Posts Tagged ‘women’s voice’

My White Privilege Card is broken


The inspiration of this post goes to Jagmeet Singh the leader of the NDP party of Canada. I follow all the political parties but I find him to be like watching a trainwreck. He seems to have won the publics and his parties affection by using The Race Card and guilt to have been elevated into his public position, using social justice and even now feminism as virtue signalling. Virtue signalling is used to up one’s public standing or public reputation. Anyways each time I comment on instagram his followers swarm me by calling me racist, having white privilege or of being ignorant; while most of his followers are very young students caught up in his public hype that suits a DJ or a prize fighter more than of a professional politician with a proper and solid political platform. Honesty I think he intends to destroy democracy by using the promise of revised and modernised socialism as manipulation towards eroding western traditions in the name of multiculturalsim. I put up a post asking him if his engagement and marriage was arranged and I asked him were he stood on women’s rights and equalities; to be swarmed on my instagram by his followers mostly of Indian asian decent. I was called names and my charater and physical appearance were attacked by ” his people” but I was the one called racist? I took down the post and made my instagram private for a week to get these people to calm the fuck down. But the seriousness of the nature, of Jagmeet’ is what I question; as obviously one cannot question him with out him sending a mob in response. So anyways I am going to inform everyone on how my white privilege card is broken; because I was informed of my white privilege by his followers over and over again. Lets explore my history.

I was born with a broken white privilege card. My mother had serious schizophrenia. She had me 10 months after my sister. I was a mistake that was made when my father forced himself on my very sick mother right after she gave birth to my sister. I didn’t have a cradle. I slept in the buggy by the kitchen sink at my nanny’s house, as my mom often left my father to seek help from her mother. Upon reflection the Ministry of Child Services should of taken us away from our parents very early on so that all 4 of their children wouldn’t of had to suffer the way we did. All though upon putting myself into the foster care system at 16 I suffered still at the hands of strangers that made out that they were good and decent people.

My father and mother would end up back together several times and so we would see our father beating our mother and he would also beat us. My mother was hightly suicidal, she would spend a great deal of her time in the mental hospital so we; her children would end up with at our grandparents or at the mercy of our abusive father who had no mercy. I have been so hungry .. oh.. people cannot imagine that sort of hunger unless it is experience first hand.

At school I was considered a waist of time and enegy by most of the teachers and parents .. or ( White Trash ) even though I was bright and multi-talented I was given no opportunities to shine; rather I was passed by intentionally. One time I remember being in Victoria BC on a field trip with my class to the Parliment Buildings. I was very active in the debate club at school and very good at it, but when the teacher was told he could only bring in 10 kids to watch a bill be passed he chose the kids whose parents were wealthy and influential because he said ” They have better chance than you do Gracie; nothing personal it’s just rational” that was back in 1981 and he was right because Elliot Pister did go into politics and he was one of the chosen few. But of course my social status and social worth was shown to be worthless.

I tried to stop my mother from taking her life but in a mental hospital in Vancouver BC she was successful at hanging herself from a pipe with her PJs. Now you would think that given our father’s horrible reputation with the police and with Child Services that we would of been put into the system but no, we endured 3 horrible years with him and his very abusive girlfriend. The school system and the entire town turned an intentional blind eye towards our horrible abuse that was much like living in a concentration camp. It was -30 outside but we had no heat or hot water in the side of the huge house they rented. We were made to work outside in the blistering heat and the freezing cold to keep his girlfriends horses and other animals. We were so starved that we collected cans to make money to feed ourselves and ate out of garbage cans at school.. yet no one did anything to help us when the abuse was very obvious. And so my White Privilege Card was broken right from the start.

I ran away from my father’s house when I was 16 because he tried to rape me. I spent my 16th birthday on the streets of Banff Alberta, hungry, afraid and with a girlfriend that left me outside of a restaurant while she went inside to eat, because she had money but I didn’t ( that was my 16th birthday ) after a few days I was able to get a hold of my American grandparents that wired me money ( That I used to house and feed the friend that wouldn’t do the same for me ) for a week until they flew me to Vegas to live with them for a year. But my grandmother and grandfather had a nasty split and so I came back to Canada to put myself into fostercare. I was abused in one home out of 3; were they took the money for my care but refused to feed me or buy me clothes. I got a job to support myself, but I had basically been working jobs since the age of 10 to offset my father’s financial neglect.

I went into independant living through the ministry to use student loans to get myself through college. I timed out of foster care funding at 19 and ended up in a very abusive relationship to keep myself housed until finishing my education. I left him and stayed financially independant for a couple of years before meeting my ex husband. We started a business together and I was able to get a government grant at the time for being a minority in business ( A young woman ) { That wasn’t white privilege } I had to work for that grant by spending 8 hrs a day, 5 days a week in class, to write a 110 page business plan and to drum up 10 percent of my clients by tel-marketing myself on my weekends and evenings. More than half of those who applied dropped out before they earned the grant, because it was hard work.

After 14 years together, the death of my sister, 4 miscarrages, and 3 children my ex husband decided being a full time parent wasn’t for him and had an affair with a female employee. His still denies it to this day but they got married in Mexico last year.

Going through the divorce and the separation of assets was an experience in the sexism and the brokeness of our legal system; nothing about it was fair. He was able to hide and lie about many assets and still is, and because I couldn’t afford expensive lawyers and I had no family or parents to help me he robbed me blind. He made out with the majority of the sale of the house and he got the businessnes, as I was told by lawyers that the business couldn’t survive without him but could without me because anyone can do book work and basic accounting. The courts and judges also informed me that his time was far more valuable and important than mine or my work as the kids mother; whom I have the majority of costody. So¬† – WHITE PRIVILEGE DENIED -

I have been divoced now for over 8 years; I couldn’t get the courts and the judges to get him pay for his share of the child care and so I learned how to work from home and how to work my hours around my kids school time. Even getting my ex to tell the goverment that we were separated so I could recieve child tax benefits took my credit card and a lawyer.. not my broken white privilege card.

And even looking past the supposed white privilege, I have been told that I have pretty privilege so I should get more than most people do out of life because of being called pretty ( Even though when I was a little girl and teenager I thought I was ugly as sin, because I struggled with low selfestem because of my suffering ) But playing people with your looks always has some sort of karma attached to it. You always have to pay something so having a mean and nasty sugar daddy isn’t my definition of a way out of daily grind of life.

The point is – no privilege here. NONE. NOTHING has come to me easlily. When I was turned 30 my doctor said to me ” How does it feel to be 3o ” he was teasing of course; but I said to him ” I can’t believe I made it to 30 ” he look shocked and said to me ” Thats rather dark, why would say that?” and I said ” It’s a long story”

You can find my book on ( The Goddess an Expression of the Divine Feminine ) follow me on Youtube, Instagram, Facebook and Google

Open Letter to Justin Trudeau


To get to the point, the subject of this letter is women’s rights and equality. My book and life are based on this subject. I am the subject in question as are all women and/or Canadian women.

My qualifications are not based on PHDs or graduate degrees, my spelling, punctuation and grammar will not be perfect upon writing this post. I am a single mother so I cannot afford to have someone edit my blog. Like most single mothers I am very busy; as I write this my three children are settling in bed.. let’s hope they stay that way so I don’t loose my train of thought.

I want to share my personal experience as a woman living in Canada, under Canada’s flawed and sexist justice system.

I found out how unfair the justice system is going through my divorce. I learned through the judges and lawyers that my work wasn’t as important as my ex husbands work. I learned through them that he was actually the leader in the marriage and the one that was truly responsible for the family landscaping business. It didn’t matter that I had to work for a Government Grant to fund the start up of the business. A grant were I was taught how to write a business plan; were I had to pitch the plan to a board, and that I had to compete for the 3 grants up on the table against 30 other competitors. But I learned the 51% of the business that he had signed over to me to fully qualify for the grant didn’t really mean anything in court. I told them that the business didn’t actually need him for me to run it on my own. I told them that everything he did I could hire out to be done and I could still turn a profit. But that didn’t matter to the judges, the lawyers or the mediators. You see men’s work is more important than women’s work because they told me he was the business and so it should be his. And I wasn’t named on the mortgage, because of student loan dept at the time; it turned out that when the house sold he could take 1/3 more of what was not his. Of course I could of kept lawyers after him, but with no money and legal aid a complete joke ( basically you have to sell your car and almost be on the street to get legal aid ) my ex got away with an extra $22,000.00 and the business. I got $600 a month in alimony.

So Mr. Trudeau how will you change the system so that this doesn’t happen to other women? Are you going to change legal aid? Can you somehow teach lawyers and judges that women’s work is just as important as a man’s work? I want to know if you are going to implement equal pay? I don’t think it is fair that just because a woman can give birth she should be put behind in the pay grade.. do you?

Later on I found it impossible to get my ex to pay for his share of daycare. I tried to go back to school using a big lump sum of Family Allowance back pay. You see my ex wouldn’t sign the papers for the Government stating that we were legally separated; he still wanted to do income splitting with me to help himself ( he thinks he is more important than me and the children, and I wonder why that is? ) I had to get lawyers to get him to I was given a nice fat sum of $7,000.00 I went to college to get upgraded on my Executive Secretary. But my ex refused to pay his half of the childcare. I couldn’t afford keep hiring lawyers so with no help from legal aid my abusive ex caused me to have to drop out. I had to pay the childcare owning by him, myself. But wait it gets even better. A year or so later my ex took me to court because my car has an electrical problem and I can’t drive it long distances to drop the kids off to him; and so he comes to get them and drive them home. The judge wouldn’t even look at the papers my mechanic gave me as proof in court. The judge refused to make my ex pay for childcare as I didn’t provide proof that I was working or looking for work..( I didn’t know I had to provide proof I wasn’t applying for welfare ) but then they told me I had to find a full time job not a part time job and they wanted my preteen daughters to take the bus home from school across the city while I was going to be working at said full time job. The judge threatened me by saying ” If I wanted to I could make you pay for the last year of your ex husband’s gas.” The judge refused to listen to me when I told him that I was entrepreneuring a book, a concept and movement towards freeing women from sexual repression. He refused to look at the book; and in the minutes later mailed to me.. he refuse to acknowledge that I had even wrote a book.. he said ” Wants to write a book.”

Mr. Trudeau I was invisible in that court room. What are you going to do about this? Why is hearsay ( rumor or gossip ) sound like her-story..and history is recorded fact? Why are male voices heard and female voices passed up as non-important? It was like I was a ghost.. was I even really there to them? Why are judges able to financially abuse women with threats of back pay on what isn’t owed?

Mr. Trudeau when our house sold I wanted to use the money to move to Vancouver from Kelowna to launch my book. Kelowna and the Okanagan is a very Christian/Conservative community. Writing a book about women’s sexual repression to sexually liberate all women wasn’t going to be received will here. It wasn’t. My ex took me to court to order the court to stop me from moving. It would of only been a 4hr drive for him and he has family in the area. My future career and my right to the freedom to live were I choose were taken from me using the children as an excuse. I wasn’t moving them out of province or across the country. I was told by the judge that I had to remarry or be making more money than my ex husband to have that right.

Mr. Trudeau why do I have to be a man’s wife to have more rights and freedoms? Why do I have to have money to have more rights and freedoms? If I was a man I know the same wouldn’t of applied.

Mr. Trudeau I want to know why they system wants to make it so hard for me to be an independent and successful woman in my own right? I want to know why women have to work around this crap when men don’t. I want to know why many men get away with working under the table, thereby not paying the full amount of child support that they should? I want to know why the Government doesn’t audit these fathers? I want to know why the Government doesn’t make men parent? I want to know why these double standards still exist in a first world country? How can we set an example for the rest of the world if we don’t treat women with equality in a first world country?

Mr. Trudeau we are just at the tip of the iceberg here. My girlfriend was murdered by her husband in her house with her children in her house with her. He shot her. He hid her body in the house with the children in the house for over 12 hrs. This happened in Abbotsford BC. She is gone, her children are without a mother. He got out on bail 2 years after the fact. Don’t women’s lives matter in Canada? I want to know what you are going to do about that? Don’t you think this just sends a message to men that they can abuse and murder women with just a slap on the wrist? This says ” Women don’t matter”

I want to know why a Canadian judge can say to a rape victim in court ” You should of just kept your legs together” and then he is just up for review? How the hell did he become a judge in the first place? Why wasn’t he fired instantly for being a sexist pig? I want to know what you are going to do about this Mr. Trudeau?

I want to know why when I was treated with prejudice by Kelowna’s business community, by not being allowed to network within groups and organizations the Human Rights Tribunal didn’t have a clause to protect me from sexual discrimination; yet it has clauses protecting homosexual and transgender people from sexual discrimination. Why am I and not other women protected with the same rights? Why is it that if I was of East Indian decent and I wasn’t allowed into an organization the Human Rights Tribunal would of protected my rights; but as a woman writing about women’s sexuality I can be discriminated against? You have some explaining to do Mr. Trudeau.

As a woman I want to know why abortion is up for debate in Parliament? I want to know why the female body is owned and regimented by the Government and Churches? I want to know why the bible is allowed in the court room as it clearly creates a prejudice. People should just swear to tell the truth. Not everyone believes in the same God, and religion represses women. Religion states women as being under men..I think that is clearly what is wrong with the justice system. It is tainted by prejudice to create inequalities. What are you going do about this Mr. Trudeau?

Mr Trudeau I know that you have created a base of equality within your cabinet by hiring equal amounts women to men; but are the women being paid the same as the men? You have done some amazing things in the last couple of months for Canada. I think it is very compassionate of you to let in Syrian refugees. But as you can see there is so much more to do. And we both know you need to do it, we need to do it because it is the year 2016..and it’s about damn time..

Mr Trudeau I am sure your wife would agree with me that it is time for The Divine Feminine to rise. It is time that we do away with the double standards placed on women so that the entire world can become a better place for everyone. To find out more about me and my book google Gracie Ackerman.

I hope this letter was enlightening to you; I hope I have helped create positive change and evolution.

There needs to be a peaceful revolution..humanity needs to grow and evolve.

To Kiss Him


My heart will not forget him. I try so hard to harden my heart as his heart is hardened to me.. I tell myself ” What is meant to be will be.” but oh how I miss him..

Spring..a warm day as we sat on the beach.. and I looked into his sparkling, diamond, green eyes.. to see his soul.. a soul so sweet that I was swept off my feet.. and the walls around my heart; they did crumble and fall.. leaving me vulnerable and weak.. oh, how I miss him.

And the words ” I Love you.” they wanted to cascade off my lips like waterfalls of bliss.. but I caught them before they fell.. before they made a sound..but my heart still yelled ” You love him.” and I wondered what it would be like to kiss him..?

I watched his lips then, as he spoke his words then ..and I wondered ” How soft they seem to be.. how sweet and tender .. how would he taste to me ?.” and my heart broke wide open.. weepy and sweet like honey at his feet.. yet he seemed not to believe me..and why should he? So many bitter and broken women had come before me..speaking sweet words that were just candied poison..and so he miss read me.. for my heart is true.. and I am truth.. and I fell in love with the god within him..

And so he cast me off as days went on.. thinking me like the rest.. like the women who whispered of love and passion but hid the blade until he feel upon it.. leaving him bleeding and broken. I saw the wounds .. I felt his pain and with all my heart I wanted to mend them.. to hold him in my arms like a newborn babe .. to give him love to heal them.. to bring him light and bring him joy and bliss..but he thought me to- good- to- be- true..and so he pushed me away from him.. and he did to me what they did to him..and because I understand; I forgive him..because I love him.. like a mother loves her babe.. because I know the soul within him..

So spring turned to summer..and summer to fall to winter.. under the Christmas moon.. my heart longs for him..and I wonder ” What would it be like to kiss him?” and I felt his soul brush with mine..or was it just wishful thinking.. and I saw him in my imagination.. his fuzzy beard.. his wavy hair..and then I kissed him..