POWER of the GODDESS

My heart was like an over ripe cherry, that has been rained on in July.. bursting open.. dripping sweet dark juice.. a love for him that I cannot deny..even though I try.  And so I drove into the woods to be with Mother Nature… to rest my heart in the hands of the Goddess.. to give her the love that he wouldn’t accept or acknowledge ..

As I walked upon her; I removed my shoes..to become one with her on the sacred ground..the sacred place I go to feel her the most.. and I said to her ” Great Mother.. I need you.. I need to know you intimately .. I need to lay my heart here so that you may heal it with your love.. my heart is an over flowing cup.. and it bleeds.. I make a mess of everything.. I shouldn’t of told him how I felt.. I shouldn’t of done the things I did in the pain of rejection.. in the pain of his words.. I shouldn’t of said the things I said.. were are you Mother?.. Goddess.. love and creation.. please take my heart and stop the bleeding.” and then I felt her.. I felt her so strongly.. I hadn’t felt her like that since I was a child..when I would wander for ages.. avoiding my abusive father..and she would hold me.. she would touch me with her winds and warm me with her sun..and sing me sweet bird song.. and she would remind me that I was her child..and that I was a Goddess.. and then as I felt her and I remembered .. these memories from so long ago.. I felt her speak to my heart and she said ” I am here under your feet.. I am the ground you walk on and I am the air that you breath.. I am the food that nurtures you.. I am in your mother and the mother of your children.. I am your mother’s mother..and her mother too..and my dear I am inside of you.”

I and I cried..and I was humbled..and I was held in her mercy.. in the mercy that no one has shown me .. and then she reminded me of my own sacredness.. she has no shame in her sexuality.. she has no shame in giving birth to new life..in openin up the doorways to death..and her womb to conception.. she makes love to all things.. to all things she loves.. she loves them with gentleness and with tough love..for she is fierce like me.. she sweet like me.. she gets angry like me..and she gets hurt just like me..and she gives to much to those who don’t deserve it .. just like me.. and she gets used just like me..and she gets abused just like me..but she isn’t a victim.. and I am not a victim of them.. I am a survivor.. just like her.. she storms and she rages..and then she forgives and she blooms.. she loves again even after all the abuses.. even after all hope seems lost.. yet she gives hope to the hopeless.. and shelter to the homeless.. for she is home..she is the heart of humanity..and she is me..and she told me ” Don’t ever be ashamed of who you are and what you survived.. don’t ever be ashamed of showing anyone your heart.. don’t be ashamed of asking for help, for love and for friendship..because you deserve all those things.”

And then I walked with her.. upon her..and she showed me beauty even in death.. she showed me how the deer carcass made the flowers grow… how the sweet stench of death.. is the metaphor for the sweetness of the sleep of death before rebirth..she showed me bone washed clean in the water and the sun..she showed me wild fruit..and and she called the hawk to me to show me how to soar above the pain of other’s words and judgments .. to see that it is their fear..it was his fear.. it was not mine to fear or to blame myself for what he couldn’t see in me.. that unlike the hawk that can see for miles and miles..he saw what his fear showed him..and it’s not my fault.. but my fear reacted to his fear..and so I must forgive myself.. I must forgive him for his own humanity..and she walked with me.. and she held my heart.. and she said to me ” Your heart is full of sweetness.. like the cherry it just wants to nurture someone with it’s abundance..and that is what an open heart exists to do.. someone will come along that sees all of the good and the bad in you..and they will love you anyway..just like you are able to do with others.”

I am a Goddess.. I am like her.. I want to be untamed..and wild.. I want to dance naked in the moon light..and swim naked in the dark.. My house is full of sacred things..bones, stones, feathers.. special things that keep me close to The Mother.. My name means Love, Flower and Farmer.. and it wasn’t given to me by accident..it was given to me by her energy..because it describes my soul.. I want to grow wild things..and I want to lay in wild flowers..and I want to love with abandon.. I don’t want to calculate love.. I don’t want to over think love.. I just want to be love.. to give love..and to be loved..

Like her my body is wonderland.. my body is abundant and decadent .. it is food..it is nurturing.. it is marked by birth and babies.. it is like fruit..sweet, tangy..and I love the scent of myself.. I smell wild.. I am crazy.. I am a gypsy .. I think with my soul.. I am intuition.. I feel so much.. I am so sensitive..my feelings and my body to the touch..

Like her.. my roots go deep..my sensuality is all of me..there isn’t any separation from my sexuality and my mentality..for I am present..as she is present.. in my heart, my soul, my mind, and my flesh..because the forbidden fruit is the one that feeds the soul..

And one day when my bones are made pure by the surf and the sun..I will be reborn through her sweet softness.. I will be in the womb..the womb within the womb..a sweet and sensual dance as ancient as the stars..

This stone represents the sacral chakra.. pleasure

And so my heart..it still runs with sweetness to overflowing .. like a July cherry burst open by tears that fall like summer rain.. but I wouldn’t want it any other way..tis the heart of a gypsy…crazy and untamed.

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