Posts Tagged ‘music’

Listen to the music

I created these art selfies in the park while being inspired by the piano man. I wanted to show you what the music looks like.

So many things and so many people have broken my heart.. my mind has been greatly troubled and my demons had their way with me.. Everything surfaced when I met with another person who is quite popular and well know in my local community. I knew our experiences were night and day.. I knew that meeting with him would prove to be painful.. yet I had to try.. just try. But afterwards I saw that he was very good friends with many of the people who deliberately hurt me.. by excluding me from organizations.. by being prejudiced against me as an artist..because I don’t create safe wine art..or coffee table art..or decor.. my art is raw and meaningful..sexual and passionate.. intellectual and intelligent .. my art is controversy and so I am controversy.. but the old wounds that didn’t have time to heal..that were still seeping in pain..burst open.. and my mind was filled with the worms that came from the can of worms that was reopened.. upon meeting with a man who has so much more than I have.. one that is my direct opposite in comparison towards being fully accepted vs being labeled as inappropriate..

musical magical spell

So I finally cried myself to sleep last night.. finally the damn burst inside of me..the frustration weeping from me ..turning into silent hot ..scolding tears of the words that couldn’t give verse.. to expressing the rage..that words cannot explain..but only hot silent tears can tell.

I was still in my funk when I took my kids to city park.. my oldest daughter wanted to sunbathe as she did her sketching..and my son wanted to skateboard with the big boys.. I was bitchy from feeling surrounded by Kelowna..feeling sick of Kelowna; as we drove up to find some event going on in the park.. but as we set up..and spread our blankets..unpacked our snacks..the music started to play.. live music..and I felt my self .. start to relax.. I felt the anger start to leave me.. as my children played..and the music played..and the burning sun, kissed my shoulders..

musical bliss

Then a man who wrote his own music and lyrics started to play the piano..it was only him..his heart..and the piano.. and he played it will all heart..

the music in my heart

I felt the tears well up..and my heart climbed into my throat.. his music was so rich.. opulent .. he turned joy to sorrow and sorrow to joy.. it was as if his fingers played the keys and then my heart at the same time.. it was the music.. it broke the evil spell that was cast over me..by me comparing myself to them again.. knowing that they all laugh at me because I am nothing like them.. I, myself knowing, I couldn’t ever be like them.. knowing I will never fit in.. I will never be accepted by them or be appropriate to them.. but somehow the music cast a new spell..a sweet spell of magic that brought me to my knees on the inside.. I prayed to the music as I was present with each note.. fully there on each scale..and then the crescendo broke my heart wide open.. raw and vulnerable .. pure but damaged.. I was with the music..with the passion and purity..with the sweetness and the rage.. ripped apart..wide open ..a bloody heart full of feeling..ripe and bleeding..

music

And I knew this artist playing.. I knew he knew that none of this shit matters.. none of these people matter.. it’s the art that matters.. it’s the music.. it is the creative bliss that makes one bleed on the keys of the piano.. they all listen to him..but it is just him and the piano and they are one.. one with the universal flow of creative energy.. the life force.. and so artist die to their craft to be truly alive…

crazy artist

Every artist walks with a heart that is never fully mended.. we take our pain and we use it to paint our bliss..

blissful surrender to the music

Many who read this will never understand what it is like to walk the earth with your heart bleeding droplets of ruby red…

On being a FAN

You can tell its a rainy stormy day because this is my second post today…

I am not a groupie fan.. even though I am a fan of some other artist and media personalities work. But I am too much of a free thinker and an artist myself, to follow someone with my head up my ass like many groupie type fans do. I don’t respect the groupie type fan because for the most part they are stupid; they live vicariously through their star of choice rather than just seeing them as a real and fallible person like the rest of us. It’s a big mistake; because the higher up you put someone and the higher up they allow themselves to be worshiped .. the harder the fall..for them and their fans.

I really have very little respect for celebs that turn their fans on to people who question their motives; I find it immature; irresponsible and cowardly.

I have come up against some celebs by questioning their motives or intentions.. to have them turn their fans onto me.. I guess it’s a lot easier than actually having to question themselves. I think the greatest fault is actually believing that your invincible or above humanity.. the universe always has away of giving a person like that sudden smack in the face.

I think the fans that question you hold the most valuable lessons for you..and that is why, when my followers question me.. I let them. It’s a very hard thing to do; because you have to weight the truth of the statement from other’s issues that they may or may not be projecting onto you… but listening and humility is the key to personal growth.

I don’t want to come off as a conceited jerk; or a shallow selfish person.. and so if anyone says to me that I am giving off that vibe I want to hear from them as to how and why. Many people have said to me ” Why don’t you block that jerk.” and I say ” Because it’s fascinating how people perceive me.. I could have something to learn here..but if they get down right abusive I will block them”

I never allow anyone to call down other people on my Facebook or on my other online profiles; I let them speak their truth and stand up for what they believe in.. but I don’t allow gay bashing, sexism or physical threats or if possible character bashing..because I am responsible for my profiles.

Of course I am not famous.. not by a long shot.. but if I was I wouldn’t have anything to hide..and I wouldn’t allow or use my fans to hide behind..

I think if your a celeb people have a right to question your motives; if you say you stand for something you damn well better stand for it.. or get off your high horse and off the red carpet.

Like Madonna says to her haters ” Bitch please your a fan.” and they are.. I feel that my haters..or what some people might call trolls; have taught me some very valuable lessons..

I think that questioning yourself; your integrity, your path, your message, your talents..and if your putting anything new or relevant out into the world is the key to true artistry ..

I am sure that’s just too fucking humble for some celebs.. but that is exactly what is going to keep them from breaking boundaries..from writing lyrics ..singing new songs or doing anything that will change society for the better.. if you keep your head up your popular ass and don’t listen to the public.. your just going to keep your same boring, plain Jane groupies.. sugar coating it for you.

But hey if that’s what you want.. keep it comfortable.

Madonna/Bill Maher and 50 shades of WTF?

 

I am going to write this like I am addressing Bill.. just explaining myself cause some people are a step behind ( slow )

I was thinking about ageism today too Bill.. before I watched your vid on your Facebook page about your take on it.. and it’s true ..age is just a number when it comes to wisdom, looks, talent and most abilities.. Lets take Madonna’s performance at the Grammys.. she was incredible. But guess what? Lots of conservative 50 shades of beige thinkers say she is too old to pull off sexy and sassy anymore. I have been reading jerk-offs comments on many media feeds and their ageism reigns supreme.. because according to said douchbags she is an “Old hag; without class, with a saggy ass that is an embarrassment to herself and the music industry.. ” So yes Bill your right.. our western culture is very much at the maturity level of high school.. promoting youth and stupidity over talent and progressive art.

Now lets look at 50 shades of What the fuck did I just read and why the fuck did they make that crap into a movie? Why the fuck is everyone reading and watching that shit? How the fuck does that shit get promoted? What is the fucking angle by the media machine?

I really tried hard to read the first book.. but as a smart, well read person that actually understands what the fuck I am reading; that has studied sexuality, intimacy, sociology and other heavy similar topics; it became clear I was reading a brainwashing tool for stupid people. The most frightening fact is that many young girls will sneak this book out of their mother’s night stand; like my daughter did without anyone explaining the sexual and social implications perverted in the book..and it’s not a good perversion either.. because it puts puritan and porn together…and that’s just fucking lovely.. the worshiping of virginity with the degradation of pornography.. a female character that hasn’t explored her own body at the age of 22, had a drink or figured out how to self care.. but needs a man to teach her about her body.. her sex, and tell her when to basically take a crap..and young girls are reading that crap and thinking it romantic.. looking at how sick society is.. we have a mature woman like Madonna expressing her sexual freedom with artistic talent being called down by the masses as a nasty old whore.. but I bet most of the loosers read 50 shades of ” I am fucked up” but cannot handle the empowerment of women taking charge of their own sexuality.. so yes Bill your right.. America is fucked up.. how fucked up are they?

The movie..50 shades of dysfunctional sex .. ( this makes me laugh at just how fucked up this is) was premiered on Valentines Day.. a day of LOVE not Obsessive LUST.. how about that? How fucked up is that? If it was honestly promoted and written by; say a psychologist .. it would have the title of ( The Co-dependent and the Narsissist; everything wrong in relationships today) I mean fucking seriously.. or ( Fucking is more important than love) or ( Train the bitch to love the word whore cause she is a slut anyway).. ( beat the bitch she has it coming ) ( your orgasm matters more than hers) ( Virgins need to be trained by your dick ) ( Fuck love just fuck) ( if she doesn’t listen cut her off) ( don’t love her just fuck her) ( she doesn’t have a brain anyway.. so why love her) etc.. etc.. etc..

I know you know this Bill.. that if we take a intelligent look at society..we can see we are pretty much doomed to another 100 years of this shit! As a society we make stupid movies and books like this famous that promote patriarchal thinking with the glorification of virginity ( youth ) with the love/hate of the whore.. it’s so fucking unhealthy.. we are a culture addicted to LUST.. we want fame and riches, we want the fucking rush all the time.. but we haven’t anything substantial like meaningful relationships because western culture is so fucking immature we cannot commit to anything long term or truly intimate.. so forget brains or talent..fuck that? That isn’t entertaining..bullshit and quick sex, fast money and hot young ass that isn’t anything but dumb young hot ass; that is were it’s at in America.. and then we go to the other extreme..because we are so fucking immature..so lets be all conservative and repressive and try to pass laws that ban yoga pants.. it’s so fucked up. We are so out of touch with our natural nature.. with our bodies, with true relationships.. ( I just did a face palm with both hands) Lust isn’t bad.. but it needs to be balanced with love..and it’s not that all relationships will end up being loving relationships.. just that the majority should to help promote a healthy society.. lust is the beginning stage of a relationship.. that can lead to love; but the way our society is functioning we are loosing love and compassion in many aspects in many different types of relationships.. even in the work place. We are loosing our humanity in our pursuit of mostly lust and lusty behaviors.

We cannot be intimate in our arts and culture cause we cannot be intimate in our society..isn’t that the bottom line? It’s like in seeing Madonna being a beautiful, talented older woman owning it !!! We fear it.. we fear the intimacy in ageing and ultimately facing death.. that is western culture.. we repress reality like a bunch of fucking kids spending the rent money to go get drunk and get high on a Friday night.. Imagine if people actually got off their asses and educated themselves and questioned the shit they read..the movies they watched.. TV.. the media fucking feed of dribble ..it’s all just fucking sugary lust ( sugary lust ) it doesn’t feed the soul or challenge the mind.. it’s just instant gratification… people wanna believe their Government’s got their back.. and it’s all about young ass crack.. and meanwhile life is passing them bye.. the good stuff.. like a good conversation..a deep book or poem.. someone who is emotionally healthy and will be there for them when things turn shitty..

No western culture wants the unhealthy highs and lows of the sugar rush..

Done my rant now Bill..

I wrote a book about this ( The Goddess, an Expression of the Divine Feminine)

May Madonna rock on ,,they can kiss her talented ass!

Madness, Madness, Madness

Madness, Madness, Madness

How I love thee, take me so deeply into the untamed seas,

Madness, Madness, Madness

Oh suffering so sweetly, completely engulf me in sultry,smokey sorrow like honey,

Madness,Madness, Madness

I give into you, I submit my will to you,I sink so deeply with the melancholy,

Madness, Madness, Madness

Oh tears fall like diamonds, tears like falling stars, oh how mysterious you are,

Madness, Madness, Madness

Blood red moon, oh how I swoon, black swan swimming on the rain soaked pond,

Madness, Madness, Madness

You bring to me what happiness cannot see; sorrow is so bitter sweet and heightens creativity,

Madness, Madness, Madness

In you all sensuality, sexuality, love and lust, romantic thrust in you, I trust in you,

Madness,

Madness,

Madness

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