Posts Tagged ‘Spiritual Evolution’

Chiron Tears

 

Sometimes there is a gift or two in sadness, suffering and sorrow. We are a society that is constantly searching outside of ourselves for happiness and fulfillment. But what if it is the constant searching that makes us unhappy? We are always waiting for a better tomorrow and a brighter day but when we do this, we are not being in the moment or being present in our truth ,and the reality that we are currently facing. I have been doing this by telling myself that when I meet my soul mate my life will begin again. I have put myself in a frozen holding pattern by telling myself I will not be fulfilled unless a man loves me romantically again. I have wanted to prove to my ex husband that I am lovable by finding a man to love me the way he refused to do. But then if I believe this I am not loving myself and I will not be loving the man I could be with. I would just be in love with love or romantic notions rather than with myself or with the person that I am with.

I have been doing this with my book as well. Telling myself my life will begin as soon as I reach the success of having a publishing house publish me, and by reaching public notice, that my life will then begin. But the truth is my life and I have always been here this entire 8 years since my husband left me with our three kids. The truth is just the fact that I wrote a book and self published the bo0k has been a level of success that few people ever reach. The truth is that happiness has not evaded me but I have been finding excuses to ignore it.

I learned this lesson from the last man I dated just a few days ago. I fell into the online fantasy again and did what I said I would never do. That was texting and face timing with a man for hours before meeting with him in person to see if there was a physical connection. In the last 8 years of my single life it has always ended badly. You see it is easy to construct a romantic fantasy online. It is easy for men and women to profess to be much more online than in person. It is like building a castle in the clouds. It is nothing but fantasy that cannot be in reality. When I was on my way to meet him I felt a deep sadness because inside I knew what was going to happen. It crashed and burned. He told me he didn’t find me attractive by text message afterwards. I felt the fall again. The fall from the castle in the clouds. I went over everything he said to me in my head ” I really feel like something amazing is happening between us, something very special.” that’s what he said; and I fell for it like a total fool. Like I said, this wasn’t my first rodeo. I have had so many of these meet up dates over the last 8 years I can’t possiblily remember them all, it must be over 100. Yet here I was falling into the same patterns of longing and yearning for the fantasy man who would ride in on his white horse and save me from loneliness.

One of my worst fears is dying before I am loved by a man

But then what if I drop the false hope? What if I drop the yearning and the longing and I let myself fall deeply into the wound of loneliness? What if I stay in the wound for awhile and explore the pain? What happens when I just allow myself to be in the reality of being alone? What if there is never going to be anyone? Can I be happy just being alone? Can I learn to except myself as the loner, weird artist, spiritualist that has always never fit in? What if I just accept the reality of the place that I am? It’s drinking my tears to heal my wound because the wounds of abandonment cannot be healed if I keep abandoning myself in this loneliness. And that is the gift in the suffering, itis  learning to accept myself as I am, it is learning that real love isn’t a fantasy and anyone that tries to sell you on a fantasy isn’t looking for the real thing; and wouldn’t know the real thing if they think a fantasy is love. Because real love is accepting yourself and others for all their imperfections and wierdness. I was willing to look past his imperfections but he was not willing to do the same. Sometimes it is better to be alone. I felt myself fall and get pulled down by crashing reality because I allowed the fable.

Sometimes being hopefull is actually being in denial because my heart knew and my intuition knew exactly what was about to happen because my subconscious was waking up to my denial. So there is no fairytale ending but there is a real and honest happiness in facing the truth. No one can make me happy but me and no one can heal my emotional pain and wounds but me. My happiness is my responsibility, moment to moment because the moment is all we have.

My book is available on amazon.com ~ The Goddess an Expression of the Divine Feminine ~ by Gracie Ackerman

A New Life

 

It has been about a month now since I moved out of Kelowna. I know it’s very hard for nonspiritual people to understand this; but it was my guides or my Angels that guided me out of Kelowna. I was told by them under the full moon light, to go north. I was shown clearly in a vision and in dreams that north was home; I was shown that I was supposed to be close to nature so that I could heal from the pain of the many rejections that I experience in Kelowna. You know the spirit works in mysterious ways, very much like the 12th Lord or the 12th house in astrology. These mysterious spiritual ways are very Neptunian, dream like, like mists of figures that you see out of the corner of your eye, or when you hear your name called out just before waking.. and so they called to me to follow the north star home. I completed my spiritual purpose or mission in Kelowna. I created my book and I did all the things I had to do to set the hands on the clock of fate.. and such is divine timing..but they haven’t let me know much about that. Somethings like divine timing are mysteries to those of us in the flesh, and that is why we have faith. But I was told to lay it all in their hands and go into obscurity, to set my ego down and let go and let God. And so I have. I pulled these runes to let them tell you and me as to why I had to do what I did.. when I moved back into the country.. were you can leave your doors unlocked and walk around naked with your drapes open because there is nobody to see.

 

Ansuz ~ To be with the Divine and know the true nature of my own divinity, to give my children peace and a stable home.

Inguz ~ To find harmony and balance through better personal relationships with more grounded and centered people. To clear away old relationships to bring in people into my life who are real so that I can experience the wholeness of myself by being able to be my true self around them. By being able to be my true self without other’s inhibitions being placed on to me; I will come to wholeness and then meet a mate who will love me for my true self.

Sowelu ~ My life force returning by my regeneration of not giving my energy to others who refuse to see me or respect me for who I truly am. The retreat was a retreat of strength as I no longer will be present for others to drain me of my energy because they cannot find their own light within. Many mistake the light in others as a way to drain and feed their own egos with it; by my leaving such people or such a society I am now keeping my life force to myself. I will grow stronger as I become more and more of who I am by not allowing them my time or the space to ego feed off of my light or spirit. I will regenerate and heal my aura or light body. I will develop the art of doing without doing.

 

Kelowna or the city life was a rat race. Kelowna’s society was highly competitive without completion; in other words all their striving was for nothing but to say ” I am the most popular.”  If  I would of stayed in Kelowna I would of lost my freaking mind. I just couldn’t make sense of the fake business world that was not professional or the fake spiritual world that was based on trendy clothes, popularity, ass kissing and PURE EGO. My sensitive soul simply couldn’t tolerate it.

When I fell in love with a man named Matthew Cipes upon our first meeting it was just that, it was me seeing his soul and loving him unconditionally. I still do. But even though he is apart of the spiritual community he couldn’t trust me or that love. And I forgive him because it is uncondtional. But many in the spiritual community came at me to hurt me for daring to feel that way ,to tell him about it and to write about it. That is what is maddening about Kelowna and Kelowna society. I wasn’t considered good enough or pure enough or something not enough to dare feel love for someone who was considered to be way above me by societies standards or financial standards. He and they wanted me to feel ashamed for my feelings, he and they were so intentionally mean. But so many things about Kelowna are just awfully mean.

The thing is this; the refection of how I feel about him is a projection of the love that I have inside of me…and so doesn’t it make sense that the cruelty that they showed me is a reflection of how they feel about themselves or what is inside of them? I have absolutely nothing to gain here by saying that I loved him instantly upon laying eyes on him almost 2 years ago as I have left the city. I am sure I will never see him again. I have nothing to gain but to attempt to alchemize or transmute hate into to love.. but then I am not responsible for how others react or how they behave towards me; as that is their own perceptions to take responsibility for.

He or many in the spiritual community would say to me ” How did you attract this situation into your life.” it is a spiritualistic way of not taking responsibility for how they or he treated me. I didn’t attract other’s willful ignorance they are responsible for their own humanness or shortcomings. The point is I saw through the lens of love it was their bitterness that I allowed to eventually taint me.

But now I am free of that energy and I have cleared the way to let love, love through me once again and I will open up my heart wide again to let the light shine through me .. to let love find me as I find love once again in my new life.

Through a spiritual lens again; I have 6 major planets in my 1st house. This is the house of individuality or identity and that is what I played out in Kelowna. I found my identity and I used my identity as art or expression in my book ( The Goddess an Expression of the Divine Feminine) I used my image in the photography and I used my own life story to express the story of womanhood. My north node is in Pisces and now 6 major planets are going into the house of the 12th Lord and this is about me loosing my identity or my ego to find my pureness or higher-self. According to my chart I will be reborn spiritually by the 3rd of January. My north node was my coming home to my guides or moving north on and in this earthly reality. It is a beautiful spiritual mystery as towards what will happen. But I know this I just have to let go, let God and flow.

Healing The Divine Masculine

 

The Divine Feminine cannot rise up or be fully awakened in women unless The Divine Masculine is healed and awakened within men. The Divine Masculine and The Divine Feminine exist within each of us as archetypes. When we find balance within we begin to create balance outside of ourselves in our daily lives and in all relationships.

Society as a whole; worldwide has suppressed The Divine Masculine by encouraging and shaming men away from their true authentic feelings. Men are shamed away from expressing their feelings and taught to deny their emotions of compassion and empathy or sorrow by those emotions being labeled as weak. When men are brainwashed into believing that their more feminine emotions are weak then society as a whole labels femininity as weak. When the feminine aspects of the soul or psyche are denied and suppressed we see this manifesting into society as the repression of women by men. With the repression of the feminine psyche we have created patriarchal rule. Basically without men being able to freely express their own inner goddess like qualities we have a society that has become highly destructive, violent and brutal.

We talk a lot about feminism and the inequality towards women but until we acknowledge the repression of true masculinity, the macho and destructive, dark shadow of repressed male emotions will continue to wage war outside of it’s self. Macho has become an entity that has taken on a life of it’s own.. it has become the monster outside of men that is the greedy corporations and warring nations. It simply stems back to all of the emotions repressed throughout the decades in each and every individual man.

How do we heal The Masculine? The Divine Masculine, the soul of man will be healed through each man on an individual level. It will be healed by the man who is authentic and truly brave enough to express his emotions, who will not deny or bury his compassion, empathy or sorrow to make other’s in denial of themselves more comfortable. The New Man .. The Divine Man .. redefines bravery as having the courage to feel and to express his feelings freely. The Divine Man will not allow other’s to define him or his emotions as weak, once a man has allowed his own inner goddess to become intimate internally with his inner god he is risen into his Divinity.

The Divine Man or Divine Masculine makes room or makes away for The Divine Feminine to rise up beside him as an equal; he is not threatened by the female power and respects her voice and power rather than repressing her emotions for fear of facing his own.. Because he has no fear of the flow of the feminine energy.. he gives room for authenticity because he is authentic within himself and true to his own Divine Nature.

A women rises into her Divine Feminine by also healing her own inner god or inner masculine by allowing herself to be angry, by not denying her own sexuality or sexual energy as being just as potent and as important as male sexuality. When both sexes heal and entwine the anima and animus within the world will know balance and peace outside of the individual as micro and macro.

Both sexes have the feminine qualities of ( feeling, expression, artistic creation, abstract and flow ) and the masculine qualities of ( action, focus, logic, strategy and organization)

When men heal their Divine Masculine and start to support women on an emotional level because they are emotionally tuned into themselves.. women will begin to rise into their Divine Feminine because they will be supported and safe in doing so. Women have had to become more masculine to protect themselves from the destructive macho energy that abuses and represses them..but once they feel safe with men who have healed themselves they will start to allow men in again and be freed from their over masculinity. Many women long for this to happen, many women long for a truly emotionally intimate connection with an awakened and aware man who will protect them so they can nurture him..

Our society has become intimacy starved by the injured masculinity on our planet. For us all to find balance, love and peace we must make a conscious space for The Divine Masculine to transform in all men..so that The Divine Feminine may nurture us all once more.

The Goddess

Justice .. it seems we live in a world void of truth and justice.. I felt compelled to share this chapter of my book during this moment in our world wide human struggles for what is just and fair.. right now we are experiencing the Syrian Crisis.. I believe the Angels are watching us.. will we rise up into our humanity..or will we fall back into our barbaric patterns.. for true civilization to emerge..for humanity to truly evolve.. we must change from ” An eye for an eye.” towards ” Only love can drive out hate” world..for ” What we do to other we do to ourselves.” What then will be our judgement.. what Karma have we created? We must see them as us for humanity to become truly civil; just, equal and fair.

 

 

~From the book ~The Goddess an Expression of The Divine Feminine~ Available on Amazon.ca click on images to enlarge them

Athena

The Lady of Justice and Civilization, she stands proud, dignified and true to the ideals of a civilized society. She will fight the good fight; she does not war for the sake of warring, she wars for the realization of peace. Athena does not believe in peace at all costs; she will not give up on freedom and liberty from oppressive forces. Athena’s civilization is the ideal of freedom for all not just a select few; as she understands within her deep spiritual wisdom that even the lowest in society can rise to the highest due to their own merits. She fights for the weak and the infirm as it is just to do so, anything less would be barbaric; and this she fights against.

As an archetypical personality she is impartial and unemotional in her search for truth; the whole truth and nothing but the truth will do. She will not tolerate exaggeration and drama; she keeps her inner balance to bring outer balance forward; she evaluates the given situation at hand with wisdom and knowledge, she seeks the facts and she acts with compassion and mercy for all involved. With her sword she cuts through lies and deceit; she sees through the ego of mankind; through the weaknesses of greed and lust.

 

Athena is the masculine force in all women; she represents a woman coming into the age of wisdom; when she sees through illusion and lies to the heart of the truth. This woman will not hide from the cold hard truth as she knows it is the only way to peace; even if the truth is initially painful at first, she understands it is necessary to face in order to find sincerity.

 

The Athena archetype is the intellectual, she is logical; she rises up civilization to bring a strong foundation for the sciences and the arts. She seeks clear communication and mediation; with her wisdom she shows clear discrimination; her objective is truth, as it is the only way to true peace and to bring about culture; wisdom and knowledge for the betterment and for the evolution of the human soul.

STRONG!

 

 

The world will try to keep you down

Some will tell you that you are crazy

Some will be so very cruel

Some will tell you who to be and what to do

Some will deliberately hurt you

 

YOU ARE STRONG!

 

You will stand up and live your dreams

You will stand up and you will scream

You will stand up and stomp your feet

You will be heard and be seen

You will be who God meant you to be

 

YOU ARE STRONG!

 

They may make you cry

They may make you wonder why

They may make you question everything

They may make you angry

They may make you fight

 

YOU ARE STRONG!

 

You do what is right

You make a difference in the world

You love

You be true

You do what is right for everyone and you

 

YOU ARE STRONG!

 

Live in your heart

Live your dreams

Live your life

Live to be

Live be to free

 

YOU ARE STRONG!

Truly Loving You

 

To truly love you I must forgive the things that you do

I have to see and understand that you are imperfect just like me

To really love you I must accept all of you

I love you for you

To truly love you I must stand my ground

I cannot let you push me around

I have to set boundaries down

To love you I must teach you how to treat me

I love you in spite of you

To truly love you I must be happy without you

I have to know and love myself

I have to respect myself to respect you in return

To love you I must glow on my own

I love you and me too

To truly love you I must let go of the past

I have to be with you in the moment

To really love you we must move forward together

To love you I have to let go of you

I love you without condition

To truly love you I must see you past myself

I have to see you as an individual with a life of your own

To really love you I have to set you free

To love you I let you soar

I truly love you.

 

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