Posts Tagged ‘wisdom’

Contemplating my bad

 

Mentally reviewing the last 3 years attempting to network my book in my local community.. I realize my bad was dramatically reacting to their bad.. but of course I didn’t know what I didn’t know.. and that is what I know now…and it’s that I wouldn’t ever be accepted or be welcomed in their house of belonging due to the subject matter of my book ” Women’s sexuality ” Even though my book is tasteful and factual.. even though it is artistic and intellectual.. although very amateurish.. I wouldn’t ever of been accepted into their polished, conservative perspectives.. as they are comfortable in doing things the way they always have done them.. and I had no idea that the art culture in Kelowna and area.. are to support professionalism.. vs professionalism supporting the arts.. or any form of balance between the two. I had no idea of the fact that the people who create the culture in Kelowna, through the arts they decide to promote or show.. through the networking groups and organizations that they have created and run.. are groups and organizations based upon professional conservatism ..and that they are subject to their perspectives of good clean family values or MORALS.

My bad or my fault was to keep trying to break down their barriers and prejudices.. my fault was to keep trying to break through their walls and to try to change them after I had realized they all held the same views and they were not going to change them. Yes what they did and how they do things is wrong.. it is black and white..if you profess to include everyone in your groups and organizations..but exclude me due to the subject matter of women’s sexuality that is sexism..that is prejudice and that is black and white.. WRONG..But by me getting beside myself with anger and frustration.. with that anger and frustration turning inward inside of me ..to lead to suicidal thoughts a year ago ( I am doing really well now thanks ) but by allowing them that room in my mind, and heart they had won..and it gave them an excuse to call me crazy and a drama queen.. it gave them an excuse as a group..as individuals.. to keep excluding me..to never let me in..to not allow me to network in their groups or have speaking platform.. because of my emotions.. me attempting to hold them accountable on my blog by writing about every experience .. it made them feel justified.. so the did win. I should of realized that it was a battle that I couldn’t win after loosing so many rounds in the fight.. I should of seen it was draining.. sucking my vitality and life force.. it was taking away my confidence..as I was starting to see myself through their eyes.. I should of just walked off that battle field and realized not a single one of them was ever worth it.. that belonging or being accepted by them wasn’t ever worth loosing my sense of self over.. I should of seen much earlier that they wouldn’t ever be my audience.. because they are afraid of change.. even though they peach change and equality.. even though they go on and on about authenticity and having the courage to be different and follow your dreams.. I should of seen much sooner that these were just words of self promotion.. but I didn’t know, then what I know now.. now that I have watched them..now that I have gotten to know their patterns of make believe personas .. I sure wish I knew then what I know now..  but I am headstrong…and sometimes being headstrong can be a double edged sword..it can make you tough..but also it can make you blind to your own stubborn.. and gawd I am that.

I have a temper and righteous anger.. but now I know how to spot them because they all sound the same.. the all run in the same circles and all spout the same self-righteous crap. I can see the arrogance ..as they think they can do no wrong..and they have the power in numbers to keep their delusion of grandeur. But my bad was believing it.. comparing myself to them.. feeling like I don’t measure up because I don’t have the qualification or the professional experience that they all seem to have..but I have learned that most of their qualifications are hyped up bullshit.. my bad was not seeing it sooner.

The truth is I was and still am, their mirror.. a mirror that doesn’t work through the lens of their own rose colored glasses..but a mirror that shows them their lies and prejudices.. a mirror that shows them the truth…and that is ” Same as it ever was.. same as it ever was.” and it will always be the same old..for them..and that’s exactly why they don’t want to let me in or anyone else in that doesn’t communicate or network with in the frames of their comfort levels.. because they are afraid …

And there is my bad again..I didn’t understand it was really their fear and ignorance..it really didn’t have much to do with me.. change is a painful process..that they don’t want to face.

If there ever is a similar circumstance in my life again.. I walking away sooner.. I not going to fight battles I cannot win when I could change my strategy and change what I can.. I will accept much sooner..what I cannot not change.

What I think about Suicide

I believe the soul cannot die or be destroyed because it’s energy and scientifically speaking .. energy cannot be created or destroyed .. so truthfully there isn’t life or death when were are measuring it be energy.. there is only life and death of the flesh. I think or believe the reasons that we ( as spirits or energy ) manifest into the flesh is to temper or perfect the energy or spirit.. and the spirit or energy of course belongs to it’s self or the source of all creation or energy.. so life and lifetimes are lessons towards the tempering of source energy.. so when we end our own lives.. I believe we are reincarnated right back to were we cut our lives short..because the soul or the energy hasn’t upgraded to the next level of it’s perfection or wisdom.

Suicides don’t go to hell but they come back to experience the hell that they tried to escape.. until they master that hell..and turn lead into gold.

We can look at it like a video game..a metaphor.. when you loose your life on the game .. you start with your new life on the level you finished your last.

I think the Universe or Energy.. directly lines up the players of the last game.. the stage.. circumstances and characters so that the destiny or fate can be played out; So your right back were you started.. the soul or source will not be satisfied until you learn to master the hand you are dealt ..

I think that when your energy or the source energy has played out the experiences of being human .. that the human experience will no longer be needed..and the slate will be wiped clean.. or the game board will be recycled into a new game or species .. I also think that there have been many humans that graduated the human experience before the rest of us.. these are the masters.. the mystics, gurus, prophets and demigods .. or gods.

Our greatest trump in the human experience is the mind.. because it’s only through self mastery that we can create like gods.. the experience that we are living.. it is only though self mastery that we can use genius to beat the game with a shitty hand.. most of us who have a shitty hand, have shitty people in our lives and shitty situations.. but if you can soar above your own story and see the checkered board on which you are a pawn.. you can learn to checkmate Kings and Queens..because once you know you are being played.. you can play through the game because the rules of the game will become a mute point..

So don’t give up.. just wake up and become aware of your own energy.

I Dream of Buddha

I have had a very difficult few days promoting my book online. I have been called many names, and I have learned of lies and gossip spread about me; and I have learned of those believing the lies instead of listening to the truth. I have been directly contacted and told by some how horrible I am. How I am pretty but it is a shame that I am so negative. I am negative for telling the truth about those who have discriminated against me. I have been told I am an unhappy person in denial by those in denial of the truth of their own behaviors, actions/in-actions towards me. Many allow the discrimination by turning a blind eye to it, because to admit that it is happening would mean they would have to do something about it. They don’t want to help me because it would disrupt their comfort and positions in society..

I experienced a huge range of emotions.. from hopelessness, sorrow, shock, anger and then my in my conscious defense ( humor ) humor to fight the ignorance and stupidity.

Last night before falling asleep I asked the Universe or the Divine for a dream to help guide me or to help me.. this is called lucid dreaming. I have been able to lucid dream since I was a child; but I am not always answered by the Divine or Universal Energy.. but I was last night.. I am finding as my struggle with society begins to become even more heated that I feel the presence of the I AM.. with me directly. The dream I had last night almost feels miraculous ….

” I sat still and motionless on the lily pad.. I was the small green fog. I was still within the pod.. I floated without effort..I was the lily pad. I quietly opened to the sun..as my petals peeled back one by one and my fragrance filled the air.. I was the lily. The light breathed through me.. I carried it with in me.. I was the air. I burned my warmth forth without effort.. I was the sun. I looked within.. I was in everything; I wasn’t trying, I just was.. the Buddha.” ~ The Dream

I hope you can see the beautiful humility in the words. Humility is the greatest force of The Divine.. it is only through humility that we find the God/Goddess within us. It is only through humility that we are able to see through or own egos and the egos of others..

The Buddha didn’t speak to me but spoke through me and through the peace of tranquility .. The Buddha carried both the masculine and the feminine in my dream… this represented balance again..or the still center. In my dream the Buddha was blue.. this is the color of truth.. and the Buddha was showing me it’s eye wide open.. it was the color of tropical waters or turquoise.. the spiritual meaning of turquoise is peace.. meditation, mediation, protection, comfort, calm, stillness, healing.. turquoise is the color of basic truth and deep wisdom.

The Buddha was telling me that I am dealing with ego’s that are steeped in illusions .. My society and all society is mesh of illusions projected by ego.. the emotions of these egos.. or their projected perceptions of how they see themselves and how they see the world is being projected onto me..as they attempt to label me to fit me into their illusions. I am provoking their response by not allowing myself or them to tangle me up in their illusions.. to be my truth or the truth is highly offensive to them..as their illusions give them great comfort, status, wealth or prestige in society..the only way for them to find Nirvana was for the Buddha to find Nirvana.. by seeking only the truth past illusion or ego..

If I were to accept their illusion.. I would be crushed by it.. as they seem to have to put me into the victim role for them to excuse themselves from their own dysfunctional attitudes and behavior… and that has been denial of their own egos..

And so it is that I find Nirvana.. by seeing the truth.. for truth ..by the stillness and humility of internal balance.. meditation.. by being the Buddha within all things..

And so it is that this dream brought me peace, protection, tranquility..and the power to keep being the truth.

{ 3 things cannot be hidden long;

The sun

The moon

The truth } ~~ Buddha

Dreaming of my God

This is an actual dream recall.. I had this dream a few nights ago but it hasn’t left me.. in understanding or symbols this dream speaks to my soul.. and that is why it stays with me in waking life;  it has risen from deep inside of my subconscious; or the parts of my mind that I am unaware of into my wakeful mind, this is why these dream stay with us.. they are parts of us that have become aware. This dream is about balance within me; as much as it is about the romance, love and type of relationship that I seek in my life.. this dream is a dream of beauty.. it starts as such..

 

“I was swimming nude in a crystal clear pool.. as I floated and stroked through the water blissfully, I noticed the Greek columns reaching into the blue sky above me.. a happy sky filled with white fully soft clouds. The sun was just rising and the moon was just setting…and so they created a picture of balance.. gold and silver.. night and day..the stars danced between them..they twinkled as if singing. The doves made soft music..the eagles swooped..and the peacocks spread their feathers for pure delight.. The white marble of the deep pool was veined with silver and gold.. everything was pure and crisp.. perfection and bliss. Apollo’s Temple was built into the mountain side.. earth and sky presented themselves in all their glory and splendor..

And then I felt him.. he had reached for me through liquid diamonds.. I felt his energy in the water like lightning, but it didn’t burn me.. but inflamed my passions. His touch brought me life as he pulled me to him.. His strength and protection, the feeling of his flesh mingled with mine brought me comfort and with that a deep love. But this was a love of minds meeting on equal measure; a passion met by both equally. I knew him past words, because not one was spoken but the knowing of each other was complete.. it was completion. There was no need for competition between us.. for my weaknesses were met by his strengths and my strengths met his weaknesses..we were one. We completed the other..but separate we were complete..

We floated effortlessly on the surface of the deep clear water.. as the clouds dropped the nectar of the gods upon us.. giving us wisdom through sacred love.. we held hands as we looked up at the stars and Apollo blessed us.. with hope..and the stars sang of heaven.. the scent of roses and spice filled our senses..and the doves and the eagles soared up to the heavens.” ~ The Dream

The imagery of the dream.. the pool represents cleansing and being crystal clear.. the gold, silver, sun, moon, doves and eagles represent the balance of the feminine and masculine in myself and outside of myself.. the peacock represents royalty and passion but also the all seeing eye or third eye,,or the dream it’s self..the inner vision.. the temple of Apollo represents reaching for your dreams or even the dream it’s self.. the magic in the dream is the representations of the divinity in the dream or the dream it’s self being of divine origin or being sacred..and so it is that I myself see through a sacred lens..

In a prophetic sense.. it could be that I have or that I am manifesting my soul mate..

Looking at it in a practical sense..I have found left and right brain balance.

I like to look at this dream on all of these levels of understanding.. knowledge and wisdom..

Men and women are different..but if they are non competitive they can create a bonding and strengthening relationship by respecting and upholding the differences of the sexes.

 

Near Death Experience and the Ego

 

I was 19 when I went into anaphylactic shock from taking penicillin. I had just enough time to dial 911 before my throat closed. They traced the call and broke through the locked door. I remember coming around once in the ambulance as they had given me shots of adrenaline; but it didn’t last long as I passed out again from the reaction taking over. I don’t remember making it to the hospital, but I remember leaving my body.

I felt a feeling of weightlessness, and it seemed like a surface of liquid light, like a mirror separated me from a different reality. It was like the amniotic sack a baby floats within. I decided to explore that, and with that decision I found myself on the other side of that mirror.. and with that, my ego was left in the old reality with my body. I realized right away my ego was my body, and that all those fears and worries were my bodies way of trying to survive as long as possible within that earthly reality. In this other place I found complete neutrality .. and it was so restful. So peaceful to leave all the stress and suffering, all the striving and all the emotions of the human body behind, across that curtain or veil.. but I became aware that it wasn’t time to leave yet, that I was meant to linger and to learn something in this place for my life on earth that wasn’t quite finished yet.. so I explored it.

In my energy body I could see everything in a more than 360 degree perspective as my perspective was unlimited. I saw and heard conversations throughout the hospital, I saw outside of the hospital, I heard and saw ambulance attendants talking about car crashes, saw the young doctor that was late for his shift in emerg, come rolling in on his roller blades.. I heard staff talking about lottery tickets.. but most importantly I had no emotional attachment to any of it,.. and I let them be in experiencing their own realities.

What I saw was the fabric of life, of how everything is beautifully woven together to create synchronicities .. the synchronicities of the Universe. Like the gears of a clock, time, destiny, fate, free will.. turning together, multiple outcomes, and multiple different realities, layered, just like the cells of a body, speaking to each other, energy on energy.. with a purpose to create, to transpire, inspire, react with purpose.. and the simplicity of the purpose… just to simply be and become better at being.. to constantly evolve.. to let go.. move forward while using what was as a foundation of what will be.. in the beautiful neutrality of being emotionless..of not clinging to any outcomes.. as my ego was gone, I could see the pinpoint, the catalyst.. that creates the reaction of all realities or LIFE.. it it was simply love.. not the love that we know as beings attached to ego.. not a love that we may ever really know living within our earthly bodies.. but a love so pure..so pristine..because it was a true unconditional love.. untouched by the reactions it created..as all catalyst remain that cause the reaction.. this love held no attachments to it’s creations, no judgments, no hope, no hate.. no conditions.. and this love is the BALANCING FORCE… this is the source energy that all goes to and moves away from.. like the very heart within you.. making what was old new again.. making what was new old.. but the intelligence surpassed an emotional intelligence.. as it was neutral..and that is why it created such Genius.. meaning ( To bring into being, create and produce”)

I found myself above my body again.. as they worked on it, shocking my heart, plugging me with needles, saying ” This is going to be close! She is only 19!” But I watched above my body with no emotion, not just because I knew they were going to be successful, but because I was detached from my ego.. but that didn’t last long.. it wasn’t the pain of entering my body that got to me.. it was the pain of the prison of my ego, I felt like I slipped into dirty old socks, after being so free.. it was horrible, yet I knew I had to endure this, yet I knew eventually what had happened to me would change something in this reality to help humanity and all of creation evolve.. I had brought something back with me.. a wisdom..

As I lay recovering..the young doctor who had been late, who had roller bladed into the emerg; sat with me to hold my hand. With a worried face he told me how close it was, how lucky I was to be there with him.. but I felt his ego, he had a lot of ego, this was about him consoling the pretty 19 year old girl, not about my recovery… and then I felt my ego..because I liked the attention.. yup I was back!

But through the years, I have let go of so many things, the most important was religion, I began to see how religion kept us from that place of intelligent unconditional love..from the balancing force of creation.. and I began to let go and let go and let go…and search for wisdom

I can tell you this ..as an absolute certainty..anyone that lives in a human body is not egoless.. there are no real Gurus.. there isn’t not one person living that is at that state of pure unconditional love..because their body is ego..the body is your ego and it clouds everything ..it is your lens or perspective and it is a very human perspective..those who profess to be egoless .. well that in it’s self is pure ego.. probably more dangerous than those who admit to living in their ego..those who are aware of ego can work within it..to learn to temper it.. so beware of those who profess to be egoless they are the most dangerous.

As for death, it comes when it is time, but it is also the greatest illusion.. as is life.

Myth

 

 

 

 

 

 

All creation myth starts with the creation of form from spirit..and so it is so that the ether was before mass.

It was out of the nothingness.. not darkness that mass was created and of course that nothingness was the ether.

After mass was created..the war between the light and the dark started..the dark mass wanting to have and own all of creation for it’s self..not wanting to be apart of the ether but to rule over the spirit and the mass it had created…and so it is the war of the Heavens feel to Earth..this is called the FALL.

And so those of the Heavens or the sky..those of evil and control fell to Mother Earth to take control of her and all of her creations..but to protect Earth and her children the ones of the Light fell or descended to protect the innocent from the dark evil ones.

It is said they lived on Earth as Gods..they walked on the Earth and the mingled their blood with humanity..some that were of the Darkness and some that were of the Light.

In some religions they are understood as Demons and Angels..both Angels..some of the Darkness and some of the Light.. Some may call them aliens..as they were alien to Mother Earth ..but then they would also be our relations or distant cousins as we are all made up of Star Dust.

It is said the battled..they fought a mighty war..and then they left back to the heavens.. leaving us Godless and to our own devices.

But they left behind their mixed children..and so it is that we have the fight within us..in our DNA the fight between the evilness of the Ego..the total lack of compassion that works like a machine..this is the ego entity that powers the Illuminati ..that some see as the Governments that be..the heads of State and The Blood of Royalty..but it lives with in the human heart..it is greed.. it causes us to destroy ourselves in the constant lust for more .. and so like the machine, of the Dark Ones we play on their game board.. we consume and by them we are in turn consumed..in religion this is know as SATAN.

But then again their are the ones.. that carry the light and the truth for humanity.. they are what is called The Star-seed. They carry with them in their DNA..a memory of ancient times and ancient ways…with them they bring the Heart of Humanity,because they know the only way to win the war is through the center of the Heart.. it is to heal the Dark ones..by being love..by being strength and by waking up Humanity to see that they are being consumed by lack of love..by greed.

And so is that we are in the time that the ETHER has been torn..we are in the time now that the circle that is time will make it’s self known now..all that we thought was myth..all that we thought was childish stories will make it’s self known..because we have reached the time of critical mass. Those who have awakened have changed the quantum field..as the light has over come the mass of the darkness..what we thought was is not at all..and the darkness knows it’s time has come..because once the light has been turned on the monster will no longer be as frightening as it was once..and fear can no longer be used as a weapon..or the weapon of fear has lost much of it’s power and the power returns to the origins.

There will be some that hold on to the old reality..and because of this they will not adjust..and may consume themselves.. but the cosmos has become aware.

And the myth is that there will be a galactic war.. but the light wins..as it absorbs the darkness with compassion.

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