Posts Tagged ‘sacredness’

Healing The Divine Masculine

 

The Divine Feminine cannot rise up or be fully awakened in women unless The Divine Masculine is healed and awakened within men. The Divine Masculine and The Divine Feminine exist within each of us as archetypes. When we find balance within we begin to create balance outside of ourselves in our daily lives and in all relationships.

Society as a whole; worldwide has suppressed The Divine Masculine by encouraging and shaming men away from their true authentic feelings. Men are shamed away from expressing their feelings and taught to deny their emotions of compassion and empathy or sorrow by those emotions being labeled as weak. When men are brainwashed into believing that their more feminine emotions are weak then society as a whole labels femininity as weak. When the feminine aspects of the soul or psyche are denied and suppressed we see this manifesting into society as the repression of women by men. With the repression of the feminine psyche we have created patriarchal rule. Basically without men being able to freely express their own inner goddess like qualities we have a society that has become highly destructive, violent and brutal.

We talk a lot about feminism and the inequality towards women but until we acknowledge the repression of true masculinity, the macho and destructive, dark shadow of repressed male emotions will continue to wage war outside of it’s self. Macho has become an entity that has taken on a life of it’s own.. it has become the monster outside of men that is the greedy corporations and warring nations. It simply stems back to all of the emotions repressed throughout the decades in each and every individual man.

How do we heal The Masculine? The Divine Masculine, the soul of man will be healed through each man on an individual level. It will be healed by the man who is authentic and truly brave enough to express his emotions, who will not deny or bury his compassion, empathy or sorrow to make other’s in denial of themselves more comfortable. The New Man .. The Divine Man .. redefines bravery as having the courage to feel and to express his feelings freely. The Divine Man will not allow other’s to define him or his emotions as weak, once a man has allowed his own inner goddess to become intimate internally with his inner god he is risen into his Divinity.

The Divine Man or Divine Masculine makes room or makes away for The Divine Feminine to rise up beside him as an equal; he is not threatened by the female power and respects her voice and power rather than repressing her emotions for fear of facing his own.. Because he has no fear of the flow of the feminine energy.. he gives room for authenticity because he is authentic within himself and true to his own Divine Nature.

A women rises into her Divine Feminine by also healing her own inner god or inner masculine by allowing herself to be angry, by not denying her own sexuality or sexual energy as being just as potent and as important as male sexuality. When both sexes heal and entwine the anima and animus within the world will know balance and peace outside of the individual as micro and macro.

Both sexes have the feminine qualities of ( feeling, expression, artistic creation, abstract and flow ) and the masculine qualities of ( action, focus, logic, strategy and organization)

When men heal their Divine Masculine and start to support women on an emotional level because they are emotionally tuned into themselves.. women will begin to rise into their Divine Feminine because they will be supported and safe in doing so. Women have had to become more masculine to protect themselves from the destructive macho energy that abuses and represses them..but once they feel safe with men who have healed themselves they will start to allow men in again and be freed from their over masculinity. Many women long for this to happen, many women long for a truly emotionally intimate connection with an awakened and aware man who will protect them so they can nurture him..

Our society has become intimacy starved by the injured masculinity on our planet. For us all to find balance, love and peace we must make a conscious space for The Divine Masculine to transform in all men..so that The Divine Feminine may nurture us all once more.

The Seduction of Kelownafornia

 

Before I moved to Kelowna to start over after separating from my cheating husband, I was the type of person that loved simplicity, nature and spirituality. I loved staying at home with my children and working part time on the family business from our 110 year old farm house. I have always been intensely spiritual and very physical. I really enjoy working outside and being with nature on a spiritual level. I have never been one for crowds nor do I need a lot of friends. My circle has always been small due to my spiritual sensitivity that makes me emotionally sensitive. I had no idea that Kelowna would make me into a monster eventually.

I am not what they made me into. I am a home body; I love to cook healthy meals, garden, and be domestic. I like to keep my home clean and fresh because it makes me feel good, and on a spiritual level it keeps my energy flowing..on the level of intellect and intelligence it is a metaphor for a well organized mind. I am much the same with my athletics, and before I had my children I was also very athletic..and so athletics keep my energy grounded due to me being very whimsical and spiritual.. being physical keeps me here on the earthly plane. I am not what they ( Kelowna society ) made me into.

When I first moved to Kelowna as a single mother who had just lost the baby weight, I came across jealous and catty women. I am not like that and I have been naive to women like that. I honesty didn’t know what to do with the catty and bitchy behaviors and so I sometimes blamed myself. But that was just the beginning.

I am an artist, writer and spiritualist. Since I was a young girl I had the dream and vision of writing my book { The Goddess, and Expression of the Divine Feminine } so when our marital house sold and I had the money to produce and self publish the book I joyfully undertook my spiritual mission. By my unworldiness I had no idea how horribly it would be received by Kelowna society and culture. I was so naive and childlike to think that it wouldn’t not just offend many but intimidate many as well. Not only did it intimidate many but it also branded me as a gold digger and whore..and I was treated as such. I was systematically shut out of society ..now to the point that I cannot be employed due to what I have online to promote my book as the subject matter is freeing women from sexual repression and I am topless in some of the photography that expresses the Goddess in typical Greek fashion. Now I know.. you would think that it’s art and so artist should be free to express themselves and then move about society freely and with all their rights intact.. but women’s rights have so much father to go and we haven’t even begun to free women from repression as my personal story proves.

I also refused to meet personally and alone with a very wealthy man that is basically The King of Kelowna, that own’s businesses and land in Kelowna.. he showed me how powerful and worldly he is by having me thrown out of all privately owned local gyms in Kelowna.. I have had to take down everything I wrote about my experiences with him so that he doesn’t continue to attempt to crush me by attempting to make me suicidal or to actually suicide. So yes in that way he has won. I am the weaker in the fact that he has the ability to pull strings like a puppet master and make people do horrible things for his favor.. but did I miss a golden gold-digging opportunity or did I escape with my soul?

How do I forgive all of these people? How do I forgive a man who could of shown me mercy but showed me only pure cruelty? I forgive them because I have to; I have to forgive them because I don’t want to become them. I was becoming them while trying to fight them. I was becoming them by becoming bitter because justice wouldn’t come.. mercy wasn’t to come to me by them and so I have to have mercy upon myself by releasing them so that I can go back to myself..because they branded me The Seductress while they seduced me into their worldly mess of over competition and affluent-disease. You see everyone wants to be rich here at all costs and they compete against each other ruthlessly to obtain more than others. They compete against each other in the fitness community as nothing is ever good enough and then they make themselves sick by over dieting and over working their bodies..they make themselves sick with jealousy and greed.. and they pulled me in and seduced me with inflicting their ruthless nature onto me..and I lost myself as their names or branding stuck to me like a mask, covering my true divine nature. Kelowna’s spiritual community is also a reflection of Kelowna as those involved compete to be the most enlightened and of course that leads them away from true enlightenment. True enlightenment comes from being present in our humanity not by denying our basic human nature. Spiritual detachment doesn’t mean being detached from empathy and compassion towards other’s struggles or suffering..but we accept suffering to move through suffering; we move through suffering by seeing the gifts of wisdom found in that suffering..and so Kelowna’s spiritual community is lacking in wisdom and true depth.

When I wrote my book I didn’t know what ” Business Branding ” was ? I was just a child-like artist with a wonderful idea; I was just a spiritualist that wanted to gift the world with The Divine Feminine to help humanity find balance and peace. I was just an nerdy intellectual that wished to help educate the ignorant to enlighten..but to them, I just thought I was ” all that ” to them I was competing and trying to reel in rich men like The King of Kelowna..

I got caught up in the rat race.. on a hamster wheel going nowhere because I didn’t ever want to get to where they are.

I am so glad I was pushed out now. I am so glad to be moving out of Kelowna back to me and back to simplicity.

I can hardly wait to find my quiet and solitude so that I can hear my spirit guides and the Goddess speak to me that much clearer.. I finally see though the fog and confusion.. and I am leaving it all behind..

To garden, paint, write and run like a child in the sun.

Infamous

The Eclipse in Pisces has been a real emotional and spiritual roller coaster ride for me.. as my spiritual guides came back to me with a force. I was reminded of my souls purpose and life path; and I was told to let go of my ego or be dragged along an ugly path by it. You see it wasn’t ever my intent to become or try to become famous by writing my book or putting up my online profile. It was my soul’s intent to deliver a spiritual message to the world for the divine, or cosmic energy. After I put up my profiles and started to self promote my book and message.. I was told by others that I was fame hungry and that I was self branding by going topless in the photography in my book, and on my website. Of course this is how worldly people would view me as they are socially brainwashed by what exists in the media towards how women’s sexuality is promoted. Need I remind my reader that society deems, that a woman who uses her body or sexuality to promote herself is judged as an attention whore or quite simply a whore..and so I was told by many over and over again that my message wasn’t spiritual in nature but selfish and pretentious.

The first dream from my guides was given to me 2 nights before the eclipse .. in the dream my Angels had me put my book ( Message ) in a bottle. I walked with them on a sea of stars as the told me to release my message in a bottle to the cosmos..and so I set it free to float down the river of stars…and then they reminded me ..they said ” The message was for you to let go of. You are an instrument of the divine, yet you will not see worldly fame for this message, the message will reach the right place at the right time.” In the dream I wept; and my tears became one with the stars..and the Angels said ” Let it go Grace, you have lived out your divine purpose by creating what will inspire the next generation of Goddesses.. let it go and let us do the work now. Go on and enjoy the rest of your time on Earth.. go and find peace.” As I began to awaken, I heard them call out to me ” We will send you a sign that you cannot deny as the truth..that will set you free.”

And so in my waking life I waited for a sign.. but they brought another dream to me.. I was with the pop star Madonna in my dream. She wasn’t dressed to be on stage; she looked relaxed like she was on vacation. She wore little make up and she was dressed in loose fitting white clothing..she said ” Grace come and sit will me, I have a message from your Angels for you.” and so I sat with her on the wicker and she played with my hair like a mother does to her daughter..and she said to me ” George Stroumboulopoulos was right Grace.. the message is for the next generation, the world is too fucked up to get it. Do you give women of power permission to promote this message? Grace will you let your ego die?.. now is the time.. the time to throw your ego’s pride onto the fire.. to ashes with it Grace.” I looked at her with tears in my eyes and I said to her ” I only want the message to make it through. I want women to be free from a culture that sexually shames us and own’s us as things for sale.. that blames us for being raped and murdered…that tells us it is our fault for being to open, loving, beautiful and vulnerable..that tells men with this, that it is their right to own our bodies and sexuality.. yes I am ready to release the message to whom ever will do it justice.” and I wept. Then she said to me ” Grace you are to pure for fame. You were never meant to be famous because the world eats people like you up. There are horrible empty souls that walk the entertainment industry that would drain you of that shine. You are like a child.” as she said so I became a child on her lap.. with a round face as she twirled my hair in her hands to make it into a twisted bun shape..and then she held up a mirror..and said ” See your soul self.” and I saw a child in pure white, with a pure round face.. and then I awoke..

And then all day I looked for the sign.. or waited for the sign.. I read my dream book..and looked up the images..and in searching for the meaning of the dream I went to Madonna’s twitter to look at images of her..and that is when I came upon this picture of her and her children..and yes this is exactly how she and I looked in the dream.. I was the child on her lap

 

I know my reader.. you may think I made this all up. That I went to her twitter and found this image and then made the story up around the image.. but I didn’t. That is the way the spirit or the divine does these things though.. it’s unexplained.. many times there isn’t any real tangible proof; yet the sign is real to me that I was spoken to directly from the other side. Carl Jung believed that souls meet in dreams to speak to one another..This eclipse took place in the North Node of my astrological star map.. Pisces is my North Node or my life path direction.. Pisces is about spiritual sacrifices made to benefit all of creation..and so it is very Christ like..to make a sacrifice with out any personal benefit to the self..

There were many other slight things that happened to me as well that were meant to drive home the message..a friend telling me she wanted ” 15 mins of fame” and my guides telling me.. ” Not everyone is meant to be famous.” and then just today another parent brought up the famous in a conversation with me..and it was deep.. the end of the conversation I knew my guides were speaking through him as some people whom I don’t know, know me because of my online work..and they will come up and tell me. I am not comfortable with fame.. I just want to listen and watch .. to hear the spirit world talk.. and let my ego die..

I like being infamous because as a spiritualist and artist I need to walk unnoticed.

My Grandfather’s Native Wisdom

 

My earliest memory of my Grandfather.. My mom and dad were staying with my grandparents in Carson City Nevada.. I was sleeping in my grandparents bed with my sister and I think my cousins ( it was such a long time ago so I am doing my best with my cloudy memories ) I woke up with a start as I heard my grandfather Cecil exclaim loudly ” Holy Mackerel ” ( he loved to say that when he was excited ) I remember reaching for the glass of water that my grandmother had placed on the night stand, to find it full of small floating, dead bugs .. my grandmother then burst into the bedroom ..she leaned over us and said softly ” Your grandpa wants you to get up and come outside to see the meteor shower.” I remember how excited my grandfather was; when we all sat on the front porch at his feet to watch the stars fall.. he was the biggest kid of all..and he said ” Father Sky is showing Mother Earth how much he loves her ” My grandmother loved that because she hugged him.. it was magical.. my grandfather had a way of making nature magical.

Around that same time; way back in the very early 70s.. my grandfather decided one night that we should go for a drive in his beat-up pick-up truck to go and chase the full moon.. I remember how he stuck his head out the window to howl like a coyote.. but he got the real coyotes going.. I remember that desert night being so bright with moon light and magic..and my grandfather saying ” You could drink the Milky Way through a straw tonight ” and it was like that in the desert ..back then anyway.. there wasn’t any artificial light .. just the stars and the moon…and on some nights the desert storms would cast their natural fireworks..

My Grandfather taught me much about the sacred… he loved to build a fire… one night in Washington.. we camped by a swamp.. it smelled so bad. I complained and complained about how much it stank.. he said to me ” That isn’t a bad smell, it’s the smell of life.. White people think everything should be perfect.” ( When I refer to my grandfather saying white people.. he meant tamed and overly domesticated people..or conformist..to him ” The Man” meant people who invented the plastic world of consumerism ) He said of the swamp ” Everything must rot and die back to make room for new life.. that smell is life.. with out things decomposing .. that would be the real crap.. Mother Earth is completing a cycle.. that smell is the smell of green ” It was from that moment on that my favorite color became green.

As we sat by the fire and it sparked up into the sky.. my grandfather said to me ” Do you see how the sparks are like the stars Gracie? Do you see how you are like the stars Gracie? Do you see that your ancestors are like the stars..do you see that the stars.. the fire is inside of you.. do you see that you are your ancestors Gracie? We are ancient.. do you see that Gracie?” I was about 9 years old..and I said ” Yes grandpa.. you helped me see I am the stars.” I could tell he was pleased.. He then picked up his banjo.. and he started to beat it like a drum.. like a heart beat.. and I knew it was the heart beat of the earth that he was playing.. my heart, his heart, your heart, the universal heart.. he began to play the strings.. and then the music took him away.. you could see his body but you knew his spirit traveled on the musical vibration.. to become one with the cosmos.. he was like a whirling dervish.. he was reaching a state of ecstasy.. he was in a trance and in communion with The Great Spirit.. The fire crackled and sparked.. orange and yellow.. black and red..and my grandfather hunched over his banjo..his long hair falling over his face.. he was star traveling.

My grandfather smelled like sweet pot and zippo lighter fluid..and he always had zig-zag rolling papers on him.. he was a hippy.. but he said.. ” Native Americans were the first hippies..the real hippies. We are not vegetarians.. that’s hippy dippy shit.. we hunted for survival not sport.. we didn’t waste a thing… our ancestors only took what they needed.. and they only left behind the hides they took.. their bones and foot prints( meaning no living will or belongings ).. that’s a real hippy.. everything else is bullshit. The White Man has to own the land; they took what was perfectly imperfect and made it into sparkly shit.. they depressed us with taking our Mother away from us.. we are wild in spirit and need to roam .. but they took that away from us and domesticated the land.. they domesticated us..and our true spirit grieves the freedom of the land to be one with the earth.” He told me then, what many people are just understanding now ” Pot, mushrooms, peyote isn’t bad; it helps us connect with The Great Spirit”  As a child I loved the scent of pot and zippo lighters.. because they reminded me of my grandfather’s hugs and laughter. My grandfather’s laughter was so honest..and explosive.. it wasn’t tamed or toned down..and when he laughed everyone around him laughed.. I haven’t seen many domesticated white men laugh like that.. their social masks are too thick… they might crack.

My grandfather would tell me how much I was like his mother..he explained to me that she was like a medicine woman.. because she saw between the worlds; she was wild inside.. like a wild dove; wild woman.. she could see through people and she knew when they had bad spirits ( when they were crazy )

One day my grandfather and grandmother came to visit us in Canada.. we were living in Langely BC.. I was 11 .. It was August..and I was outside on my own collecting snakes and grasshoppers. I was a tomboy.. so sometimes I played alone because the other girls.. including my sisters didn’t like to get that dirty ..or collect snakes and bugs. I wore my bikini out into the open fields and streams .. nothing but a walking stick and a bucket to collect creepy crawlies in.. My grandfather came looking for me..and when he found me he had such a look of love on his face.. he said ” Look at you being like your great grandmother.. a wild child with dirt on her face and grass in her hair! Now show me whatcha got in that bucket!” He was like a child again..as we sat in the long marsh grasses.. feeding the snakes in the bucket grasshoppers.. I could tell he was proud of me then.. and he said ” I am so glad to get way from all the chatty women .” it was our moment.

My grandparents divorced..and my grandfather became truly free.. he was like the wind..sometimes no one would see him for long spaces of time.. I don’t think I saw him again until I was 19..he came to Canada..by that time I was living here in Kelowna BC Canada.. He met my then boyfriend..and I could tell he didn’t like him.. he said to me ” Gracie, lets for a walk in the open hills above you.” I knew he wanted to talk..and to be out in nature.. what he said to me was truly prophetic .. he said ” That boy you are with is an asshole you deserve better.. you will leave him ( I did a few years later ) Gracie what do you want from life? ” I said ” I want to get married, have some kids and own a home.. I want some land and horses.” He said to me ” You think you want that shit but you don’t Gracie.. you will get those things and you will think you are happy for a little while.. you will find a man and he will try to tame you..and he will think he has.. but he will be wrong.. because you have an ancient wild spirit within you.. The Wild Woman.. she cannot be tamed or domesticated.. you are your great grandmothers .. great grand daughter.. she had the same look in her eyes.. one day that spirit will come to a knowing of it’s self..and she will roar like a flame with in you..and he will run ( and he did ) but you will be free..and the next one who comes will be free..and he will have the wild within him” and then he continued on..” Gracie were do you think you go when you have an orgasm?” I was speechless..because I don’t think I had really had one yet..and because I had spent too much time away from my grandfather ..and so I wasn’t used to his honesty and openness anymore ( my white was showing .. I was somewhat domesticated to white shame ) my grandfather was wise..he knew it.. so he said to me ” Marriage is bullshit.. it condones ownership .. and it sexually represses..and teaches sexual shame.. there isn’t any shame in sex Gracie.. when you have an orgasm.. even if you just give yourself an orgasm..you are becoming one with the cosmos.. that is sacred..sex is sacred.. not shameful..it is natural and beautiful.. religion is bullshit.. there are no rules or doctrine to becoming one with The Great Spirit.. Nature is the only church you need..and your body is the temple.. the orgasm is the bridge to the cosmos.. ” And so it was my grandfather gave me a spiritual sex education.. he said ” One day you will walk away from this shame Gracie and when you do you will know you are a medicine woman just like my mother.. your great grandmother..and when the shame of nature and all that is natural is cast aside from society..all nature will heal.. including the Native Peoples.”

And like the wind..like the gypsy he was.. I never saw my grandfather again..and years ago he passed on.. but under the full blue moon.. while I was skinny dipping alone in the wilderness of Okanagan Lake.. I heard him speak to my soul.. and I heard him say as I stood in the hot night wind..naked and wet.. alone .. he said ” Wild Child.”

And I was reminded that I must write about him..and his ancient wisdom.

{ In memory of Cecil Ackerman }

Raising The Vibration

 

There are many false positives.. there is a false light. It can be compared to a fluorescent light.. it gives light and energy but it isn’t a natural or nurturing light..so it causes souls to grow in the darkness of ego projection; compared to the true light, the truth.. like sunlight it humbly touches everything under the sun. The real light doesn’t choose favorites; it doesn’t exclude any living thing from it’s warmth and nurturing. It gives life to all things.. the amount of growth is determined by how much one wants to reach for the light.. just like all living things.. if one pushes it’s self towards the light..it becomes aware of the SOURCE of the light.. becomes ONE with the light.. growth can be explosive!

But those under a false light… their growth is retarded..as the false light doesn’t nurture.. the false light inhibits.. it brings out inhibiting factors on the life it touches..as it’s lack of nurturing feeds what is sick within that life; it brings about disease .. metaphorically speaking the false light feeds the ego.. causing more ego projections and sicknesses to grow.. but the truth or the real light burns away all sicknesses within the soul.. the ego projections are purified with the natural light.

If you are one of those who carry within them the true light.. vs the self labeled Gurus that carry the false light..you are probably much like me.. you have been rejected. We are rejected by main society because they fear the burning away of the ego that the truth or real light; the natural light carries.. they fear true change. Were I live there are organizations that call themselves CHANGE.. there is a self labeled Guru that calls herself The Spirit of Kelowna.. yet they choose who will be fed or accepted by their false light or ego projections.. as I said the real light includes every living thing under the sun.. a false light excludes..it chooses only those who are willing to be blinded to the real light.. it includes through feeding the included by excluding some and including others.. you will know the false light by those who profess Guru status and who profess to be enlightened more that others.. they put themselves above others.. THE SOURCE knows in it’s infinite wisdom ..that all is one and equal to the same. The world is full of the synthetic light or energy.. you will know the real light because it shines through in the darkest places..it rises through the dark night of the soul.. it offers it’s self with humility to all.. the real light serves and includes.. it is equal to all. You don’t need to prove yourself to the true light as it is unconditional love.

The real light goes to what is natural.. as it is of nature and it is natural.. natural sexuality..natural expression.. it lives in reality, as it is of the Earth..the heart chakra.. the root chakra.. and of the intuition and spirit..the real light has deep roots ( it doesn’t deny the body or the flesh; it is the sacred alchemy of flesh and spirit ) those of the false light deny the flesh..as religious dogma has denied the flesh as evil..sexuality ( nature ) as evil.. the true light sees sex as sacred.. the alchemy bridge from flesh to spirit.

If you understand this.. if you understand the spiritual snobbery vs true spiritual service.. you are a light bringer.. you  and I carry the light of SOURCE for humility and service.. this isn’t about money or social status for us.. this is about raising the vibration of love ..through the truth the way and the light.. we are simply being the energy.. we are here to cause the combustion of the heart chakra..to burst open.. to flood the light of source across this reality or earthly stage.. we are the game changers.. we are the change..

Keep shining… we have been put into the darkest places.. as a contrasting force against the ignorance of they synthetic ego.. to burn away all the lies..to make way for the truth.

The false light tries to taint the real light as it is in a constant competition with the real light.. keep your light pure by forgiving them.. forgetting them and moving forward.. just keep growing and expanding out the light..go towards the light to be cleansed and re-energized .. stay empowered and positive.. purge.

Manifesting My life Partner

My sister 1986 at 17

I should start this with the dream visitation I had from my dead sister last night.. but I am going to start with the Instagram conversation I had with a relationship coach; who is in a great relationship..and tells people how important it is to have great sex everyday. I told her that I don’t have a soul mate to have sex with everyday..and that it’s getting on my sexual frustration nerve that everyone is bragging online about the great sex they have. She suggested that I am responsible for my own lack of manifesting my soul mate. I found this pretentious because ( it is ) and because of all of things that I have done to manifest said soul mate.

First I had professional counselling to help me heal from the affair and the abandonment of my ex husband ( because it’s important not to be bitter when manifesting love )

Then I made up a manifestation board suggested to me by a relationship coach who gave me a reading using love cards.. So I made up this poster board full of pictures of how I wanted my next relationship to be. Lots of travel and spontaneity; I want to live in sin and be like gypsies. I want him to be kind, funny, talented, passionate and eccentric.. spiritual and romantic.. someone who would be great to my kids but know that he didn’t have to pretend to be their daddy.. someone who could handle my passion, temper and fire.

Then I had some professional boudoir photography done; to help me get in touch with my inner Goddess.. my Divine Feminine and this led me to using boudoir photography in my book and then writing about the Goddess.. ( You think that would of been enough to manifest a great man right there! )http://bookstore.balboapress.com/Products/SKU-000576933/The-Goddess-an-Expression-of-the-Divine-Feminine.aspx  link to my book

I purchased loads of lingerie.. I have a drawer full of it..

I hit the gym hard to ground myself into my flesh and sexuality ( and because I love to be fit just for me ) I took belly dancing, pole dancing and burlesque classes.

I decorated my bedroom using feng shui colors and placements to bring love and money into my bedroom.. I have two treasure chests by my bed .. one is for me and one is for him..one full of feminine decorations and one full of masculine decorations. I did paintings with romantic ancient symbols for lovers .. so many paintings that they are all over my home.

I purchased crystals and tantra candles..and with two heart shaped candles I did a ritual for manifesting my soul mate.. in my bedroom is a brass cupid with a crystal in his bow and arrow.

I purchased angel love cards.. and from Italy I purchased the heart shaped tarot..so I could place the lovers card by my bed with a rose quarts heart on it..to manifest this soul mate..

It has been six years and he hasn’t manifested.

I took action by joining several different dating sites.. sometimes I would go on fifty quick coffee dates in sixty days.. but these dates were funny, sad and even sometimes creepy.. after a couple of years of trying to date online and meet someone at local events.. I just went off line and stopped trying..because it was all the same guys.. just pointlessness..

So either manifesting doesn’t work..or I just suck at it?

But now to the dream of my sister that I had last night.. in the dream…

( My sister who had died of cancer was somehow in my bed; she held me close as I wept on her chest.. I cried so hard because I knew it was just a dream.. I was lucid dreaming. I wept because as she held me I could feel how tiny the cancer had made her.. how weak her muscles were..and in the dream I relived in an instant the terror of loosing her..of feeling helplessness towards a disease that had complete control of her body..of me keeping her safe ..” I just didn’t want you to suffer .. I just didn’t want you to suffer.. It isn’t fair how you suffered and died like that ” I bawled in her arms.. she said to me ” You did everything right Gracie. Everything we talked about when I was dying.. you lived your dreams.. the dreams I didn’t get to live because I was afraid.. you were so fearless writing your book.. doing what you did to help all women..it was a true sacrifice and the karma has been building over here in the spirit world for you.. you have good karma on the way..great karma Gracie.. just hold on a little longer. Did you feel me on your walk yesterday? In the wild roses? I was the roses that surrounded you to remind you of your childhood dream.. you know they are my birth flower.. and my birthday is on the 2nd of June..it’s my birthday soon.. I used the roses to show you how much love there is for you.” and then in my dream I cried harder knowing that I was going to wake up soon..I could feel it..” but they all hate me now for writing my book.” I wept.. tying to hang onto the dream..to her.. ” Just a little longer Gracie… just hang on”

And then I awoke in actual tears.. but I felt her spirit and the dream linger… ” just a little longer…”

So just maybe this manifestation thing might work after all.. or maybe I am just dreaming?

The Goddess in the Little Girl

When I was a little girl I knew I was a Goddess; I knew it wasn’t evil to feel that way.

I just knew; and I don’t know how to explain it.

I felt that nature was magic; I just knew that all the ancient symbols of magic came from nature. I just knew that the Earth was a feminine force. As adults we like to label and place everything in neat tidy spaces within our minds..but as a child you walk with magic.. as a child the veil is thin..because you still have one foot in the infinite. As a child you haven’t yet been fully tainted and poisoned from dogma and by other’s beliefs ( fears ) the innocence is so sweet.

My earliest memories were of not belonging to my birth family; I was called a wise old soul by many. I was thoughtful and quiet.. often adults forgot I was in the room. But I was also high energy.. I had to move and go places.. I was always wandering off.. off with my horse..with the dog.. off to find wandering brooks.. rolling meadows..big sky..with big thunderheads .. and in the night I could be found looking up at the stars feeling homesick. I thought I was from the stars; I was sure of it.. that I was a star that had fallen in the wrong place.. at the wrong time.. to people who didn’t see the magic.. let alone stars.. if I would shine too brightly I would scare them.. if I spoke too deeply I would offend them.. when I asked meaningful questions that other’s wouldn’t dare even think to ponder.. I  would bother them.. so off I would wander.. sometimes I would find other children like me.. not often.. but when I did we would wander off together to be Gods and Goddesses..we would disappear into our magical land.. and our powers would save the world.. we were safe with each other in the place of Amazons and Knights.

There is nothing new under the sun.. all the magic was always with us..and always will be.. but when we grow up it usually starts to fade.

Many artist manage to not grow up all the way; actors still play make-believe. Artist still see the magic; we manage not to trip into the traps of dogma.

But it’s difficult.. so many fully grown up gown-ups want us to give up..and they label our art as demonic or selfish.. evil and profane.. we are called lazy and crazy.

And I am crazy because I still see myself as a Goddess.. born on a star from a distant galaxy .. I think I was a blue star.. like Sirius..

And when I walk through the wild roses.. when I hike to the beach in my bikini.. my bare feet dirty and dusty.. feeling the Earth Mother become one with me..

I am an Amazon Goddess..and the wild roses grow like magic before me.. just for me

 

For more about the Goddess follow this link to my book

http://bookstore.balboapress.com/Products/SKU-000576933/The-Goddess-an-Expression-of-the-Divine-Feminine.aspx

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