Posts Tagged ‘white goddess’

Deeply

 

I looked into the abyss and it looked back into me; and I found that I didn’t like what I saw or what I had become. When you fight monsters you do become a monster yourself.

I wrote about the monsters; and I thought by doing so I would expose them and bring them to justice but instead I hooked them on a line to myself and my ship..and as I reeled them in I brought the darkness to me. I brought the dark energy right to me and into my heart. Their darkness painted me with a dark lens; and their energy merged with mine..and I became egocentric like them..

I was a dolphin swimming with sharks pretending to be a shark so that I wouldn’t get eaten..but they still took bites out of me and chunks of energy from me.. until this last time.. the last time that woke me up from my own denial.. that dolphins cannot swim with sharks.. I am not a shark. I never wanted to be a shark.. yet to survive in shark infested waters I had to deny my basic nature.

This last attack was an awakening to my psyche; as it was a direct attack on my spirit or the essence of my soul..and it was the Universe saying listen to what they are saying to you ” You do not belong here and you do not fit in here because you are not meant to be here..so leave.. leave and never look back.. go and find those who match your soul.” My bleeding out confirmed the fact that I cannot survive in a place that is ruthless…for my nature is not ruthless but loving and peaceful..

So I cut the ties that bind me to them. I took down all of the blog post that I wrote about them; like cutting the lines to the monsters under my ship, awakening me from the nightmare. I left the battle that cannot be won as there are no winners..to leave them to compete and fight among themselves; as sharks do for blood in the water. Monsters consume each other in a world based on material wealth and not the abundance of the heart or of love.

I cut the lines to free my soul; to free my ship and I set the sails into the wind to go towards peace, serenity and beauty. The little dolphin swimming on her own to find her own kind.. to find those who create love and bliss.. rather than those who consume and compete, who destroy themselves by destroying others.

I will find my home and my soul family.. I have awakened from my own denial.. I am waking from the nightmare.. and leaving the monsters behind me.

Wedding Bliss

 

 

I have searched for love out side of myself.. only to find it evade me like the mist… to evaporate as I tried to grasp at it.

I have listened to others tell me who I am and what I want.. only to be left wanting.

I have had my emotions controlled by men who tell me what I want to hear..as they feed off of my my energy.. and I have been left ..not empty..but with just parts of me..as I have given away to them what they truly stole away from me.. and so it is that I have searched for the key..but I have searched for this key outside of me.

I blamed myself.. for their lack.. I saw this lack as something lacking in me..and so again the pattern emerged inside of me..as pieces that I missed.. ohhh how I missed myself ..all the time thinking that it was someone else that I missed.. feeling lonely for what I thought was him.. but all along it was me I missed.

I listened to words of idealized romance.. I listened to him speak only of himself.. I listened to him tell me what his needs were.. I listened to him as he told me who he was and what he believed in.. I listened to him as he tried to make me into what he thought was his ideal.. I listened and I listened as I was nothing but stealing away from myself..but I blamed him.

And so it is just very recently it happened again..a man that seemed like a God.. who told me when I was dreaming of Angels it was him I was dreaming of.. he told me he was the other half of me..and he believed that women were empty without men but men were filled endlessly.. yes he said he loved me, yes no one could compare to the love that he had for me and that I should have for him.. just believe in him..and only him, faithlessly as this would prove my enlightenment and that I am indeed worthy of such a great love that only he.. my Twin Flame could give to me and I to him..and so it is the power began to shift from me to a man. It was all to be on his timing and his plan.. as it was all in his sense of good timing that we should be together..and then I felt the drain again… but this time..a light came on.

I found the key..to my patterns.. I found my heart.

I found that love has always been with me and that I have never been empty.. and any man or person who needs to steal energy from me.. has not found this key.

I found the love.. I found that it exists in the moment..of gratitude for all that is.. I am complete.. I am in contact with my higher self.. I am the Angel in my dreams..not him or anyone else.. I am the love that I seek..and it has always been so.. am The Bride and The Groom..in knowing this I am whole.

I walked in to the shadows.. In the light of my awareness of who I truly am..my shadow self becomes so much less..as I am so much more in my new awareness.

My Angelic Self.. lifts me up from the ashes.. as I am transformed.. I am that I am.. there needs be no more..than this.. I am love

And so it is…

I wed bliss..

Links