Posts Tagged ‘stay strong stay humble’

I am Strong But I am Tired

 

Being the bigger person is exhausting. Always having to relent over other people’s selfishness, lack of consciousness, greed, lies, meanness, manipulations and power-trips is absolutly exhausting. Being a nice person or a caring person, and emotional or empathetic person gets you taken advantage of. This is reality and the reality that I am living in. I am tired. I am so tired of being the first one and sometimes the only one to say sorry. I am tired of being the first one to say I love you. I am tired of doing favors and nice things for other people and not having the due respect being returned to me. I am tired of being the one to understand others and their problems to have others not bother to attempt to try to live in my shoes.  I am exhaused of people not giving me just common courtesy of respecting my privacy and personal space and then expecting me to respect theirs. I am exhaused from people power-tripping over the fact that I am a single mom without any family or man to protect me from their bullying and abuse of power over my unfortunate circumstances. I am tired of people returning kindness for cruelty and then blaming me when I get angry or for defending myself. I am totally exhausted for fighting for or defending my space in this world. Sometimes I feel so defeated and hopless that I get depressed and wonder why the hell I am even in this world, if I just can’t seem to move forward in it because other people cannot be kind and most of all; have some freaking manners!

I am exhausted from people posting about their personal virtues while not living up to them unless they can get socially recognition for being charitable and kind; because when no one is looking they have thrown me under a bus!

As a single woman and a single mother I am tired of weak men; I am tired of men comimg to me looking for me to save them and mother them, while I am saving and mothering three children against a cruel and ungiving world and battling my ex husband who would love to see me fail so that he can feel good about failing as a husband. I am tired of men coming to me who cannot finacially support themselves and who have no ambition towards making their own lives better. I am tired of cheaters and liers; I am tired of men bringing their unfinshed relationships towards me with their jealous ex girlfriends yipping at my heals ( I don’t want him ) I am tired of not being intimate with a man in 4 years because of all of the above stated reasons for being emotionally exhausted by lack of kindness and empathy in all of society and humanity.

I am emotionally drained of not having anyone to buffer the blows of this cold, cruel and selfish world; yet I see many married couples who are cruel and selfish to each other within the marriage and I suppose it is better than sleeping with the enemy as many of you are doing. It is better for me to be alone and tired than to be with someone and be lonely and used by them; and that is what makes me STRONG!

Yet I am tired of tring to hang on to the possiblity of the RIGHT ONE…. as the years have gone bye… 8 years of living on my own being a lone warrior for myself and my children. Keeping the home fires buring and the wolves at bay.

I am tired of being strong today.

But don’t you dare think that because I am writing this in this moment of emotional exhaustion that I will stay in this place of hoplessness.. because I will rise up again. I will cry.. and I did today.. I cried hard.. and I will cry some more today. I will pray. I will write this and maybe paint.. and then I will get on with life and hope the fates will hear this as my prayer and give me someone good and decent to love and that will love me in return..and the fates will bring me good people to share my life with..

And that is STRONG.. it is strong to admit I am only human and I need love too.

Raising The Vibration

 

There are many false positives.. there is a false light. It can be compared to a fluorescent light.. it gives light and energy but it isn’t a natural or nurturing light..so it causes souls to grow in the darkness of ego projection; compared to the true light, the truth.. like sunlight it humbly touches everything under the sun. The real light doesn’t choose favorites; it doesn’t exclude any living thing from it’s warmth and nurturing. It gives life to all things.. the amount of growth is determined by how much one wants to reach for the light.. just like all living things.. if one pushes it’s self towards the light..it becomes aware of the SOURCE of the light.. becomes ONE with the light.. growth can be explosive!

But those under a false light… their growth is retarded..as the false light doesn’t nurture.. the false light inhibits.. it brings out inhibiting factors on the life it touches..as it’s lack of nurturing feeds what is sick within that life; it brings about disease .. metaphorically speaking the false light feeds the ego.. causing more ego projections and sicknesses to grow.. but the truth or the real light burns away all sicknesses within the soul.. the ego projections are purified with the natural light.

If you are one of those who carry within them the true light.. vs the self labeled Gurus that carry the false light..you are probably much like me.. you have been rejected. We are rejected by main society because they fear the burning away of the ego that the truth or real light; the natural light carries.. they fear true change. Were I live there are organizations that call themselves CHANGE.. there is a self labeled Guru that calls herself The Spirit of Kelowna.. yet they choose who will be fed or accepted by their false light or ego projections.. as I said the real light includes every living thing under the sun.. a false light excludes..it chooses only those who are willing to be blinded to the real light.. it includes through feeding the included by excluding some and including others.. you will know the false light by those who profess Guru status and who profess to be enlightened more that others.. they put themselves above others.. THE SOURCE knows in it’s infinite wisdom ..that all is one and equal to the same. The world is full of the synthetic light or energy.. you will know the real light because it shines through in the darkest places..it rises through the dark night of the soul.. it offers it’s self with humility to all.. the real light serves and includes.. it is equal to all. You don’t need to prove yourself to the true light as it is unconditional love.

The real light goes to what is natural.. as it is of nature and it is natural.. natural sexuality..natural expression.. it lives in reality, as it is of the Earth..the heart chakra.. the root chakra.. and of the intuition and spirit..the real light has deep roots ( it doesn’t deny the body or the flesh; it is the sacred alchemy of flesh and spirit ) those of the false light deny the flesh..as religious dogma has denied the flesh as evil..sexuality ( nature ) as evil.. the true light sees sex as sacred.. the alchemy bridge from flesh to spirit.

If you understand this.. if you understand the spiritual snobbery vs true spiritual service.. you are a light bringer.. you  and I carry the light of SOURCE for humility and service.. this isn’t about money or social status for us.. this is about raising the vibration of love ..through the truth the way and the light.. we are simply being the energy.. we are here to cause the combustion of the heart chakra..to burst open.. to flood the light of source across this reality or earthly stage.. we are the game changers.. we are the change..

Keep shining… we have been put into the darkest places.. as a contrasting force against the ignorance of they synthetic ego.. to burn away all the lies..to make way for the truth.

The false light tries to taint the real light as it is in a constant competition with the real light.. keep your light pure by forgiving them.. forgetting them and moving forward.. just keep growing and expanding out the light..go towards the light to be cleansed and re-energized .. stay empowered and positive.. purge.

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