Posts Tagged ‘passionate artists’

The Goddess

 

The Photo Shoots

(From the book ~The Goddess an Expression of the Divine Feminine ~ ) Available on Amazon.ca

 

First off I am not a model; but that is the point. Through the sensual photography I am trying to show a softer side of sexuality; really if I had my way, I would do away with pornography for obvious reasons. I don’t see anything wrong with erotica because it usually benefits both the sexe’s sexual appetites; but porn shows women being degraded. To me erotica shows sex and romance; love and lust, something both sexes aspire to in the pursuit of love and lovemaking.

Anyway I am not what would be considered model material at all; I am 5ft tall, 120 pounds and I am 42. My body has conceived 7 times but I have given birth to three children; but this is the reality of being a woman; our age; weight, height don’t make us any less sexy; that is media hype to sell us youth and wieghtloss products that don’t work. Only healthy diet and exercise work. I am very healthy and fit; not skinny or fat, I have curves and real breast, and even my nails are real. The point in using me as the model is to bring back real beauty and health for women and no one else would do it!

 

I met Claire and Joan of Miss Sassy Pants Boudoir Photography in the summer of 2011; my ex had left me for another woman; I believe in my heart that the affair started while I was pregnant with our son. I needed a self-esteem boost; I had lost 40 pounds of baby weight, I was single again and I wanted to do something out of the ordinary. The photographs turned out beautifully. I used them on my blog to post (The Divine Feminine 1 through 6). I use them on my facebook as well.

 

I had the greatest Idea ever! I decided to write a book about the Goddess and as a very visual and artistic person, I knew in my heart that having Claire and Joan do the photography would make the book like sensual eye candy. It was hard to use myself; I know that there are some people that know me (especially family) who will think that I am conceited, crazy and glorifying myself through the book.  Yes I had to use myself; I couldn’t afford to pay someone else and I couldn’t find no one who had the courage to do it. The message of the book is so important to me; that I decided to take the leap of faith and risk it all myself and I am risking it all. Everyone will know me as the woman who posed in this book, not just the author of the book but the model; everyone who looks at and reads this book will know my body in a lot of detail. This does take away from my privacy; I chose not to have any shots with frontal nudity below the waist as that is very private to me, I am saving that part of me for me and for the man I will love and who will love me.

 

As a mother; it made it harder to come to the decision to do it; but as a mother I had to do it. I want to show my young daughters and my son how wonderful women really are, how real and beautiful, how sensual and strong real women are. I want to bring back romance and love; true equal partnerships between men and women for all of us and our future generations. It will be very interesting for me when the book is published and my nudity is made public. I can only hope that most people will have the maturity to see the beauty and the art for what it is; I can only hope that I will not be judged as a bad mother and a tramp. I can only hope to spread hope; and a new kind of liberation for men and women. I can only hope to build upon the equality of the sexes through this work.

 

The funny thing is that Hugh Hefner and I have the same birthday; April 9th. Both of us working with sex; but I am different as I do not want or wish to use sexuality to build an empire on; I wish to set us free from the bondage of the extremes. I wish to show true sexual freedom; that is not to hurt the other sex or the self in sexual expression; I want to help build upon the sensual, erotic art form of making love, not just having sex.

 

The first photo shoot was outside at Bertram Park in Kelowna B.C; I wanted to get Okanagan Lake in the photos, I love where I live and being Canadian. I do want to travel and see where all the Goddesses originated from though.

 

It is a public park; it was secluded enough in March, that we could take the nude photos; but of course really cold, it was below 10 degrees when we took the shots. In the shots of me as Athena; you can see Kelowna’s floating bridge in the background; I just love it!

We worked fast; it was very cold, for 2 hours I was near naked most of the time, but we were so into our creative adventure I hardly noticed the cold, I just wanted the shots! The rocks on the beach were the worst though; they were so COLD and Sharp. Claire and Joan were amazed at my tenacity; when I set my mind to my work, it will happen.

 

Standing on the cliff as Athena was hard; I kept getting dizzy because I was looking up at the sky, it was giving me intense vertigo, and cars along the road could see me, they were slowing down to look, I kept having to cover my naked breast with my shield. It was kind of funny.

 

Lying on the ground as Mother Nature felt great; that spot on the ground was really quite warm and I love the smell of the earth warming up; that was my most relaxed shot; they were quite quick.

 

Artemis was my favorite; I loved the bow and arrow; I loved the costume and I loved who she was. With every Goddess I had to get into character; Claire helped me with Artemis she asked me to hunt and to stalk my prey, it really helped. I just love what she stands for; later after the shoot I had a dream of her, not of me as her but actually of her. In my dream she had light red hair and grey/green huge eyes. She had an infant strapped to one side of her back and her arrows on the other side; she was rapid firing her arrows at her pray. It meant that she would be successful as she left no room for failure. She made sure all of her arrows flew straight and true. This is the Goddess of the brave; the mother bear protecting her young. I just loved stepping into her character; I can only hope to emulate her through my life.

 

When we walked out of the park; we passed the park keeper, he was cutting and chipping trees that had fallen in a storm. He was close to my age; it’s funny he must of seen something cause he just kept looking at us like he couldn’t believe it! So funny!

 

The next photo shoots were Isis and the High Priestess; we did the Priestess first. These shoots were harder for me as the costumes and makeup were more elaborate; wearing wigs drives me nuts! But to make the Goddesses look different and authentic it had to be done. I don’t mind dressing up once in a while; but the more natural Goddesses were more my style.  It’s comical that when I was doing the dancing shots my wig flew clean off my head! Claire reached her limit when the Runes fell between my butt cheeks; she drew the line at fishing them out!  But The Priestess is one sexy Goddess; she was very cat like, very sleek and sexy.

 

I read the Runes later on after looking at the shot; this is what they meant:  the first is the Rune of PROTECTION – I give myself protection through the awareness of my emotions; by having self control over my emotions and living in the moment. This is how to handle change and transition.

PAIN – some pain is necessary as the darkness teaches us about the light and the power of the self. We are initiated through pain to spiritual awareness. Keep faith and good temper to move through the pain of darkness into the light.

BREAK AWAY – break away from constricting beliefs. Experience the world of the archetypal mind.

PARTNERSHIP – Partnership with the Divine and personal relationships; gift of freedom from which flow other gifts.

I took this interpatation from “The Book of Runes” from Ralph H. Blum.

It has come true so far; the pain has manifested as people in my neighborhood that judge me for my blog and my work; the breakaway has shown up as me moving away, so that I have privacy from the judgment of people like this, once the book comes out it will get even worse because of my nudity. If they judge me now, well, I am sure it will get much worse.

 

I have yet to experience the last Rune of Partnership; I hope it is with the Divine and a relationship with someone special, kind and loving. That is long overdue!

 

While I was trying to stay in the character of Isis; Claire was joking around about my tits; it was so funny because Claire has and English accent, it was the way she said it I kept bursting out in laughter. You can see me smiling a tiny bit in the shot of me with the wings up in the air. That was because of Claire! Another thing that was really neat was that Joan and Claire decided on their own to put the blue misty effect in the Isis photos; they down loaded them to me at home that way; the interesting thing is that Claire and Joan had no idea that in mythology Isis is a star in the heavens. Claire and Joan added the effect by just following their creative instincts. I think that deep down in each woman’s soul, she understands the magic of the Goddess.

Trying not to laugh when Claire was telling me ” Your tits look great ” in her English accent

 

Isis was so regal; I did love stepping into the character of Isis; she is a Queen, she so royal. I can’t quite describe her. Isis is more of a Queen and more royalty then any earthly Queen could be. Isis is the star. I can’t believe how I would dream of every Goddess; they came to me in dreams in their true glory, mystery and magic. My dreams cannot be described in words; but I truly felt led in a spiritual sense. I felt the deep purity of the Divine Feminine; it truly has been a gift.

The white Goddess was the hardest; I really felt like a real bride does on her wedding day; I wanted everything to be just perfect. Not only did the flowers come on time but the Owner of Kelowna Rose and Garden, came early! The flowers were beautiful and to thank Joan and Claire I sent them home with a dozen roses each as we had three dozen and the little wedding bouquet. I didn’t feel pretty that day; I just didn’t so I had to get my head around it and get into the character of The White Goddess. The shots of the side of my body with the jewels were very hard for Joan and I; she had to get up on a step ladder and take the shot without looking into the camera; so we had to take many shots with me on my knees. It was tough and it hurt! The candle shot was hard too; we couldn’t get the light right. I forgot the matches and Claire searched the building for someone who would have a lighter, thank goodness she found one. The candle shot was the most important to me as it shows The Compassionate Heart. In mythology and in many ancient writings the bride is ready for the groom when she lights her lamp or candle. It shows purity of the heart. It was a painful shot as the hot wax dripped on my fingers over and over again until we got it right; but the bleeding heart, is a feeling heart, so that symbolism was worth the pain.

 

So by this time, it was really starting to feel like work; as a mother of three it took a lot of juggling and planning to get the costuming and the babysitting just right. I couldn’t of done the costuming without Calowna Costumes in Kelowna B.C.; this store I made up 90% of the costumes. They were great; I had to bring my kids with me to pick out and shop for the costumes; they were wonderful when it came to putting up with my 5 year old son running around the store like 5 year old boys do. They gave the kids free goody bags full of cool stuff one day.

 

The photo shoots have brought me memories that I will treasure for a lifetime; it was an adventure!

The Goddess

 

 

Introduction

( From the book ~ The Goddess and Expression of the Divine Feminine ~ ) available on Amazon.ca

The Artist

 

You can usually pick us out in a crowd; most of us have a style of our own, we have a vacant look sometimes as we are contemplating upon our next creation.

 

The musician moves to his/her own beat. They wake up in the morning with a melody in their head as they dream up new lyrics. To an artist; the place of dreams, the deep subconscious, is a place that holds the treasure of our creations. Many of us use our dreams as spring-boards for our creations. The musician, singer or lyricist can’t help but to feel and hear music in everything. The beat and the tempo are in the way they walk, talk and communicate. They just can’t help themselves; the vibrations of the universe move through them like their very pulse.

 

The actor/actress seems detached in many ways; as they are watching you and other people to create their next character, they study voice, body language and emotions. Most who are into acting study human nature as second thought. Actors stand out; they love drama; they love laughter and sorrow. They may seem odd to most people but we can’t help but be drawn to the flame of passion that burst forth from their dramatic flair.

 

The photographer, painter and sculptor, see through the matrix of creation; we see the core, we see the essence and we wish to capture it in color, light and form. We are also somewhat detached as we need to see; to really see, to understand creation past the self. We love passion; all artist love passion.

 

The dancer is sensual; the body an instrument for their passion; they love the music, the burn of muscle as they push their bodies past what would be considered normal; for the sake of it. To become the music, to fly with the music..for the passion!

 

We create drama; and live our dreams for the passion. It takes great courage to be an artist of any type; as society and family members will say that an artist in the family is hopeless dreamer. They may say you are wasting your time on something that will not make you money.

 

Many artists are called crazy and deluded by others that have chosen normal jobs that give them a guaranteed pay check. Artists have to be fighters; they have to live for their passion. Most of us have to work at other jobs to support our craft. Society needs artist to create beauty and drama; without us to entertain and enlighten the world it would become a very dull and ugly place.

 

Yes we are different; dramatic, passionate, and odd. We express ourselves through everything we do as it is in our nature to do so; but without us life would lose meaning, culture would disappear and society would become gray and flat.

 

Artist need support; through family, friends and society. Without us you wouldn’t have movies; theaters, galleries, photographs of history or beauty, we keep record of the civilized world. Artist bring about civilization through creation for the sake of passion.

 

Instead of thinking “ Who the hell does he/she think she is up there on that stage, or wanting me to read their writing or look at their art ?” try to see that someone has to dare to have the courage to stand out, to bring beauty into the world and be different. They were born to stand out.

Listen to the music

I created these art selfies in the park while being inspired by the piano man. I wanted to show you what the music looks like.

So many things and so many people have broken my heart.. my mind has been greatly troubled and my demons had their way with me.. Everything surfaced when I met with another person who is quite popular and well know in my local community. I knew our experiences were night and day.. I knew that meeting with him would prove to be painful.. yet I had to try.. just try. But afterwards I saw that he was very good friends with many of the people who deliberately hurt me.. by excluding me from organizations.. by being prejudiced against me as an artist..because I don’t create safe wine art..or coffee table art..or decor.. my art is raw and meaningful..sexual and passionate.. intellectual and intelligent .. my art is controversy and so I am controversy.. but the old wounds that didn’t have time to heal..that were still seeping in pain..burst open.. and my mind was filled with the worms that came from the can of worms that was reopened.. upon meeting with a man who has so much more than I have.. one that is my direct opposite in comparison towards being fully accepted vs being labeled as inappropriate..

musical magical spell

So I finally cried myself to sleep last night.. finally the damn burst inside of me..the frustration weeping from me ..turning into silent hot ..scolding tears of the words that couldn’t give verse.. to expressing the rage..that words cannot explain..but only hot silent tears can tell.

I was still in my funk when I took my kids to city park.. my oldest daughter wanted to sunbathe as she did her sketching..and my son wanted to skateboard with the big boys.. I was bitchy from feeling surrounded by Kelowna..feeling sick of Kelowna; as we drove up to find some event going on in the park.. but as we set up..and spread our blankets..unpacked our snacks..the music started to play.. live music..and I felt my self .. start to relax.. I felt the anger start to leave me.. as my children played..and the music played..and the burning sun, kissed my shoulders..

musical bliss

Then a man who wrote his own music and lyrics started to play the piano..it was only him..his heart..and the piano.. and he played it will all heart..

the music in my heart

I felt the tears well up..and my heart climbed into my throat.. his music was so rich.. opulent .. he turned joy to sorrow and sorrow to joy.. it was as if his fingers played the keys and then my heart at the same time.. it was the music.. it broke the evil spell that was cast over me..by me comparing myself to them again.. knowing that they all laugh at me because I am nothing like them.. I, myself knowing, I couldn’t ever be like them.. knowing I will never fit in.. I will never be accepted by them or be appropriate to them.. but somehow the music cast a new spell..a sweet spell of magic that brought me to my knees on the inside.. I prayed to the music as I was present with each note.. fully there on each scale..and then the crescendo broke my heart wide open.. raw and vulnerable .. pure but damaged.. I was with the music..with the passion and purity..with the sweetness and the rage.. ripped apart..wide open ..a bloody heart full of feeling..ripe and bleeding..

music

And I knew this artist playing.. I knew he knew that none of this shit matters.. none of these people matter.. it’s the art that matters.. it’s the music.. it is the creative bliss that makes one bleed on the keys of the piano.. they all listen to him..but it is just him and the piano and they are one.. one with the universal flow of creative energy.. the life force.. and so artist die to their craft to be truly alive…

crazy artist

Every artist walks with a heart that is never fully mended.. we take our pain and we use it to paint our bliss..

blissful surrender to the music

Many who read this will never understand what it is like to walk the earth with your heart bleeding droplets of ruby red…

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