I am obsessed with my dream and trying to find away through these impasses .. obstacles.. trying with all my might to find the right strategy.. but I am stuck. Tonight I have been watching George Stromboulopoulos’s interviews with multiple different successful celebrities .. trying to learn through them, from their experiences..their climb.. to see how doors opened for them. I am learning that it is simply a matter of fate, timing and life experiences, talents and tenacity that brings them to their victories or revolutionary fame or successes.. success not just being monetary but also and more importantly making a huge difference in the world. I still don’t have the answer. I still don’t have any open doors.. I just don’t.
I don’t have community; I don’t have a platform to speak from.. I have no opportunity as of yet to be heard or noticed.. I have directly the opposite. I have been shunned from professional organizations; I have been shunned from my local arts community.. there isn’t any Government funding or help or organization to help me. I don’t know anyone that knows anyone. Most of all I have been labeled over and over again as crazy for speaking out about the prejudices and inequalities put on me because I am woman without ( proper qualifications ) writing about women’s sexuality.. it’s like I am not allowed to break those rules.. these invisible rules.. that I needed the education’s systems qualifications to write about sex as a woman still in her sexual prime and single .. ( being single and not married as a woman writing about sex and sexuality is a taboo) ” I mean who knew right? Who fucking knew that?” Did you know that? I didn’t know that until I did that..and now I am a crazy for doing that..seems it was social suicide. Because I was supposed to have a PHD.. and have male approval by a husband or a boyfriend to write about sex and sexuality to be socially acceptable and to be given validity .. did you know that? Not only that but I shouldn’t be so sexy writing about sexuality..being single and unmarried because that makes me a threat.. because it makes me seductive and manipulative..because I am obviously ( according to society ) using my sexuality without a licence.. isn’t that just fucked up? But that is what is happening.. yup.. it’s happening..
I am not supposed to talk about it in public because I don’t have the proper qualifications..so when I do and people find out I don’t have the proper qualifications.. it means I am a target for abuse. Like being told that I am a threat to a gym’s reputation .. that I scare people..because I am just too much.. too open.. too different.. I am just too different..and I am doing something too different and revolutionary or controversial.
People don’t like it when you challenge their stupid rules or taboos .. people don’t like change even if is for the better… like leading women out of sexual repression by living outside of the box or the sexual repression by the expression of my sexuality..showing by leading how to do it.. ( sounds so simple..but people are even simpler) saying that very slowly as I type it very slowly read it slowly if you don’t get it..because there are some hateful .. prejudiced people ( lots of them ) that read my blog to leave hateful messages because they cannot grasp the concepts.. they can read that even slower.. they can read this several times but still not pick up on the meaning in the words and vocabulary.. but this is the great part.. they find my spelling mistakes..but not grasp anything else..
Ohhhhhhh *sigh* so how do I create a strategy that can jump, climb over.. under or through this ignorance? Ignorance.. IGNORANCE.. the biggest ..widest.. meanest…nastiest .. barrier of all..
Because you can be rational.. factual.. intellectual.. but you just cannot help people upgrade on how to conceptualize or activate more gray matter.