes.. and fell asleep while he tuned out watching hockey? How many women self pleasured.. because he was downstairs .. in an entire different dimension ( hockey land ) while he should of been making love to her?
How many hockey pools could she gamble on better then him; just by knowing the names of the top players because the hockey announcers voices playing in the back ground drilled the into her subconscious so completely, that she can recite them in her sleep?
I wonder how many women I am writing this for? How many women want to yell this into their man’s faces? How many women stuff this down every hockey season..or for every season his next favorite sport plays? How man women feel shut out; that are shut out for a stupid fucking game; a game that over pays players, and that promotes sexual inequality by the over pay and over promotion of male sports over female sports? How many fathers are teaching their sons to treat their wives like emotional baggage when the game comes on? How man fathers are teaching their daughters that a sport means more to them, then family ..then love? But at the same time ..it’s up to us as women to speak up; to not stuff it down, to tell him our true feelings.
But to cover all bases ( pun intended ) some women really do love the game as much as their husbands.. if so this post isn’t for you.. move on, carry on.
Now fast-forward to my life today; as a divorced, single mom.. the play-offs are playing at his place but not at mine. My weekend with the kids; we watched a movie, made old fashioned popcorn, on the stove, in a pot..and spent family time together.. there isn’t any hockey here..and I am so grateful now that the marriage is over.. I will never be put behind a game; work, or any other interest when I meet another. I will speak up right away..and if my needs are not met for equality.. I will walk away..
Tonight my ex is watching hockey with the woman he had an affair with.. and that’s just karma.. because now he is ignoring her.