On my search for justice.. I contacted my first lawyer, by meeting him at the court house for free legal advice. He told me that I would need a $10,000.00 retainer for such a messy and complicated divorce.. right away he wanted to know if I had the money or who I could borrow it from.. he wanted to know if I had any family that could lend it to me or if I could get a loan from the bank or any other financial institution… He told me that his retainer was the going rate and that no one else would accept anything less.

A month later I was able to retain him for a brief period for about $1,000.00.. then when he contacted my ex he found out were the money was.. it was all in my ex husbands name and he wanted to mediate our divorce and separation agreement. I didn’t trust the man and here is why. When he talked to my ex his entire way of treating me changed.. he had less respect and his tone showed it.. I could also tell this man was about the cold hard cash and about social standing. His young secretary turned out to be his wife.. a very beautiful young woman who I thought was his daughter when I realized the had the same last name. I know this seems as if I am judging but one has to see the truth before them to come to a clearer perception. This man was a true legal shark; he liked the money and the prestige of being a lawyer and it showed in his lifestyle and in his demeanor.

In less than a week I fired him.

But the realtor that he suggested I use to put the marital home on the maked suggested trying Fairway Divorce after I had fired the lawyer.

I googled them.. and I read the story behind the creation of the company.. How the woman who started the firm had gone through intense financial loss and stress trying to get her ex to do what was fair and just. The system that Fairway had set up.. used a lot of mediation and educated their clients to the due process of the law.. it was meant to meet everyone’s needs and first and most importantly the needs of any children involved in the marital break-up. This process was needed as I myself was torn-up by the pain and over emotionality of the heartache of my husband leaving the marriage the way that he had.. It was needed because of his sense of entitlement to all the family assets. So this was the original agreement that was brought before and motioned by the Judge on Dec 1st, 2011. It was in my eyes fair and just due to the fact that we had both agreed upon it and due to the fact that it had been mediated upon with fairness and respect to both parties.

The Justice System is broken due to the fact that money is involved and to be made by many organizations and people.. Lawyers have been well know to work up both parties in order to sustain the process so that more money can be made by them for their services.. even the best lawyers have been schooled to do this.. and have been taught that their time is money and soooo invaluable that the smallest email must be billed to the greatest extent of it’s worth.. it is true that one must make a living but this can go way over the top due to socialization and being taught that this measure of making and income is acceptable behavior.

But in saying this money can not be made this way if we the people refuse to let it happen.. we are driven by our own greed and ego’s sense of entitlement. We hang on for the sake of the fear of letting go… we think we want things to end but we fear the newness of letting them go.. so we say I am entitled to ringing your fricken neck for leaving me or because you were such a pain I had to leave you.. If we could mediate and listen to reason and logic through the emotional pain we could do away with this system of making money through revenge.

This is why I choose to let it go.. How can I set an example for my children and for future generations by generating a broken system through my own pain and greed.. through my own ego.

I wish to change the subject to give you an example on how the spirit spoke to me on how to do this.

I had just let go of my lawyer as I could not afford to pay her anymore.. due to the fight with my ex for day care expenses.. I felt entitled to go back to school and I did’t feel that I should have to aske him if it was OK since he was the one who left to go on a holiday and to go fully into his affair. I was pissed off and I thought ” fuck him ” but it was that attitude of revenge and anger that caused everything to fall to pieces.. inside and outside of me. Of course my lawyer told me he was obligated to pay… but of course that was her training and that way of thinking needs to stop for the reasons I explained above.

Anyway I was at my children’s school for Halloween party fun; but of course I was feeling hopeless. I began to speak to one of the parents there as she noticed my sad face.. She told me about her fight to save her grandson from his mentally ill mother; how she had gone to Duty Council at the court house and filed her own motions, to set a court date for the custody hearing.. she instructed me on how to do what I needed to do exactly!

The sycronicity is that she happened to be there in the same court room on the same day with the same judge for her hearing.. were she was given what she came for.. We smiled at each other through the proceedings an as she left we huged and said ” GOD BLESS YOU” to each other.. it was then that I knew from the Spirit that I had come to do the right thing..this is how God speaks to me, it is through others and through circumstance.. I knew that inorder for the fight to stop I had to cast my sword a side and let the judge weld his sword of justice and truth..

It is our system that is broken as we go into court proceedings with broken hearts and bruised egos we for get about the truth and that everyone matters in the family that has been broken apart by pain.. If we can let greed go and entitlement go we will experience true justice and fairness.

I my hope is that all the professional women of the world will be like lady justice themselves and not forget their femininity in their profession.. Women are compassionate and nurturing; this is our gift to the world.. it is my hope that as we strive to be open up the professsional world by our taking part in the development of society that we keep our true nature as it will help to keep the balanced needed in the scales of justice.