It has been about a month now since I moved out of Kelowna. I know it’s very hard for nonspiritual people to understand this; but it was my guides or my Angels that guided me out of Kelowna. I was told by them under the full moon light, to go north. I was shown clearly in a vision and in dreams that north was home; I was shown that I was supposed to be close to nature so that I could heal from the pain of the many rejections that I experience in Kelowna. You know the spirit works in mysterious ways, very much like the 12th Lord or the 12th house in astrology. These mysterious spiritual ways are very Neptunian, dream like, like mists of figures that you see out of the corner of your eye, or when you hear your name called out just before waking.. and so they called to me to follow the north star home. I completed my spiritual purpose or mission in Kelowna. I created my book and I did all the things I had to do to set the hands on the clock of fate.. and such is divine timing..but they haven’t let me know much about that. Somethings like divine timing are mysteries to those of us in the flesh, and that is why we have faith. But I was told to lay it all in their hands and go into obscurity, to set my ego down and let go and let God. And so I have. I pulled these runes to let them tell you and me as to why I had to do what I did.. when I moved back into the country.. were you can leave your doors unlocked and walk around naked with your drapes open because there is nobody to see.
Ansuz ~ To be with the Divine and know the true nature of my own divinity, to give my children peace and a stable home.
Inguz ~ To find harmony and balance through better personal relationships with more grounded and centered people. To clear away old relationships to bring in people into my life who are real so that I can experience the wholeness of myself by being able to be my true self around them. By being able to be my true self without other’s inhibitions being placed on to me; I will come to wholeness and then meet a mate who will love me for my true self.
Sowelu ~ My life force returning by my regeneration of not giving my energy to others who refuse to see me or respect me for who I truly am. The retreat was a retreat of strength as I no longer will be present for others to drain me of my energy because they cannot find their own light within. Many mistake the light in others as a way to drain and feed their own egos with it; by my leaving such people or such a society I am now keeping my life force to myself. I will grow stronger as I become more and more of who I am by not allowing them my time or the space to ego feed off of my light or spirit. I will regenerate and heal my aura or light body. I will develop the art of doing without doing.
Kelowna or the city life was a rat race. Kelowna’s society was highly competitive without completion; in other words all their striving was for nothing but to say ” I am the most popular.” If I would of stayed in Kelowna I would of lost my freaking mind. I just couldn’t make sense of the fake business world that was not professional or the fake spiritual world that was based on trendy clothes, popularity, ass kissing and PURE EGO. My sensitive soul simply couldn’t tolerate it.
When I fell in love with a man named Matthew Cipes upon our first meeting it was just that, it was me seeing his soul and loving him unconditionally. I still do. But even though he is apart of the spiritual community he couldn’t trust me or that love. And I forgive him because it is uncondtional. But many in the spiritual community came at me to hurt me for daring to feel that way ,to tell him about it and to write about it. That is what is maddening about Kelowna and Kelowna society. I wasn’t considered good enough or pure enough or something not enough to dare feel love for someone who was considered to be way above me by societies standards or financial standards. He and they wanted me to feel ashamed for my feelings, he and they were so intentionally mean. But so many things about Kelowna are just awfully mean.
The thing is this; the refection of how I feel about him is a projection of the love that I have inside of me…and so doesn’t it make sense that the cruelty that they showed me is a reflection of how they feel about themselves or what is inside of them? I have absolutely nothing to gain here by saying that I loved him instantly upon laying eyes on him almost 2 years ago as I have left the city. I am sure I will never see him again. I have nothing to gain but to attempt to alchemize or transmute hate into to love.. but then I am not responsible for how others react or how they behave towards me; as that is their own perceptions to take responsibility for.
He or many in the spiritual community would say to me ” How did you attract this situation into your life.” it is a spiritualistic way of not taking responsibility for how they or he treated me. I didn’t attract other’s willful ignorance they are responsible for their own humanness or shortcomings. The point is I saw through the lens of love it was their bitterness that I allowed to eventually taint me.
But now I am free of that energy and I have cleared the way to let love, love through me once again and I will open up my heart wide again to let the light shine through me .. to let love find me as I find love once again in my new life.
Through a spiritual lens again; I have 6 major planets in my 1st house. This is the house of individuality or identity and that is what I played out in Kelowna. I found my identity and I used my identity as art or expression in my book ( The Goddess an Expression of the Divine Feminine) I used my image in the photography and I used my own life story to express the story of womanhood. My north node is in Pisces and now 6 major planets are going into the house of the 12th Lord and this is about me loosing my identity or my ego to find my pureness or higher-self. According to my chart I will be reborn spiritually by the 3rd of January. My north node was my coming home to my guides or moving north on and in this earthly reality. It is a beautiful spiritual mystery as towards what will happen. But I know this I just have to let go, let God and flow.
The Universe is asking us to ask this question ” Who have you been pretending to be so that everyone will like you?’
With the New Moon Eclipse in Virgo we were energetically being purified of ego; purified of our own ego lies or shadows from within that were coming to the surface or to the light of our awareness. Many of these shadows were things that we were doing to fit in or to gain favor from our peer groups or from society. Did you personally experience it? I was forced into seeing it by being shocked by the selfishness of others around me in my community; and forced to see that I had been slowly selling myself out to belong or get along in a community that was totally submerged in deep and heavy ego energy. I was forced by shocking events into becoming suddenly awakened towards my own ego and the fact that I had been drawn into their games unconsciously by trying to play games with them. I learned that I live in an area that is overly competitive and that I was drawn into that overly and unhealthy competition by constantly trying to prove my worth to them. By a shocking event my Neptunian rose colored glasses shattered and the ego fog parted and I was able to see just what they had made me into or rather what I had allowed them to make me into; I knew if I didn’t purge myself and distance myself from that community, I would become just like them. I knew then I had to move away..and go back to myself. I also saw my own horrible ego that got caught up in materialism and pride. A part of the Virgo Eclipse was to forgive them and myself and to cut all ties that bound me to them.. to go back to a pure state spiritually and back towards a healthier state of mind and being.. a very Virgo-nian way of making life simple, pure and orderly.
In between these Eclipses we are being asked by the Cosmos to find the zero point or still center within to ride out the intense cosmic energy of going from ego back to the pureness of spirit; simply put the ego doesn’t want to die back or be released; pride and prejudice both die hard and being critical of the self and others can be very seductive, destructive but mostly addictive. The way to the way is to just allow the mind to think while being aware of it’s thoughts and then just letting them go.. just letting them flow like waves; while not allowing them room to stay or become a reality as they once were before becoming aware of them. This is letting go of old patterns; old addictions and mine has been to be overly critical and easily frustrated by ignorance.. by fighting every ignorance and taking it personally into my ego or energy, I am keeping myself and soul from growth and inner peace.
The Eclipse in Pisces is here to show us the way back towards a higher state of being spiritually; to remind us that this is the material reality, but this is just a stop over for the soul or a school for the soul; this material reality is not the soul’s true home.. and so we are being drawn into the place of.. the infinite or cosmic void and being shown that what we think we are is not what we are. We are being brought deep inside to the seat of the soul, to the very essence of our being where hope resides eternally. In the shadow of the Pisces Eclipse we will all be given a peek behind the veil of mystery..all of us who are willing to sit within our center will be brought into the Cosmic flow or void..and we will simply be in awe of being present with the soul, so that we will no longer pretend to be what we are not to make other’s happy but we will be busy being and that is the way towards true happiness.
The Eclipse in Pisces has been a real emotional and spiritual roller coaster ride for me.. as my spiritual guides came back to me with a force. I was reminded of my souls purpose and life path; and I was told to let go of my ego or be dragged along an ugly path by it. You see it wasn’t ever my intent to become or try to become famous by writing my book or putting up my online profile. It was my soul’s intent to deliver a spiritual message to the world for the divine, or cosmic energy. After I put up my profiles and started to self promote my book and message.. I was told by others that I was fame hungry and that I was self branding by going topless in the photography in my book, and on my website. Of course this is how worldly people would view me as they are socially brainwashed by what exists in the media towards how women’s sexuality is promoted. Need I remind my reader that society deems, that a woman who uses her body or sexuality to promote herself is judged as an attention whore or quite simply a whore..and so I was told by many over and over again that my message wasn’t spiritual in nature but selfish and pretentious.
The first dream from my guides was given to me 2 nights before the eclipse .. in the dream my Angels had me put my book ( Message ) in a bottle. I walked with them on a sea of stars as the told me to release my message in a bottle to the cosmos..and so I set it free to float down the river of stars…and then they reminded me ..they said ” The message was for you to let go of. You are an instrument of the divine, yet you will not see worldly fame for this message, the message will reach the right place at the right time.” In the dream I wept; and my tears became one with the stars..and the Angels said ” Let it go Grace, you have lived out your divine purpose by creating what will inspire the next generation of Goddesses.. let it go and let us do the work now. Go on and enjoy the rest of your time on Earth.. go and find peace.” As I began to awaken, I heard them call out to me ” We will send you a sign that you cannot deny as the truth..that will set you free.”
And so in my waking life I waited for a sign.. but they brought another dream to me.. I was with the pop star Madonna in my dream. She wasn’t dressed to be on stage; she looked relaxed like she was on vacation. She wore little make up and she was dressed in loose fitting white clothing..she said ” Grace come and sit will me, I have a message from your Angels for you.” and so I sat with her on the wicker and she played with my hair like a mother does to her daughter..and she said to me ” George Stroumboulopoulos was right Grace.. the message is for the next generation, the world is too fucked up to get it. Do you give women of power permission to promote this message? Grace will you let your ego die?.. now is the time.. the time to throw your ego’s pride onto the fire.. to ashes with it Grace.” I looked at her with tears in my eyes and I said to her ” I only want the message to make it through. I want women to be free from a culture that sexually shames us and own’s us as things for sale.. that blames us for being raped and murdered…that tells us it is our fault for being to open, loving, beautiful and vulnerable..that tells men with this, that it is their right to own our bodies and sexuality.. yes I am ready to release the message to whom ever will do it justice.” and I wept. Then she said to me ” Grace you are to pure for fame. You were never meant to be famous because the world eats people like you up. There are horrible empty souls that walk the entertainment industry that would drain you of that shine. You are like a child.” as she said so I became a child on her lap.. with a round face as she twirled my hair in her hands to make it into a twisted bun shape..and then she held up a mirror..and said ” See your soul self.” and I saw a child in pure white, with a pure round face.. and then I awoke..
And then all day I looked for the sign.. or waited for the sign.. I read my dream book..and looked up the images..and in searching for the meaning of the dream I went to Madonna’s twitter to look at images of her..and that is when I came upon this picture of her and her children..and yes this is exactly how she and I looked in the dream.. I was the child on her lap
I know my reader.. you may think I made this all up. That I went to her twitter and found this image and then made the story up around the image.. but I didn’t. That is the way the spirit or the divine does these things though.. it’s unexplained.. many times there isn’t any real tangible proof; yet the sign is real to me that I was spoken to directly from the other side. Carl Jung believed that souls meet in dreams to speak to one another..This eclipse took place in the North Node of my astrological star map.. Pisces is my North Node or my life path direction.. Pisces is about spiritual sacrifices made to benefit all of creation..and so it is very Christ like..to make a sacrifice with out any personal benefit to the self..
There were many other slight things that happened to me as well that were meant to drive home the message..a friend telling me she wanted ” 15 mins of fame” and my guides telling me.. ” Not everyone is meant to be famous.” and then just today another parent brought up the famous in a conversation with me..and it was deep.. the end of the conversation I knew my guides were speaking through him as some people whom I don’t know, know me because of my online work..and they will come up and tell me. I am not comfortable with fame.. I just want to listen and watch .. to hear the spirit world talk.. and let my ego die..
I like being infamous because as a spiritualist and artist I need to walk unnoticed.
First I had professional counselling to help me heal from the affair and the abandonment of my ex husband ( because it’s important not to be bitter when manifesting love )
Then I made up a manifestation board suggested to me by a relationship coach who gave me a reading using love cards.. So I made up this poster board full of pictures of how I wanted my next relationship to be. Lots of travel and spontaneity; I want to live in sin and be like gypsies. I want him to be kind, funny, talented, passionate and eccentric.. spiritual and romantic.. someone who would be great to my kids but know that he didn’t have to pretend to be their daddy.. someone who could handle my passion, temper and fire.
Then I had some professional boudoir photography done; to help me get in touch with my inner Goddess.. my Divine Feminine and this led me to using boudoir photography in my book and then writing about the Goddess.. ( You think that would of been enough to manifest a great man right there! )http://bookstore.balboapress.com/Products/SKU-000576933/The-Goddess-an-Expression-of-the-Divine-Feminine.aspx link to my book
I purchased loads of lingerie.. I have a drawer full of it..
I hit the gym hard to ground myself into my flesh and sexuality ( and because I love to be fit just for me ) I took belly dancing, pole dancing and burlesque classes.
I decorated my bedroom using feng shui colors and placements to bring love and money into my bedroom.. I have two treasure chests by my bed .. one is for me and one is for him..one full of feminine decorations and one full of masculine decorations. I did paintings with romantic ancient symbols for lovers .. so many paintings that they are all over my home.
I purchased crystals and tantra candles..and with two heart shaped candles I did a ritual for manifesting my soul mate.. in my bedroom is a brass cupid with a crystal in his bow and arrow.
I purchased angel love cards.. and from Italy I purchased the heart shaped tarot..so I could place the lovers card by my bed with a rose quarts heart on it..to manifest this soul mate..
It has been six years and he hasn’t manifested.
I took action by joining several different dating sites.. sometimes I would go on fifty quick coffee dates in sixty days.. but these dates were funny, sad and even sometimes creepy.. after a couple of years of trying to date online and meet someone at local events.. I just went off line and stopped trying..because it was all the same guys.. just pointlessness..
So either manifesting doesn’t work..or I just suck at it?
But now to the dream of my sister that I had last night.. in the dream…
( My sister who had died of cancer was somehow in my bed; she held me close as I wept on her chest.. I cried so hard because I knew it was just a dream.. I was lucid dreaming. I wept because as she held me I could feel how tiny the cancer had made her.. how weak her muscles were..and in the dream I relived in an instant the terror of loosing her..of feeling helplessness towards a disease that had complete control of her body..of me keeping her safe ..” I just didn’t want you to suffer .. I just didn’t want you to suffer.. It isn’t fair how you suffered and died like that ” I bawled in her arms.. she said to me ” You did everything right Gracie. Everything we talked about when I was dying.. you lived your dreams.. the dreams I didn’t get to live because I was afraid.. you were so fearless writing your book.. doing what you did to help all women..it was a true sacrifice and the karma has been building over here in the spirit world for you.. you have good karma on the way..great karma Gracie.. just hold on a little longer. Did you feel me on your walk yesterday? In the wild roses? I was the roses that surrounded you to remind you of your childhood dream.. you know they are my birth flower.. and my birthday is on the 2nd of June..it’s my birthday soon.. I used the roses to show you how much love there is for you.” and then in my dream I cried harder knowing that I was going to wake up soon..I could feel it..” but they all hate me now for writing my book.” I wept.. tying to hang onto the dream..to her.. ” Just a little longer Gracie… just hang on”
And then I awoke in actual tears.. but I felt her spirit and the dream linger… ” just a little longer…”
So just maybe this manifestation thing might work after all.. or maybe I am just dreaming?
I had the most amazing dream about the Egyptian Gods….
In my dream they spoke to me in dreams within the dream.. they sent me on a mission to find the heart… it was in the most unsuspecting place were no one thought it would be.. in a humble garden over grown with weeds.. it was once a place of lovers.. but the world has lost true love, so the garden was forgotten.. the spirits whispered to me the path and the way in the darkness..as those of the world tried to lead me away.. but I chose to listen to the spirits as I felt their love for love compel me… and in the darkness in the gateway was the heart.. cold..dormant and sleeping. I was told there was a key..by the spirits.. they told me to raise my hand towards the heart.. and when I did the heart started to open and bloom..it shined and shimmered.. and my hand became the key.. I was the key the entire time.. and I was chosen to bring the treasure to the people.. the ones of the birthright..
I had opened the heart of compassion.. and the old world of greed started to crumble..they sent their kind to find me and destroy me.. the greedy, heartless ones.. but the spirits told me…and they made them blind to me with their magic.. and they sent spirits to protect me and lead me to the treasure.. and right under their noses..I unlocked the golden chest .. as I am the key and they didn’t know it.. blind as they are to love..
I found the old scrolls of wisdom in the chest… and the beginning of creation…and I set the wisdom free into this reality again..
They are so blind.. they thought they had control.. but now the Gods are here.
This was my dream.. I awoke feeling protected.