Posts Tagged ‘Psychology Today’

My mind is full..and it runneth over

 

Have you ever tried to see yourself outside of yourself? Have you ever tried to solve a problem with the solution? How do you begin with the end? Have you ever attempted to soar so high above your own identity that you were able to see the great big, grand scheme of the Universal plan of intelligent order outside of the human perspective?

Does your brain hurt yet by these questions?

Do you really think that the life your living today will really matter 100 years from now..? How about 1000 years from now? And does it even really matter? What makes it matter? I think it is just changing things for the better.. like quality of life for all living things.. for future living things.. but to be able to make that ripple in the order of things one has to be aware of what causes the quality or over all functioning of life to be stunted, harmed or even plunging towards it’s own demise .. or am I digressing.. or is digressing the answer or the solution .. or is it even really a problem…because what if it is meant to be that life as we know it has to end so that a new life or way of being can be birthed.. or is this more thoughtful digression.. needless to say I have lost about 50% of my readers who cannot be bothered to go this deep.. so onto another topic that sorta links up to this topic.. just down grading a bit to common everyday life problems.. that is how to  change a society that is rowing merrily down it’s own stream of dysfunctional patterns ..

And so it is that I was having a cup of chia tea ..with almond milk at a local coffee shop with a local guy friend talking about our local society..and about my book and this website, through these writings.. me attempting to change society or put a positive ding in the Universe by educating people towards sexual equality.. women’s rights, sexual maturity, sexual repression though religion, arts, the science of psychology ( the study of how people think ) and the sociology ( the study of social behaviours and organizations ) We talked about how I wasn’t accepted or seen as acceptable by our local society because I dared to ” Put it out there” or to bring any of my new readers up to speed.. I published topless pictures of me in my book to show freedom of women’s sexuality or a mature sexuality by being a Goddess or Goddesses in my book through the writing and imagery. What I did was become what was considered to be unacceptable by society to prove the prejudices and social immaturities by society towards women’s natural sexuality…but by doing this I became un-networkable by organizations based upon outdated beliefs and patterns that no longer function to create a stable environment for all the members of society.. or more than %50 whom are women and their children. What is really an irony is that I have been told by these organizations including arts councils that they must protect children in our society from me and my book or the sexual content of the work.. when it is the children who will benefit the most from the change the work could promote for future generations.. sexual shaming or an immaturity towards sexuality is something that is socialized into children from birth into adulthood.. but the problem is if the adults are steeped into this dysfunctional perspective towards a natural and healthy sexuality ..then how can we break this cycle for future generations?

And so he asked me ” Will you show up to any of the networking and arts events to show them that they don’t own you?” my answer ” There isn’t any point in speaking to a def crowd. Putting myself in a positions to be further abused and bullied by those fearful and lacking in maturity towards me and my message would be self abuse. There wouldn’t be any ground to be made, and it would do the opposite towards me standing my ground as it would only depress me. ” Do not cast your pearls upon swine ” is a biblical saying that holds ancient wisdom.. or ” he who hath an ear let him hear.. he who hath an eye let him see” They have no ear to listen and no awareness to see.. to go to those meetings would be futile.”

So how does one change a society that is steeped in the trenches of deep dysfunction towards seeing women’s sexual freedom as dangerous, sinful and immoral? How does one break out of the cage of conformity?Were is the key? Who is the jailer? These questions are answered in my book… it will take many women to step up and out to break down the walls of conformity..but I haven’t found these women in my local community.. I have found the opposite.. those who are afraid of change or who are so unaware they are not even aware of their captivity through the shame imposed upon their sexuality,, they are ignorant..

Looking at the book in marketable terms.. it isn’t marketable in Canada as Canadian society is highly Christian conservative.. meaning that the book and the sexuality of the Goddess Movement is highly repressed and miss understood by the ignorance of sin placed upon the wombs of women.. or that a conservative society sees that the virtue of society balances upon the sexual morality of women..and that morality is based upon a society that is over 2000 years in the past..and so it is Canada hasn’t evolved past those patterns of thinking and behaving. The book is marketable in the United States .. in places like New York and California that are much more progressive; but I am unable to travel because my young children are in public school and I cannot afford it.. I have done my best to network online but this venue is saturated ..it’s like being in a crowed subway screaming over masses of people trying to be heard 200 ft away..

And so here we are down to earth again..swimming in the deepest depths of the problems and the issues.. so was the solution to the problem never to attempt such a feat of change in the first place? Were the components to the problem to varied and complex? Did we get lost in equating the equation? Because the unknown variable or X amounts to = ignorance..and so here were are again back to the beginning .. shall we wipe the board clean and try again.. or was the solution the problem?

I digress and my mind is full and it runneth over once again…

Bitchy, Mean Girls

http://kelownawomeninbusiness.blogspot.ca/2012_09_01_archive.html

 

Bonita and I met at a Goddess Party.. held by a woman who really didn’t understand what it meant to be a Goddess.. turns out the Goddess movement in Kelowna is pretty wishy-washy.. just like Kelowna.. When I read from my book at the party..full of women.. I was hushed..as I was reading a piece from my book about religious repression of women’s sexuality and religious repression against sexuality as a whole.. The Goddess is all about women’s sexuality, exploring women’s sexuality and about women expressing their sex through the archetypes of all the ancient Goddesses.. but not in a bible belt.. in a bible belt speaking about such things is offensive..and so I was shushed.. while the other women went on to sing their songs..and read their writings .. I was hurt and shocked.. at the repression and the immaturity of these grown women.. but Bonita wanted to meet with me..

The next day.. we walked together down the lake front to go and have our dinner meeting.. it was October 2012.. it was a full moon that night.. during our walk I made a joke about loving to be naked..as I am topless on my website.. right away I saw Bonita cringe.. she didn’t get the joke..and she said something as to how it made her uncomfortable.. I could sense the stick up her ass..but my curiosity got the best of me.. I wanted to know what this was all about.. She started to tell me on our walk that other women were uncomfortable with my body language .. that I had a raw sexuality about me that they found threatening.. she told me that other women would fear for their husbands around me.. she said ” See how other women grab onto their men when you walk by?” She said..” You should dress like me, like a professional..than other women will not be offended and men will take you seriously.”

I thought ” This is going to be interesting..and this is getting catty and bitchy… I wonder what she will say during dinner.. ?” I just had to know.. this was fucked up..

During dinner.. she told me that other women she knew ( meaning Kelowna Women In Business) wouldn’t want to network with me with “those pictures on your website” She told me that I was seen as a whore..she then went into the etymology of the world.. going back to German roots.. saying it meant a lewd, prostitute.. VULGAR.. She told me that I was sexually injured.. that my chakras were all lower energy.. meaning I live in my crotch.. that I am not spiritually tuned into the universe like she is.. that I am not as evolved as she is..

She told me that if I wanted to network in Kelowna with women in Kelowna that I had to button up.. wear a dress suite.. be just like them to fit in and not be seen as a threat.. she told me TO STOP WEIGHT LIFTING!!! She said I should have a yoga body like hers..she told me that my muscle is a threat and not feminine to men..she told me I threatened men by my warrior like energy..that I am too strong, my personality is a turn off to men..because I have such a hard body..that women and men are both threatened ..

It became clear to me that she was speaking for Kelowna Women In Business..and it seemed as if Melonie Dodaro had sent her with instructions.. ” Get her to blend or push her out.”

With that cattiness and bitchiness coming at me I intentionally planted a seed.. just to see if it would grow into a rumor .. I thought ” I will give them something to talk about” I have had that mischief in me since I can remember.. it amuses me to tinker with small minds and fearful people.. so I told Bonita that I had slept with a married man.. I told her I did it just to see what the power trip would feel like.. I thought ” If they are so afraid for their husbands this rumor should spread like wild fire.” So I wonder.. did it? I bet as soon as she left me she got on her phone texting ” What a slut..she does sleep with married men.”

Anyway.. I wasn’t root chakra damaged before the meeting with Bonita..but I was afterwards..and I still am.. I hope writing this helps me heal.. I haven’t been with a man since or even really tried to date.. This entire experience of attempting to network with such cruel people.. has made me feel like there isn’t any love in this city..there certainly has been any for me..

I am including a piece from Psychology today about Feminine Foes.. why women do this sort of shit to other women..

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-therapy/201401/feminine-foes-new-science-explores-female-competition?tr=HomeEssentials

“”According to Benenson, a common way women deal with the threat represented by a remarkably powerful or beautiful woman is by insisting on standards of equality, uniformity, and sharing for all the women in the group and making these attributes the normative requirements of proper femininity.

Third, in extreme cases women may guard against potential competitors by means of social exclusion. If a new attractive woman shows up in the neighborhood (or school, or club), all the women in attendance may turn their backs on her, compelling her to withdraw from the scene, thus increasing their own chances with the surrounding males.”" ~Psychology Today

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