Posts Tagged ‘single’

No Momma’s Boys

 

The typical Momma’s Boy is raised by a single mother ( I am a single mother; my son is 8 ) so I have to be very careful not to raise my son to be emotionally dependent on me. That’s the problem with this guy; his emotional house is filled by his unhealthy emotional dependency on his mother.

The Momma’s Boy has a boyish charm about him; he seems to love women and he has insider information about women because his mother didn’t set healthy emotional boundaries about her own internal emotional life.. she put her son in the emotional position that she would of a lover. It’s sad but true for both of them; that neither of them will have healthy relationships with the opposite sex unless they become awakened towards their unhealthy patterns of emotional dependency… When the son finds a mate; the relationship ends up being another flash in the pan.. it quickly dies because his girlfriend cannot make a deep intimate connection with him..because his mother has taken up that place in his heart.. but the same goes for the mother.. she is too involved emotionally in her son’s life..so when she finds a man; when he attempts to set the boundaries; she sees him as a threat to her son and so the relationship ends quickly.. sometimes with great negative intensity.

I was in a relationship with a Momma’s Boy when I was 18; he was 22.. his mother would say things like ” Does she have to know what we are talking about?” ” Why is she always here?”.. she would come to his house and clean..do his laundry.. fold it.. bring him his favorite food.. etc.. etc.. but she herself couldn’t hold onto a relationship with a grown man..as they got sick of her meddling shit. Over time he did detach somewhat from his mother..but his dependency of his mother soon moved him to his dependency on the bottle.. I watched him drink beer like he was sucking on a breast.. I left him..

How do you know he is a Momma’s Boy before you get too emotionally attached to him?

He usually hasn’t had any long term relationships.. a 2 year relationship is a long term relationship for him

He lives in his glory days.. he is always talking about when he was kid; what his momma taught him

His mom is always cleaning his house and cooking for him

He needs his mother’s advice all the time

His ex girlfriends warn you

He has secret ex girlfriends because he didn’t want his mother to know about the BAD girls

He is selfish, self absorbed and egotistical ( a little brat )

Is so irresponsible emotionally he can’t even take care of pet on his own

Doesn’t want to be a father because he likes his SON or boyishness status

He is in his 30 and 40s and still dresses like teenager and acts like one.. he is so cool ya know!

He is so hip and cool all the time.. even in his online communications..it’s all hip slang

 

What can you do about it? Nothing.. nope just move on..go and find yourself a gown ass man!

Momma has ruined her boy.. he will be in his 60s and she in her 80s.. and she will be at the grocery store buying his favorite jam..because he likes Smuckers ya know!

In Love With Loneliness

 

 

 

For the first time in my life my home feels like my own.. It is my place, with my stuff.. it is my refuge from the busy and sometimes cruel world.

For the first time my time is my time.. I don’t have to explain to someone why I am doing the things I am doing. I don’t have to feel guilty for enjoying the things I am enjoying.

I don’t have much money. I can’t travel the world..but I am at home in my own soul.

Even though I have many struggles.. and I have run up against some intensity trying to promote my book.. I can say this is mine too  :)

In comparison ..when I was married over 3 years ago.. everything was his. We started out a business together..bought a home together but somehow in his mind when I became pregnant I became owned by him..along with the house, the business, the cars, the stuff in the house.. I was basically demoted to a domestic employee. He took over the bank accounts and started to erode myself worth by constant put downs.. nothing I did was enough..and if I spent my time and energy on myself I was selfish and childish..

I am so happy to be alone now..when I think back to those days.. I was so sad..so drained.. he was an empty heart..and because of his own emptiness there was absolutely nothing I could do to fill him.. it was something he had to do on his own..but he would reflect his emptiness onto me..blaming instead of taking responsibility.. my responsibility was not leaving him after the birth of our first child..when he started to flirt with female employees and take over my life..treating me as subordinate .. I should have left with our baby daughter then.. I should have gone to the woman’s shelter as I had no family ( that is why he thought he could get away with it) instead I gave into my fear and stayed to have 2 more children.. he was the one who left to have his affair..

But looking back..what a favor that women did for me.. stealing him away.. away from me helping me grow.. helping me through sorrow create as an artist and a writer..to her I say ” THANK YOU”

Now being alone.. I am not so quick to want to just let any man into my life..because I am free. I don’t want to owe a man anything again.. I don’t want his money to buy me. I don’t want to be entrapped by the constant game of trying to live up to someone’s impossible expectations.. I would rather struggle financially on my own. I am not so quick to give up my body..as I love myself now..more than I can express..

My time at the gym and my healthy diet an expression of myself love..

Yes I miss a man’s touch.. painfully so sometimes.. yes I miss conversations and dinner’s out on the town..sharing looks and tender moments..but at what price? When he has a wandering eye.. looking over the fence at the greener grass and expecting me to be super woman to impress him?

No.. I am not in a hurry

I am in love with loneliness

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