Heartless

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=llAK2Z3OAwE&bpctr=1347506988

I hate the above video because I can totally relate to it as a woman.. you can see in the video the images of the vultures circling and devouring prey..this is exactly how I have feel I have been treated by men. I thought when I met my ex husband that he was a good guy, but as soon as I got pregnant and became sexually repulsive to him; due to my bulging baby belly, as soon as this happened he started looking for prey outside of our marriage. I came to realize I was just a breeder, for him. Of course the marriage ended with him having an affair … looking for hotter more in shape meat.

My anger stems from hurt. I don’t want to turn into a bitter bitchy woman, but I keep running into men that are exactly that. I walk into each new experience with an open heart and an open mind only to be emotionally drawn and quartered by angry, horny men that seem hell bent on taking out their revenge for their exes on me.

 

 

I told a man that I loved him, he told me not to because he would only hurt me.

I told a man that I wanted to be his friend, he told me that he only wanted to fuck me.

Sometimes I crawl into my bed at night.. grateful to be alone, grateful to have escaped again with a few tears, feeling broken and hopeless but still intellectually intact.

It is so difficult, the world that I have been living in is filled with cynical, mocking and distrustful men..when I show up real and with and open heart I am treated as if I have hidden motives..as if suddenly I am going to grow snakes were my hair once was and turn into Medusa! I have been told that because I am beautiful, because of my website and book that I can not be trusted to true to a man..that I will have to much temptation..they can’t risk trusting and loving a woman like me.

I have be told and treated like the OPTION until a more normal or less risky girl comes along.. I am treated like a whore and a slut. Of course as soon as the attempt is made to turn my into mistress, I have nothing to do with him anymore.

It is fear of course and fear breeds ignorance… that my work, my art and my craft is not seen as such, but only an attention getting scam to round myself up some rich playboy or several.

And so I have been treated like the woman in the above video.

I have not been respected, I am treated like trash, and when I get angry because I am so hurt..and frankly at times quite broken by the pain.. I am called a man hating bitch.

So I honestly don’t go out very often, I am not angry at first when men paw me, but I am hurt.

If you go to youtube and look at the comments under this video you will see how I have been talked to as I try to talk some sense, as I try to open people’s minds..

But I can’t.

I do cry myself to sleep at night..but after being treated this way..I am grateful to sleep alone than with someone that treats me heartlessly.

For the record I am not a stripper and I don’t charge men for sex.. so if your new to my blog I just thought I would get that strait.

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