DREAM

When I met the Beautiful Dreamer ( Whos’ name is David ) I was trying to finish my book.. I was under intense emotional pain from my marriage ending, even though a year had passed.. I went on Plenty Of Fish because I thought I was ready to meet someone.. but looking back is 20/20.. I was far from ready. Dave was drawn to my profile on POF because he thought I was beautiful and because he is a writer himself.. He contacted me and made time in his busy life to meet with me. To see how things fell apart you can go back and read ( love and dating the Beautiful Dreamer, there are several parts to the story )… basically things didn’t work out because I was to raw and David… well he is a guys, guy.. he as many women friends, but I just don’t think he understood me.

Things blew apart rather quickly.. romantically; but on the creative level David pushed me; he was my catalyst.. even through the cataclysm of our relationship… David, I think would be freaked with me calling it a reationship as I think I scare the hell out of the poor man.

But even though things didn’t workout that way.. he pushed me to write and create.. I remember one night emailing him a chapter that I had writen.. he was so impressed; he couldn’t believe that I had writen that much in one night.. he said “REALLY GRACE! YOU WROTE ALL THAT JUST TONIGHT?”.. he wrote it just like that. He had no idea how happy he made me writing those things to me.. how he encouraged me to keep on creating.

Just looking at his blog and website caused me to create my blog.. Like I wrote before; I was mad at him for seemingly to reject me again; and I wanted to show him that I could do what he was doing to.. It was because of his stubborness that I became strong in my convictions to show him that I could create and write at his level too. He has been my chalanger.. he has propelled me to expand out to this place of intense creativity and fire.

I know my firey personality scares him.. I am intense and wild.. I am a free thinker and a free spirit and to many ( even myself at times) I can be very over-powering.

I will always have a place in my heart for David.. even though I became enraged at him for calling me a phyco.. and telling me that I was being conniving for wanting to spend time with him in person..I still feel love for him. Even though some would say it is crazy ( but love is not rational ) I still feel this.. I can’t explain it?

I told him he was my soulmate.. but I told him this in a scathing letter that I sent him.. I don’t blame him for not understanding my meaning and intent.. He is my soulmate because he chalanged me to get to this place.. he was put into my life by a higher power for this reason.. I believe it.. even if he doesn’t.

The reason for me writing this is simple.. to show that there are no mistakes.. to show ordinary miracles.. to show that even in a world that seems empty and lacking in love.. love still finds away.

I am going to go to his blog and leave a comment.. asking him to read this.

This is a very hard thing to do.. I think that he has told all of his friends that I am nuts.. and I am sure they all read his blog.. that they will think I am a crazy chick stalking him.

But this is just another lesson in courage and humility..

I am not saying David is perfect or that I was totally wrong.. I am just showing that we are all human and face miss-understanding and confusion all the time.. when it comes to men and women it happens constantly.

David I hope you can see that I am saying thank you

Thank you for the inspiration..thank you for the lessons

Thank you for supporting my creativity.

Thank you.. I hope we can be friends

I never meant it when I said you were my enemy

I was just angry

For that

I am sorry

  • http://gracieackerman.wordpress.com Grace

    Many of my male readers suggested to me to take this post down.. I was advised by many that he didn’t deserve my feelings for him.. that he didn’t deserve me..

    Most likely true.. I took the post down because many guys were saying he was probably gay for rejecting me..

    I don’t know what happened with it.

    But it is my story.. it is my history or ( herstory) it is HERSTORY..haha get it.. this is my story!

    It shows my heart and my tenderness.. I am proud of my ability to love.. to see the best in people.. to view the world with child wonder.

    It has gotten my heart broken.. but it keeps me young.. it keeps me away from bitterness..

    It is what makes me sweet!

    It isn’t really about him at all.. it is about me being kind.

    If he or others don’t understand this kindness and vulnerablity..

    Then they don’t

    But it is what I love about myself.

  • http://gracieackerman.wordpress.com Grace

    K…. I am over it.. for those of you who think I am going over old shit.. I can repost it cause… I just don’t care about it anymore.. I hate even writing this explanation cause..to me it’s just basic.

    It is history…done.. final..finished..behind me..thats the beauty of it.. looking back to see how far I have come.

    To understand..that it was not him.. it was me all along.. I just used the experience to create.

    As most artist create from heartache..simple.

    It is the past

    UP UP and WAY!

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