It has been about a month now since I moved out of Kelowna. I know it’s very hard for nonspiritual people to understand this; but it was my guides or my Angels that guided me out of Kelowna. I was told by them under the full moon light, to go north. I was shown clearly in a vision and in dreams that north was home; I was shown that I was supposed to be close to nature so that I could heal from the pain of the many rejections that I experience in Kelowna. You know the spirit works in mysterious ways, very much like the 12th Lord or the 12th house in astrology. These mysterious spiritual ways are very Neptunian, dream like, like mists of figures that you see out of the corner of your eye, or when you hear your name called out just before waking.. and so they called to me to follow the north star home. I completed my spiritual purpose or mission in Kelowna. I created my book and I did all the things I had to do to set the hands on the clock of fate.. and such is divine timing..but they haven’t let me know much about that. Somethings like divine timing are mysteries to those of us in the flesh, and that is why we have faith. But I was told to lay it all in their hands and go into obscurity, to set my ego down and let go and let God. And so I have. I pulled these runes to let them tell you and me as to why I had to do what I did.. when I moved back into the country.. were you can leave your doors unlocked and walk around naked with your drapes open because there is nobody to see.
Ansuz ~ To be with the Divine and know the true nature of my own divinity, to give my children peace and a stable home.
Inguz ~ To find harmony and balance through better personal relationships with more grounded and centered people. To clear away old relationships to bring in people into my life who are real so that I can experience the wholeness of myself by being able to be my true self around them. By being able to be my true self without other’s inhibitions being placed on to me; I will come to wholeness and then meet a mate who will love me for my true self.
Sowelu ~ My life force returning by my regeneration of not giving my energy to others who refuse to see me or respect me for who I truly am. The retreat was a retreat of strength as I no longer will be present for others to drain me of my energy because they cannot find their own light within. Many mistake the light in others as a way to drain and feed their own egos with it; by my leaving such people or such a society I am now keeping my life force to myself. I will grow stronger as I become more and more of who I am by not allowing them my time or the space to ego feed off of my light or spirit. I will regenerate and heal my aura or light body. I will develop the art of doing without doing.
Kelowna or the city life was a rat race. Kelowna’s society was highly competitive without completion; in other words all their striving was for nothing but to say ” I am the most popular.” If I would of stayed in Kelowna I would of lost my freaking mind. I just couldn’t make sense of the fake business world that was not professional or the fake spiritual world that was based on trendy clothes, popularity, ass kissing and PURE EGO. My sensitive soul simply couldn’t tolerate it.
When I fell in love with a man named Matthew Cipes upon our first meeting it was just that, it was me seeing his soul and loving him unconditionally. I still do. But even though he is apart of the spiritual community he couldn’t trust me or that love. And I forgive him because it is uncondtional. But many in the spiritual community came at me to hurt me for daring to feel that way ,to tell him about it and to write about it. That is what is maddening about Kelowna and Kelowna society. I wasn’t considered good enough or pure enough or something not enough to dare feel love for someone who was considered to be way above me by societies standards or financial standards. He and they wanted me to feel ashamed for my feelings, he and they were so intentionally mean. But so many things about Kelowna are just awfully mean.
The thing is this; the refection of how I feel about him is a projection of the love that I have inside of me…and so doesn’t it make sense that the cruelty that they showed me is a reflection of how they feel about themselves or what is inside of them? I have absolutely nothing to gain here by saying that I loved him instantly upon laying eyes on him almost 2 years ago as I have left the city. I am sure I will never see him again. I have nothing to gain but to attempt to alchemize or transmute hate into to love.. but then I am not responsible for how others react or how they behave towards me; as that is their own perceptions to take responsibility for.
He or many in the spiritual community would say to me ” How did you attract this situation into your life.” it is a spiritualistic way of not taking responsibility for how they or he treated me. I didn’t attract other’s willful ignorance they are responsible for their own humanness or shortcomings. The point is I saw through the lens of love it was their bitterness that I allowed to eventually taint me.
But now I am free of that energy and I have cleared the way to let love, love through me once again and I will open up my heart wide again to let the light shine through me .. to let love find me as I find love once again in my new life.
Through a spiritual lens again; I have 6 major planets in my 1st house. This is the house of individuality or identity and that is what I played out in Kelowna. I found my identity and I used my identity as art or expression in my book ( The Goddess an Expression of the Divine Feminine) I used my image in the photography and I used my own life story to express the story of womanhood. My north node is in Pisces and now 6 major planets are going into the house of the 12th Lord and this is about me loosing my identity or my ego to find my pureness or higher-self. According to my chart I will be reborn spiritually by the 3rd of January. My north node was my coming home to my guides or moving north on and in this earthly reality. It is a beautiful spiritual mystery as towards what will happen. But I know this I just have to let go, let God and flow.
On a personal level Gaia or Mother Nature is another powerful archetype for me. I am an Aries but 4 of my astrological houses are in Taurus .. my Venus, Mars, Mercury and Saturn .. I am an nurturer by nature. I love the idealism of purity by organics. To me dirty is clean living. I have always loved the smell of fertile soil and getting my hands dirty in it. In the photography of me as, Gaia I had to fight my own ego.. I had to step into being round, plump and soft to show fertility; I had to channel or step into character of The Great Mother..so I had to release the image of myself as the athlete .. to be fully in her.. she is the VOID.. the womb.. the waters of all creation. Love the Earth..for she is your MOTHER. I am sharing this chapter of my book on the day of the Full Moon Blood Eclipse in Aries.. I hope that it creates MAGIC and CHANGE.
From the book ~ The Goddess, an Expression of the Divine Feminine ~ Available on Amazon.ca
click on images to enlarge
Mother Earth manifest herself through every woman and through every female aspect of nature as, she is the seed and the womb; she is pregnant with ideas as well as her children; she gives birth constantly like the Queen Bee in the honey hive. She nurtures life at all cost and her creations that spring from her life giving forces. Her opposite is Father Sky; like her, Father Sky manifest himself through the masculine forces of nature that seek to impregnate the feminine force for the pure sake of the expansion of all life. Father Sky holds Mother Earth in his constant embrace of enduring passion and love for one another; hence we are reminded through our feet on Mother Earth and our eyes on Father Sky, of the divine force within us.
She is endless abundance; she adorns herself with her creations; her butterflies, flowers, ladybugs, snowflakes, and waterfalls are her jewelry. She has no need for the superficial as she is pure and sweet in her natural beauty. She is beauty. She is life. To her the man-made world is needless as she supplies through her breast ( heart ) all that is needed to nurture and sustain life. She feeds the world as she is everything in everything; even what has been perverted by mankind through the manipulation of her elements comes from her as all matter; comes from her source. As we can pervert anything through the perception of the ego we pervert her landscape and we make her dirty with our greed.
As she is all women and all women have manifested from her energy we pervert a woman’s sexuality as we pervert our earth with our pollution. When we pervert something or someone we alter it for abnormal purposes; this means that we manipulate what was once pure to suit our greed or lusts. Having lust is not necessarily a bad thing; it is healthy to be passionate and lustful towards life our one’s lover; but it is when lust turns into obsession and a need to control or own another, or an aspect of society that greed turns lust into perversion. It is this perversion that causes us to hurt, destroy, control, manipulate or take away the rights of others, for the sake of selfishness. This selfishness has been inflicted on Mother Nature since the Industrial Age; since this time we have concentrated our pollution on what was once a pure landscape.
Our return to Mother Nature is to respect the abundance of what has always been; not to take her for granted or use and abuse her resources as we have come to use and abuse her manifestation of womankind.
In your greed you have forgotten,
In your greed you have lost your way,
In your need to be put above others,
You have gone astray.
In your race towards fame and fortune,
You have become bitter and selfish,
You have put your wants above justice,
You have learned to lie so well,
You don’t even see yourself.
Your need to own me and society,
Has brought such great suffering,
Your children are raped and beaten,
Your women are owned and berated,
The old are put away and forgotten,
You have brought in shame.
My skin you have polluted,
You pour oil in my waters,
You spill your chemicals in my veins,
You build up concrete on my meadows,
And you alter what was perfectly made,
You say you do these things to make life better,
But you believe your own lies,
As all you do is just for your own gain,
Everything is just to own the masses,
But evil is what you have created,
Children starve worldwide,
They are left in graves unmarked.
You will never know their names,
You will never feel their mother’s pain,
As you turn a blind eye,
You are cruel and so jaded,
I call to you my children,
I call to you as it is almost too late,
In these unmarked graves of your women and your children,
I have placed your name,
I am Mother Nature,
I will have the final say,
You have been so arrogant,
You have turned into my cruel children,
Do you really think that it can go on much longer?
You have become my cancer,
This disease you have created,
You are my cancer,
With your evil cruelty to one another,
You have polluted reality,
I will shake you from my skin,
As all creation must go on without you,
Did you really think you are my only children?
The world is teaming with life other than yours,
I will cut you out like a bad cancer,
Like the parasite that you have become,
I will do away with this evil.
You fear hell,
You fear damnation,
But it’s your fear you have created,
You have dug your own graves,
You have created your own karma,
And I will give you your way,
You can save yourself by your own hand,
If you learn to become a hero,
If you do to help others,
If you lift up the weakest ones,
If you can feed the starving children,
By loving the women that created them,
This is how you will change this imbalance,
By doing good just for the sake of doing,
By spreading love instead of greed and hate,
Stop trying to own the world,
Stop trying to take all there is to take,
Share with one another,
This is the only way,
Greed is your undoing,
Greed has caused this hate,
Greed has caused all the killing,
Religion has just been your excuse,
To execute the blameless,
To bring the balance back you must be honest,
Be honest with yourself,
Be honest with your ego,
Be honest with your manipulations,
Be honest with your motivations,
Bring up the weak,
Bring up the meek,
Bring up the sick and the broken,
Bring up you women, your aged and your children,
This is the only way,
To a new day,
To clean your soul,
You will clean the world,
To save yourselves,
Please listen, my dear children.
Sometimes I get so tired of the world. I hear young people say all they want is to make lots of money. I think to myself; they are missing the point of existence. I think we have all been put here to make the world a better place.
There is so much selfishness; and we are groomed from the time we are young to think and act selfishly. We learn that all the popular kids are the best looking and they wear the most fashionable clothes. My children are starting to inform me of this as they approach middle school. It makes me feel so sad; what happened to making your mark by what you do, not by what you look like, what you have or who you know?
I just need to turn the TV off; it makes me sick how we are so brainwashed; everything is just so disinfected and so fake and perfect, we have forgotten how to be organic. We have become artificial; like the food that we eat; like the plastics that store our food and that we wear in our clothing, we have forgotten about the soul.
So I turn off the TV and I stay away from Facebook and I stay away from the mall; because it starts to make me feel so hopeless; it starts to make me physically sick. I get pulled into the undertow; just like everyone else, before I know it I am watching what I say, what I do, what I wear, so that I can fit in and not be judged too. It is such a hard thing to walk away from, to retreat from; the worldliness it surrounds us.
Even the artificial spirituality wants us to believe that if we only concentrate on happiness it will magically come to us. If we only say nice things and think nice thoughts; we will manifest a magical world, but this too is artificial; because we have to FACE what is WRONG to make it RIGHT! It will not fix it’s self. It will not go away if we ignore it! This is not organic thinking this is not real; this is not facing reality. Problems must be dealt with; they must be worked through; emotions must be felt, vented and expressed to be released. We must clean up our messes to get rid of them.
For the world to come into NEW REALITY we have to face the one we live in to make the world what we want it to be; what is it that we all want? EQUALITY! We want everyone to have a fair chance at life; we want everyone to succeed and grow into the fullness of who they are.
But we are shown through the world we should want fame and fortune only for ourselves, we should want to stand out of the crowd; of course it means that others should have less than us; it means they should be and feel beneath us. It isn’t that we shouldn’t have what we have worked for; it isn’t that we should give to others who are lazy and would just use us; but we should share and bring other’s up who need and deserve a break; others who work hard to make a difference but don’t have the opportunities that we have; so we should share our good fortune to make the world a better place.
Real spirituality is real; it’s not fluffy words; IT IS WORKS! What are you doing to make a difference that doesn’t just make you money? How are you reaching out to others instead of just reaching out your hand to receive for yourself; how are you giving back? Words are empty without ACTION; simple as that, Meaningless dribble without participation! ACTION WITH INTENTION IS THE CHANGE.
I am human too; I get sucked in too; to the artificial, superficial, fake and faceless world; so I retreat to take the time to get myself strait again.
I hope that by writing my book I help to make a difference it the world; I am not looking for fame and fortune; I am not looking to feed my ego. I am hoping that bring the Goddess Archetype into the awareness of society will bring about compassion, justice and equality.
We have forgotten mercy, grace, love, empathy; we have forgotten how to feel for strangers; we have forgotten that everyone is us. If we cannot feel for others than how will anyone feel for us?
What is more organic than kindness?
My soul longs for tenderness; my soul needs mercy; as I am a part of you, the world longs for mercy.
I wish to help end suffering; through love.