Posts Tagged ‘relationships’

No Momma’s Boys

 

The typical Momma’s Boy is raised by a single mother ( I am a single mother; my son is 8 ) so I have to be very careful not to raise my son to be emotionally dependent on me. That’s the problem with this guy; his emotional house is filled by his unhealthy emotional dependency on his mother.

The Momma’s Boy has a boyish charm about him; he seems to love women and he has insider information about women because his mother didn’t set healthy emotional boundaries about her own internal emotional life.. she put her son in the emotional position that she would of a lover. It’s sad but true for both of them; that neither of them will have healthy relationships with the opposite sex unless they become awakened towards their unhealthy patterns of emotional dependency… When the son finds a mate; the relationship ends up being another flash in the pan.. it quickly dies because his girlfriend cannot make a deep intimate connection with him..because his mother has taken up that place in his heart.. but the same goes for the mother.. she is too involved emotionally in her son’s life..so when she finds a man; when he attempts to set the boundaries; she sees him as a threat to her son and so the relationship ends quickly.. sometimes with great negative intensity.

I was in a relationship with a Momma’s Boy when I was 18; he was 22.. his mother would say things like ” Does she have to know what we are talking about?” ” Why is she always here?”.. she would come to his house and clean..do his laundry.. fold it.. bring him his favorite food.. etc.. etc.. but she herself couldn’t hold onto a relationship with a grown man..as they got sick of her meddling shit. Over time he did detach somewhat from his mother..but his dependency of his mother soon moved him to his dependency on the bottle.. I watched him drink beer like he was sucking on a breast.. I left him..

How do you know he is a Momma’s Boy before you get too emotionally attached to him?

He usually hasn’t had any long term relationships.. a 2 year relationship is a long term relationship for him

He lives in his glory days.. he is always talking about when he was kid; what his momma taught him

His mom is always cleaning his house and cooking for him

He needs his mother’s advice all the time

His ex girlfriends warn you

He has secret ex girlfriends because he didn’t want his mother to know about the BAD girls

He is selfish, self absorbed and egotistical ( a little brat )

Is so irresponsible emotionally he can’t even take care of pet on his own

Doesn’t want to be a father because he likes his SON or boyishness status

He is in his 30 and 40s and still dresses like teenager and acts like one.. he is so cool ya know!

He is so hip and cool all the time.. even in his online communications..it’s all hip slang

 

What can you do about it? Nothing.. nope just move on..go and find yourself a gown ass man!

Momma has ruined her boy.. he will be in his 60s and she in her 80s.. and she will be at the grocery store buying his favorite jam..because he likes Smuckers ya know!

I am his oasis

 

I am his oasis.. as the world is a barren place.. he comes to me to fill his heart and slake his thirst. I am his nourishment and his sweet fruit.

He comes to me dry and parched many arrows run through his heart; as he has been to warring in a world full of cruelty he needs me.

I am his oasis

There is no need for his white trusty steed; he shakes his dented armor free as he comes to have his fill of me.

On my soft breast he rests his weary head; to cry brittle tears; as he has been strong for far to long but I judge his weakness not.

I am his oasis

His bitter tears of pain untold turn to sweetness within my folds and then within he takes what he needs from me.

My cup is full and it runneth over; he can take so much more of me forever more over and over.

I am his oasis

In me he sheaths his sword and plants his seed and then I grow for him the new strength he needs.

I am his oasis

The world promises him dreams of fortune and fate; but with his battlement it doth pay, but at a price of leaving him dry.

For fortune and fate cannot mandate the depth of a woman’s heart that heals his wary soul’s plight.

I am his oasis

I give to him soft rest and breast, sweet thighs that await him to penetrate them.

In the morn he brave again, is ready to raise again to the fight.. because..

I am his oasis

My love is the cup that fills his dry parched soul again, again, for I am his for the taking.

I am his oasis

Sultry

 

 

 

 

But how I long for you not knowing you.. not having you..

I know not why..

My heart bleeds so..

Wings whisper pretty things.. words not quite formed in dreams half done..

But how I long for you the only one.. you leave me the lonely one..

I not know why..

It was in a voice I heard in a song of phrases olden times gone bye..

In rendering of passionate tears..so hot they burn inside my ears.. on the pillow they fall..

Pools of frustration between my thighs as my dreams do not manifest ..

His eyes looking into my soul long ago in other lifetimes ..

I know not why..

I look for him but I cannot find what hides in time..

Takes to long as my heart beats out of rhyme ..

Like starts in the sky up so very high I cannot reach for him or find him near..

I know not why..

And so I cry.

Slick

 

He is a slick tongued, silver Devil lie..

an illusion in a a suit and tie…

leave you asking why..

why did I even try?..

why did I cry..?..

Mr.Slick and shtick he knows how to swing his dick..

like a magic wand he fishes the pond..

catch and release the one’s he cannot grease..

with lies and deceits..

he power trips when he rips..

hearts apart and smothers dreams..

makes you wonder?..

is love just a pawn to be played..

does he live to betray?..

the collector of hearts..

stabbed in the back..

in the dark..

cause you been played..

by the oldest game..

love and compassion made to fashion..

knives and blades..

you’r just a spade..

played and betrayed by the slayer of hearts

Just another bad date…

 

It started out well enough..

We met at a local coffee shoppe.. I liked his eyes.. his smile.. he was very intelligent.. intellectual actually.. clean.. presentable.. and he looked at me with appreciation .. like he was very attracted to me..

We stood in the line-up for a while talking.. It was great.. but then when he paid from my chai tea.. he complained to the girl about the cost.. then as we went to pic up or teas at the other end.. he asked exactly how much mine cost vs his.. then jokingly complained again about me being expensive..then he complained again! ( note to guys.. don’t ever do this you sound cheap..and it’s rude)

We then found a table of his choice.. as he wanted to sit at the table were he was closer to me.. I wanted the comfy arm chairs..

Then he told me about how much he liked my book.. but then he went on about how bad the photography was compared to what he could do.. ( even though when reading my book it was clearly stated that I kept the images imperfect so that every woman could relate as The Goddess) he stated he knew that but he wanted to see ” Better” images of me..and that clearly I could model for better pictures.. I suppose this could be taken as a complement yet it was not a complement, towards the work and meaning of my writing.. Then he showed me the models on his phone that he had taken images of.. then he told me which ones he had .. had sex with during the shoots ( note to guys.. don’t ever do this..as this is clearly in poor taste.. he may of being trying to impress me with the quality of women that he could get to sleep with him, but I found it rude and it grossed me out.. not mention very unprofessional) He told me he could do better images of me.. and would I pay him to do them or make some sort of trade for them..I told him I don’t sleep with men for favors… to make that quite clear…and put on the spot I told him I would think about it…

He then went in to his veganism.. he was very passionate about this.. and during the discussion ( there really wasn’t a discussion) he became very condescending .. he started to talk to me as if I was a small ignorant child when I questioned him about his facts.. when I asked him about soya protein and it’s health issues and then asked him were he got his protein he became very defensive and very annoyed with me.. even angry.. When I told him I believed that animals were being farmed unethically .. and that I agreed with hunting for food.. and clean ethical kills.. and free-range and organics.. he asked me would I think it was OK if someone raped and murdered me? That one shocked me!

He told me a deer isn’t food for a mountain lion.. that it wasn’t put on this earth to be hunted and killed by other animals..when I told him animals eat meat.. I asked him about the ecosystem ? The nature of life and cycles and such things.. I told him your asking nature to rearrange it’s self towards your theories.. asked him what he thought of that? He became more defensive and clung to his studies and theories. I told him I wasn’t dismissing what he was saying only attempting to discuss science, evolution, nutrition, nature, the animal kingdom, instincts.. etc.. and that I was open to what he was saying only that we should always look at things with objectification.. I asked to change the subject.. he wouldn’t change the subject.. I asked him if he did this with all of his dates.. if he was trying to convert them to veganism? He then became even more frustrated and decided he had other things to do… but prior he had planned to spend the entire afternoon with me.. but I was glad that he had other things to do now. I didn’t loose my temper once.. but I found myself counting to 10-30-60 at times.. I was so controlled..

So we ended the coffee date early ( thank GOD!) As I walked away from him I was like sooooooo glad to get away.. I thought to myself ” WTF was that?!?”

I walked away wide -eyed in disbelieve of my fucking luck on dating..

Then I went on a long drive down a country road..and stopped at my favorite place by the lake ..and looked at the deer poop and thought.. “if I was going to be eaten for meat.. just free range me like the deer ok..then one clean shot..and we are good..”

But nature is what nature is.. mankind just has a responsibility to treat animals with respect like other animals treat other animals with respect.. it’s like ” You go about your business.. like your life in your natural state..and then we will do what nature does..but respect the freedom of the life we have while we have it”

After that I went to the grocery store and got myself some free range organic steak.. and then the health food store to get my whey powder and protein bars..

So ya.. he may not be a Christian fundamentalist and claims to detest religion..

So he doesn’t want a good Christian Girl..but he needs a good Vegan Girl who will do as she is told..

And that isn’t me..

So glad I am home alone..

Longing for him…

I didn’t write the post below.. it’s a facebook post that I just copied and pasted. I just love it.. it speaks my heart and I am sure the heart of many women who have done their internal work.. it’s exactly how I feel. So many people shame women for wanting to have a relationship when they are single. And so many people who are in long term relationships or marriages have advice to give.. most of the time they don’t know what the fuck they are talking about.

I am happy to share this with you..I take no credit at all.. follow the links to find the page on facebook..

I hope I find him or he finds me..I hope you find the love that you desire too <3

 

So fucking beautiful

WANTING A MAN, BUT WILLING TO WAIT</p>
<p>I'm tired of feeling 'less than' because I desire a man in my life. I refuse to let someone tell me it's weak, needy, or pathetic to desire a partner.  </p>
<p>I don't want to raise my kids alone.  I don't want to sleep alone. I don't want to 'own' my orgasm or to be touched by my own hands more than I want to share the experience with a magnificent partner.</p>
<p>I want to crawl into bed after a long day and melt into my man. I want to breathe him in, feel his strong arms wrapped around me, touch his body and know I am safe. Not just physically safe because he's bigger and stronger then me, but emotionally safe too. </p>
<p>There is strength in a partnership. To feel supported, heard, acknowledged and valued. There is opportunity for growth when you are challenged and shown a different point of view. There's nothing wrong with wanting that. Why would admitting I want to share my experience of life make me any less of a woman?  If I'm guilty of anything, it's not feeling ok to acknowledge my truth for fear of appearing weak, needy or like I alone am not enough.</p>
<p>I've done my work. I've fallen in love with myself and I love myself first. I recognize my value and I think I'm pretty fantastic. I know my strengths and I'm working on my weaknesses. I don't feel like I need someone to complete me - because I'm already complete, but I DO want to share my life with someone. </p>
<p>Someone I can laugh with, cry with, dream with, create a beautiful life with, raise a family with, begin traditions that will last decades with, be physically and emotionally naked with. I want to feel excited in the morning when I roll over and see his face. I want to feel absolutely blessed each night when his lips meet mine in our goodnight kiss moments before we fall asleep.</p>
<p>I crave a man I trust completely. A man who's living his purpose and stands firm in his truth with intensity and courage.</p>
<p>I desire to love and be loved in a level I know exists but haven't experienced yet. I want to be desired, fucked, claimed, chosen, taken and experienced by a man who can't get enough of me. I want to fully surrender to a man I completely trust. I want to open all parts of me, specially those parts that have been damaged, hurt, closed off and hidden away for so long. </p>
<p>I don't want to have to protect my heart, I want to let go of my fear. I want to feel safe and find a man worthy of my heart. I want to be the woman who is worthy of his. </p>
<p>Am I willing to wait for a conscious man? Absolutely. Will I enjoy each day until he's in my life? Yes. But I'm going to allow myself to open up and say, ‘This is the kind of man I want and desire.'</p>
<p>Jenn ❤️</p>
<p>Join the conversation here:<br />
http://www.facebook.com/groups/1488651694707587

WANTING A MAN, BUT WILLING TO WAIT

I’m tired of feeling ‘less than’ because I desire a man in my life. I refuse to let someone tell me it’s weak, needy, or pathetic to desire a partner.

I don’t want to raise my kids alone. I don’t want to sleep alone. I don’t want to ‘own’ my orgasm or to be touched by my own hands more than I want to share the experience with a magnificent partner.

I want to crawl into bed after a long day and melt into my man. I want to breathe him in, feel his strong arms wrapped around me, touch his body and know I am safe. Not just physically safe because he’s bigger and stronger then me, but emotionally safe too.

There is strength in a partnership. To feel supported, heard, acknowledged and valued. There is opportunity for growth when you are challenged and shown a different point of view. There’s nothing wrong with wanting that. Why would admitting I want to share my experience of life make me any less of a woman? If I’m guilty of anything, it’s not feeling ok to acknowledge my truth for fear of appearing weak, needy or like I alone am not enough.

I’ve done my work. I’ve fallen in love with myself and I love myself first. I recognize my value and I think I’m pretty fantastic. I know my strengths and I’m working on my weaknesses. I don’t feel like I need someone to complete me – because I’m already complete, but I DO want to share my life with someone.

Someone I can laugh with, cry with, dream with, create a beautiful life with, raise a family with, begin traditions that will last decades with, be physically and emotionally naked with. I want to feel excited in the morning when I roll over and see his face. I want to feel absolutely blessed each night when his lips meet mine in our goodnight kiss moments before we fall asleep.

I crave a man I trust completely. A man who’s living his purpose and stands firm in his truth with intensity and courage.

I desire to love and be loved in a level I know exists but haven’t experienced yet. I want to be desired, fucked, claimed, chosen, taken and experienced by a man who can’t get enough of me. I want to fully surrender to a man I completely trust. I want to open all parts of me, specially those parts that have been damaged, hurt, closed off and hidden away for so long.

I don’t want to have to protect my heart, I want to let go of my fear. I want to feel safe and find a man worthy of my heart. I want to be the woman who is worthy of his.

Am I willing to wait for a conscious man? Absolutely. Will I enjoy each day until he’s in my life? Yes. But I’m going to allow myself to open up and say, ‘This is the kind of man I want and desire.’

Jenn 

Join the conversation here:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/1488651694707587

Bridget Jones & Me

 

To tell you the truth of I am more of a nerdy writer.. ok I do have those wonderful moments when I do feel like a Goddess.. but the nerdy writer stays with me more frequently. My love life is much like Bridget’s was in the movie.. well actually much worse.. she got more action than I ever have. But those bad boys are everywhere and so I have learned to stay away from those charmers just the same as she learned the hard way. Just like her I feel much like a freak/geek in crowds.. I am not and never have been one of the cool kids.. I am one of those artsy weird kids. I am very innocent like her.. I expect people to be who they say they are because I am who I say I am.. but of course just like her I get screwed over for it..

It took a lot of courage from me to do my Youtube videos and it still does.. sometimes they are a bit of a rush.. but I hate. HATE. TOTALLY HATE watching myself .. and I have to..to play them back ..to make sure they are done properly.. when I sing or do erotic dance in my videos I cringe watching them. It’s not that I don’t love myself it’s just hard putting myself out there like that in a hard cruel world ..were you know people are going to pick you apart.. to pieces literally..feels like torture.. and don’t we as women do that to ourselves enough..like I or any other woman needs help with that.

I honestly don’t get men most of the time. I have male friends and I get them on a pure friendship level ( NO SEX ) but as soon as there is a hint of romance or sexual tension things get screwy.. I cannot tell if a guy I have a crush on likes me back.. unless he is very, very direct about it.. because I get all sensitive and stupid.. all screwed up.

Doing the photography for my book was easy because it was me and 2 female photographers.. it was like being in the gym change room naked around women.. big whoop..it felt natural and comfortable..but publishing the photography for my book was a mind-bending trip and it still is.. but I did it for good cause.. to help other women accept themselves,,, flaws and and all. Yes it is hard..it’s always going to be hard..because the person we are hardest on is ourselves..and other people can be such assholes.

The real me; is the little girl Bridget at the end of the movie.. the one that eats cake with her bare hands.. stuffs it right in her face and runs around naked and innocent swimming naked in the pool..

It takes a lot for me to ( put it out there ) it’s actually quite painful.. it really is.. but if I don’t do it other women will not do it..and then we will have a world promoting plastic beauty and inequality of the sexes forever..so someone had to do it..so I did it..

For those reading me for the first time my name is Gracie Ackerman.. you can google me to find me on Youtube and Facebook..and other online profiles.. my book is available on Amazon.ca

The Goddess an Expression of the Divine Feminine

But this is me.. just like Bridget..sitting in my PJs with my fluffy pink slippers on ..picking popcorn kernels out of my teeth.. thinking ” Glad there isn’t a man that can see this now”

About the games that he plays

 

I just wanna talk about the games that he plays.. how he takes what is whole to break it down.. just because… he is broken..

I wanna tell you how he is afraid to feel.. to face the emptiness he fills with brutality and cruelty.. just so he doesn’t have to cry.. I know why.. I know why.. why he plays these silly games to hide.. to hide from what he feels inside.. it’s so much easier just to fuck than it is to make love… so much easier it is for him.. conditioned as he is… to run away from a gentle touch.. as it hurts so much to look inside and not hide.. not hide from all the fears buried long ago.. long ago when he was a little boy.. and he was told he was a coward when he cried so now he hides behind guns and knives.

He hides behind the steel and the iron that he lifts to make strong on the outside… but inside he crumbles in the night.. alone with his thoughts he cannot hide.. any longer,.. and that is when he cries.. silent tears full of pride.and shame.. so much shame in having a tender heart.. so much shame in feeling everything.. that when he is given love.. when he is given compassion and a hug… he pushes away.. refusing to give way.. least the tenderness inside she should find… for if she did what would he have, to power play..to game her away..

Under all the steel, the bullets and the blades.. through the razor wire .. through the brutality and the mock cruelty is a little boy inside.. just wanting to be freed from the man in the beast..

But the closer that she gets to setting the child in him free the more he shows coldness and calculations to manipulate her away in fear.. he will do whatever it takes… pulling out his bag of tricks and snakes… anything to get her away..and off the path to his heart least it should break.. but little does he know.. and little is he aware.. that if he should let her in the pieces of his heart she will repair.. but he will not relent.. he has to win. .. he is hell bent…because he lives in the hell that he creates by not turning on the light inside of his own soul that only love can make bright..

And so it is he lets his demons out.. hell fire and brimstone .. bullets blazing, knives glazing soft exposed heart.. bruising and abusing her very soul..and her skin… he refuses to let her in… chasing her away with all it takes.. not relenting not giving in or giving her her a break from the storm within him… and so she runs to save herself from him..

And even though she grieves for the little boy inside of him.. she knows she must surrender ..it is a battle that cannot be won by either one..and so he has the field.. the swords all belong to him..and the knives and the horses and all the men.. and all the metals and power.. but even then.. the battle inside rages on inside of him.. as his heart remains broken..

Shattered and torn, red and raw..bloodied and bleeding sorrows uncried least it should shame him as not a man.. as weak as weakling.. as the boy he has abandoned that was abandoned long ago.. he sits alone… all alone..

What if Women Manned up?

 

I tried it..and it isn’t working for me.. I thought I was expressing my inner divine masculine.. trying to be one of the boys..but I am not one of the boys..  I have had to accept that and embrace my Femininity.. not expressing my emotions isn’t tough..it is weak.. a strong heart is brave enough to feel, to care..it doesn’t mean I am to sensitive or that I am taking things to personally..it means I am brave enough to FEEL.. a scary prospect for many people in an overtly masculine society.. as women think they need to man up to be taken seriously in a male based society and professional world..but then we are left with insensitivity, repression and denial of emotions..because women don’t want to be called dramatic and overly emotional in a professional world.. what is professionalism anyway..it was created by male based logical thinking.. it wasn’t created to encompass the female mind.. our minds are based on instinct of nurturing..women read body language more than we read words..we are highly sensitive to other’s moods because our feminine DNA created us to nurture ..to be highly sensitive to an infant’s body language and tone.. because babies cannot use language..and so to not allow the feminine qualities to be seen as valuable as masculine qualities stops humanity and society from the full expression of the human condition.. what do we loose when we deny emotions .. compassion and empathy, intimacy, unconditional love, nurturing, we loose softness, kindness and tenderness..

The rise of the Feminine brings balance back into our world…

I am not going to repress my womanhood anymore..to make others more comfortable.. I am not going to “suck it up” and I feel sorry for people who are to repressed to express their emotions..because if you cannot have compassion for the self, softness and kindness for the self.. you cannot express these things towards others..

Truly men are trapped in their tough guy social conditioning.. I have a son..and I know how much he loves his mother’s softness, tenderness and long hugs.. I think men crave women to be women.. I think he wants someone he can fall apart with ..someone he can fall into that isn’t going to expect him to ” suck it up and be a man”

This tender heart..the heart of compassion is missing in society.. strong women are the ones who are brave enough be fully women and express their emotions..and love their bodies.

To answer the question ” What if women manned up?” The world would become a hard cold place ..barren of all intimacy, love and affection..and we would grieve the mother in every woman.

She will submit when…

 

 

By submission.. I mean that she will give you her heart.. not her mind.

As women we want nothing greater than to trust a man.. to fully fall in love, to respect and admire our man..to brag him up..build him up and uphold him in our highest regard..

We want to trust you. We want to know that you will keep our intimacy with you intimate.. just between the two of us.. we want to know that you have both of our best interest at heart.. we want to know that you will protect us from harm..not harm us.. that you will love us with as much respect and integrity as we want to love you.

The worst thing and man or woman can do is to break trust.. by not living up to what you say you are, to letting the secrets of your lover become public knowledge.. the worst thing any man or woman can do is to attack the sex of the other.. to attack a man’s masculinity is to curse the relationship..as it is to attack a woman’s femininity.. to make your lover feel sexually inadequate is to doom the relationship..

We both want to be desired.. to be needed..to be valued..

If you want a woman’s submission.. you to must submit.. you too must lay down your sword and shield at the side of the bed.. to make love and not war..

If you want a woman who would die for you.. you too must offer her the same assurance.. that she will know..she will trust that you will fight for her and your love..

Once this trust has been established.. a King has a Queen.. a real man doesn’t want a woman to be his servant.. a real man wants a strong woman that will have his back when things turn against him.. that she will be as fierce as him in her love and protection of the man she admires for his mental, emotional, physical and spiritual strength..

He doesn’t want a child like bride.. he doesn’t want a girl.. he wants a warrior to fight by his side.. to protect the love they share together..

Submission comes from the being vulnerable together..

Both must lower sword and shield to hold each other..

Links