I went to his house. He was very insistent. I think a man that was used to getting what he wanted and a man that was not afraid to ask for it.
He met me outside in the parking lot. By societies standards I suppose he would not be considered much to look at; middle aged, average weight and height.. totally bald..but his energy was strong, and he seemed like a very determined man. He walked me to his door.. just brushing my waist with his hand to gently guide me.. I felt electricity rush through me.
He poured us some yummy fruity wine and we sat outside to talk.. I saw a man, so sweet. He was gentle and refined but somehow he had retained a bit of an edge to him..and I admired him. I remember his eyes.. grayish blue..with brown outlining his pupils.. I remember his hands..and his lips…full and tender. He smelled like soap and clean laundry..and he wore his company shirt.. I thought that was so adorable!! I saw a lonely man, a man searching for meaning and hope.. he seemed somehow listless and tired of searching for what he knew not of. I was interesting to him; as he tried to figure me out. He was also making love to me in his mind as I was him. The attraction was instant.. minds meeting minds.. like energy or spirit meeting spirit..it felt as if we were on the same vibration.. connecting somehow.
This is the vulnerable part for me..because it seems totally crazy.. and it makes no sense..because you can not fall in love at first sight..can you? lust yes..but love?
How do you measure it.. love? It feels all warm and fuzzy right and you want to protect the ones you love. I felt this way.. right then and there. The meaning that he was searching the world over for..that he tried to find in faraway places..that he tried to find building things and driving fast ..and swimming in deep waters and all those manly things .. I wanted to give it to him. I wanted to take the emptiness away by filling his soul.. I wanted to nurture him..hold him tenderly and give him all the care that had been denied him by others. I wanted him to know that he was enough. To say ” you are enough as I see you before me..as you… you are enough” All the knives that had been placed into his heart I wanted to remove with tenderness and care..with thoughtfulness.. yes I wanted to love him.
It was not a thought of him loving me back at that time.. it was almost like a motherly feeling.. I just wanted his sorrow to go away.. so is this love..because I also wanted him inside of me..and the feeling of this was all powerful too??
We talked I guess.. he said for 45 min before we touched each other… I tried so hard to make sense while I talked to him..but I did not need to hear or to speak as I felt I knew him.. I knew his soul..such a mystery?
It was then we went inside..and we sat on his couch with our lovely fruity wine.. somewhere in there he had made himself something to eat but I was not hungery.. it is a blur..because the emotions and the primitive instincts ran so super charged! He then told me to stop pulling down my dress.. that he loved my legs.. it was then that I saw the primitive man emerge in him..as he pulled up my dress to expose my tanned toned legs..he told me how strong my legs were… how beautiful I was.. and then he leaned in for a kiss.. It was like liquid fire.. a kiss like I have never had before..and in this heat I straddled him as he tore of my dress with force exposing my breast..at the same time ripping down my thong panties.. I was still holding on to my wine! It was so fast and hot, I begged him to slow down.. I thought I was going to pass out from the passion..he tried to as I put down my wine.. but he could not slow down..and I wanted nothing more than to submit to him.
He kissed my breast as he freed me from my dress..and then.. he flipped me over..and then he did the most shocking erotic thing.. he took his belt out of his pants.. I was a little frightened but excited and thrilled as I did not know what he was going to do with it..and I like not knowing..because I am wild.. he took the belt and wrapped it around my waist using it like a harness he then entered me hard..but I was ready as he rode me.. or he tried..and he did.. I could not stop screaming ” FUCK ME” and he did well.. I bucked and a I wiggled and I pleaded for him not to stop.. We ended up in the bedroom..but I can’t remember how?? Or .. it was just so intense.
He walked me to his shower.. it was large shower.. very modern..it had a place to sit.. he turned it on.. I protested as I did not want to run my mascara and he laughed..and promised not to get my head wet.. he sat as he stood me in front of him..he soaped me..it was so sensual. He was gentle as he made me sudsy and slippery..the soap he used was so lovely.. it made my skin soft and slick.. he washed me so tenderly but with deep desire..he paid special attention to my nice firm hard ass.. he loved my ass. I let him play with me.. I wanted to please him and be his pleasure.. I wanted to play his sexy fantasy. We got out as it was getting too hot and we wanted to get into each other again..
I toweled him off.. every little bit of him.. I wanted to be tender.. I wanted to be sweet to him as he was to me.. I wanted to show him the love that suddenly had welled up inside of me that I could not speak.. how could I?
Instead I took him into my mouth and I licked him and sucked on him.. and he forgot everything..and anything that had hurt him..all he wanted was what I was doing to him..and he returned it to me.. I warned him that I squirt.. I told him I could drown him..nothing made him happier.. his fantasy was complete.. and when I did.. I will never forget his face..his expression was pure bliss..and almost humility.. it was a look that I will cherish forever.
Then he could not..not be inside of me… he was forceful and powerful in his lovemaking and I loved it.. I begged him to spank me..to spank me hard .. he pulled my leg up above my head and slapped me hard.. and I love it.. I begged him to call me names and tell me I was bad.. to spank me harder..it was so playful and naughty.. it was so bad ass ;)
He was having trouble holding back..he needed to cum.. I told him to pin me to the bed missionary and dominate me.. I told him to release.. and he did.. pulling my arms above my head..and putting the fullness of his body down on me.. he had his way with me..
He is the first man that has been able to keep up with me.. but I did go to the gym for 2 hours that morning.. or I could of killed him he slept like a dead man after.. I was a little worried..I watched for a pulse ( chuckle)
We talked after and he made me a wonderful dinner.. and I climbed into his lap after to gently kiss him.. to stroke his face and chest.. as I was feeling such deep emotion for him..so deep..that it has not left me..so deep..it frightened me as I was not prepared to have my walls come tumbling down.. I was not ready for such depth.. my heart and body exposed..so totally that when he barely communicated with me afterwards..and when he said I was not acceptable as date material due to my website, blog and up coming book.. I was crushed.. and my hurt became anger.. and I posted his emails on the blog..and now he says I am crazy..
But he did say if you are going to write anything about me.. make it sound like I am really good in bed..
Well I don’t have to make it sound that way
Is he an asshole that used me for sex..am I crazy??
I will miss him.