I have had a hell of a time with men….as you have read LOL…what I want is a guy with a bit of an edge..that is ballsy and makes some trouble..but I don’t want a total bad ass…that is what I have found up to this piont in time.
I was attracted to Mikey…because he had wit and he had the edge that I was looking for..the way of looking at the world like it is there for your entertainment…at least that is what he seemed to be..he could of just been playing me after reading my writing..he had a good look in my head.
But he was smart and he was funny…he was good in bed but he need help with that too..all the men that I have been with need some training..ohhhh men. They have very sensitive egos when it comes to their equipment and how they use it on women…the thing is I like tough manly men..the problem with that is they have a ton of testosterone,,this makes them rough and raunchy in bed..women like a little bit of roughness but not many of us like raunchy..most of all we hate it when men talk about other women in bed..the things that they did to the other women that they “THINK” they satisfied them but they probably didn’t…on his facebook he says that men can fake a relationship if women can fake an orgasum…ya well he must of had a lot of fakers to put that up…says a lot I think…but anyway he had the humor, the wit,,he wasn’t great looking but he had that little boy quality that I like..that ” I am trouble” but in a cute sort of way..but…I guess he was faking it..just like his facebook profile picture says….lots of manipulation..
That is one thing I can’t stand is to be manipulated..he put something up on his facebook about the vagina being like a engine the very next day after he slept with me..when I was shocked and angry he said I was jumping to conclusions..funny how guys say that..and then they say women are crazy..they actually do call that ( crazy making behavior) it is a common thing that manipulative men do to undermind women..they take your mind away from you by doing and saying things to women to make them react..then when you react to their cruelty and selfishness they say “your crazy woman!”…ya it is play tactic..well played and planned so that they can get out of their responsibility..
My responsibility in this is that I took a risk on him..I knew he could be a little shit..but of course he only showed me a fraction of his dysfuntion..my responsibility was only chosing to see the good in him and not the bad…as always I hope for the best..
But I do like guys with attitude…I do now anyway..My ex was a fake..he put on a charming face..he never wanted to rock the boat..he still lies to everyone about his affair..as he tries to keep his social mask on just for the sake of never seeming to be anything but perfect..he plays the victim..just like Mikey did calling the cops..it is easier to say..she is harrassing me..or she just will not do or be what I want her to be..so I had no choice..( my ex it was to have an affair) with Mikey it was to act all hurt about me wanting to read tarot cards so that he could make an exit when he slipped up..and told me he didn’t want any kind of relationship..he knew after telling me that..that he was destined to have the door hit his ass on the way out..he knew he had be caught at the game…whimp LOL
I have to say it all makes me laugh..you know my ex did me a favor when he had the affair…I know now..in facing my own shadows that I couldn’t stay with him anymore..I couldn’t play fake with him anymore..I was sick of some of his friends and all of his family always pretending to be fucking perfect…never admitting that all they cared about was money…social standing and looks..I felt phyically sick being around them all…I felt that around Mikey the night that he left..I was sick of his shit..I was sick of the play…
It seems that men have had to take me down a few notches..to feel that they can contol me…It starts by looking at other women..calling me crazy…ignoring me..with holding love and affection and so on..it is done to me because I am to wild…I AM WILD..by calling me crazy and by tring to get me to second guess myself..they are putting on the bridal and the saddle..they are tring to tame the wench out of me….but I like the wench in me….I LIKE BEING WILD AND FREE!!!
The man who will be the right man for me..he will be free himself..he will not feel the need to try to tame me because he will be wild too..he couldn’t even imagine taming me..as he will know how painful that feeling can be…cause there will be many who tried to do the same thing to him..he will of had the same experience..he will understand..
He will understand that I want a committed relationship with out marriage..because you can’t put a contract on love..love should be free like the wind…if you try to hold it..or put pressure on it it stagnates and dies….thats how I feel about love..you can’t own anyone..
He will have to have a good sense of humor too..because I laugh at everything..I laugh through the pain..and through the joy..I burst out laughing at myself constantly..he has to have humor to get me..
He has to be smart..cause I get mentaly bord fast..my mind is always turned on..I am in a constant state of creative thought..and planning my next great adventure in life..he has to be willing to explore..his own mind..the world..and any given situation..
He can not be lazy in bed…no way…nope..none of that! I love adventure and play there as well…so he has to be up for that..he has to be a big kid..he has to love my kids..and water fights…ice cream pig outs..and just going somewere to play for the hell of it…
He better get mad at me sometimes..he better tell me what he is thinking..I don’t care how nasty it is I want to know..because if you don’t know what is broke you can’t fix it..thats what happened in my marrage he wouldn’t tell me what was bothering him…knowledge is half the battle won..
I don’t mind on little bit..if he has life other than me..he better cause I have a life of my own..I don’t mind if he is gone for a couple of weeks at a time..I am sure I would miss him..but it would make our time together even sweeter because we would of had time apart,,,
The thing is I don’t want the traditional marrage..so it’s hard to find the balance between the bad ass and the smart ass..I want the funny smart ass with a bit of an edge..with a life of his own..and a dash of attitude..the attitude that says..” I AM NOT A FAKE DUDE.”..I want a real man that can admit his mistakes..and accept me for mine too..