Posts Tagged ‘reality bites’

Comparison is the thief of joy

Or it is an examination of reality..and reality bites.

” Be like water.. flow” Or ” Only dead fish float”

Success .. how do you define success? Is it to rise above others.. to stand out from the crowd by having more than what others have..be it fame or money? I define success as helping others rise.. this is my calling and this is me being truly myself. I have seen the inequalities by comparison my entire life.. from a small child I could see the entitlement of men over women..and racists attitudes and beliefs in our cultures.. I could see from the time my feet hit the earth.. how religion and other organizations brainwashed society into these unequal patterns ..that we act out daily against one another.. and so I rage against the machine.. I rage against the bullshit.. break out of the box and raise my fist against it..and I expose it..I write about it.. to help society rise.

Yes comparison is the thief of joy.. but it is those who place the comparisons that are the true thieves of equality.. they are the black magicians.. the wolves in sheep’s clothing… the lions that seem to be tamed.. the capitalist that calls himself a philanthropist.. is really the wolf hunting the sheep.. in the camouflage of the sheep’s skin.. of the last one he ran through with his hidden agenda.. ” Welcome to the Jungle it gets worse here everyday, ya learn to live like an animal, in the Jungle were we play, if you got a hunger for what you see, you will take it eventually, you can have anything you want but you better not take it from me ” Guns N’ Roses mentality..but the truth will set you free.

If we stop comparing.. we will become food for those who eat people’s faces off.. the lion that you thought you had tamed.. but you loved the lion..you fed the lion.. you even coddled the lion.. and the lion was like a child to you..but when you were alone with the lion.. were no one could see.. the true nature of the lion came out to play..and the lion ate your face off.. this is the nature of the beast.. the nature of greed for those who define their successes as having others bones beneath their feet… it is in the lion’s and the wolves nature to feed.. because this is the Jungle.. and the laws of nature apply.. so you better get wise.. you better watch them for what they do..not for who they say they are.. you better fucking compare sheep to lions.. wolves to rabbits.. victimizers to victims so that you be neither .. these are street smarts .. required by those born into the Jungle.. were you learn to run before you walk.. you learn to get the fuck outta there when the air gets heavy and hot.. you trust your instincts..when the hair raises on the back of your neck you know your being hunted.. you know your being stalked.. to not become the cruel flesh eater.. you don’t join in the feeding frenzy.. you don’t move with the pack.. you become the lone wolf.. the one that goes against the nature of the beast.. to not become the victim you get wise to your own nature.. your own inner beast is the one you tame.. not the beasts outside of yourself.. you don’t walk away you run.. you get gone when the air gets think with blood lust.. this is the wisdom of the lone wolf..of the lion that has truly become the King of the Jungle.. he/she moves at their own pace.

But if women stop comparing inequalities of the 77 cent dollar compared to %100 male dollar the beast will continue to feed on the flesh of the weak that choose to go belly up and float.. if African American’s don’t compare white justice to true justice .. justice will never be manifest.. it will stay The Jungle..and the saints and angels will always be portrayed with white skin..and those of color will remain less than.. this is reality and it bites.. it bites down hard with the intention of tearing flesh down to bone.

So joy walks hand in hand with sorrow.. so we can know joy by comparison towards the depths of deep sadness.. this births wisdom.. because in The Jungle only the prey go belly up.

” In The Jungle, Welcome to the Jungle, watch it bring you to your..It’s gonna bring ya down – HA!”

The Single Mom Struggle

 

My rose colored glasses have fallen off my face once again. When you’r a single mom and an artist you don’t get to stay in the rosy glow long enough. So what happened today? Were do I start..?

I have this fucking car.. it has some fucking problems that I cannot seem to get a permanent fix for.. electrical problems that they cannot seem to nail down. This is what happens to the fucking car. The throttle starts to drop from highs to lows.. up and down ..and then I know something shitty is starting to happen.. then the wipers come on by themselves when I start the car, then the radio changes stations,, then it turns off an on by it’s self when I start the fucking car.. then a few days later a bulb that I have just had replaced again! ,,it fucking burns out.. then I know for sure the car is about to go through an electrical shit storm..so I take it in.. they hook up to the computer.. nothing.. just something reading on the throttle.. but I am told the electrical crackling sounds I am hearing from the steering wheel are just cracked plastics rubbing together when I turn the wheel.. so I am like ” OK” leave.. drive the fucking car around for a few weeks.. then the back light burns out that I just had replaced.. then it starts making the weird clicking sounds and the front lights flicker even though they are turned off.. So I am like ” Fucking car.” Then it did it today.. ( electrical shit storm from hell ) lucky for me my kids were with the ex still.. and I had just driven into town from being up in the mountains hiking.. cause the throttle went fucking nuts.. turned right up.. the lights were flashing and the dash was clicking and the steering wheel was crackling like a fucking gawd damn nightmare.. meanwhile I am trying to calmly pull into the grocery store parking lot.. while trying not to panic and have a fucking heart attack .. did that.. got the car in a fucking stall.. didn’t run anyone over with the throttle thrusting the car forward.. parked the fucking car.. left it in park but still running to get out to look at the lights flashing like a son-of-a-bitch.. so I went to the dash and turned the fucking head lights all the way on.. it stopped clicking for a few seconds..then it fucking died.. yup.. just fucking died,, the car had a fucking heart attack… fuck!

FUCK FUCK FUCK!

So I went into the grocery store.. did the shopping.. sucked up my panic and tears.. didn’t cry.. got it done.. called a cab.. told one of my mom friends as I took the groceries out of the cab.. ” My car broke down again” paid the cabby and then went inside and cried and screamed..and cried and screamed and cried and cried and cried.. because I am so fucking mad and because it makes me feel so vulnerable because I don’t have family to help me and because I saved up some fucking money.. and now I have to spend the fucking money on what is or was suppose to be fixed the last 4x I took the fucking car into have them fix the fucking car.. FUCKING CAR!

On top of all that.. my ex wouldn’t keep the kids an extra day..even though he has the day off.. just to be a prick.. and he sent our son home from his house for the 3rd time with living lice in his hair.. each time I clean him up he comes home with living lice in his hair..and each time my ex doesn’t tell me he has it..but my 7 year old son brings it up over dinner.. all innocent to his dad’s conniving bullshit.. seems he likes the thought of sending his son to his ex wife infected with lice.. cause it’s funny to make me suffer..and it doesn’t seem to matter to him that he is making his little boy suffer to make his mother suffer.. so as you can imagine this time my text messages were not polite at all.. nope.. the went like this ” What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you fucking crazy? Are you fucking insane? You don’t deserve your kids asshole.” now that is some hard cold single mom reality..

Then the memory of when I bought the fucking car.. you see he set out some dumb ass stipulation in the settlement of the assents that if I didn’t purchase a car with in the week of him giving me a part of the monies from the sale of the marital home that he wouldn’t give me the other monies from the other assets.. so I rushed out to buy the fucking car..not having a male friend or relative with me to help me get past the sleazy used car sales men that will sell a single mom a lemon with no remorse what so ever.. and that is the shit that happened..and so the anger in me burned to a rising crescendo.. so intense I thought I was going to blast off!

Thank gawd for other single mom friends..and single dad friends that helped to talk me off the ceiling .. cause holy fuck!

The prevailing thought had by us all..” We need a good drunk!”

I don’t drink often but when I do.. it’s because of.. the single mom struggle.

Fucking CAR!

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