Posts Tagged ‘vulnerability’

Deeply

 

I looked into the abyss and it looked back into me; and I found that I didn’t like what I saw or what I had become. When you fight monsters you do become a monster yourself.

I wrote about the monsters; and I thought by doing so I would expose them and bring them to justice but instead I hooked them on a line to myself and my ship..and as I reeled them in I brought the darkness to me. I brought the dark energy right to me and into my heart. Their darkness painted me with a dark lens; and their energy merged with mine..and I became egocentric like them..

I was a dolphin swimming with sharks pretending to be a shark so that I wouldn’t get eaten..but they still took bites out of me and chunks of energy from me.. until this last time.. the last time that woke me up from my own denial.. that dolphins cannot swim with sharks.. I am not a shark. I never wanted to be a shark.. yet to survive in shark infested waters I had to deny my basic nature.

This last attack was an awakening to my psyche; as it was a direct attack on my spirit or the essence of my soul..and it was the Universe saying listen to what they are saying to you ” You do not belong here and you do not fit in here because you are not meant to be here..so leave.. leave and never look back.. go and find those who match your soul.” My bleeding out confirmed the fact that I cannot survive in a place that is ruthless…for my nature is not ruthless but loving and peaceful..

So I cut the ties that bind me to them. I took down all of the blog post that I wrote about them; like cutting the lines to the monsters under my ship, awakening me from the nightmare. I left the battle that cannot be won as there are no winners..to leave them to compete and fight among themselves; as sharks do for blood in the water. Monsters consume each other in a world based on material wealth and not the abundance of the heart or of love.

I cut the lines to free my soul; to free my ship and I set the sails into the wind to go towards peace, serenity and beauty. The little dolphin swimming on her own to find her own kind.. to find those who create love and bliss.. rather than those who consume and compete, who destroy themselves by destroying others.

I will find my home and my soul family.. I have awakened from my own denial.. I am waking from the nightmare.. and leaving the monsters behind me.

Stay Sweet

 

We all live in a world were everyone is pretending .. it’s just the way it is. It starts in high school. Everyone wants to fit in.. be popular.. liked and accepted. We are shown through media projections; by branded personalities how to be cool.. how to put on the social masks that everyone worships and adores. But by doing so we loose ourselves and our true identities and so we become bitter. We become bitter by fear.. fear of rejection.. we become bitter because we sell ourselves out.. for social acceptance, and we think social protection. But if one becomes popular and adored by many people for projecting a image that they want.. we are truly not accepted at all..because we are not really being ourselves. So you can have the love of many while not being loved at all..and worse… you not loving yourself.

The most difficult thing to do is to really be yourself and love yourself past other’s insecurities and social rejections… but it is the only way to stay sweet..it is to stay and be vulnerable; to be humble. Courage is putting your heart out there..while knowing far well, that you will probably be rejected. When you are truly authentic, open, raw and vulnerable you are a threat to those who wear the thickest social masks.. because you are their mirror. A truly authentic and raw person is clear and blinding truth to those who are in the greatest denial of the social mask that they wear; and so it is that the nerdiest, nicest, sweetest and strangest people are the most rejected by society. We make people uncomfortable..because conformity is comforting.. the sweetest and most loving people wear their hearts on the outside..so we are labeled as victims by those who would victimize the open hearted for the very fear of being open and vulnerable themselves.

In the worldly way.. being truly vulnerable is labeled as weak.. but who is really being weak? I think those who have lost themselves in groups of people and organizations have lost.. those who are vulnerable and have the courage to constantly lay their hearts on the line.. well this is true strength..to put your heart out, even though it is wounded..bloody and raw from being constantly rejected.. attacked for being open.. seen as a target.. this takes in credible strength.. people like me .. we are true spiritual warriors.. because we are giving the world and example of the compassionate heart.. even thought it is constantly being torn and ripped apart by those who fear true depth and feeling.. those who have been hurt and cut.. sometimes they are the one’s that will cut us the deepest. But being truly vulnerable, real, raw, authentic and open regardless of constant emotional, mental and spiritual attacks, takes the greatest strength.

We live in a very cold and plastic society.. not just in my city.. even though outsiders confirm that their is a higher than normal concentration of assholes in Kelowna BC.. but the only way to open other’s cold and fearful hearts is to stay open and brave.. to stay vulnerable .. raw.. broken .. and compassionate.. it is to do our very best to forgive them..because in their, inner terror, they are lost..lost to themselves.. washed away .. in the conformity of fitting in..rather than standing brave.. being nerdy.. goofy.. making mistakes..failing..being perfectly/imperfect ..

Stay sweet.. stay open.. an love no matter what.. because love favors the brave.

Don’t let fear and bitterness make you bitter.

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