Posts Tagged ‘suicide prevention’

A Single Mother’s Guide To Empowerment

 

There are many women online and in the world of media that profess to be about women’s empowerment or to be life coaches; there are women with PHDs and other certifications whom have their blogs and books professionally editited, and so you may think them to be more qualified than me towards giving you advice and leadership. My qualifications are life skills built upon real life experiences. The person whom you should want to lead you or to give you qualified advice is the person or woman that is walking her talk. I am not overtly wealthy, I am not entitled as I have not and was not born to a life of privilege. I come from a very poor family and my father was very abusive and sexist. My mother committed suicide when I was 13 due to her mental illness and I put myself into the Canadian fostercare system in my teens. I ended up living on my own when I was 17 to then put myself through college with student loans. Due to my abusive upbringing I ended up in a seven year relationship with a physically abusive alcholic. I left him to finish my education in business college to then meet and marry my now ex husband who was emotionally and financially abusive. I have no extended family, and so have had to carry the responsiblity of being a single mother of three on my own. I went onto become a published author of the book { The Goddess an Expression of the Divine Feminine } and to create my own blog and website www.sexassacred.com

I have been through intense stuggles and trials in my life. I have been physically and sexually abused. I have been plunged into suicial thoughts. I have risen again and again from great hoplessness towards achieving many goals and dreams. My greatest of all dreams having yet to be realized; is to be given a world wide voice towards women’s rights, equality and empowerment. Upon writing my book about women’s sexual empowerment I have had to to stand against much sexual discrimination by shining a light on the sexual shame placed upon women by society. I still continue to fight this daily with all women who wish to stand against it and push back against conformity and sexual repression.

I have primary guardianship of my children and so that means they are in my care 90 percent of the time; so I am a full time single mother who is in the trenches of parenthood and womanhood with you.

I am writing this in point form because I am a busy mom and I like to be able to skim information when my time is limited.

 

 

1. Find your strength in forgiveness

Working on forgiveness and forgiving is the key towards finding innner peace and balance. My key to forgiving my ex husband was understanding his own father wound as to why he was unable to stay with us as a family unit, and as to why he had an affair when he found out I was having a boy with our third child. It was because he saw his son in himself and his wound that he didn’t want to face in his son. Understanding that no one is perfect and that we are all wounded helps to heal wounds into scars.  Many people will hurt us because they are hurt and not conscious enough to be able to heal themselves so they hurt others. Understanding will bring you to forgiveness and forgiviness will being you to inner balance. Balance is the key to strength.

2. Be responsible and take responsibility

When we are honest with ourself and make a point of becoming conscious towards our own weaknesses we can make them into our strengths or at least strengthen our weaknesses. Take responsiblity as to your part in the marriage or relationship ending. For example; I didn’t draw proper boundaries at the begining of my marriage and so I allowed him to disrespect me and allowed my independance to be taken from me as I gave it away.

3. Budget 

Part of taking responsibility is to take responsiblity for your money and spending habits. Write down your bottom line and then subtract your bills and abstract spending, make a budget from there. Write down daily what you have spent and on what to keep yourself honest. A part of being empowered is to take control of your money and be honest with yourself if you have a spending problem. If you are going into a negative in your budget it is time to make plans towards cutting out what isn’t needed and or finding a practical way towards generating more income.

4. Set Goals and be proactive

You can set all the goals you like but you must be proactive by doing the work and taking the actions towards acheiving your goals. My motivation is knowing that I have had my three children to set an example for. Here are a few of the goals that I have achieved over the span of several years.

Fitness

buy a new car

write a book or blog

make new friends

charity work

body building competition

Setting and achieving goals are very important towards self empowerment and building self confidence, when you are finished achieving a goal it’s important to celebrate that goal but then to keep moving forward towards future goals. There is great satisfaction in a job well done!

5. Self care

I want all single moms to drop the guilt here; It is important that you meet the needs of your children but it is also inportant that your needs are met too. If your cup is empty than you have nothing to give your children. It is important that you allow yourself rest. It is important that you all eat healthy and that you workout five times a week. Take care of your appearance; your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual well being is your empowerment. Budget your time for me time.

6. Life isn’t fair

Life isn’t a fairytale. Many Goddess empowerment life coaches will try to sell you on meeting the man of your dreams and being able to create some fanastic other reality just by paying them for endless life coaching sessions; and that is wrong and will make you feel hopeless in the long run over empowered. Shit happens in real life and for the most part we are not manifesting this reality on our own. We share this earthly reality with billions of other souls in different levels of consciousness and so we are bound to run into some shit realities. The justice system is sexist and the world is full of bigotry and some real wack jobs; so we have to learn to work around it. We have to learn to make the best of what we can control and to accept what we cannot contol. That doesn’t mean we become complacent, just that we are able to choose what is worth putting our energy towards. When you hit a wall sometimes it’s best to go into a different direction of your own.

7. Feeling sad or suicidal

Most women’s sadness comes from unvented anger because we live in societies that don’t allow women to be angry; just like most men’s anger comes from held in sorrow because we live in societies that don’t allow men sorrow but only anger as an emotion; Therefore it is important to vent out our emotions to help us not give into to suicidal thoughts or actions. So please be angry and vent your anger out in a non destructive fashion such as a hard workout or screaming and crying into a pillow. Get help if you need help. Call the crisis line if you need help right away. I got help when I needed help. It takes great strength to ask for help when we are at our most vulnerable. Let no one shame you into being strong enough to ask for help. I have helped suicidal and vulnerable friends; and I have been there myself. The greatest courage is saving yourself. Remember this too shall pass

8. Have FAITH

Having a belief system or a practice that brings us to faith and hope when all feels lost brings us back to an empowered state. You can be an athiest and still find hope and faith in meditaion or nature walks. If religion or a belief is God gives you true empowerment than that is your private and personal walk in faith. My personal walk of faith is a spiritual, non religious, non dogmatic spirituality that is based in nature. Do what brings you hope, love and peace.

9. Gratitude

Comparison is the theif of joy ~ Theodore Roosevelt

Society and or the media is constantly wanting us to compare ourselves to others so we are motivated into buying products for other’s validation; from learning to be happy with what you have. Count your blessings when you feel like the world has short changed you. Most of us single mothers feel that way from time to time. Being a single mother is often a struggle and a financial jugglimg act; but when we learn to stop and smell the roses it can turn bitterness sweet. Count those little fingers and toes, be thankful for your health, for your talents and natual gifts, for your friends and community. Happiness is an inside job.

10. Be authentic

Be yourself. The most powerful thing you can be is your true self. Be prepaired to cut even the closest people out of your life if they don’t accept you for you. Speak to be heard and speak with your own voice. Remember you teach people how to treat you. Set boundaries down. Always maintain your DIGNITY

11. Romance

Don’t let people shame you as a single mother for wanting a new relationship and remember if you are not honest and clear with yourself you will not get what you want. It is ok to want romance in your life, of course it is! You can love your children and a new romantic partner. But being alone and getting to know yourself and taking the time to heal from your last relationship is critical towards your own empowerment. Empowerment is knowing yourself. Knowing yourself and becoming conscious of our own shadows, wounds and weaknesses means that we will be empowered and healed towards being ready for a new and healthy intimate relationship. Until you have worked on strengthening youself from the inside out you will not be ready for a lasting and healthy love. Time takes time and this takes time. A truly empowered woman doesn’t look for a man to hide herself behind, she goes into herself towards self transformation to become as a walking GODDESS 

A GODDESS IS AN EMPOWERED WOMAN

You can find my book { The Goddess and Expression of the Divine Feminine } by Gracie Ackerman on Amazon,ca

What I think about Suicide

I believe the soul cannot die or be destroyed because it’s energy and scientifically speaking .. energy cannot be created or destroyed .. so truthfully there isn’t life or death when were are measuring it be energy.. there is only life and death of the flesh. I think or believe the reasons that we ( as spirits or energy ) manifest into the flesh is to temper or perfect the energy or spirit.. and the spirit or energy of course belongs to it’s self or the source of all creation or energy.. so life and lifetimes are lessons towards the tempering of source energy.. so when we end our own lives.. I believe we are reincarnated right back to were we cut our lives short..because the soul or the energy hasn’t upgraded to the next level of it’s perfection or wisdom.

Suicides don’t go to hell but they come back to experience the hell that they tried to escape.. until they master that hell..and turn lead into gold.

We can look at it like a video game..a metaphor.. when you loose your life on the game .. you start with your new life on the level you finished your last.

I think the Universe or Energy.. directly lines up the players of the last game.. the stage.. circumstances and characters so that the destiny or fate can be played out; So your right back were you started.. the soul or source will not be satisfied until you learn to master the hand you are dealt ..

I think that when your energy or the source energy has played out the experiences of being human .. that the human experience will no longer be needed..and the slate will be wiped clean.. or the game board will be recycled into a new game or species .. I also think that there have been many humans that graduated the human experience before the rest of us.. these are the masters.. the mystics, gurus, prophets and demigods .. or gods.

Our greatest trump in the human experience is the mind.. because it’s only through self mastery that we can create like gods.. the experience that we are living.. it is only though self mastery that we can use genius to beat the game with a shitty hand.. most of us who have a shitty hand, have shitty people in our lives and shitty situations.. but if you can soar above your own story and see the checkered board on which you are a pawn.. you can learn to checkmate Kings and Queens..because once you know you are being played.. you can play through the game because the rules of the game will become a mute point..

So don’t give up.. just wake up and become aware of your own energy.

The sigma of mental illness and suicide

Crease Clinic/Riverside Vancouver BC Canada

 

I think this will be one of the most vulnerable posts I will ever write; and so it will leave me open to personal attacks online;I will have to prepare myself for such. I came upon another blog about a female performance artist.. she was testing out human nature. She put herself in a crowd of people, topless.. exposed and vulnerable, with various objects beside her on a table. She vowed to remain motionless, exposed to the crowd. She was treated with cruelty. Her experiment reflects on the online world, or mobs of people.. I have proved as much with my blog, with exposing my vulnerable-ness, by being open and honest with the human journey or struggles… many have seen my open heart and mind as an open target.. but it is for the greater good.. to show by actions how to be more human..to have compassion towards the self and others.. so here we go again.

Me at 1 year

My mother and her identical twin sister were stricken with schizophrenia at the tender age of 14, that same year my grandfather, their father died of black lung..my poor grandmother. My mother was a very beautiful woman from the inside out.. a tender heart much like myself. My father was an abusive man; he made her illness much worse, but than I suppose it is easy to reason that a cruel person would be drawn to an easy victim. I think my mother would of spent a lot less time in the hospital and off of drugs; and shock therapy treatment if she wasn’t terrorized in her own home. I had a very tough childhood. I have been shamed and judged by others for it; and to remain silent about it.. I married a man that shamed me into silence.. I was unconscious to the fact that I married an emotionally abusive man.. like a toned down version of my own father.

me and my sisters.. Sharon to the left..me in the middle..Christina on the right

My mother spent a lot of time in Crease Clinic in Vancouver or Riverside .. I remember it very well. As a child I attended one of the best Halloween parties at Riverside; as it was held for the female patients and their young children.. this was the place were my mother eventually took her life. My father had moved us hundreds of miles away from our mother; he was cruel and selfish. My mother had to travel with a social worker or nurse to come and visit us; my father never took us too her. I think social services was also at fault; I think they allowed the emotional abuse by allowing our father to move us away from her. With government funding cut backs, my mother hadn’t seen us in a year. That time away from her four children pushed her over the edge. She had written letters to us that our father hadn’t given to us. We read them years later. She expressed how much she missed nurturing us; her children.. my mother’s astrological sign was a Cancer..she loved to cook and clean; she loved being mother. She told us how she missed baking apple raisin pies..she missed seeing us wear the mittens she knitted for us. The letters were heart breaking. Without us her life was dark; meaningless..and the voices in her head took over. My mother hung herself by the sleeves of her shirt. I had just turned 13.. as she was committing suicide hundreds of miles away from me.. unknown to me.. I had an unexplained panic attack.. I know now it was because children have an unexplained connection to their mothers.. I know that now as mother; it’s just a knowing. When the local preacher came to our house to tell us the next day.. every time I closed my eyes I felt myself falling..

My Mother March of 1983..she took her life April 27 1983Rest in Peace Mommy

My father took us to go and view her body lying in state. She looked as if she was sleeping.. I hadn’t seen my mother in so long. I longed to be held by her and to hold her.. but it was just her body.. she was gone. On her finger she wore a ring that I had given her. The ring was out of a Cracker-jack box; it was a gold northern star. I had told her we were all just stars; that we were just human for a little while and then we all just went back to being stars ( the wisdom of a child ) I remembered how she let me put it on her little finger. I pulled out some of my hair and placed it in with her when no one was watching; because I wanted some of me to go with her. I will never forget how I longed for her to come back to life..how unreal it was to see my mother’s body. My father didn’t let us stay for her funeral; I think it was because he was truly ashamed of what he had done to her.

There were happy times between them; when my mother was on an upswing .. when my father wasn’t being a beast.. they both made a princess birthday cake for me.. I had wanted the moment to last forever

 

But moment’s like these were far and few between..love was very rare in hour home.

Now fast-forward to my marriage 1999. I had thought I was marrying a great guy obviously. I was unconscious to the damage of my childhood..but I also know that there isn’t a single one of us that isn’t damaged or that hasn’t been broken.. I had a lot of things go wrong all at the same time.. it was like a catastrophic natural disaster. My husband had started having an affair when I was pregnant with our last child, our son. He became frustrated and angry with me because we had four miscarriages after having our two daughters. One of the miscarriages was quite far along .. five months into the pregnancy. I had gone through horrible grieving and depression; my husband checked out emotionally then..and began to blame me for his inability to be present emotionally though the lows in our marriage. By the time I was seven months into the pregnancy with our son.. he was totally gone emotionally..he didn’t even show up for the ultrasound. I saw him talking with her outside in our yard through the dinning room widow when they didn’t know I was watching.. it was clear by their body language and loving, lustful looks that they were sharing that they were intimate. But I had to push it down into my subconscious to stay pregnant ..to give birth to a healthy full term baby..and so the affair continued unchecked by me..I couldn’t confront it.

My mother and her children.. I am the one in the tree with the flowers!

When my son was born I went into a deep dark postpartum depression ( I wonder why? ) I spent many hours talking to the Pacific Postpartum Hotline ladies.. they coached me about self care..the guided me towards getting myself and my husband into marriage counselling.. but then my sister was diagnosed with a stage four brain tumor .. My son was still a nursing baby and my sister was dying.. It took all my strength to keep her in the hospital way from her abusive husband..so that she could die with proper care and dignity. It was January.. and I would drive an 1 1/2 hours in horrible conditions to spend hrs with my sister..to care for her..to spend her last hrs with her.. my husband resented being left with the baby and our two very young girls.. he resented the attention that I was giving my dying sister and then the attention that I was giving the baby and children over him.. he was doing house renos.. and he wanted to get shit done.. me and my sister..the kids were keeping him back ( and stopping him from having sex with his mistress ) The day after my sister died my ex husband emotionally abused me.. he screamed at me because the bottom of our son’s playpen had scratched the new wood flooring he had just put in.. he called me a selfish bitch..

My marriage was over.. even with marriage counselling.. with me getting talk therapy for my grief.. I was sick and depleted .. I didn’t know I had celiac .. I was a burden to him.. he left me to got to Mexico..with his friends ( mistress ) I put myself in the hospital so that I wouldn’t take my own life..I willingly had myself committed to be here to write this story..

Life is like that.. for many people.. one day everything can just crash and burn.. it’s like a bad country/western song.. his dog dies, his girlfriend leaves him..he looses his job.. and he is thinking of just putting one bullet in his gun.. just for him..

The point is this.. it can happen to anyone of us.. the wheel of fortune can take a horrible turn.. your child could be born with mental illness.. anything good or bad can happen..

I am also pointing out the differences between a deep mental illness and depression.. depression can be treated.. circumstances can change for the better given time and work.. some mental illnesses cannot be treated the same way.. my mom’s identical twin is still in a care home..I just went to visit her a few days ago. She needs to be kept safe from herself and other cruel people in the world that would hurt her because she is vulnerable..

If you are reading this because you are depressed and feeling suicidal.. please know you are not alone.. many people have the same thoughts and feelings.. you are not crazy or a bad person.. you are a person that needs TLC.. some love and compassion.. please have compassion on yourself and tell somebody.. anybody..and keep telling people until someone listens..it’s not weak it is brave to get help.. you are just experiencing an intense low in your life.. it will get better..it doesn’t seem like it now but time does heal all things..time and work..

If someone comes to you asking for help.. call 911.. call the crisis line or the hospital..they will guide you towards helping them..

I ask people to stop shaming people who ask for help.. stop shaming the mentally ill that need to be in care homes.. they need compassion not judgement.. they are vulnerable..they need to be protected.

The craziest thing in the world is the lack of compassion and tenderness.. the lack of humanity.

Written in loving memory of my mother

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