Posts Tagged ‘Romance and love’

How Sacred Sexuality Promotes Healthy Sexuality

Unhealthy sexuality is defined by the fact that it causes sexual dysfunction like perversion. Perversion can be defined as obsessive and repulsive acts like having sex with animals, pedophilia, necrophilia, rape.. etc. Sexual addiction is also unhealthy sexuality as it becomes self destructive. Sexual addiction completely takes over a person’s life, like all other addictions they live their lives totally out of balance for the next rush or high that they get from sex. Sexually transmitted diseases are obviously another form of unhealthy sexuality and the more random one’s partners the higher the risk towards becoming infected with multiple STDs.

Sacred sexuality teaches us to temper our lusts with wisdom and love. Through a spiritual lens we understand the body and it’s practical functions as also sacred and holy. Sex is never just sex as it is the energy of two souls becoming alchemised as one. Lust for the sake of just pure animal impulses is seen as lower or dense energy.. lust that is channeled into love through the bridge of emotional intimacy can be used to create a long lasting and meaningful relationships. By seeing sex as sacred we make what would be seen religiously as profane, holy. But by being selective with whom we share our bodies and soul’s energy with we also create a physically healthy sexuality and emotionally healthy sexuality.

Sacred sexuality isn’t steeped in the dogma of religion or even in the dogma of tantra …. but in the practicality of the wisdom of seeing the flesh and soul as one.

The issue with having too many sexual partners is becoming numb towards true intimacy.. seeing sex as simply a physical act can make many people learn over time to push away or deny their emotions towards the people that they are having sex with.. and that is why in today’s ” Hook up ” culture society as a whole has become intimacy deprived or even retarded. By calling society emotionally retarded it means that we have become impaired towards making emotional and even intellectual connections in our personal romantic relationships, because we have learned over time to deny our emotions. We have learned through the hook up culture to deny our hearts desires to deeply, and intimately connect to one another on a soulful level.

With leaving the heart and soul out of sexuality we have forgotten how to be sensual and empowered by our sexuality rather than to be driven by it, channel it rather than have it drive us off course towards dysfunction and addiction.

Sex is powerful energy and we must learn to use it wisely and to respect it as a force of nature.. much like fire ..if you play with it and handle it without respect and care you will get burned by it.

The rule of sacred sex is that it does no harm to you or to others; not just on a physical level but on an emotional level. The problem with having sex for just the sake of lust is that eventually someone gets hurt physically with disease or emotionally by being denied the love of the other. There is always cause and effect in the Universe.. eventually the karma of what you have denied for the sake of lust will catch up and connect with you towards an intense spiritual lesson.. so be responsible towards how you play with the deep cosmic energy of sexuality, by being conscious and aware we can use our sexuality to create a heaven on earth.. in a practical and spiritual sense.

 

To Kiss Him

 

My heart will not forget him. I try so hard to harden my heart as his heart is hardened to me.. I tell myself ” What is meant to be will be.” but oh how I miss him..

Spring..a warm day as we sat on the beach.. and I looked into his sparkling, diamond, green eyes.. to see his soul.. a soul so sweet that I was swept off my feet.. and the walls around my heart; they did crumble and fall.. leaving me vulnerable and weak.. oh, how I miss him.

And the words ” I Love you.” they wanted to cascade off my lips like waterfalls of bliss.. but I caught them before they fell.. before they made a sound..but my heart still yelled ” You love him.” and I wondered what it would be like to kiss him..?

I watched his lips then, as he spoke his words then ..and I wondered ” How soft they seem to be.. how sweet and tender .. how would he taste to me ?.” and my heart broke wide open.. weepy and sweet like honey at his feet.. yet he seemed not to believe me..and why should he? So many bitter and broken women had come before me..speaking sweet words that were just candied poison..and so he miss read me.. for my heart is true.. and I am truth.. and I fell in love with the god within him..

And so he cast me off as days went on.. thinking me like the rest.. like the women who whispered of love and passion but hid the blade until he feel upon it.. leaving him bleeding and broken. I saw the wounds .. I felt his pain and with all my heart I wanted to mend them.. to hold him in my arms like a newborn babe .. to give him love to heal them.. to bring him light and love..to bring him joy and bliss..but he thought me to- good- to- be- true..and so he pushed me away from him.. and he did to me what they did to him..and because I understand; I forgive him..because I love him.. like a mother loves her babe.. because I know the soul within him..

So spring turned to summer..and summer to fall..now fall to winter.. under the Christmas moon.. my heart longs for him..and I wonder ” What would it be like to kiss him?” and I felt his soul brush with mine..or was it just wishful thinking.. and I saw him in my imagination.. his fuzzy beard.. his wavy hair..and then I kissed him..

The Goddess

About Me; the Author

I have had a hard life; I have experienced intense pain and loss. I grew up poor; my mother was mentally ill and my father was very abusive. My mother took her own life when was 13; my sisters and my brother and I stayed with my father until we all ran away into the foster system. I have known hardship. I have always felt lonely to some degree or another. I entered into some very dysfunctional relationships; my marriage being one of them. It was not physical abuse but intense emotional and financial for control. He left me. I grew.  I could go into detail but it boils down to that.

 

I have a blog a website www.sexassacred.com  just goggle gracieackerman and I will pop right up; my blog will give you all the details of my struggles in the last couple of years. My blog also goes into deep spiritual insights and into some very real situations in my life.

 

It is amazing how nothing happens by accident; my blog was like a training round for my book; it was my school for gearing me up to write this book. This book came about through years of coincidences that were really synchronicities ; that is how the Universe works.

 

When I was a very little girl in the 1970s the sitcoms for Isis and Wonder Woman hit the air waves. I was five, my son’s age now when I watched the first episode of Wonder Woman; I cried when it was over; to me it was like going home. I felt homesick after watching it; I felt the same with Isis later on. I had very vivid dreams of flying when I was a child and I still do today. I still have intense spiritual dreams.

 

When I was in grade school I would chose to do reports on places like Egypt, Greece, India and Rome. I would paint pictures of the Gods and Goddesses of Ancient times; my paintings were very good and accurate for a young child. I felt home sick for these places and for these times.

 

To this day I long for romance; to me romance is a display of passion through the imagination; the imagination being our passage way to magic. In our world today the art of the courtship; of romancing for the pure sake of sensuality has been forgotten; the true forms of erotic love abandoned. I long to bring romance back to life; for all of us; we need tenderness and love. We crave compassion; passion, lust and love!

 

I have always been a sensual woman; I find the sunshine on my face a sensual experience; champagne  on my tongue; sweet and bitter good chocolate, a hot steamy salty bath; sensual everyday life experiences that I am grateful for. I love being naked; I love good food and laughter. I love, love!

 

Romance is experiencing these things with a lover; it is loving and wooing for the pure sake of the imaginative, magical mating dance. The birds and the bees do it still; why don’t we? It’s fun!

 

As an artist I have learned how to make life a sensual experience; through my past pain I have learned how to turn pain into a positive experience. The sensual and the sexy are everywhere an in every one of us; we can be any age to experience romance and love.

( From the book ~ The Goddess an Expression of the Divine Feminine ~ ) Available on Amazon.ca

Women don’t have to look like girls anymore or men like they did in their youth to be sexy and sensual. Life it’s self is the sensual experience; A walk with the one you love is romantic.

 

I wrote this book to bring us the rose colored glasses of love; put them on with me and bring the Gods and the Goddesses back to life.

 

Let me take you back to magic!

I wanted him not Isagenix

 

It’s like a English comedy.. it’s so sad it’s funny. He put up posts on his Facebook about health and fitness.. I didn’t agree with some of the things he posted so I asked him if he would like to meet in person to talk about health and fitness.. little did I know he was sizing me up to become a part of his team..to help him build up his team so he could make money selling a starvation weight loss product. It is much like Herbal life was in the 80s. My dad used to sell that shit. He had his head in the clouds; daydreaming constantly about the millions of dollars he was going to make. My dad yo yo dieted for years on that product.. he spent many hours of his life and energy working his ass off for nothing. Most of the money he made he spent on product. But he would have windfalls now and then..but that was just fuel to keep him going. It was such a waste of time.

But anyway.. I had no idea that was on his mind; I thought when he was critically checking out my body for any imperfections he was judging me because of my book or something? Because I had no idea? He was looking me over to see if I had fat to cut LOL.. it’s hilarious..but so sad. For one thing I am in the best shape of my life.. my body isn’t perfect.. I have had three kids.. I have a c-section scar.. I am not a bodybuilder so I don’t strip all the fat off my body, but I have great muscle tone. I am super fit! But the sad part is.. somewhere in between locking eyes with him and in between our conversation I felt myself very attracted to his soul and personality….he doesn’t look like a guy that goes to the gym.. but that didn’t matter to me.. but the sad thing is..and the funny thing; almost Mr. Bean type comedy .. is that he didn’t see a sexy, healthy woman, who could be a potential mate in front of him.. all he was thinking about was making money!.. It’s just so fucked up! I am not angry when I write this.. I am not mad.. just shocked at what I learned when I went back to his Facebook to find the Isagenix link.. I mean seriously!? I have the worst luck in dating! And it wasn’t a date.. it was a sales pitch! A SALES PITCH! OMG!!

And so I saw the Isagenix link on his Facebook..but I didn’t really research it much until tonight.. just to see if I really missed out on anything big or special..because I met with him again.. not fully realizing that it was all just a sales pitch.. ( I AM SO STUPID ) and I gave him 2 hrs of my time.. and I cut my workout at the gym short to meet up with him on his schedule.. to pour my heart out..open my heart and tell him my sorry about how bullied I have been in my local city promoting my book about women’s sexuality.. I told him in detail ( while trying not to cry ) how I was sexually harassed with my son present by a local business man.. me not knowing that he was just trying to create an emotional connection with me to sell his product to me.. ( I AM SO GULLIBLE )

Then after the meeting I told him by text message that I was attracted to him and that I had romantic feelings for him.. he told me he wasn’t looking for a relationship ( no he wasn’t .. he was looking to sell me shit ) So who is the biggest blundering idiot? Him or me? Probably a million guys would think he was an idiot for passing up having a chance with me.. but I bet a million men and women are thinking “Gracie you are so naive!” but I did feel something was up…

But back tracking again.. in our last meeting I read his tarot cards for him ( for free.. I do make a living doing this..so he got my 2 hrs.. cut into my gym time and got a free reading that cost $100 ) but anyway the cards said he had met someone..when I told him he blushed  { so I thought it was me..and that was stupid because a reader cannot read themselves into a reading ..but I thought just maybe it was ) so that’s why I told him I liked him ..but anyway I went back and read my cards afterwards and the reading came up with deception… I confronted him..asking him if he was believing gossip about me from our local community.. he told me I was paranoid and had a victim mind set… { REALLY NOW } I was just wrong.. or maybe half wrong.. cause they probably are gossiping to him..but he was the deceiver; it was him not being upfront and honest with his intentions to begin with..and because of that he triggered my paranoid response..but seriously after all the shit I have been through that I openly and honestly told him about..It’s not paranoid it’s street smarts.. I was right to  be careful..

But the sad part is.. I really miss taking to him. I really liked him..in an honest and open way..I liked him when he was just being himself and not a cheesy sales man..

Not only would I never sell that product; because I don’t believe that starvation diets work. I don’t think they are healthy. I don’t believe in multilevel marketing businesses..only %5 are successful because they were the first %5 to found the top level ( duh ) but even if I wanted to sell the product ( I don’t ) I have the shittiest network in Kelowna.. they have back-balled me for my book..they are totally prejudiced against me..and he knew it! How selfish of him..or just being a blundering idiot..what was he thinking? Was he really that greedy and selfish to use a single mom for just a wrung in his ladder of success.. to play with a woman who is so emotionally raw and vulnerable..so he could manifest his abundance..his convertible?

It’s funny and it’s sad.. just like a comedy of errors..

Guy meets hot bikini clad woman on the beach but can’t see her past his daydream..

But at least my head is out of the clouds now.

A Beautiful Disaster

 

When I first saw him.. I really think I saw him. I didn’t see what I wanted to see. I didn’t see what other people thought him to be. I didn’t see what other’s would expect me to see in him. I didn’t see in him what his own family would see in him. I didn’t see him how he would of wanted me to see him. I saw into him; I saw his soul. What I saw was the little boy in him walking hand in hand with the wise old man in him.. I saw his essence. That is what I will keep; what I will hold onto..but now that I think about it or feel about it.. more that I feel about it. I will hold in my heart.. all of his darkness as well.

I will hold in my heart his darkness or his shadows because this is the beautiful disaster that tore me apart.. when he said I was paranoid and a victim.. when I could see him looking at my bikini clad body.. taking in all of my flaws to weigh and measure them.. when he didn’t acknowledge my beauty ..see my womanly charms but instead he saw my imperfections.. while I saw past his and into his heart. But is it only his darkness or mine as well..because how could I feel love and attraction to man whom I obviously somehow repelled .. or did I ? Is he right? I am living out my inner victim..am I paranoid to think this..to feel this.. am I the beautiful disaster? Or is he?

I know I saw him but did he even see me? Or did he see what he thought he saw.. what he came to see and expected to see before he looked into my eyes? Did he really even look? Who did he see when he looked into my eyes..I don’t think it was me that he saw..but what he expected me to be..but was he right in his expectations of me..?

When I put on my lip gloss.. he became annoyed .. just so slightly annoyed.. not excited or sensualized..but ever so slightly angered ..as if I was using it as a ploy? Or am I just being paranoid?

I don’t mind that he is right..because he is right. I am flawed.. I am a woman.. chaotic ..passionate.. unreasonable from time to time.. and a mystery even to myself.. as even I still go deeper into depths within that I haven’t explored that scare the shit out of me.

The little boy in him is silly to think he has all the answers.. so innocent to think or see women as black and white… that we could be so easy to read..but just maybe all the rest were just that.. I don’t know?

But I do know that he doesn’t define me.. as I am always re-birthing myself.. he doesn’t define me as no man has or ever will..as I am constantly just getting to know myself.. he told me I was lowering myself to victim levels.. yet I like the depths were I go.. I like to be both high and low.. as are most women.. we are multi-faceted .. sometimes, hot, cold and now and then we are warm.. warm hearted.. hot blooded.. and icy cold when we are judged by other’s who refuse to see their own flaws..

Yet I am not bitter.. because I rise in love.. I rise in the love that I felt for him before he spoke a word.. not just a word that dropped from his lips..but the words from his body and eyes; that told of his thoughts upon my heart, body and soul.. I rise in the love that even through his innocent blundering.. I could still see the treasure in him.. and I am peaceful and calm in the knowing that he didn’t really know what he was doing..

His uptight manor.. his posture so stiff and rigid .. the protection of his heart and feelings.. protected from a woman who was too open..too vulnerable.. too sensual.. too honest.. too real.. he wasn’t there for that.. he was there for business.. he was there to see if I would with walk with my head in the clouds with him.. he wasn’t there to be pulled to earth and made to see that.. all that glitters isn’t gold.. he didn’t come to meet a woman holding her heart wide open..to see a soul wide open.. he came for pleasant talk..and pleasantries.. polite conversation.

Instead he found a flawed, beautiful disaster.. or was it he ?

But he wins..or did I let him win..or are we both wrong and right.. because their really isn’t any wrong or right..there is only perspective..and every human is fabulously flawed..

But I will keep the spark in my heart, of the love.

In love

 

I didn’t expect it to happen.. I don’t know exactly what happened.. I thought you would just be like the rest of them.. just another guy but you have something so special inside.

It was like an inner, tiny, micro explosion when your eyes locked with mine.. all of the walls that I carefully kept up..that I had built with fear and apprehension.. fell to dust… when your soul met mine.

And now I am confused..so powerful and supernatural ..so transcendental is this transformation of my heart from caterpillar to butterfly.. that I feel so humble as the holy light of dawn rushes in were only darkness once lived.. the melancholy turned to bliss..but a bliss that is so fragile.. leaving me weak and vulnerable.. such is the love of words not yet spoken.. held tenderly in the heart so fearful of once again being broken.. how you have me under your spell.. that I can not believe that you could also love me like this? Could you? Could you love as the moon loves the sun’s first morning kiss?

Could you love in the dreamy dream of the moonstruck madness of love not yet spoken of.. not yet spoken of between me and you.. as a candle freshly lit.. the flame yet to breath in the reality of its own existence.. the miracle of what it is just becoming.. a light to light the world and many candles yet not knowing the joy.. the joy of you ..of your eyes.. the light of your soul that I see dance beneath your diamond irises .. how could you be so beautiful? Could you love my soul as I love yours? Oh how we have lived such parallel lives.. how we walked the same roads and talked to the same people.. never to meet but suddenly to meet like this.. how could you love me as I love you like the beat of my own heart?..  others will divide us.. even though our souls are of the same light.. we are kindred in spirit .. we beat with the same heart..but our lives are so different.. they will tear us apart. But even so.. I love you anyway.. for your love has opened my heart.. your love has set me free.. your love has softened me.. from the brutal cold hearts; the mean and the cruel.. you have given me back wonder and innocence.. wings to fly.. you have unlocked the prison that they trapped me in with their cruelties .. you are poetry..the painter of my soul…you have given my wounds sweetness and balm.. you healed me instead of injuring me.. you my love pulled arrows from the breast of the swan.. you are my song.. music and delight.. you are a pleasure just to behold in the sun’s golden light.. I see your soul glitter through your eyes.. your voice like the warm summer breeze.. sounds so soft as madrigal poems.

But I know this.. meeting you has made my heart so delicate.. like rose petals and gossamer wings… like silken threads of spider’s webs.. my heart it is so sensitive… and so I weep of words I dare not speak should you not feel the same for me..should I break the spell of love so sentimental that the luxuriousness will be lost by your denial..and so I write here.. my heart sequestered .. I hide away in this secret place least the fairy dust should settle.. the fall to earth would be more than I can take..for my heart has already been shattered, I know I would break.

Could you love like this too? Could you love me like such a childish fool? Of all the things I will dare to do.. of all the dangers that I willingly face.. I cannot tell you to your face.. that I love you..

Yes there is love at first glance.. you are the one who showed me that.

Love is all powerful

 

I met someone and I thought that we had clicked… but I was wrong again. I was wrong because it appears that he didn’t feel the same way. I was so sure; that when he didn’t respond like I thought he would.. I cried and I cried tonight. Of course when these things happen I feel so foolish and silly.. I feel so vulnerable and damaged..and I am really. My heart has a million scares and wounds.. I am a bleeding heart.. I am mush. It’s especially sad because it isn’t often that I feel that click with a guy..because I am so different and picky. But I opened up my already broken heart that never really seems to mend ( because I am a sensitive soul ) and once again I found myself in my own pool of tears on my pillow.

It’s a constant craving.. this craving for ” The One ” that I have apparently never met..and then it is a continual heartbreak when I dare hope that maybe this someone new could be him..and then my heart is dashed against the rocks like a ship lost at sea.. and all hope seems lost again..and I must grieve the loss of a love that never blossomed.. a light.. like a lighthouse that seems so faraway .. he is so far away from..so far that I just can’t see.. why is he so faraway from me?

And I say to The Angel of Love..” Why do you play with my heart like this? Why can’t you send me somebody to love? Send me someone to heal my broken heart.. to protect me from others who would see me suffer?”

It is such a dangerous thing to feel.. to open up your heart.. to be exposed to others.. to cry..even alone.. to truly allow yourself to be in sorrow..

Love is all powerful.. men and some women they want money and fame and they think that is powerful.. but you can have all of those things but to not have someone truly love you for all of your faults and strengths.. everything else means like nothing at all.. so love is all powerful.

Love is the muse for the artist.. it is the creative force.. without love the world would be gray and barren.. emotionless and pale.. love is everything..

But even though I feel him in my heart.. I cannot find him..

The craving will never leave.. the longing for his strength and touch.. the sound of his voice.. his scent .. his presence .. this will never leave me..

Until I find him I will be raw..

And the tears will fall..

Like rose petals on silk sheets..

My heart like crushed fruit.

 

Married again?

 

After my nasty divorce; after having been married to selfish, mean man, I never thought I would ever consider marriage again. I realize now it’s because I have been afraid the same thing would happen..because I would unknowingly attract the same sort of man into my life again. More than it wasn’t; I didn’t trust men or ever hated men, it was that I didn’t trust myself. Back then I didn’t have the sense of self worth that I have today. I didn’t love myself. I found it very difficult to be alone, I was lonely alone with myself; not anymore. I really enjoy my own company. I take good care of myself for myself. I am not desperately seeking anyone or anything. I haven’t given up on love I just understand what love is now. I know the difference between, romantic love, lust and passion vs an endearing long lasting love. I don’t date men whom I don’t think qualify as long lasting.. meaning I don’t go on many dates. I am selective.. I am looking for quality but not perfection.

I am not qualifying men by looks or money alone; I am looking for a man with heart and soul.

When I do meet him many things will be different from my first marriage.. not just that he isn’t my ex.. but we both will be mature. There will be no babies, no toddlers.. we will have more freedom to do other things. It’s an entirely new dynamic.

I am a different person than I was way back in 1997 when I met my ex husband. I was in a rush, I was 27 and I wanted a family.. I wanted babies and so I overlooked many of his flaws that were more like red flags. He took no responsibility for his short comings, he blamed others for his faults and weaknesses instead of facing them head on and dealing with them. He didn’t want to cook or do any domestic chores; he was controlling. My fault was giving myself away; being too willing to throw myself at his feet because I wanted to be a mother and he was willing to be a father. I have grown so much as a person. I know who I am ..and I know that my strengths can also be my weaknesses. I am very passionate, high spirited, dramatic, emotional, a nonconformist. I need someone who can stand up to me but also let me go .. set me free, accept the artistic, sexy little freak in me.. I know it’s a lot to ask for.. to find that in a man, and to be attracted to him physically, mentally, emotionally and soulfully.. that’s why I am still single!

But I believe for the right guy I could commit for the long term.. I think what is meant to be will be, when it is meant to happen it just will..

I think that putting romance into perspective is the key; it isn’t just about a pretty ceremony .. ( although I would love that again ) it’s about looking at things long term.. being best friends is the key.. knowing you have each others backs equally..

Life is to short to be bitter and to not hold out hope for someone and something better.

Core

 

I exposed my heart to you now what are you going to do..

I am vulnerable, soft and sweet a tender treat..

I shared my secrets; my deepest demons and my angels too..

but I have no regrets in telling you that I love you..

I now that you know that I am broken what will be my punishment..

will there be vengeance from you my darling nemesis?

I am torn in shreds and that I don’t regret, because I have spent all my rage..

my heart is out of it’s cage..

I am crushed like ripe grapes..

my heart is pulp, bloody red and raw..

but the ecstasy has transported me to deep euphoric harmony..

I am enraptured in the depths of ravishment that overpowers me..

how exquisite this emotion like a fine wine drizzled on my tongue..

I am undone; the art of ripping a heart apart..

to the core, to the essence of the center open and sore..

abraded, inflamed by a passion untamed,  that has bewitched me..

but my heart is free from rationality that imprisoned me..

I didn’t know I was ravenous and starving for lust..

so devastate me, plunder and dissenter to liberate me..

break me in pieces so beautifully to be enchanting and ravishing..

I surrender willingly..

Sensitive

 

Love is so painful and raw; no matter how down-to-earth I try to be I cannot help but be swept off my feet..

sensitive

My heart is tender and compassionate and so my passions run free towards sentimentalities..

sensitive

This sensuousness in me stimulates me to deliciousness and it brings me to my knees..

sensitive

So much pleasure brings so much pain but I cannot help but love the sweet punishment that it brings..

sensitive

Exposed, open and bare, ravished by a a hunger that leaves me famished I am engorged for more..

sensitive

There is no rational, no lucid or logical for I am sensual, captivating, eager and willing for the taking..

I am sensitive

I am deep, and awaiting penetrating of his piercing, sharp gaze into my soul he breaks though my defenses..

sensitive

My fragrance is the essence; carnal surrender as I give the core, the thrust towards the sweetness within..

sensitive

I am overwhelmed and overwhelming by the breathtaking way  he plunges in with resolute desire  to enslave..

sensitive

He descends and submerges in his urges as I shiver with pure concentrated pain that becomes my pleasure..

sensitive

And as I quiet, as I sink into the bliss he begins again to take with earnestness what is oh so juicy and tender..

sensitive

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