Posts Tagged ‘reasonable fitness goals’

A Single Mother’s Guide To Empowerment

 

There are many women online and in the world of media that profess to be about women’s empowerment or to be life coaches; there are women with PHDs and other certifications whom have their blogs and books professionally editited, and so you may think them to be more qualified than me towards giving you advice and leadership. My qualifications are life skills built upon real life experiences. The person whom you should want to lead you or to give you qualified advice is the person or woman that is walking her talk. I am not overtly wealthy, I am not entitled as I have not and was not born to a life of privilege. I come from a very poor family and my father was very abusive and sexist. My mother committed suicide when I was 13 due to her mental illness and I put myself into the Canadian fostercare system in my teens. I ended up living on my own when I was 17 to then put myself through college with student loans. Due to my abusive upbringing I ended up in a seven year relationship with a physically abusive alcholic. I left him to finish my education in business college to then meet and marry my now ex husband who was emotionally and financially abusive. I have no extended family, and so have had to carry the responsiblity of being a single mother of three on my own. I went onto become a published author of the book { The Goddess an Expression of the Divine Feminine } and to create my own blog and website www.sexassacred.com

I have been through intense stuggles and trials in my life. I have been physically and sexually abused. I have been plunged into suicial thoughts. I have risen again and again from great hoplessness towards achieving many goals and dreams. My greatest of all dreams having yet to be realized; is to be given a world wide voice towards women’s rights, equality and empowerment. Upon writing my book about women’s sexual empowerment I have had to to stand against much sexual discrimination by shining a light on the sexual shame placed upon women by society. I still continue to fight this daily with all women who wish to stand against it and push back against conformity and sexual repression.

I have primary guardianship of my children and so that means they are in my care 90 percent of the time; so I am a full time single mother who is in the trenches of parenthood and womanhood with you.

I am writing this in point form because I am a busy mom and I like to be able to skim information when my time is limited.

 

 

1. Find your strength in forgiveness

Working on forgiveness and forgiving is the key towards finding innner peace and balance. My key to forgiving my ex husband was understanding his own father wound as to why he was unable to stay with us as a family unit, and as to why he had an affair when he found out I was having a boy with our third child. It was because he saw his son in himself and his wound that he didn’t want to face in his son. Understanding that no one is perfect and that we are all wounded helps to heal wounds into scars.  Many people will hurt us because they are hurt and not conscious enough to be able to heal themselves so they hurt others. Understanding will bring you to forgiveness and forgiviness will being you to inner balance. Balance is the key to strength.

2. Be responsible and take responsibility

When we are honest with ourself and make a point of becoming conscious towards our own weaknesses we can make them into our strengths or at least strengthen our weaknesses. Take responsiblity as to your part in the marriage or relationship ending. For example; I didn’t draw proper boundaries at the begining of my marriage and so I allowed him to disrespect me and allowed my independance to be taken from me as I gave it away.

3. Budget 

Part of taking responsibility is to take responsiblity for your money and spending habits. Write down your bottom line and then subtract your bills and abstract spending, make a budget from there. Write down daily what you have spent and on what to keep yourself honest. A part of being empowered is to take control of your money and be honest with yourself if you have a spending problem. If you are going into a negative in your budget it is time to make plans towards cutting out what isn’t needed and or finding a practical way towards generating more income.

4. Set Goals and be proactive

You can set all the goals you like but you must be proactive by doing the work and taking the actions towards acheiving your goals. My motivation is knowing that I have had my three children to set an example for. Here are a few of the goals that I have achieved over the span of several years.

Fitness

buy a new car

write a book or blog

make new friends

charity work

body building competition

Setting and achieving goals are very important towards self empowerment and building self confidence, when you are finished achieving a goal it’s important to celebrate that goal but then to keep moving forward towards future goals. There is great satisfaction in a job well done!

5. Self care

I want all single moms to drop the guilt here; It is important that you meet the needs of your children but it is also inportant that your needs are met too. If your cup is empty than you have nothing to give your children. It is important that you allow yourself rest. It is important that you all eat healthy and that you workout five times a week. Take care of your appearance; your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual well being is your empowerment. Budget your time for me time.

6. Life isn’t fair

Life isn’t a fairytale. Many Goddess empowerment life coaches will try to sell you on meeting the man of your dreams and being able to create some fanastic other reality just by paying them for endless life coaching sessions; and that is wrong and will make you feel hopeless in the long run over empowered. Shit happens in real life and for the most part we are not manifesting this reality on our own. We share this earthly reality with billions of other souls in different levels of consciousness and so we are bound to run into some shit realities. The justice system is sexist and the world is full of bigotry and some real wack jobs; so we have to learn to work around it. We have to learn to make the best of what we can control and to accept what we cannot contol. That doesn’t mean we become complacent, just that we are able to choose what is worth putting our energy towards. When you hit a wall sometimes it’s best to go into a different direction of your own.

7. Feeling sad or suicidal

Most women’s sadness comes from unvented anger because we live in societies that don’t allow women to be angry; just like most men’s anger comes from held in sorrow because we live in societies that don’t allow men sorrow but only anger as an emotion; Therefore it is important to vent out our emotions to help us not give into to suicidal thoughts or actions. So please be angry and vent your anger out in a non destructive fashion such as a hard workout or screaming and crying into a pillow. Get help if you need help. Call the crisis line if you need help right away. I got help when I needed help. It takes great strength to ask for help when we are at our most vulnerable. Let no one shame you into being strong enough to ask for help. I have helped suicidal and vulnerable friends; and I have been there myself. The greatest courage is saving yourself. Remember this too shall pass

8. Have FAITH

Having a belief system or a practice that brings us to faith and hope when all feels lost brings us back to an empowered state. You can be an athiest and still find hope and faith in meditaion or nature walks. If religion or a belief is God gives you true empowerment than that is your private and personal walk in faith. My personal walk of faith is a spiritual, non religious, non dogmatic spirituality that is based in nature. Do what brings you hope, love and peace.

9. Gratitude

Comparison is the theif of joy ~ Theodore Roosevelt

Society and or the media is constantly wanting us to compare ourselves to others so we are motivated into buying products for other’s validation; from learning to be happy with what you have. Count your blessings when you feel like the world has short changed you. Most of us single mothers feel that way from time to time. Being a single mother is often a struggle and a financial jugglimg act; but when we learn to stop and smell the roses it can turn bitterness sweet. Count those little fingers and toes, be thankful for your health, for your talents and natual gifts, for your friends and community. Happiness is an inside job.

10. Be authentic

Be yourself. The most powerful thing you can be is your true self. Be prepaired to cut even the closest people out of your life if they don’t accept you for you. Speak to be heard and speak with your own voice. Remember you teach people how to treat you. Set boundaries down. Always maintain your DIGNITY

11. Romance

Don’t let people shame you as a single mother for wanting a new relationship and remember if you are not honest and clear with yourself you will not get what you want. It is ok to want romance in your life, of course it is! You can love your children and a new romantic partner. But being alone and getting to know yourself and taking the time to heal from your last relationship is critical towards your own empowerment. Empowerment is knowing yourself. Knowing yourself and becoming conscious of our own shadows, wounds and weaknesses means that we will be empowered and healed towards being ready for a new and healthy intimate relationship. Until you have worked on strengthening youself from the inside out you will not be ready for a lasting and healthy love. Time takes time and this takes time. A truly empowered woman doesn’t look for a man to hide herself behind, she goes into herself towards self transformation to become as a walking GODDESS 

A GODDESS IS AN EMPOWERED WOMAN

You can find my book { The Goddess and Expression of the Divine Feminine } by Gracie Ackerman on Amazon,ca

Realistic Weight Loss and Fitness

me 9 months pregnant with my son.. I was toxic and very bloated. But after loosing 4 pregnancies I was victorious when he was born..a true miracle.. one of my greatest challenges..

 

In point form

1. It’s a mental game. It’s all mental. You have to decide to do it and then take the actions to do it.

2. Educate yourself on health and nutrition.

3. KISS keep it simple stupid. You don’t need to purchase expensive supplements or equipment.

4. Create realistic goals. Rome wasn’t built in day.

5. Love and accept yourself first so that you can love and accept yourself more.

6. Weight loss and fitness are a journey, so enjoy the journey and transformation process.

7. The most important.. do it for you; do it for yourself first and foremost. This will give you the power to follow through.

8. Create more fitness goals once you have reached a peak..keep spreading your wings.

Everyone is looking for a quick fix and instant gratification.. sorta like going to the fridge and getting your favorite treat.. real lasting weight loss takes time. Starvation diets don’t work because you can only starve yourself for so long. Not feeding your body slows down your metabolic rate..or the amount of calories you burn while resting. Your body is furnace; to keep it burning at a higher rate you need to eat 6 small high protein meals a day. You need to sweat to burn calories.. you need to sweat to cleanse your body. Scientifically speaking NOTHING works better at cleansing the body than a clean organic diet.. with lots of filtered water.. and a good solid half hour sweat at least 5x a week ( then you can work your way up ). Nothing else is needed to cleanse your body..to help your body burn calories and fight ageing. Nothing on the market can do for you what Mother Nature can do for you..or the natural nature of your own human biology. We were not meant to sit on our asses in front of screens all day and eat processed foods. It is just that simple.. stop eating garbage if you don’t want to feel like garbage..increase your energy by expending energy.. this creates more energy over all..

THE MENTAL GAME  - it’s about pinpointing and breaking bad habits. Like eating ice cream in the middle of the night; the mental game is about holding yourself accountable. The mental game is about taking responsibility for your choices. To get yourself prepared to do the actions of loosing weight and getting fit.. you have to change your mind set. For example; while I was pregnant and unable to work out due to my high risk pregnancy I would watch a show called X Weighted on Slice Networks. A Canadian show about trainers and nutritionists going into peoples homes to show them how to clean out their kitchens and minds of garbage. I was preparing to hit the ground running when my son was born..but I knew it was going to take years to reach my fitness goals of being ultra fit.. because it had taken 7 years of being pregnant 7x ( I lost 4 of the pregnancies due to complications and miscarriage ) but I knew from being super fit in my 20s it would take even longer to get it back in my 40s..so my goals were reasonable.

The most important thing about weight loss and fitness is that you keep eating.. you cut your portion sizes in half or into thirds if you were really over doing it..and you make 3 large meals into 6 small meals..or even 8 small meals. You don’t eat before bed.. you do not go to bed with a full tummy..this slows down your metabolism ..and causes your body to store those calories as fat over night.

The mental game comes into play when you fall off the wagon.. you don’t give yourself permission or EXCUSES to stay off the wagon..get back on that fucking wagon.. I don’t care if you binged for 3 days..get back on that wagon. The mental game; there are no perfect conditions, you will get colds, headaches, your kids will drive you nuts.. your husband.. wife.. boyfriend or girlfriend will piss you off.. but that just means you use it as fuel..as a challenge to continue..you remember why your doing it..because of point #5 and point #7

Start slowly if you are really out of shape.. start with walking, swimming, yoga..soft movements that help you shed the weight so that you can increase your level of fitness when you become more comfortable by removing the bulk. If you over do it and hurt yourself, you will not enjoy it.. you will quit. Allow yourself one cheat meal a week.. so that you don’t feel deprived..but remember you are a food addict.. so you must be honest .. keep a food diary to keep you honest with yourself. I know many people who say ” I don’t know why I don’t loose weight .. I eat so healthy..it’s just genetics?” but they have frozen cream puffs in their freezer..hidden away from friends and family… or sometimes they say that to me while eating a bag of processed potato chips.. be honest with yourself..take responsibility.. keep it real with you..to prove you love your spouse or family/friends .. you are honest.. love yourself and be honest.

As you begin to loose weight and you become more comfortable with your body in action you can increase your training.. you can become fit rather than just thin.. it’s about health..not the thigh gap.. you can go to #8.. get training.. push yourself over new peaks to greater levels.. you can feel like and look like a super hero.. you can become more youthful..

The #1 excuse that people use ” I don’t have time ” but they have time to watch TV every night and be on Facebook constantly..so yes you do have time.. you can organize your time to make the time. I am a single mother of three. I get up hrs before my kids to have my coffee and breakfast..pack my gym bag and go and do it. I don’t watch TV.. I took the Facebook app off my phone. I don’t bring my phone into the gym or to the track or trail..but I check my phone in the change room now and then to make sure my kids are fine. I have the energy to keep up with my kids, the house work, my part time job and my own big dream as a published author; of beginning a movement towards freeing women of sexual repression..because I give myself ..self love and care. I make the time for me. When my kids were smaller I put them in the gym daycare…bright and early.. brought their breakfast and sippy cups.. and took full advantage of my 2 hrs. You can do this if you WANT IT.. you can reprogram your mind to tell your body to do what it wants it to do.. you have the spirit to tap into if you choose it.. you can be healthy, fit and athletic if you really want it..

You have to organize your mind to organize your time..and to organize your life..

Sometimes you have to loose old friends to loose old habits.. because they will pull you back into those habits..but you will make new friends by joining a gym or fitness organization..

But remember.. the longest journey starts one step at a time.. a clean body starts one bite at a time..

For your body to be the temple it is meant to be.. treat it that way. Don’t wait for tomorrow start TODAY!

7 years later.. sweat; grunting, early mornings.. running. Don’t skip the cardio .. lifting things up and slamming them down.

7 years later.. no short cuts, no fancy diet.. just organic food, water, whey powder, going to bed early and working my ass off at the trail, track and gym

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