Posts Tagged ‘Okanagan Valley Entrepreneur Society’

Contemplating my bad

 

Mentally reviewing the last 3 years attempting to network my book in my local community.. I realize my bad was dramatically reacting to their bad.. but of course I didn’t know what I didn’t know.. and that is what I know now…and it’s that I wouldn’t ever be accepted or be welcomed in their house of belonging due to the subject matter of my book ” Women’s sexuality ” Even though my book is tasteful and factual.. even though it is artistic and intellectual.. although very amateurish.. I wouldn’t ever of been accepted into their polished, conservative perspectives.. as they are comfortable in doing things the way they always have done them.. and I had no idea that the art culture in Kelowna and area.. are to support professionalism.. vs professionalism supporting the arts.. or any form of balance between the two. I had no idea of the fact that the people who create the culture in Kelowna, through the arts they decide to promote or show.. through the networking groups and organizations that they have created and run.. are groups and organizations based upon professional conservatism ..and that they are subject to their perspectives of good clean family values or MORALS.

My bad or my fault was to keep trying to break down their barriers and prejudices.. my fault was to keep trying to break through their walls and to try to change them after I had realized they all held the same views and they were not going to change them. Yes what they did and how they do things is wrong.. it is black and white..if you profess to include everyone in your groups and organizations..but exclude me due to the subject matter of women’s sexuality that is sexism..that is prejudice and that is black and white.. WRONG..But by me getting beside myself with anger and frustration.. with that anger and frustration turning inward inside of me ..to lead to suicidal thoughts a year ago ( I am doing really well now thanks ) but by allowing them that room in my mind, and heart they had won..and it gave them an excuse to call me crazy and a drama queen.. it gave them an excuse as a group..as individuals.. to keep excluding me..to never let me in..to not allow me to network in their groups or have speaking platform.. because of my emotions.. me attempting to hold them accountable on my blog by writing about every experience .. it made them feel justified.. so the did win. I should of realized that it was a battle that I couldn’t win after loosing so many rounds in the fight.. I should of seen it was draining.. sucking my vitality and life force.. it was taking away my confidence..as I was starting to see myself through their eyes.. I should of just walked off that battle field and realized not a single one of them was ever worth it.. that belonging or being accepted by them wasn’t ever worth loosing my sense of self over.. I should of seen much earlier that they wouldn’t ever be my audience.. because they are afraid of change.. even though they peach change and equality.. even though they go on and on about authenticity and having the courage to be different and follow your dreams.. I should of seen much sooner that these were just words of self promotion.. but I didn’t know, then what I know now.. now that I have watched them..now that I have gotten to know their patterns of make believe personas .. I sure wish I knew then what I know now..  but I am headstrong…and sometimes being headstrong can be a double edged sword..it can make you tough..but also it can make you blind to your own stubborn.. and gawd I am that.

I have a temper and righteous anger.. but now I know how to spot them because they all sound the same.. the all run in the same circles and all spout the same self-righteous crap. I can see the arrogance ..as they think they can do no wrong..and they have the power in numbers to keep their delusion of grandeur. But my bad was believing it.. comparing myself to them.. feeling like I don’t measure up because I don’t have the qualification or the professional experience that they all seem to have..but I have learned that most of their qualifications are hyped up bullshit.. my bad was not seeing it sooner.

The truth is I was and still am, their mirror.. a mirror that doesn’t work through the lens of their own rose colored glasses..but a mirror that shows them their lies and prejudices.. a mirror that shows them the truth…and that is ” Same as it ever was.. same as it ever was.” and it will always be the same old..for them..and that’s exactly why they don’t want to let me in or anyone else in that doesn’t communicate or network with in the frames of their comfort levels.. because they are afraid …

And there is my bad again..I didn’t understand it was really their fear and ignorance..it really didn’t have much to do with me.. change is a painful process..that they don’t want to face.

If there ever is a similar circumstance in my life again.. I walking away sooner.. I not going to fight battles I cannot win when I could change my strategy and change what I can.. I will accept much sooner..what I cannot not change.

In a world of my own

 

I found my happiness… it was in acceptance. My dream about Albert Einstein helped me to become conscious of the unconsciousness of others around me..and that I cannot help them.. it is what it is. I had to learn the hard way.. like Alice falling down the rabbit hole and then attending the Mad Hatters tea party.. she realized they were all mad and incapable of seeing or becoming aware of their own madness..and so she had to leave them to it… and so I am. I had to go out into the mad world of my local community and try to attempt to be a part of society; to see that I don’t want to be a part of it.. I want to be a part from it.. I want none of it. It’s funny that they thought I was causing drama because I was drawn into their dramas.. but such is madness..

But one day.. just the other day, as I lay on the grass listening to my son’s joyous laughter..and the laugher of the other children.. I realized that I liked this world so much better.. that there is happiness in letting go of caring what other people think of you..and I realized I wasn’t ever meant to fit in to their world… my level of consciousness is much nicer..and my nightly dreams are now getting even more trippy as I let go and just go with it.. my mind is free of them and their babble,, my spirit is soaring once more… and I am back.. back to myself..and I know now what happiness is.. it’s finding yourself.. your inner bliss.. it’s the love of the simple, sweet moments I spend with my kids.. it’s my workouts,, it’s cooking wonderful organic meals… and sunrises and sunsets.. it’s writing here on my blog..it’s putting paint on canvas.. it’s the deep conversations I have with my teenage daughters about growing into womanhood..

I feel down the rabbit hole..and I fell for the madness.. but now I am back to my senses..and back to myself..and I realize now I shouldn’t of ever trusted madness to define consciousness..there is madness of doing and doing and getting nowhere..but right back were you started…and then there is the good crazy.. and that is being in a world of my own.. the place deep inside of myself.. were I make magic into art.. I give method to madness..now that is my kind of crazy..

let them have their nonsense.. it’s a long road to nowhere..

I will be baking pumpkin pie :) and enjoying life

Innocence Lost

“He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you.” Friedrich Nietzsche

 

The Devil Tarot is both good and evil.. the good of The Devil is positive social notoriety ( do something to create positive change for society, the earth or humanity as a whole ) also The Devil in the positive stands for a great and passionate, sexual relationship and/or personal charisma … but this post is about The Devil in the negative… it stands for social notoriety at the cost of personal integrity. It stands for the temptation of loosing yourself in greed.. the greed of money and or social acclaim .. and sexually addictive behaviors and secrets.. or having a double life.. being a two faced lying bastard.. the evil magician who uses the illusion of charm to seduce people into following him/her for the pure ego feed,money, lust and/or all forms of greed..many use the disguise or slight of hand to make it appear that they are trying to use fame to create a positive change for humanity..but truthfully their charities are tools of manipulation .. to create fame for the pure sake of ego feed or to make money.. the filthy rich love ” Their Charities ” as they are great forms of manipulation.

When I first put up my website and all online accounts..and tried to promote my book on foot through my local community I met The Devil in many people. They mistook the innocence and naturalness of the nudity in my book.. in the photography; as my own form of Devil’s Play..they mistook my honest and frank writing ..or maturity about women’s sexuality as seduction.. they saw me as the evil magician using sex to seduce..and so it brought out their own inner devils.. soon I found myself gazing into a pit of seething snakes..all clamoring one up against each other for social attention.. and I was seen as another competitor in the race for fame and fortune.

To many men in my local community I became the next hottest little thing.. many tried to seduce me to become another one of their mistresses or girlfriends.. many of them very overweight men.. or in some way not attractive..but they had social connections, money or both..and when I didn’t play a long.. I was labeled as a crazy bitch. I had one actually grab me from behind when I was alone in his home during a business meeting..he grabbed me and tore my dress to one side cupping my bare breast in his hand from behind..then he bit down on my neck and demanded to be pleased.. I most carefully and graciously peeled him from me before running out the front door.. ~ innocence lost ~

This sort of seductive behavior happened often in the first 2 years of trying to network within Kelowna society.. I was invited to dinner parties to arrive and find myself the only guest.. then I would make a quick exit .. using some lame excuse .. like my babysitting fell through.. but it wasn’t just men.. it was swinging couples.. I had to be so careful.. I was invited to those parties too ..to find myself the only guest..once again to leave as fast as I could….

But then I found myself also the brunt of mean girl jokes..I had women’s organizations that I attempted to network with haunt my blog to leave mean girl comments.. seeing me as the men saw me.. as mistress material.. as the woman putting it out their to climb the social ladder on rich men’s dicks..and so they hated me for it.. for their own insecurities and ignorance..and so I saw what I didn’t want to become.. them.

I have written on this blog about them and their prejudices.. and so they wish to see me torn down..as I showed them the monsters that they are.. while they tried to make me a monster like them..because they thought I must be..putting my sexuality out there like art..thinking I am all that..doing all that they dared not to do..so of course I deserved and deserve their darkness..their contempt and deep dark shadows.. yet they don’t see they have simply projected their devils onto me…

What I have found is that they don’t network..they use each other..as devils do.. they would just as easily drop each other or climb up on the other’s downing ..if it meant climbing higher socially.. they haven’t real friendships.. they lie to each other..butter each other up..and they say they are authentic.. yet their masks are so thick..

When I wrote about my journey into the abyss of Kelowna Society..when I wrote about their shadows..and their slight of hand.. I showed them their devils.. and that’s why they resent me so..Because it takes courage and character not to fall into temptation..as they crawl and clamor in it..drowning in the pitiful messes of themselves they have created..not knowing who it is that stares back at them in the mirror..forgetting who they are in the falseness of their own images they have created..calling it BRANDING and REPUTATION.. but really it’s all just illusion.

But I have this to take with me..and I bid them adieu.. as I bow out from a competition I did’t know I had signed up for..

I have my integrity.. I have my authenticity.. I have my truth..and with that you didn’t steal my light to own it for yourselves.. as you have been too afraid to earn it..as monsters and devils are always afraid.. and that is why they try to steal the light.. because they cannot bring themselves to taking off the masks that casts their shadows…

The question to ask is this.. without me .. now who will you blame and shame.. now that you cannot project your bullshit onto me..it ‘s your faces unmasked in the mirror that you will see.

Putting the dream to bed

 

It actually depends on the distance of the star from earth..but you get the point. Sometimes you just have to face reality..and learn to let go. Sometimes holding onto something can cause un-needed pain.. vs letting go of toxic people and toxic situations. Since giving birth to my dream ( My book ) I have gotten nothing but shit and shame..and a ton of muther fucking head games from my community. I have given it a run for it’s money.. holy shit have I paid my dues through their ignorance, prejudice and abuse.. the last straw.. was the guy I thought I had fallen in love with.. until he showed me his true self with his last text message.. his arrogance.. his snottiness.. his ” I am better than you because I have a rich daddy and everyone in this community supports and loves me.. compared to you.. you manipulating, seducing bitch.” stuck up.. holier than thou .. I am fucking prick attitude.. selfish.. self absorbed .. etc.. etc.. attitude.. but he represents all of them.. I am generalizing..but ya that’s pretty much the attitude of all the snobs in Kelowna.. people a part of the arts and business community..those allowed in.. those that suck up.. suck dick.. women who will actually fuck the ugly rich dues for social acceptance and favors.. or the one’s like him born into money.. then there are the one’s like the last photographer I let take my images for my free the nipple post.. ya he didn’t even edit them..because he learned by me telling him about my struggles ( stupid fucking me..thinking I could confide in anyone..wtf was I thinking? ) well he learned I am unpopular.. so he sent me the images raw ( I edited them myself ).. because he didn’t give a fuck enough to do any good work for me.. like he does or did for all the snotty uppity bitches .. who he can gain some social climbing through.. so that was another ( fuck this shit ) blow.. then one of his photographer friends who is trying to do some social climbing as well starts posting bullshit about what to avoid in looking for Ms.Right while dating.. much of his writing describing a woman like me.. or how people in the networking groups have labeled me anyway.. but no .. no one is gossiping.. and like Matthew said..he never gossips..but his close friends are hitting like on the post from this guy.. I am just like ( Fuck this shit ) but this is the mental shit..this is the mental confusion .. this is the fucked up shit these people do.. nothing is said up front..it’s eluded to..it’s manipulation..and the funniest most ironic part is they label me as the manipulative one ..while they are manipulating .. fucking mental warfare.. I am like ( fuck this shit )

So after 3 years of being socially shut out .. I am fucking done. One thing they love to do when I meet them in person is rub my fucking nose in it.. Just like Matthew did when we had tea together.. reminding me by telling me that I need a platform for my book ..that I need a place to speak about it.. that I need a team..a community.. letting me know how much I don’t have..that he has..because he is popular and rich through family association.. ya well ( fuck this shit )

I have people that I don’t even know glare at me in the grocery store.. my little boys says to me while playing in the cart with the steering wheel ” Mommy why are those old people glaring at you..they are looking at you like they hate you mommy..do you know those people?” what I want to say to my little boy ” Those people are assholes son.. remember that look so you can spot them as you grow up.. I wish I knew that look sooner.. those people don’t have dreams and fucking lives of their own so they need to crush other people’s dreams because they are muther fuckers dear.”

I thought to myself ” I know that I am not promoted by Kelowna’s media because I don’t promote tourism by telling the truth of my story.. by telling it like it is.. by standing up for myself it’s impossible for the arts and professional community to accept me.. or welcome me in..” but then I remind myself.. they never intended to let me in..because of my nipples,in my book, in the photography.. because I write about women’s sexuality..because I am not rich..because I am not popular..and it’s a gigantic fucking High School here.. the adults are more socially immature ( retarded ) then their own kids!

So I gotta let this SHIT go..

I am not going to promote my book in Kelowna anymore..and I am not doing it online anymore at all. I will be writing on my blog here..about whatever the fuck I feel like writing about..but I am putting the dream to bed so I can be happy.. I can release myself from their toxic shit..from their discrimination and ignorance.. Matthew may feel that he has won.. he did..he won the biggest asshole award.. he can put it up in the local arts center for all his snotty and popular friends to see.. I don’t give a fuck.

I need to to concentrate on my kids..on the simple things that make us happy… because life is to short for this bullshit..and all their bullshit..as far as I am concerned they deserve each other.. maybe when I am dead my book might make an impact in the world..but I am not going to keep fighting a loosing battle with people who don’t fight fair…

I realize these jerks don’t deserve me or my book.. quite frankly I cannot stand these people and their selfish fake, plastic and childish society.. they really do deserve each other..

I deserve to be happy.. I deserve love and respect.. I will never get any of that from them..and I realize now what I did wrong.. I kept trying.. I cast my pearls upon swine.

Celibate Sex

 

My sexy shopping spree was brought on by a bad dream I had last night.. I know this sounds funny but dreams are funny things..and the dreams that startle you awake rise directly from your subconscious. ( It’s a fact ) this dream did just that. In my dream I was with random no-name guy. Just some dumb, faceless guy in my life because I was sexually frustrated and lonely. I know a lot of women who make that mistake.. I hate that mistake and I have learned from that sorta mistake years back.. no-name, random guy is a waste of time and energy. In a spiritual sense giving your sexual energy away to someone who doesn’t vibrate at your level is spiritually damaging.. it leaves dark empty holes in your aura.. just like it leaves them in your heart..

With the moon being in Taurus and my Venus being in Taurus; even though I am an Aries. it was time to upgrade on my sex toys..and to treat myself to some sensuality..it was a sensual day ..because I was also reading tarot cards for women concerning questions about their sex lives and exploring their own sexuality..it was a day full of feminine sexuality. A nice break from all the male sexuality promoted all over social media.. feminine sexuality it so nurturing vs male sexuality that can be so aggressive.

The city I live in is very prudish… me writing about my own sexuality, spiritual sexuality or sacred sex..and women’s sexuality is taboo.. If I was ugly, unhappily married and had a PHD well that would be acceptable LOL..because I wouldn’t be sexually intimidating or threatening… silly I know..but this is a retirement community. I just found out today that Sears stopped carrying women’s thong panties because the seniors don’t like to see them in the store! Seriously! They don’t carry my favorite Jessica thong pantie anymore!

I knew the woman who was working at the Adult Store.. we got into a conversation about how and when Kelowna became so repressed, uptight and prudish. It was in the mid 1980s when they got rid of the Regatta, the Flinstone’s theme park and the roller rink.. they started to build condos for the seniors, or the rich that retired early.. everything became about wineries and golf.. The male employee called it ” The end of fun ” OMG he was so right.. Kelowna is so uptight. With attempting to network my book in a prejudiced networking community,  that acts like being prudish and sexually repressed is professional.. I have found the repression put on me to be stifling!  I have had to work very hard on my own internal dialog not to take on the sexual shaming that they put onto me by saying things like ” She is unprofessional and inappropriate ” because I write about sex..and I am topless in my book.. I have had to work really hard at maintaining my sexual energy through their projections..

The sexual energy is called SHAKTI ..it is the primal force that created and creates the UNIVERSE..basically it can be described as the essence of the GODDESS..so if a woman wants to keep this energy flowing..her creative juices..her life force.. her connection to the universe or her own Divinity..while she is without a partner she must self pleasure..often.. scientifically; through the lens of biology it keeps her healthy .. healthy mentally as well..as orgasms fight depression by flooding the body and brain with feel good hormones.

I also think that a woman who keeps her sexual spark alive while waiting for the right partner.. keeps bitterness at bay. A Goddess isn’t bitter or dried up.. she keeps her body and spirit connected through pleasure. My pleasure today was though chocolate, new toys, and shopping for new panties.. the erotic movie that I bought is erotica made for women by a woman.. it was pretty good..comparing it to porn made for male viewers.. the sex scenes were empowering vs degrading to women.. Goddess sexuality is empowering ..the Shakti energy is EMPOWERING…

Shakti (Sanskrit pronunciation: [ˈʃʌktɪ]) (Devanagariशक्ति; from Sanskrit shak, “to be able”), meaning “Power” or “empowerment,” is the primordial cosmic energy and represents the dynamic forces that are thought to move through the entire universe in Hinduism.[1] Shakti is the concept, or personification, of divine feminine creative power, sometimes referred to as ‘The Great Divine Mother’ in Hinduism. On the earthly plane, Shakti most actively manifests through female embodiment and creativity/fertility, though it is also present in males in its potential, unmanifest form.[2]

Not only is Shakti responsible for creation, it is also the agent of all change. Shakti is cosmic existence as well as liberation, its most significant form being the KundaliniShakti,[3] a mysterious psychospiritual force.[4] Shakti exists in a state of svātantrya, dependence on no one, being interdependent with the entire universe.

Kelowna’s networking

If you want to fly you have to give up the shit that weighs you down

 

In the Tibetan Book of the Dead.. the spirit goes through a series of test before it can be rebirthed.. the major tests are fear and temptation. I realize now through my latest experience with a person from Kelowna’s upper society..or networking groups ( clicks ) that this has been my test..it has been a diversion or temptation; fear keeping me from placing all of my energy towards my book.. towards my passions for women’s equality… their bullshit, their fake world hasn’t really held me back at all.. but I have let them by allowing their illusions of success and popularity..become my mental conflict. I have let their rejection of me rule my emotions and thoughts.. I have allowed the temptation of their circus to pull me in to their dramas.. their politics.. their sugar coated lies.

I  realize now that I don’t want anything to do with these people. I cannot talk out of both sides of my face.. I am not a bullshitting, ass kisser. I am too honest and too open to network with any of them..because to them networking means manipulating each other. So now I see why they don’t want me to show up to their events because I am the one without the mask on..and I will be the contrast that will cause them to have to give up the disguises. And I cannot be bothered. I really have gotten to the point were I don’t give a shit. I realize now I didn’t write my book for Kelowna..now that I have gotten to really know these people..to see their patterns of social behaviors of dripping in bullshit. I know my book and message are to real for them. I am too real for them..and they don’t deserve my presence at their events.. yup they are right I am too damn real to listen in the back to sugary shit and not say it’s sugary shit. I am going to point out the elephant in the room.. I am going to be me.. I am not what they want an will not pretend to be what other’s want;  like they do.

They will get as far as the Okanagan Valley.. or area.. that’s it..because their idea of networking and business ( bullshitting ) doesn’t speak to the entire world..my message does. I realize now what a waste of time they all have been. I realize now that I shouldn’t feel sad at all.. even when the art’s community rejected me..because it’s just the business community ..it’s just conservative bullshit..I don’t want anything to do with their gray cardboard art..fuck, I don’t want to compare my work to that shit.

I don’t want the flaky spirituality.. I think their ideals of being positive only are just more sugar coated shit. These people don’t want real, vulnerable or authentic..they just like the way those words sound.. they don’t walk their talk.. I do and that is why I am such a threat to them.. well good. I will not grace you with my presence or my pretty face and heart because you don’t deserve it..and I don’t deserve your backstabbing and gossiping, two faced crap.

What I need to do is let you be in your swill.. in your fancy swill.. it’s really just swill after all..as they say ” Don’t cast your pearls upon swine ” But thanks for the lesson..thanks for giving me the fuel to be reborn and transformed.. for making it perfectly clear to me that I don’t want to be anything like you people..

I am going to concentrate my energy on my life’s purpose now.. I will leave you to grovel among each other for bullshit social status in a small town that the rest of the world doesn’t really give a damn about..because ” Frankly my dear I don’t give a damn.”

Entrepreneur .. what I learned about failure

 

 

 

I have failed in attempting to promote my book in my home town of Kelowna BC Canada..

The first thing I learned …what I am made of; I am very tenacious, resilient, and determined. I went through incredible hardships doing my best to bash through social prejudice, sexism and bigotry put upon women’s sexuality. I learned that I am pretty strong.

I don’t think my approach would of mattered. Given the subject matter of the book; given that I am topless in the photography and that I candidly wrote about women’s sexuality and used my own sexuality in the book as an example.. I don’t think I could of approached anyone differently in my community .. or by approaching them differently would I have seen other results. By what I have been through I can see by a couple of years experience that these prejudices and sexisms are very well established in our society.. and they are..

1. To be taken seriously as a professional don’t publish topless images of yourself. But it’s ok to publish them of other women if that is your profession

2. You must have a degree to be taken seriously

4. You must know someone or many people within the professional and arts community to be given any help or press releases

5. You must be a part of a networking click to be acceptable

6. To talk about, write about, be about your sexuality as a woman, you are asking for harassment, bullying and to be shut out.

I failed by not knowing my society. I failed because I was childish in my perspective of others. I failed because I underestimated how conservative and repressed my local society is.

Looking back at what I know now; I wouldn’t of even attempted to retain some ground or a speaking platform in my city. I wouldn’t of put myself through such grief, pain and suffering.

I would simply of kept my work online and kept myself away from all of the ignorance.

I was given a wonderful opportunity from Chapters in Kelowna to have my book put in the local authors section. But looking back now, now, that none of them sold since the book signing and so the contract has been cancelled..but looking back now I wouldn’t of even attempted that.. as Kelowna is clearly not my market.

I know that if I did become successful by chance by promoting my book online; Kelowna would fully accept me..but I will not be accepted by Kelowna in any other way..

So the biggest lesson was to know my market.. but I honestly couldn’t of foreseen the intense prejudice in Kelowna without having directly experienced it myself..and it truly does blow my mind.

I have learned how naive and unsophisticated I am .. I was like a child in creating my book and dream.. like a child in expecting that I had equal rights..that I actually had freedom of expression as an artist in the first world.. instead I found that I dredged up what was at the very undercurrents of western society..and that is we haven’t really come that far at all since the 1950s as far as equality and women’s rights ..or for the rights of minorities in general..

I have learned this is truly why my book is needed..and why a new organization or society needs to take up root..so that we can truly live in our supposed freedoms and equalities ..

Even though I am sad at my failure and that I haven’t experienced any form of success in Kelowna.. I am proud of myself for working as hard as I have worked at it over the last couple of years..

By God what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger..and you sure learn.

 

Purchase my book The Goddess an Expression of the Divine Feminine off Amazon.ca

Follow me on Facebook and Youtube..and here on my blog.

My mind is full..and it runneth over

 

Have you ever tried to see yourself outside of yourself? Have you ever tried to solve a problem with the solution? How do you begin with the end? Have you ever attempted to soar so high above your own identity that you were able to see the great big, grand scheme of the Universal plan of intelligent order outside of the human perspective?

Does your brain hurt yet by these questions?

Do you really think that the life your living today will really matter 100 years from now..? How about 1000 years from now? And does it even really matter? What makes it matter? I think it is just changing things for the better.. like quality of life for all living things.. for future living things.. but to be able to make that ripple in the order of things one has to be aware of what causes the quality or over all functioning of life to be stunted, harmed or even plunging towards it’s own demise .. or am I digressing.. or is digressing the answer or the solution .. or is it even really a problem…because what if it is meant to be that life as we know it has to end so that a new life or way of being can be birthed.. or is this more thoughtful digression.. needless to say I have lost about 50% of my readers who cannot be bothered to go this deep.. so onto another topic that sorta links up to this topic.. just down grading a bit to common everyday life problems.. that is how to  change a society that is rowing merrily down it’s own stream of dysfunctional patterns ..

And so it is that I was having a cup of chia tea ..with almond milk at a local coffee shop with a local guy friend talking about our local society..and about my book and this website, through these writings.. me attempting to change society or put a positive ding in the Universe by educating people towards sexual equality.. women’s rights, sexual maturity, sexual repression though religion, arts, the science of psychology ( the study of how people think ) and the sociology ( the study of social behaviours and organizations ) We talked about how I wasn’t accepted or seen as acceptable by our local society because I dared to ” Put it out there” or to bring any of my new readers up to speed.. I published topless pictures of me in my book to show freedom of women’s sexuality or a mature sexuality by being a Goddess or Goddesses in my book through the writing and imagery. What I did was become what was considered to be unacceptable by society to prove the prejudices and social immaturities by society towards women’s natural sexuality…but by doing this I became un-networkable by organizations based upon outdated beliefs and patterns that no longer function to create a stable environment for all the members of society.. or more than %50 whom are women and their children. What is really an irony is that I have been told by these organizations including arts councils that they must protect children in our society from me and my book or the sexual content of the work.. when it is the children who will benefit the most from the change the work could promote for future generations.. sexual shaming or an immaturity towards sexuality is something that is socialized into children from birth into adulthood.. but the problem is if the adults are steeped into this dysfunctional perspective towards a natural and healthy sexuality ..then how can we break this cycle for future generations?

And so he asked me ” Will you show up to any of the networking and arts events to show them that they don’t own you?” my answer ” There isn’t any point in speaking to a def crowd. Putting myself in a positions to be further abused and bullied by those fearful and lacking in maturity towards me and my message would be self abuse. There wouldn’t be any ground to be made, and it would do the opposite towards me standing my ground as it would only depress me. ” Do not cast your pearls upon swine ” is a biblical saying that holds ancient wisdom.. or ” he who hath an ear let him hear.. he who hath an eye let him see” They have no ear to listen and no awareness to see.. to go to those meetings would be futile.”

So how does one change a society that is steeped in the trenches of deep dysfunction towards seeing women’s sexual freedom as dangerous, sinful and immoral? How does one break out of the cage of conformity?Were is the key? Who is the jailer? These questions are answered in my book… it will take many women to step up and out to break down the walls of conformity..but I haven’t found these women in my local community.. I have found the opposite.. those who are afraid of change or who are so unaware they are not even aware of their captivity through the shame imposed upon their sexuality,, they are ignorant..

Looking at the book in marketable terms.. it isn’t marketable in Canada as Canadian society is highly Christian conservative.. meaning that the book and the sexuality of the Goddess Movement is highly repressed and miss understood by the ignorance of sin placed upon the wombs of women.. or that a conservative society sees that the virtue of society balances upon the sexual morality of women..and that morality is based upon a society that is over 2000 years in the past..and so it is Canada hasn’t evolved past those patterns of thinking and behaving. The book is marketable in the United States .. in places like New York and California that are much more progressive; but I am unable to travel because my young children are in public school and I cannot afford it.. I have done my best to network online but this venue is saturated ..it’s like being in a crowed subway screaming over masses of people trying to be heard 200 ft away..

And so here we are down to earth again..swimming in the deepest depths of the problems and the issues.. so was the solution to the problem never to attempt such a feat of change in the first place? Were the components to the problem to varied and complex? Did we get lost in equating the equation? Because the unknown variable or X amounts to = ignorance..and so here were are again back to the beginning .. shall we wipe the board clean and try again.. or was the solution the problem?

I digress and my mind is full and it runneth over once again…

Dirty Old Man..

 

 

 

 

Joel Young
Columnist

jyoung@kelownacapnews.com

Joel Young is passionate about his admiration for entrepreneurs who strike out on their own with little more than a business idea and the willpower to see it become a success, or fail but then get up and try again. Joel is semi-retired, currently involved in his own film production company.

Joel Young is a Member of The Okanagan Chapter of the Kelowna MS Society..

http://www.okanaganentrepreneurs.ca/index.php/joels-articles

I saw an article in The Kelowna Capital News written by Joel Young encouraging new entrepreneurs to join his society..way back in April of 2012.. I had just sent by book off to Balboa Press..  a self publisher.. to have it artistically put together.. I was so happy with the work and art that I had created. I was looking forward to networking with like minded people. I have to say I was innocent to how society would view me and my work..as I am the model in the book. Creating the book, doing the photography, stepping into each Goddess..first in my dreams, then during the costuming and photography and then finally the writing.. I was on cloud nine.. and I thought that my local community would see the dream with me..that I had created..but I was wrong.

I emailed Joel.. but he ignored me. I kept emailing him..he sent me short emails. I explained the book and the concept to him.. and then I sent him the cover shot of the book.. this is the image I sent him

 

He called my cell .. I was hiking alone on Knox Mountain.. it was May and it was beautiful.. covered in those bright yellow daisy like flowers..  Joel said ” I almost wasn’t going to meet with you until you sent me the picture?” I thought maybe he meant that he wasn’t taking me seriously about my work..and he needed the picture to believe what I was saying was real.. I asked him “Why were you not going to contact me or meet with me.” he said ” Women like you are a risk.. ” he then said ” It was nice to wake up to your picture this morning..because..” He said ” Wait for it Gracie.. are you ready to hear what I am going to say to you..?” I said..” I guess?” He said ” IT GAVE ME A HARD ON!”

 

I was shocked.. I didn’t know what to say.. an on and on he went about being a Scorpio.. as to how that was a sex sign and as to how he just couldn’t help himself.. I began to mentally block him out.. it was to gross.. The I said quite clearly ” When we meet for our coffee date, I don’t want you talking to me explicitly about sex, this isn’t about me seducing you or anyone. I am bringing my 5 year old son to our meeting. I want the conversation to be clean and respectful.” I was blunt and to the point.

(looking back I know now that meeting with a man like this was a total waste of my time..and that as much as I wanted to be apart of his organization and to network as freely and fairly as everyone else in society.. a man with this type of sexist attitude would make that impossible.. yet I hung on to hope that I could talk reason into him and turn it around to benefit us both)

We met at The Marmalade Cafe Kelowna.. in May.. (I hadn’t even put up my website yet…)

It went as follows.. I sat at a table in the middle of the cafe.. hoping that it would keep the conversation clean..and on the up and up. I got my son some milk and a cookie.. My son wouldn’t sit by Joel.. I think children are very intuitive.. My little boy wanted nothing to do with this man.. and I soon found out why..

Within about 5 mins.. Joel was asking me ” Did you get into sex because your father molested you? Did your father FUCK you?” I was shocked..and I felt like a deer caught in headlights.. I was dumbstruck ..

The Joel went on and on about how father’s fucking their daughters happened a lot in the native communities..he went on and on about how he and his wife don’t have a great sex life…but he is Catholic..so he has to do what good Catholics do.. he asked me .. ” Why do you want to join my society.. are you hoping to find a rich man?” I asked him if he had read the email that I sent him explaining why I wanted to join his society and explaining how The Goddess Movement is to empower women’s sexuality and thereby empowering them in other areas of their lives.. I asked him if he had read the part about Sacred Sex..that it wasn’t about fucking..it was about love and sex together.. ?

Yet he said ” I didn’t read your email.. it was too long.”

I was so relieved when the meeting ended.. I felt so dirty..and as a mother I felt so guilty.. my son witnessed his mother being sexually harassed.. and I felt angry with myself..that somehow I hadn’t found my legs through my shock and walked out of the meeting with my little boy..before he heard to much.. I think that will always hurt me..as mother.

I confronted Joel with emails..but he denied everything.. I tried to file a complaint through The Human Rights Tribunal .. naming him and the others who had discriminated against me..but they said I hadn’t enough proof..

So this is my vent to help other women see they are not alone.. and to face my bullies.. as only facing them and confronting them will possibly stop them.. and I hope it helps other women know they are not alone..

Joel Young is a good outstanding citizen with a polished reputation.. I am sure this will make no difference..to him.

 

Alice In Wonderland

 

http://powernetworkingforshypeople.com/?p=55&option=com_wordpress&Itemid=486#more-55

Above is a link to Rae Stonehouse’s blog.. he was writing about me being a bully.

All of this started just over a year ago when I met the founder of Okanagan Valley Entrepreneur’s Society.. OVES.. His name is Joel Young.. anyway I met with him in the middle of the day with my 5 year old son at a nice little cafe.. while my son sat beside us at a very small round table .. while Joel Young proceeded to ask me over and over again if my father had fucked me ” Did your father fuck you? Is that why your so into sex? Do you want to get with some of my members? Is that why you want to join my society?” During the meeting I was shocked..and I was very hurt for my young son ( Thank God he doesn’t remember any of it).. through time my hurt turned to anger.. I went and looked at OVES facebook wall ..they claimed that any Entrepreneur was welcome to share their work and websites..and so I shared my link to their wall..

Rae Stone house let me know that my link was not appropriate..when I asked him by comment if it was because of what Joel Young thought of me..and about Joel Young’s sexual harassment this was his comment to me..

Gracie,

Interesting posting. I love a good rant and I appreciate your rising to my challenge of creating your own personal revolution.

However, as the Chair of the Board of Directors for OVES and the Administrator of this Facebook group, I am compelled to bring to your attention that this is not an appropriate post for this venue.

Your quarrel seems to be with Mr. Young. He is the Founder of OVES but he is not OVES. The views that an individual may or may not hold does not necessarily represent those of an organization that they belong to. I would suggest that you direct any further communications on this subject to him.

Should you continue in this manner I will be obligated to revoke your membership to this Facebook group.

Feel free to contact me personally if you believe that OVES is involved in some way by what you are ascertaining.

Rae Stonehouse

Chairman OVES Board of Directors”

 

I then attempted to contact him on twitter.. he told me I was harassing him..

 

Rae Stonehouse

3:17 PM (20 hours ago)

 

to Rapid, me

Ms. Ackerman,

 

Please be advised that I have consulted my lawyer,  as well as the RCMP in this matter.

 

I consider your actions towards me to be libelous and unwarranted. I also feel that your actions are hostile and threatening in nature.

 

I have registered a complaint with Twitter, Facebook & your webhost provider.

 

Please stop communicating with me or posting comments about me on the web in any way, shape or form.

 

Any further escalation on your part to malign me will necessitate me commencing formalized legal proceedings.

 

Rae Stonehouse

 

 

 

—–Original Message—–

From: Rapid Contact [mailto:rapid_contact@yoursite.com]

Sent: January-11-13 10:09 PM

 

I Have

 

 

Rae;

 

I need to know if you will be sending me back the money that I spent on membership fees via your organizations website.. since you will not allow me to network through your society or organization due to your prejudice against my sexuality

 

Your receipt number for this payment is: 4558-7053-8835-7487. For Oves membership.

 

 

 

 

Rae Stonehouse

 

He sent this email to my web host..

 

Dear Sir,

 

I am writing to advise you of website that you are involved with and perhaps hosting is posting harassing, threatening language directed at me personally and organizations that I belong to.

 

The website I refer to is www.sexassacred.com owned by a Gracie Ackerman

 

Your form doesn’t allow me to attach the content. She is also using Facebook & Twitter to harass me as well she is starting to stalk me. I am in the process of reporting her behaviour to those organizations.

 

I will be going to the RCMP this afternoon to file a peace bond. This message is to advise you that I would request that this content be immediately removed from her website. Should this not be done your business may be implicated should further legal actions be required.

 

If what I am requesting is not under your ability or responsibility to resolve, please advise and I will add it to my records.

 

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

 

Rae Stonehouse

 

and another one of his interesting emails.. to me attempting to contact him..

 

Ackerman,

 

Since we are both keeping accurate records of our discussions with each other I would like to take this opportunity to set the record straight on a few matters.

 

1.      Re ,, << I need to know if you will be sending me back the money that I spent on membership fees via your organizations website.>>

 

 

 

Is this a statement or a question? Up until this message you have not asked if your money would be refunded. If you would like your money back based on your decision that you have changed your mind about being a member of the Okanagan Valley Entrepreneurs Society (OVES), I will issue you a refund via Paypal. Please confirm that you would like a refund.

 

2.      Re << .. since you will not allow me to network through your society or organization due to your prejudice against my sexuality>>

 

 

This assertion is a fabrication of your mind and is not based on any reality. You were unconnected from the OVES Facebook Group page by me, the Moderator, for what I deemed to be inappropriate content. I specifically outlined to you that this was not a venue to be attacking a member of the group and should you continue I would be obligated to rescind your membership to this group. I also suggested that you contact Joel Young to discuss your concerns and I offered the opportunity to speak to me. You chose not to.

 

Nowhere in my direction to you did I mention your website, your sexuality or the cause that you believe in. That was purely a projection of your thoughts. It would seem that I represent somebody that has stood up against you and it would appear that you have ascribed characteristics to me of others in your life. Since we have never met, nor have we spoken, both to the best of my knowledge, I fail to understand how you can create an entire persona about me. I don’t recognize the character description that you have created for me in your mind.

 

Any beliefs that you have about my prejudice against your sexuality and your belief that we are not allowing you to network through my [OVES] is purely a fabrication of your mind. Since we have never met, you yourself are prejudging me. As I said above, you are creating a fictional character about me.

 

For the record, you have not been banned, or prevented in any way, shape or form for participating as a member of OVES or attending our functions. If you choose not to remain a member you are welcome to attend OVES events at the same admission fee that we would charge a non-member.

 

 

 

 

Rae

 

I did put his one facebook comment up on my blog..but he has already posted the comment online himself..so it was already public knowledge..

Anyway.. after not including me on the email list when I paid for membership to OVES.. I had asked him on a facebook networking page why he was not sending me emails..twice I asked him..and even though he clearly has my personal email address..and he is in charge of this organization and seeing to the members of this organization.. he would not claim any responsibility in not sending me emails.. he decide to show me who was in control by sharing on a public networking page my home address.. as a single mother..this put me and my children at risk..Thank God have moved from this address or me and my children could have been at risk for a home invasion… given the subject matter of my website and my semi nude photography..we would have been at high risk..

Rae Stonehouse Gracie, since you persist with having conversations in public venues that should be private, the reason that you have not been receiving OVES promotional mailouts is that you had provided a bogus or no longer active email address. The following message to <graceackerman8@gmail.com> was undeliverable.

The reason for the problem:

5.1.0 – Unknown address error 550-”5.1.1 The email account that you tried to reach does not exist. Please try\n5.1.1 double-checking the recipient’s email address for typos or\n5.1.1 unnecessary spaces. Learn more at\n5.1.1 http://support.google.com/mail/bin/answer.py?answer=6596 yu7si19344632pac.44 – gsmtp” Please confirm that this is your valid mailing address and I will cheerfully issue you a full refund: 820 A Quigley Rd V1X 1A8

 

https://support.google.com/mail/answer/6596?hl=en

support.google.com

 

In the above post from his blog…he writes about how he thinks I am crazy…

I feel like Alice in Wonderland.

Links