Posts Tagged ‘Women’s rights’

Open Letter to Justin Trudeau

 

To get to the point, the subject of this letter is women’s rights and equality. My book and life are based on this subject. I am the subject in question as are all women and/or Canadian women.

My qualifications are not based on PHDs or graduate degrees, my spelling, punctuation and grammar will not be perfect upon writing this post. I am a single mother so I cannot afford to have someone edit my blog. Like most single mothers I am very busy; as I write this my three children are settling in bed.. let’s hope they stay that way so I don’t loose my train of thought.

I want to share my personal experience as a woman living in Canada, under Canada’s flawed and sexist justice system.

I found out how unfair the justice system is going through my divorce. I learned through the judges and lawyers that my work wasn’t as important as my ex husbands work. I learned through them that he was actually the leader in the marriage and the one that was truly responsible for the family landscaping business. It didn’t matter that I had to work for a Government Grant to fund the start up of the business. A grant were I was taught how to write a business plan; were I had to pitch the plan to a board, and that I had to compete for the 3 grants up on the table against 30 other competitors. But I learned the 51% of the business that he had signed over to me to fully qualify for the grant didn’t really mean anything in court. I told them that the business didn’t actually need him for me to run it on my own. I told them that everything he did I could hire out to be done and I could still turn a profit. But that didn’t matter to the judges, the lawyers or the mediators. You see men’s work is more important than women’s work because they told me he was the business and so it should be his. And I wasn’t named on the mortgage, because of student loan dept at the time; it turned out that when the house sold he could take 1/3 more of what was not his. Of course I could of kept lawyers after him, but with no money and legal aid a complete joke ( basically you have to sell your car and almost be on the street to get legal aid ) my ex got away with an extra $22,000.00 and the business. I got $600 a month in alimony.

So Mr. Trudeau how will you change the system so that this doesn’t happen to other women? Are you going to change legal aid? Can you somehow teach lawyers and judges that women’s work is just as important as a man’s work? I want to know if you are going to implement equal pay? I don’t think it is fair that just because a woman can give birth she should be put behind in the pay grade.. do you?

Later on I found it impossible to get my ex to pay for his share of daycare. I tried to go back to school using a big lump sum of Family Allowance back pay. You see my ex wouldn’t sign the papers for the Government stating that we were legally separated; he still wanted to do income splitting with me to help himself ( he thinks he is more important than me and the children, and I wonder why that is? ) I had to get lawyers to get him to sign..so I was given a nice fat sum of $7,000.00 I went to college to get upgraded on my Executive Secretary. But my ex refused to pay his half of the childcare. I couldn’t afford keep hiring lawyers so with no help from legal aid my abusive ex caused me to have to drop out. I had to pay the childcare owning by him, myself. But wait it gets even better. A year or so later my ex took me to court because my car has an electrical problem and I can’t drive it long distances to drop the kids off to him; and so he comes to get them and drive them home. The judge wouldn’t even look at the papers my mechanic gave me as proof in court. The judge refused to make my ex pay for childcare as I didn’t provide proof that I was working or looking for work..( I didn’t know I had to provide proof I wasn’t applying for welfare ) but then they told me I had to find a full time job not a part time job and they wanted my preteen daughters to take the bus home from school across the city while I was going to be working at said full time job. The judge threatened me by saying ” If I wanted to I could make you pay for the last year of your ex husband’s gas.” The judge refused to listen to me when I told him that I was entrepreneuring a book, a concept and movement towards freeing women from sexual repression. He refused to look at the book; and in the minutes later mailed to me.. he refuse to acknowledge that I had even wrote a book.. he said ” Wants to write a book.”

Mr. Trudeau I was invisible in that court room. What are you going to do about this? Why is hearsay ( rumor or gossip ) sound like her-story..and history is recorded fact? Why are male voices heard and female voices passed up as non-important? It was like I was a ghost.. was I even really there to them? Why are judges able to financially abuse women with threats of back pay on what isn’t owed?

Mr. Trudeau when our house sold I wanted to use the money to move to Vancouver from Kelowna to launch my book. Kelowna and the Okanagan is a very Christian/Conservative community. Writing a book about women’s sexual repression to sexually liberate all women wasn’t going to be received will here. It wasn’t. My ex took me to court to order the court to stop me from moving. It would of only been a 4hr drive for him and he has family in the area. My future career and my right to the freedom to live were I choose were taken from me using the children as an excuse. I wasn’t moving them out of province or across the country. I was told by the judge that I had to remarry or be making more money than my ex husband to have that right.

Mr. Trudeau why do I have to be a man’s wife to have more rights and freedoms? Why do I have to have money to have more rights and freedoms? If I was a man I know the same wouldn’t of applied.

Mr. Trudeau I want to know why they system wants to make it so hard for me to be an independent and successful woman in my own right? I want to know why women have to work around this crap when men don’t. I want to know why many men get away with working under the table, thereby not paying the full amount of child support that they should? I want to know why the Government doesn’t audit these fathers? I want to know why the Government doesn’t make men parent? I want to know why these double standards still exist in a first world country? How can we set an example for the rest of the world if we don’t treat women with equality in a first world country?

Mr. Trudeau we are just at the tip of the iceberg here. My girlfriend was murdered by her husband in her house with her children in her house with her. He shot her. He hid her body in the house with the children in the house for over 12 hrs. This happened in Abbotsford BC. She is gone, her children are without a mother. He got out on bail 2 years after the fact. Don’t women’s lives matter in Canada? I want to know what you are going to do about that? Don’t you think this just sends a message to men that they can abuse and murder women with just a slap on the wrist? This says ” Women don’t matter”

I want to know why a Canadian judge can say to a rape victim in court ” You should of just kept your legs together” and then he is just up for review? How the hell did he become a judge in the first place? Why wasn’t he fired instantly for being a sexist pig? I want to know what you are going to do about this Mr. Trudeau?

I want to know why when I was treated with prejudice by Kelowna’s business community, by not being allowed to network within groups and organizations the Human Rights Tribunal didn’t have a clause to protect me from sexual discrimination; yet it has clauses protecting homosexual and transgender people from sexual discrimination. Why am I and not other women protected with the same rights? Why is it that if I was of East Indian decent and I wasn’t allowed into an organization the Human Rights Tribunal would of protected my rights; but as a woman writing about women’s sexuality I can be discriminated against? You have some explaining to do Mr. Trudeau.

As a woman I want to know why abortion is up for debate in Parliament? I want to know why the female body is owned and regimented by the Government and Churches? I want to know why the bible is allowed in the court room as it clearly creates a prejudice. People should just swear to tell the truth. Not everyone believes in the same God, and religion represses women. Religion states women as being under men..I think that is clearly what is wrong with the justice system. It is tainted by prejudice to create inequalities. What are you going do about this Mr. Trudeau?

Mr Trudeau I know that you have created a base of equality within your cabinet by hiring equal amounts women to men; but are the women being paid the same as the men? You have done some amazing things in the last couple of months for Canada. I think it is very compassionate of you to let in Syrian refugees. But as you can see there is so much more to do. And we both know you need to do it, we need to do it because it is the year 2016..and it’s about damn time..

Mr Trudeau I am sure your wife would agree with me that it is time for The Divine Feminine to rise. It is time that we do away with the double standards placed on women so that the entire world can become a better place for everyone. To find out more about me and my book google Gracie Ackerman.

I hope this letter was enlightening to you; I hope I have helped create positive change and evolution.

There needs to be a peaceful revolution..humanity needs to grow and evolve.

A Single Mother and Sex

 

I am just in the mood to share my thoughts on what it’s like to be a single mother that gives a fuck. I give fuck about living a good life,  about my kids, my work, my body and my fitness. I give a fuck about spiritual enlightenment and about real people. There are many things I don’t give a fuck about. I don’t give a fuck about shallow, boring people and their bullshit, small talk. I don’t give a fuck about high school drama played out by adults in their mid 20s and up.. grow the fuck up.. until then not one fuck is given by me. I don’t give a fuck about the party lifestyle. I don’t give a fuck about people that make excuses. I don’t give a fuck about pity parties..and I don’t give a fuck about other single moms that put fucking asshole boyfriends ahead of their kids. I don’t give a fuck about weak ass women.,, women who do everything for men ..and nothing for their own sake or the sake of their children. I give a fuck about the things and people that matter.. the things that make you stronger.. the things that cause you to improve… I give a fuck about people who give a fuck about people and things that matter..for the rest; not one fuck is given.. ( and so I ramble ) but I don’t give a fuck because it feels good to speak my mind..and that is why I am still single. I need a man who can take it.. strait up like a shot of 100 proof truth.. I don’t want a man that needs me to become some weak bitch to make him feel like a man he obviously is not.

And so it is, that I don’t have sex and haven’t for quite sometime..but when I become interested in a guy and he starts to put his bullshit and baggage on me.. I don’t think carrying all of his past relationships and insecurities ..is worth the cock .. honestly.. there always seems to be some fucking karma involved and some other stupid girl that stalks his ass..or girls..and I think to myself ” fuck it” Because I love my mind, free and clear.. I love to think about shit like this..about writing on my blog as some rogue bad girl..misbehaving .. swearing like I own my freedom.. screaming out on text like some wild little wolf pup howling into the wind.. this is my voice.. I don’t want to give it up..for some cock LOL ( ha that made me burst out laughing like some crazy thing ) I like being crazy Gracie.. I love it and I love myself.. I don’t want some guy putting me into a box for some cock LOL..it’s just not worth it.. but of course the catch is; I like sex..but I don’t want it to be used against me to own my mind and emotions to feed some guys pathetic ego. Why do guys need to be worshiped? I don’t have the time for that shit..or rather I don’t want to spend my time worrying about if my man is going to stick his cock in that woman that flirts with him.. the one that feeds his ego more than I do..or more than I could ever want to.. I just don’t want to do it.. I want to go to the gym.. I want to write funny shit.. I want to meditate or paint or dance.. but yes it would be nice to have sex.. but why the hell does it have to cost me the freedom of being a free woman? Why the hell do guys think that to be my man he has to take up space in my head.. I feel smothered.. I am an intellect.. an artist, a free spirit.. I just can’t be a nice, well behaved girl just so that he will keep bringing his cock to me..and not put it in other girls who dumb it down just for him..

And then.. young guys or older guys ..or guys my age..

young guys want to party..

guys my age are bitter and mad at the ex wives..

older men ..well they are boring as hell..

Tis the conundrum ..the catch 22.. and because I give a fuck about the stuff that matters ( while not giving a fuck about the stuff that doesn’t ) I give a shit about love.. *Oh* there is just no winning here!

And then guys say stupid shit like ” If women made us step up by having us chase them instead of throwing themselves at us we would date women and be more romantic” I call bullshit on that..stop blaming us for your immaturity..a man needs something to chase.. my ass.. because once he has got it;  he is keeping his options open for the  next best piece of ass..because variety is the spice of life you know?

I am sorry this doesn’t come off as intellectual banter tonight..but I am a woman and so I have my moods..and tonight I am feeling like just doing whatever the fuck I want..if I had a man in my life do you think I could? Don’t you think he would be looking over my shoulder asking ” What are you writing about babe? Holy fuck you can’t write about that.. you sound like a foul mouthed bitch.. you should take out the swearing.. you should say intimacy instead of sex.. don’t put in a sexy pic either.. I don’t want guys looking at your tits.” so the question is.. is some cock worth it?

A conversation with my daughter about beauty

 

Just when I thought I was setting a good example for my children with my bodybuilding training the tables turned on me.

My 15 y/o daughter informed me while I was cooking dinner tonight that she wanted to go on a strict diet. She isn’t overweight at all; she is healthy, rosy cheeked and very opinionated. She told me that there were parts of her body that she didn’t like ..she said ” I want my tummy to be concave mom. I want my skin to be perfectly clear so that means no fat or sugar in my diet.” I told her that restricting her diet would lead to a lifetime of an unhealthy relationship with food.. that it would be best to just moderate fat and sugar and workout some more..but she had been watching YouTube ..she wanted instant results.. I felt myself becoming very sad and emotional at the fact that she had said there were parts of herself that she didn’t like..but I felt she needed some space to eat her dinner and then be alone in her room for a while..and I needed to get my emotions under control.. it was then that I approached her alone in her room..

I sat on the end of her bed and said to her ” I want you to know that you are an amazing young woman. I brag about you all the time to the ladies at the gym. I brag about how driven you are. I brag about your 4.0 and your honors courses.. I brag about how healthy and rebellious you are in the right ways. You are a strong minded, head strong girl with leadership qualities..it takes a very strong girl to put up with a very strong mother and forge her own way and identity. I want you to love yourself flaws and all.. I am so proud of you as a person and I am so blessed to have you as my first born daughter.” we both started to tear up..and she said ” Mom you don’t have to say this.” and I said ” I really want you to hear me and to take this into your heart.. outward beauty is nothing without inward beauty..outward beauty fades but a strong mind and spirit only get stronger.. you may not see yourself as Hollywood beautiful but you are the whole package of beauty.. the world needs more girls and women like you in the world.” and then I kissed her as she sorta, kinda pretended to push me away.

I then I told her from the end of her bed ” I am doing the bodybuilding to get my mind off of not being able to get through people’s ignorant thick heads about the sexual repression and inequalities towards women.. it’s so they don’t drive me crazy. I see it as a sport and a spiritual practice on sobriety.. not a beauty contest; although if I do compete; it is a beauty contest to many of the other’s competing..and to them it maybe only superficial. To me it is to make me more mentally sharp..spiritually balanced and centered.. I don’t want you to think that I see outer beauty as a means of myself worth and I don’t want you to see me as setting an example of that for you.” and then I took a breath between tears of love and adoration for my daughter.. ” The most beautiful people truly love themselves and that is how they can love others..that is the most important thing you need to do in your life..and a well cultivated brain is ultra beautiful.. there are so many outwardly beautiful people that do nothing for humanity but stand as ornaments ..the most important thing you can do with your life is to do something with your life that will help humanity evolve.. it will be a girl like you that will change the world.”

And with that I gave my daughter another hug and went into my own room to wipe away my proud mommy tears.

The Goddess

Justice .. it seems we live in a world void of truth and justice.. I felt compelled to share this chapter of my book during this moment in our world wide human struggles for what is just and fair.. right now we are experiencing the Syrian Crisis.. I believe the Angels are watching us.. will we rise up into our humanity..or will we fall back into our barbaric patterns.. for true civilization to emerge..for humanity to truly evolve.. we must change from ” An eye for an eye.” towards ” Only love can drive out hate” world..for ” What we do to other we do to ourselves.” What then will be our judgement.. what Karma have we created? We must see them as us for humanity to become truly civil; just, equal and fair.

 

 

~From the book ~The Goddess an Expression of The Divine Feminine~ Available on Amazon.ca click on images to enlarge them

Athena

The Lady of Justice and Civilization, she stands proud, dignified and true to the ideals of a civilized society. She will fight the good fight; she does not war for the sake of warring, she wars for the realization of peace. Athena does not believe in peace at all costs; she will not give up on freedom and liberty from oppressive forces. Athena’s civilization is the ideal of freedom for all not just a select few; as she understands within her deep spiritual wisdom that even the lowest in society can rise to the highest due to their own merits. She fights for the weak and the infirm as it is just to do so, anything less would be barbaric; and this she fights against.

As an archetypical personality she is impartial and unemotional in her search for truth; the whole truth and nothing but the truth will do. She will not tolerate exaggeration and drama; she keeps her inner balance to bring outer balance forward; she evaluates the given situation at hand with wisdom and knowledge, she seeks the facts and she acts with compassion and mercy for all involved. With her sword she cuts through lies and deceit; she sees through the ego of mankind; through the weaknesses of greed and lust.

 

Athena is the masculine force in all women; she represents a woman coming into the age of wisdom; when she sees through illusion and lies to the heart of the truth. This woman will not hide from the cold hard truth as she knows it is the only way to peace; even if the truth is initially painful at first, she understands it is necessary to face in order to find sincerity.

 

The Athena archetype is the intellectual, she is logical; she rises up civilization to bring a strong foundation for the sciences and the arts. She seeks clear communication and mediation; with her wisdom she shows clear discrimination; her objective is truth, as it is the only way to true peace and to bring about culture; wisdom and knowledge for the betterment and for the evolution of the human soul.

STRONG!

 

 

The world will try to keep you down

Some will tell you that you are crazy

Some will be so very cruel

Some will tell you who to be and what to do

Some will deliberately hurt you

 

YOU ARE STRONG!

 

You will stand up and live your dreams

You will stand up and you will scream

You will stand up and stomp your feet

You will be heard and be seen

You will be who God meant you to be

 

YOU ARE STRONG!

 

They may make you cry

They may make you wonder why

They may make you question everything

They may make you angry

They may make you fight

 

YOU ARE STRONG!

 

You do what is right

You make a difference in the world

You love

You be true

You do what is right for everyone and you

 

YOU ARE STRONG!

 

Live in your heart

Live your dreams

Live your life

Live to be

Live be to free

 

YOU ARE STRONG!

Truly Loving You

 

To truly love you I must forgive the things that you do

I have to see and understand that you are imperfect just like me

To really love you I must accept all of you

I love you for you

To truly love you I must stand my ground

I cannot let you push me around

I have to set boundaries down

To love you I must teach you how to treat me

I love you in spite of you

To truly love you I must be happy without you

I have to know and love myself

I have to respect myself to respect you in return

To love you I must glow on my own

I love you and me too

To truly love you I must let go of the past

I have to be with you in the moment

To really love you we must move forward together

To love you I have to let go of you

I love you without condition

To truly love you I must see you past myself

I have to see you as an individual with a life of your own

To really love you I have to set you free

To love you I let you soar

I truly love you.

 

Contemplating my bad

 

Mentally reviewing the last 3 years attempting to network my book in my local community.. I realize my bad was dramatically reacting to their bad.. but of course I didn’t know what I didn’t know.. and that is what I know now…and it’s that I wouldn’t ever be accepted or be welcomed in their house of belonging due to the subject matter of my book ” Women’s sexuality ” Even though my book is tasteful and factual.. even though it is artistic and intellectual.. although very amateurish.. I wouldn’t ever of been accepted into their polished, conservative perspectives.. as they are comfortable in doing things the way they always have done them.. and I had no idea that the art culture in Kelowna and area.. are to support professionalism.. vs professionalism supporting the arts.. or any form of balance between the two. I had no idea of the fact that the people who create the culture in Kelowna, through the arts they decide to promote or show.. through the networking groups and organizations that they have created and run.. are groups and organizations based upon professional conservatism ..and that they are subject to their perspectives of good clean family values or MORALS.

My bad or my fault was to keep trying to break down their barriers and prejudices.. my fault was to keep trying to break through their walls and to try to change them after I had realized they all held the same views and they were not going to change them. Yes what they did and how they do things is wrong.. it is black and white..if you profess to include everyone in your groups and organizations..but exclude me due to the subject matter of women’s sexuality that is sexism..that is prejudice and that is black and white.. WRONG..But by me getting beside myself with anger and frustration.. with that anger and frustration turning inward inside of me ..to lead to suicidal thoughts a year ago ( I am doing really well now thanks ) but by allowing them that room in my mind, and heart they had won..and it gave them an excuse to call me crazy and a drama queen.. it gave them an excuse as a group..as individuals.. to keep excluding me..to never let me in..to not allow me to network in their groups or have speaking platform.. because of my emotions.. me attempting to hold them accountable on my blog by writing about every experience .. it made them feel justified.. so the did win. I should of realized that it was a battle that I couldn’t win after loosing so many rounds in the fight.. I should of seen it was draining.. sucking my vitality and life force.. it was taking away my confidence..as I was starting to see myself through their eyes.. I should of just walked off that battle field and realized not a single one of them was ever worth it.. that belonging or being accepted by them wasn’t ever worth loosing my sense of self over.. I should of seen much earlier that they wouldn’t ever be my audience.. because they are afraid of change.. even though they peach change and equality.. even though they go on and on about authenticity and having the courage to be different and follow your dreams.. I should of seen much sooner that these were just words of self promotion.. but I didn’t know, then what I know now.. now that I have watched them..now that I have gotten to know their patterns of make believe personas .. I sure wish I knew then what I know now..  but I am headstrong…and sometimes being headstrong can be a double edged sword..it can make you tough..but also it can make you blind to your own stubborn.. and gawd I am that.

I have a temper and righteous anger.. but now I know how to spot them because they all sound the same.. the all run in the same circles and all spout the same self-righteous crap. I can see the arrogance ..as they think they can do no wrong..and they have the power in numbers to keep their delusion of grandeur. But my bad was believing it.. comparing myself to them.. feeling like I don’t measure up because I don’t have the qualification or the professional experience that they all seem to have..but I have learned that most of their qualifications are hyped up bullshit.. my bad was not seeing it sooner.

The truth is I was and still am, their mirror.. a mirror that doesn’t work through the lens of their own rose colored glasses..but a mirror that shows them their lies and prejudices.. a mirror that shows them the truth…and that is ” Same as it ever was.. same as it ever was.” and it will always be the same old..for them..and that’s exactly why they don’t want to let me in or anyone else in that doesn’t communicate or network with in the frames of their comfort levels.. because they are afraid …

And there is my bad again..I didn’t understand it was really their fear and ignorance..it really didn’t have much to do with me.. change is a painful process..that they don’t want to face.

If there ever is a similar circumstance in my life again.. I walking away sooner.. I not going to fight battles I cannot win when I could change my strategy and change what I can.. I will accept much sooner..what I cannot not change.

The Goddess

Venus is the other side of Artemis; she is the softer side of the huntress. All of the Goddess archetypes are present in all women; but they all ad up to one Great Goddess, just as one great woman expresses her many Inner Goddesses through her daily life or at different times in her life she may express one Goddess more strongly than others. The injured Venus exists in many women today; the woman with the Inner Injured Venus is sexually inhibited by religion and the sexual repression put on women to be nice; to be good girls. Many women are sexually injured due to sexual harassment, rape and slut shaming..and so their Inner Venus is like a seed inside of them that has yet to take up root, grow and bloom.. many sexually injured women must first heal themselves by finding the root cause of the sexual injury..and then they have to give themselves tender loving care.. healing starts with self love and self acceptance.. many women have yet to embrace their own flesh and sexuality past social stigmas so that they can let their Inner Venus rise like the phoenix.. as women we need to feel and be safe to express our Divine Feminine.. so it is that we need men to rise into their Divine Masculine and protect and honor; respect and uphold the Inner Venus in each woman so that she may rise into her Divinity..and with that he rises also.. because the archetype of Venus is so buried and shamed in modern day patriarchial society.. the world has become a brutal, ugly and cold place.. we need her; her love and beauty to bring us to grace.

From the book ~ The Goddess an Expression of the Divine Feminine~ Available on Amazon.ca

Venus

 

Goddess of love and beauty; she represents the feminine charm and emotions.  Venus is the queen of seduction; with the magic of her charms she turns animal lust into romance and love. She takes a man’s heart with her innocence and sensuality. To the cold hard world she brings softness and tenderness.

 

She is the Goddess that rings in the spring; she represents fertility and joy; the joy that only love can bring. She is born from the foam of the sea; this shows that she is deep with emotion and quite unfathomable to the male understanding. She is an emotional mystery.

 

Venus is proud and dignified; the Golden Goddess as she shines with her attractiveness; charming men so intensely it is as if they have been filled with venom; filled with a sweet seductive poison. The poison of her charms arouses men, causing them to be won over in spite of themselves. This is the man struck with love; like the love of Cupid’s arrows, struck so hard he walks in circles, this is what sweet Venus does to him.

 

She causes men to become aroused with one look or just one sound; the smell of her perfume drives him wild and with one gentle touch he is brought down.  Venus needs him to worship her; she needs him to swoon at her touch; she loves his love and his lust.

 

She seeks a man that is her direct opposite; as she is soft she needs a man that is a strong masculine man; to her, his masculinity makes her feel even more feminine and desired; she loves to watch him make love to her. Venus loves to temper his lust; as she fills life with her beautiful touch. She loves beauty so much that she surrounds her world and his with art; music and good food. Venus thrives in the differences of the sexes.

 

As a woman she has a very open heart and a gentle touch; she loves sex so much. She loves to play it up, to build the momentum throughout the day; teasing him and pleasing him and herself. She sets the scene for love. She lives for love and loves to live; Venus is in love with love.

Make Love to Me

 

Take me with one look, across the room, I see you

 

My heart speeds up, my breath quickens, my knees feel weak, my blood peaks

 

Make love to me

 

Kiss me, softly, firmly, hotly

 

Make love to me

 

Throw me down, crush me with your body, I taste you and you taste me, I smell your scent all over me

 

Make love to me

 

Penetrate and thrust, beg me not to stop, pull my hair, and roll around everywhere

 

Make love to me

 

I want to hear you scream, I want here your release, I want to know I please, when you please me too

 

Make love to me

FLESH

 

Sweet and tender flesh

How I love the feel of a soft caress

To watch the candle light dance

To taste the finest wine

The flesh it is divine

 

My soft round breast

I hold my babe close

I nurture life from my own

Little one drink from me

From my soul

 

My breast they hold you

I hold my lover within them

I hold his head so gently

Within the warmth of me

Lovingly I expose my vulnerability

 

My supple body brings forth life

I feel it take up inside

The quickening of tiny feet

I feel the fluttering deep in me

Nothing more could feel so right

 

I love the sunlight on my skin

The green grass beneath my bare feet

The wind it touches me

The sweetness of abundance nourishes me

All is right

 

Velvet skin holds my soul in

Satin hair crowns my head

My delicateness is wonderful

My existence is bliss

Oh how I love my skin.

BEAUTY

 

The beauty of a woman’s nature is in her strength,

 

It is in her way to fight the good and true fight,

 

It is in her way to listen to her heart.

 

To quiet the suffering soul,

 

It is in her nature to nurture and put love first,

 

This is the beauty of a woman’s soul.

 

She makes the brutal world a beautiful place

 

She makes beauty from her grace,

 

She is the tree that bends in the winds of change

 

She is soft strength, she doesn’t break,

 

Somehow she finds a way to make it all ok,

 

She is the soft and tender heart,

 

She is the place to rest your weary head,

 

She brings you sweet love from nothingness

 

All of this lives within her heart,

 

A heart so boundless and abundant that she makes love from hopelessness,

 

She is a Goddess

 

She is in your dreams and in your wakefulness

 

She is the reason you exist

 

She brings her heart to you wide open

 

And it is her body that you crave

 

It is her soft sweet skin and the smell of her silky hair that you can’t resist

 

To not have her is to have nothing at all but emptiness

 

She is the one to come to when you need to cry

 

She will meet you with arms wide,

 

She is all that is wonderful to you,

 

To not have her is to have ugliness

 

To not have her is not to have a reason for life

 

To not have her is to have the world cold and hard,

 

She is the softness,

 

She is the tenderness,

 

She is the sweetness,

 

Her sensuality,

 

Beauty.


The Goddess

In my book I use photography and writing to express seven different Goddesses or aspects of The Divine Feminine. The Goddess that is my main archetype is Artemis.. she is the FEMINIST.. she fights for the rights of all women and their children.. she fights for The Underdog. I am also very athletic; very strong willed, proud and strong minded.. I am strong. I have had many women tell me I need to tone it down so that I can attract a man vs scaring them off with my intensity ..but I can only be who I am.. we can all only be who we are. Artemis is quick in every way.. her bow and arrow represent her quick wit…her intentions flying high and true.. she stands for justice..she was Wonder Woman before media made her into an Americanized Super Hero.. 

From the book ~ The Goddess an Expression of the Divine Feminine ~ Available on Amazon.ca

Artemis

 

Isis was the main Goddess of the East in which all Goddesses that came after were emulated from. This means that the different aspects of the Goddess Isis were broken down to being named as separate parts and personalities; but Isis was the first archetype or template of the wisdom, of the feminine aspect of the Divine.

Artemis is understood as the huntress; she was an independent, strong athletic Goddess. She resided in the woodlands and she was considered the Mistress of the Animals. She was also seen as the Mother Bear that would hunt and protect her young with her life. She was not to be taken for granted as she could do for herself and her young. She is the single mother, doing the job of both mother and father. Artemis is also the athlete; she represents endurance and great strength. In childbirth she was seen to oversee the mother; giving her the endurance and power to carry on through the pain and long hours of birth.

If she were to be a real person; her personality would be of a very earthy woman; she would bait her own hook if she was fishing, she would gut the fish, cook it and feed it to her young and clean up when all the eating was done.

Today she would be the single mother; if she was emulated today, she would be the woman bringing home the bacon and then mothering all alone. She would not take “NO” for an answer at work or at home; that is the reason today why many women find themselves alone. They may be alone for a while but soon they will meet the man that is man enough to understand her strength and respect her for it.

She is the tomboy; she is not afraid to get dirty, she is not afraid ofa rainy, windy day outside; she is the woman of the earth; she craves the race. For the right man she is his best friend and his lover; she keeps him on his toes. The woman that has the personality of Artemis is sure to be seen leading the pack; if it be in business or even in the home front; this woman know what she wants.

Compassion

 

What if I said to you, it is all right to feel blue?

What if I held you close to my heart and let you cry?

What if I understood your pain?

What if I didn’t make you feel ashamed?

What if I offered you comfort instead of blame?

 

This is the heart of compassion.

 

What if I let you talk until you’re done?

What if I stayed with you through and through?

What if I wiped away your tears and cried with you?

What if I didn’t tell you to get over it?

What if I stayed strong for you through your weakness?

 

This is the heart of compassion.

 

What if through my past pain I learned to care?

What if I learned mercy and released bitterness?

What if I chose to take up wisdom instead being a victim?

What if I shared my treasure with you?

What if through my understanding I could help you?

 

This is the heart of compassion.

 

What if I opened my heart instead of closed it?

What if I used my own lessons to unfold it?

What if I chose to show tenderness instead of selfishness?

What if I held my hands out to lift you up?

What if I brought hope to the hopeless?

 

This is the heart of compassion.

Surrender

 

Sweet sorrow

Sweet like the summer rain

Moist and tender like my heart

I surrender

 

I give in to the pain

I release myself to the rain

I fall softly in to myself

I surrender

 

I let go of control

I know to fight the tears is pointless

I cry

I surrender

 

My heart it bleeds

The red fresh pain released

I feel at least

I surrender

 

My heart so tender

Raw and alive

Oh how I cry

I surrender

 

I love the hurt

The pain it teaches me

Who I am supposed to be

I surrender

 

I surrender all of me.

Mr. Ego

You know your on to him and over him when you stop reacting to him.. it’s just that simple. You need to become aware of his games and his need for constant attention. He needs people to see him do everything… he needs a constant audience’s approval or applause..and he needs to control women by doing things that intentionally piss them off; hurt their feelings or confuse them.. he is the kinda guy that comes into your life as Prince Char.. and ends up being the Devil’s ball and chain around your neck.. he weighs you down.. creates mental confusion and gaslights you into over reacting over his attention seeking .. he just loves to get you going.. he is vampiric.. he is just like Count Dracula .. he looks and acts so smooth when people are not aware of his true intentions.. his intentions to own them by public actions or PR.. his smooth and suave words just slither off his lips like liquid silver..but they are tainted with a invisible toxic..it is the intent of fooling others into following him and swooning over him .. of giving him a yummy ego and energy feed..while really he offers nothing meaningful or truly fulfilling..he is all sugar, empty calories..tooth decay.. he is a rotten apple dressed up in a beautifully wrapped golden, gift box.. he is Mr. Brag.. Mr.Swag.. Mr.Look at how great I am.. Look at how many people I know, how much money I have.. look at how many women want me.. he wants you to follow him because he knows you think if you do.. you can have what he has..but he hasn’t any intention of bringing you in.. he isn’t going to share how he got wealthy.. or his wealth..if you are a woman he will fuck you physically and emotionally..if he can’t get to you physically he will fuck with you mentally, emotionally and spiritually.. he is like a male Siren,.. he will sing sweet nothings into your ear..all the while to pull you into the deep end..to wrap himself around you..and take you down and drown you.. then he will feed off of your remains..sharing your corpse with those in on his games..

So how do you spot him.. you watch him.. you get him alone and watch the mask fall off.. you catch on to what he is saying, doing and posting.. and you listen to your own energy.. you will know when your giving it away to him..do you feel drained and confused.. do you feel exhausted from the inside out.. do you feel sad or angry?? He can become like an addiction and he is addicted to his own drama.. Mr.Drama King.. he will grab you by your own drama and drag you in..

Listen.. he is going to keep doing the shit he is doing with our without you.. if you react and get pulled in.. if you get mad or sad..or react physically .. if you post shit about him..he wins.. he has got you..he is dragging you down into the deep and drowning you in misery.. and he is laughing.. all the way to the Ego Bank.. leaving your balance at Zero.. making you feel like nothing..so he can feel like everything.. so do this.. for get about him..stop caring about him..accept that he is what he is..and move on..set yourself free.. stop giving a shit..

The way to free yourself from his snare.. is to just see the devil for the devil.. and when you stop feeding the devil..he looses power over you.. and he will move on to new prey.. either he will lead them to totally self destruct..or they will catch on to him.. and he will wither away..and he will find a new crowd..a new following..who are blinded by his fools gold.. blinded by his smooth words and suave bullshit..but some people deserve it for wanting to be just like him..

But know this.. you were always way to good for him.. LOL

Don’t let them dull your sparkle

 

It really felt like the last day of summer in Kelowna BC today.. because of the intense smoke from the forest fires the beaches were almost empty today.. not normal for the end of August in a summer tourist destination.. My kids were away for the entire week on vacation with my ex husband; their father.. I hit the gym hard.. and stayed in to work online. But it being my last day of freedom I decided to brave the smoke.. get off line..and out of the gym and get the hell outside.. I just wanted to get one more paddle boarding in before the weather cooled down. I didn’t want to rent from this one woman because she is in with the clicks in Kelowna.. the snotty bitches and the snotty bastards.. those people who judge me for my book.. for the topic of sexuality.. who just judge me for being different period; but as I drove from beach to beach they were the only rentals that I could find that were renting.. and that’s what I told the young woman working for the snotty woman.. she told me that she wanted to pack everything up and not rent to me.. but I told her ” You have all your rentals out.. your trailer is open.. you haven’t packed anything up..it’s only 1 pm and I ready to give you my money.” Unbelievably she got her “boss” on the phone to ask her if it was ( Ok) to rent to me.. I haven’t ever experienced such rudeness as a customer in my life!.. Then she only wanted me to rent for 1 hr.. even though I am a paying customer, I had to talk her into letting me rent for 2 hrs { I NEVER! } I just couldn’t believe the rudeness as she tried to guilt trip me of the likelihood that I could loose a $200 paddle and end up owning them? It was truly twilight zone material.. the shit just blows my mind.. but fuck them.. “rent me a board ..get your drama and your bullshit outta my face.. “and then off I went..off to open water and the wild blue yonder .. but what a bunch a shit..

The beginning of my stay vacation on the paddle board, I was thinking about my Summer of Fuckery in Kelowna BC.. 2015 Summer of Fuckery.. first it was the photographer on the first day of summer…that pretended to be my friend.. to have me believe that he was going to take lovely well finished professional shots of me for my Free The Nipple post on this here blog.. to send me totally unfinished shots just to fuck with me for his snotty Kelowna connections.. of snotty bitches..and other snotty photographers..and other snotty artist .. etc.. etc.. that blew my mind.. Oh the fuckery..from the fuckers..

Then it was meeting with a local man ..who was oh so charming at first.. and I fell for him hard.. I feel in love at first sight.. Like a stupid, childish girl.. only to see that he met with me and followed me on facebook to get revenge on me, for his snotty friends in Kelowna Society.. and I was heartbroken.. truly broken by that.. I cried.. I wept.. I got angry.. I was shocked.. I was metaphorically run through by an arrow well aimed .. not for love or passion ..but for the pure sake of feeding his ego..and his friend’s egos..for the sake of fuckery.. from the fuckers.. I thought as I paddled ..

But then something wonderful happened after I paddled under the bridge.. I found a spot were the water was greener than green… and as I sat down on the board I felt like I was looking into a perfectly decorated fish tank.. long green underwater plants spiraled up to meet me and little blue minnows danced between then.. and I was present with them..with the peace and serenity .. the tranquility that I craved.. that my soul needed to heal.. to breath .. to let go of them.. and I thought ” Fuck them ” Fuck them and their bullshit posturing for social popularity.. I am Amazing Grace.. I am peace and I am Grace Under Pressure.. I am beautiful despite their nastiness and pettiness .. I am like these little minnows swimming sweetly in their bliss.. I don’t care what they think.. I just don’t care..” just give me the board and the paddle and get the fuck outta my face.'” And then I came to a place were the osprey nested..and they called out ..and I called back to them..and they got louder and I sang back to them..and they swooped and swooshed over my board.. and then a flock of Canadian geese flew big circles around me before deciding to land close by me..and I heard the music in their wings..their perfect timing.. and the water ripped greens, purples and blues..the smoke from the fires didn’t bother me at all..as I sat in a yoga posture..to meditate in nature.. the board under me rocking in the soft waves like a cradle..and I knew they just didn’t matter.. not at all.. not at all.. I am in my center.. in my own still center.

When I brought the board back..they were just as rude.. they had packed everything up.. I brought the board in 10 min early..but the didn’t even acknowledge me..they practically ignored me.. they didn’t even hand me my belongings from their trailer.. I had to reach in and grab my beach bag and purse myself..and then search for my shoes ..

I sat on the park bench to put on my shorts, shirt and shoes..I said to an older man sunbathing ” I will never rent from that woman again.” I told him what happened.. we talked for a bit.. He was a real estate developer from Montreal .. we talked about my book.and his business.. he asked me ” Should I buy some land here.. ?” I told him too.. I said “Kelowna is a goldmine for real estate development .. everyone wants to retire here or own a summer condo.. if you have that kind of money.. you should do it.” he told he was traveling all over Canada looking for land to purchase for developments.. then he said to me ” You are someone very special.. you sparkle.. your energy is amazing.. you have that certain something..a star quality that not many people have but wish they had.. when you first started talking to me, before you told me about your troubles here in your city.. I thought you were already a famous person on vacation here.. you don’t fit in here because your energy and sparkle are bigger than here.. you belong in high places.. you shine..don’t let them dull your sparkle.” he proclaimed in a thick French Canadian accent .. the he said ” Beat them with gratitude .. you are beautiful, healthy and very intelligent..be grateful that you are not like them.” And then he shook my hand.. he had a nice firm hand shake… and as I left we wished each other well and blessed…

And then I stopped to smell the flowers.. because I am grateful for the tiny bit of summer we have left..

I am grateful.

Over him

 

It’s such a wonderful liberating moment when you realize you are fully over a guy. I was putting on my makeup at the gym this morning after a brutal workout.. one leg up high on the counter like a dancer..as a song came on and he suddenly burst into my mind.. of course it was the song that was playing when I met him.. but as he entered my mind with the song I realized I hadn’t thought of him for a long time..and that is when I knew I was over him… then my mind went back to the few men that I have encountered over the last several years; after my separation and divorce..and I relished at the thoughts of being over them too..and then in my mind I thanked my ex husband’s mistress for taking him off my hands..I began to be really honest with myself..and my own bullshit.

I really like my freedom right now.. I think I always did..as soon as the ex left.. I think my spirit soared even though my heart was broken by the rejection..but I think subconsciously I drove him away.. because he was boring LOL LOL LOL and he wasn’t very smart.. he was awful in bed..he was boring in bed too!… I think it was a sweet self-sabotage .. that was really like a prison run!

And now here I am.. an independent single mom..and yes sometimes it’s scary.. it’s a lot of work..and I do get lonely.. and because I am not the type that sees sex as recreation .. I really miss having sex ..but I have learned about my own body and I am really good at pleasuring myself.. waaaaaaaaaaaay better than my ex ( hahaha ) my sex life got a lot better without him in the room.. but ya know the few guys that I have been with since then..{ very disappointing }.. and if they were half decent in bed they weren’t out of the bedroom.. having a guy fuck with your head, energy and time just isn’t worth it.. so truly there hasn’t been one guy to this date that has been worth giving up my single life for.. but now I love being alone.

I love that feeling of getting over a guy.. just walking away.. closing that emotional door..and bolting for the open meadows.. fuck it! Like the runaway bride.. I don’t ever want a traditional relationship again.. I don’t want the wedding.. I don’t want to be WIFEY .. GAWD NO!  I am really not keen on meeting his mother either.. I don’t want to be whittled way by a guy ever again.. they do this thing; where they slowly try to change you into their MOTHER! NOOOoooooooooooo! You see it all the time.. a woman that is hot and sexy gets into a relationship…gets engaged..and then she starts to get motherly looking..she starts to dress more conservatively or motherly..or just fucking frumpy .. then she starts to get lumpy ( fat ) and out of shape..and she starts to loose herself in his life! GAWD NO! She starts to loose her metaphorical voice..she tones it down.. dumbs herself down.. his opinion becomes hers! FUCK! Cause guys like kind women.. doormats to marry LOL! So he domesticates her with guilt trips and hidden agendas..and constantly compares her to his friends wives and his fucking mother. And 5 years later she looks in the mirror and sees a stranger.. she says ” Who the fuck am I ?”

I can be kind..but I can be a little, wild bitch..and ya know what..I like both sides of myself.. I like my wild, little, bitch, badass.. tell it like it is..give it to you strait up ..wild child self..and when I am in the mood to bake or cook and sing and be like Disney I do..but fuck being a doormat ..fuck dumbing myself down for some guy who is a big baby.. who can’t get over his mommy.. fuck that!

I am so over that guy.. calling him a pussy is a complement.. pussy are awesome.. he is an asshole.. I am over him.

If a guy is going to enter my life.. he is going to be intelligent, emotionally mature.. he doesn’t have to be rich or be super hot.. just my kinda hot.. my kinda wild fire.. and he isn’t going to be some boring shit.

I can’t see me sitting at charity events.. with some boring rich bastard.. nor can I see me tolerating Mr.Charming and tolerating his incessant need for public adoration.. I need a man who has a wild roaming spirit..someone to challenge me.. mentally.. not some boring, big baby ego maniac.

Or maybe once again this is my own bullshit.. maybe secretly I am like the wind.. nothing and no one can hold me in..tie me down .. maybe I am like my native grandfather.. I am gypsy.. I am just gonna follow the moon and the stars..

It’s a mystery even to me?

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