Posts Tagged ‘war’

Sleeping

 

I am worried about the world, I am worried about the state of humanity. I am worried that there isn’t any humanity. I am worried that the entire world has grown cold.

Watching what is happening in Middle East and comparing it to what is happening in my own country and city.. it all feels so hopeless.

Then is weekend with the police ripping through my town house parking lot.. right by the playground teaming with children..to catch a shooter; I was told by them they have the right to make that decision. The decision to risk the lives of school children to catch a shooter. I have had trouble sleeping since, because I realized that I cannot stop the violence from affecting my children or all of the children in the world. The gassing of children in the Middle East, lays so heavy on my heart. While watching my 6 year old little boy sleep sweetly beside me; crawling into my bed at night to take up the entire bed.. I think to myself ” There is a mother somewhere in the Middle East and other parts of this violent world who will never watch her child sleep sweetly beside her. She will never feel the tiny hands reach for her in the middle of the night; she will not calm the nightmares or cool a fever.. her baby is gone forever from her.”

Then in my own personal nightmares; my own personal hell of attempting to enlighten a society on women’s equality and healthy sexuality.. taking the risk of being a man on facebook.. Tom Wills.. being the fly on the wall and looking into Kelowna’s upper society learning though  the facebook post of those that reject me as a woman..as an artist.. that the most important things to Kelowna’s society is a well stocked wine cellar. It is so hard not to say ” They” and not reverse the prejudice..to say “THEY” are sleeping.. hiding behind the prestige of ” Wine Country” and the finer things of life.. while others die ” Eating Cake” .. let them eat cake.. let them do as they do while I enjoy my life..

I am judging and I know it.. am I bitter or fed up?

I lay awake wishing sometimes that I could sleep as they do.. loose this reality in spa days, and network luncheons and vanilla vodka strait up on the rocks..but I am painfully awake; my finger on the pulse of humanity..and it weakens.. like my sister’s pulse as she lay dying 6 years ago.. too young to die..and that is humanity..as my sister’s body self destructed by cancer..so does humanity.. it dies by the cancer of greed and selfishness…

In the Middle East millions of families.. yes families are displaced in camps..starving, dying.. pleading to the world for mercy..

Yet we hide our heads.. here in ” Wine Country”..and how can I raise awareness or money.. or run a protest..against this prejudice and violence..

When I myself face it here..when I am shut out and shunned socially..how can I do anything in this clicky society..???

A society that loves to sleep.

I Forgive Him

 

 

 

 

 

 

He was told not to cry. He was told to hide his feelings. He was told to be strong. He was told to be a super hero. He was shown how to disconnect from his heart. He was shown that his worth was in the amount of money that he made and the amount of things that he could purchase with his money. He was taught that he could purchase me if he made enough, if he had enough, if he competed enough, if he won enough..he was taught, he was told that this would make him KING. The stress of the world was put upon his shoulders.. his heart wavered. His rational mind took over.. yet all he ever wanted was love.

I forgive him… and I hope he will forgive me.

 

 

 

 

I hope he will forgive me for my anger. I hope he will forgive me for not seeing past the illusion of the world. I hope he will forgive me for warring against him.. and so it is that I disarm him with this love.

He is the soldier, the grunt, the dog-face, the gunner.. he has the blood-lust written on his face..the fight..a constant fight..one that can not be won when the heart has turned to stone.

I soften him now..with this..with compassion..to remind him that he is human and that his heart and the connection to his heart is all I ever wanted.  I am gentle now as I show him that I am his people..that I am the other half of what he has always missed.

I ask him to forgive me too as I have forgotten this..that I am him and that he is me..as the heart has two chambers the brain two sides.. we are one in this life.

I was taught that you are the head..and I am the heart..but this was a lie of religion to split us apart..for we are of the same mind and we are of the same heart..let us never again be torn apart.

We are one..we are solidarity

Let no dogma..no propaganda come between us again

We are love

And I love you dear man.

 

Embracing The Demon

 

 

 

 

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRdpvdvYKz0&feature=related

 

Above is a video of Carl Jung.. he explains his theories about the archetypes and the human psyche.. I am using this video to support this post. Upon watching this video of Carl Jung, his theories supported what I had already reasoned within my own soul, and mind… it is that we have become our own worst enemy by suppressing the darkness within our own souls.

We have become a world wide society that has become deluded by our own lies..and the lie lives in the search for perfection and in the denial of reality..and reality is that there is no such thing as perfection.. on are search for perfection we have gone down the road that denies the sacred..because all that is sacred lives in the shadows of impending death. We seek to suppress aging, we seek to suppress love as we see it as weakness, we see being vulnerable as being imperfect..and so it is by not letting our vulnerability show we build emotional and mental blocks that keep other’s out of our hearts.

We live two lives..the very fake imperfect face that we show the world around us..this is the face we wear at church, to work, to the gym, anywhere when we are out in the public eye..and then we hide our true selves away in private..and this is were we fight our demons. Because we suppress our darkness it comes to us unconstrained in the wee hours of the night.. it comes to us eventually in mental breakdowns.. it comes to us in full on addictions..addictions that we then hide and suppress further.

We then demand of our leaders that they fit the social conditioning of the personification of their position.. we insist that they hold up the mask… we insist that their mask be even more perfect than our own..so that we may feel safe in worshiping this perfection in them..and when they slip.. when their true humanity is expressed by mistake or with intention ..we are relentless in judging them for letting us down with there very human qualities.

We have become a very neurotic society–neurotic-emotionally disturbed, mentally ill, irrational, unstable,paranoid,anxious, obsessive, compulsive,dysfunctional, twisted and warped..because we just can not let go of what we feel is perfect..we are fed by the media.. perfection..we see perfection in our magazines.. every room spotless, everything new and unused, every person plastic and brushed up by computer imaging, we are taught to spend and we are taught that if we can not afford this perfect but very expensive lifestyle that we have failed.

We are fed shame; we are fed shame about sex, money, and our very thoughts are to be shamed if we do not fit into this perfect mold of the perfect citizen that behaves perfectly.. do you want to be cool? Do you want fame and fortune? Then follow along..follow the NEUROSIS – nervous disorder, personality disorder, emotional disorder, ” The result of a conflict between the ego and the id; THE PERSON IS AT WAR WITH HIMSELF” Sigmund Freud.

We are taught that it is shameful to speak out about our reality..to say ” I can’t afford it” To admit to having many lovers..to admit to questioning religion, Government or any social organization.. we are taught to shame and so we split in two.. we become two separate people.. the public face and the private face..and this leads to mental confusion and break down..

A breakdown .. means that when your suppressed material comes to the surface it can explode in your face.. it means that one can become so fearful and so delusional that they will go to the lengths of harming others to keep their delusion.

This is our society now; we are on the brink of our own self-destruction due to our suppression blowing up world wide by the average person and by the very suppressed leaders and Governments around the world. We are killing ourselves daily with creating the pollution that causes cancer and our other diseases.. we have made mass weapons of destruction that we have aimed and we are ready to fire on other counties that do not hold onto the same DELUSION as the other country aiming weapons on them..we are so suppressed..that Governments that call themselves a democracy are nothing more than a dictatorship. The suppression holds use captive right now..the world will have to face reality or face destruction..by our own doing.

It begins with every individual who refuses to follow the delusion. Who takes off the social mask.. it will be the leader that is willing to share and purge their human problems in public.. it will be the public who accepts and forgives such leaders and public figures..

It begins with you reading this now.. stop being a walking advertisement..stop getting into dept to impress others with your so called social standing that is really bullshit the bullshit that makes you bat-shit..that drives you crazy with worry and fear.

Be brave and be you.. no more two faces.. just be .

For My Son

 

 

 

My Sweet Son;

 

The moment you were born the sun came into my life; as you emerged from the darkness of my womb, with a splash into the doctor’s lap my life became enriched and all the more meaningful. Upon your first cry, before I even had a chance to gaze upon you, my heart swelled and burst with love and pride. As the nurses cleaned your tiny little body, as you screamed out the cry of new life my heart exploded; when they placed you into my arms, I looked into your eyes to behold the wisdom of a newborn soul; I placed you onto my breast, and the feel of my body nurturing you was pure bliss.

I knew your name before you were born, I just knew as a mother knows things that your favorite color would be yellow..and so it is. I felt your athletic little spirit and I knew you would be mischief..and so you are.. today my son you are 5 and what I am writing here are my wishes for you as you grow up, and become the man that you are intended to become.

My darling son, I hope for you this, I hope that you will never fight in a war and I hope that you will never seek out violence. I hope that you question everything, do not take orders from authority that go against your heart or your moral code. Do not fight in war that is war of greed, only fight to bring up the people in need. I hope that you will never grow up in a world were you have to point a gun or use any weapon against another human being.. I hope for you a life of peace.

My son, I wish for you to seek out wisdom and love above all else, seek out wisdom and love over material wealth. I hope the person you compete against the most is simply yourself, I wish for you to become more of the best that you can be in every given situation in your life. Do not compare yourself to others, do not wish to take what others have, only work and work hard to make more for yourself..and then learn to share your wealth .. always give to others. Give your time, your wisdom and your love as well as your material wealth.

Always respect the opposite sex, always make a woman your equal and never let her use you for status or wealth, and do not use her as a trophy, do not use her for sex.. I hope for you a partnership of equals, I hope for you a lover and a best friend. Hold each other up when times are tough and share the joys of life when times are happy. If you decide to have children, be the father that changes many a dirty bum, be the man that cooks and cleans, share the parenting as one. I hope for you a mate that is your equal, so that when you are weak she is the one to be strong as you should be as well. I want you to experience and share true unconditional love with another. I hope you are the father that has the strength to confront his emotional problems so that you can be emotionally available for your loved ones.

My son do not always follow logic but learn to follow your heart. Have the heart of the lion, the heart of true courage, the heart of a man that brings up the weakest ones.

You are in a world that uses and abuses the weakest ones in our society.. I hope you have the strength to blaze a new trail.. I hope my son that you will become and show the world what a real, true and honest man is like.. he leads by example, with love, kindness, wisdom.. and a strength that shines from the inside out. The greatest gift a man can give the world is his heart.

Follow your heart.. my sweet son

Luv

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