Posts Tagged ‘Melonie Dodaro’

Contemplating my bad

 

Mentally reviewing the last 3 years attempting to network my book in my local community.. I realize my bad was dramatically reacting to their bad.. but of course I didn’t know what I didn’t know.. and that is what I know now…and it’s that I wouldn’t ever be accepted or be welcomed in their house of belonging due to the subject matter of my book ” Women’s sexuality ” Even though my book is tasteful and factual.. even though it is artistic and intellectual.. although very amateurish.. I wouldn’t ever of been accepted into their polished, conservative perspectives.. as they are comfortable in doing things the way they always have done them.. and I had no idea that the art culture in Kelowna and area.. are to support professionalism.. vs professionalism supporting the arts.. or any form of balance between the two. I had no idea of the fact that the people who create the culture in Kelowna, through the arts they decide to promote or show.. through the networking groups and organizations that they have created and run.. are groups and organizations based upon professional conservatism ..and that they are subject to their perspectives of good clean family values or MORALS.

My bad or my fault was to keep trying to break down their barriers and prejudices.. my fault was to keep trying to break through their walls and to try to change them after I had realized they all held the same views and they were not going to change them. Yes what they did and how they do things is wrong.. it is black and white..if you profess to include everyone in your groups and organizations..but exclude me due to the subject matter of women’s sexuality that is sexism..that is prejudice and that is black and white.. WRONG..But by me getting beside myself with anger and frustration.. with that anger and frustration turning inward inside of me ..to lead to suicidal thoughts a year ago ( I am doing really well now thanks ) but by allowing them that room in my mind, and heart they had won..and it gave them an excuse to call me crazy and a drama queen.. it gave them an excuse as a group..as individuals.. to keep excluding me..to never let me in..to not allow me to network in their groups or have speaking platform.. because of my emotions.. me attempting to hold them accountable on my blog by writing about every experience .. it made them feel justified.. so the did win. I should of realized that it was a battle that I couldn’t win after loosing so many rounds in the fight.. I should of seen it was draining.. sucking my vitality and life force.. it was taking away my confidence..as I was starting to see myself through their eyes.. I should of just walked off that battle field and realized not a single one of them was ever worth it.. that belonging or being accepted by them wasn’t ever worth loosing my sense of self over.. I should of seen much earlier that they wouldn’t ever be my audience.. because they are afraid of change.. even though they peach change and equality.. even though they go on and on about authenticity and having the courage to be different and follow your dreams.. I should of seen much sooner that these were just words of self promotion.. but I didn’t know, then what I know now.. now that I have watched them..now that I have gotten to know their patterns of make believe personas .. I sure wish I knew then what I know now..  but I am headstrong…and sometimes being headstrong can be a double edged sword..it can make you tough..but also it can make you blind to your own stubborn.. and gawd I am that.

I have a temper and righteous anger.. but now I know how to spot them because they all sound the same.. the all run in the same circles and all spout the same self-righteous crap. I can see the arrogance ..as they think they can do no wrong..and they have the power in numbers to keep their delusion of grandeur. But my bad was believing it.. comparing myself to them.. feeling like I don’t measure up because I don’t have the qualification or the professional experience that they all seem to have..but I have learned that most of their qualifications are hyped up bullshit.. my bad was not seeing it sooner.

The truth is I was and still am, their mirror.. a mirror that doesn’t work through the lens of their own rose colored glasses..but a mirror that shows them their lies and prejudices.. a mirror that shows them the truth…and that is ” Same as it ever was.. same as it ever was.” and it will always be the same old..for them..and that’s exactly why they don’t want to let me in or anyone else in that doesn’t communicate or network with in the frames of their comfort levels.. because they are afraid …

And there is my bad again..I didn’t understand it was really their fear and ignorance..it really didn’t have much to do with me.. change is a painful process..that they don’t want to face.

If there ever is a similar circumstance in my life again.. I walking away sooner.. I not going to fight battles I cannot win when I could change my strategy and change what I can.. I will accept much sooner..what I cannot not change.

Butterfly

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d5NsUXqGy2U

As I watched this video of Kelowna Society become totally undone.. I found myself freed of all the mental confusion due to their prejudices put on me because of my blog and website.. I found their exclusion to be a blessing in disguise. They don’t like my topless pictures; they don’t like my frank talk about women’s issues and sexuality.. or the frankness about how religion has repressed women.. and the flaky spiritual circles in Kelowna don’t want to include womb worship or Goddess Sexuality in their teachings.. but the point is this..after watching this video ..seeing them ignorantly attempt to get Oprah’s attention to bring her into The Okanagan Valley.. I came to the conclusion that they are all suffering from some form of mass hysteria caused by ” Look at me syndrome ” You really should watch this video.. it’s in shocking poor taste.. They wear wigs to mimic Oprah’s hair style..it gets worse at the end.. really bad. In one part the owner of a well known resort calls her ” African Queen” a total racial slur.. he says he will treat her like the African Queen she is ..while wearing a wig that mimics her hair style..but it gets even better.. she is propositioned by a gigolo wearing a wig .. offering himself up to her shirtless in a bed..  I was dumb struck watching the video the first time..but then after that I began to laugh.. I laughed at how ridiculous and absurd all these so called professionals were.. including the then mayor of Kelowna.. I laughed because I knew by being told by Lori herself..that her comedy partner had bailed on her due to the poor taste of Lori’s comedy..because Lori loves to make other look bad to make her look good..and I saw that happen in this video..I laughed because I watched another video of Lori doing a video of the voice message that Lisa left her…telling Lori what a piece of shit she is..and telling Lori to go fuck herself..I laughed because there was total truth to that.. and I wished I had done it .. I laughed because Lori doesn’t know how true it is..I laughed and I laughed at how Lori got all the big wigs in Kelowna Society to look like total morons ( wearing wigs )..and they did it for a moment of fame.. it’s just so circus/circus .. oh yes..their monkey’s their circus.. for the ” Look at me syndrome ” that caused their mass hysteria ..and then I laughed some more when my 13 year old daughter said.. ” Mommy could you image how funny it would be if they did a video of Oprah’s reaction of her watching this video? Now that would go viral!” And then I laughed some more outside in the playground as I showed some other common sense parents the video.. OMG they had the same reaction that I did ” WTF did we just watch.. lets watch that part again with the gigolo and were he calls her African Queen.. OMG were they seriously thinking this was funny and Oprah Winfrey would want to come here and hang with those jerks?”

But then I explained to them how much better it made me feel.. not having the same opportunities to network in the groups they all network in..how I didn’t just dodge a bullet.. I dodged an entire Valley of dumbass.. And we laughed..and laughed ..and I felt myself become light.. and I lighten-up for the first time in along, long time..and the it dawned on me how blessed and lucky I am not to have been put into the same space as these people.. and I saw for the first time that they must be jealous of me..that I really stand for something other than just my own ego..and society bullshit.. And then I was reminded that my book and it’s message are so much bigger than the crap in this valley..

But my daughter made a good point..she said ” Mom .. Kelowna is so pretty…and there are so many good people here..but that video makes us all look like morons.” ( outta the mouth’s of babes )

Lori’s last video addressed to Ellen Degeneres wasn’t much better…it was along the same lines of poor taste and classlessness ..as she goes topless in front of the mayor at City Hall..in a professional setting .. saying she is for the issue of Free The Nipple.. that is about women going topless were men can go topless ( Lori doesn’t actually go topless.).. Lori mocks the issue https://youtu.be/33Pd6sikcCQ.. the difference with this video is that Lori obviously bought views and dragged in all her media contacts to duplicate and splice the video .. she was media wise this time.. lots of her elder followers don’t realize how this works on YouTube .. most of her views are fraudulent… and it amazes me how she can drag so called professional and local politicians into her media frenzy for fame? It has to be some sorta madness.. it’s just so crazy.

But I have learned.. if it doesn’t kill you by-god it teaches you..and I learned about society.. I learned about how many in Kelowna will tell you to ” go break a leg” and actually mean it..” If breaking your leg gets me famous.. I will break your fricken leg bitch.” but it’s so funny..because for what? It put everything right back into perspective for me.. it made me see what a small fishbowl the valley really is..and it made me aware of how small and ignorant some people’s thinking is in this valley.. and also it made me feel ” What a pity it’s such a beautiful piece of land..and there are many great non-society types that live in the valley” ..and ” Let’s hope Colin ..the current mayor of Kelowna doesn’t fall for this bullshit.. he seems to be a classy guy..so stay classy Colin”

But the point of this story..is that I let go of what was weighing me down.. I really don’t give a shit about their groups..they are all bullshit..and I never needed them anyway.. I am blessed to have had them leave me out..and deny me access..their prejudices worked in my favor.. I cannot imagine hanging out with people that slimy LOL.. gawd it’s funny now!

So I am free

Innocence Lost

“He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you.” Friedrich Nietzsche

 

The Devil Tarot is both good and evil.. the good of The Devil is positive social notoriety ( do something to create positive change for society, the earth or humanity as a whole ) also The Devil in the positive stands for a great and passionate, sexual relationship and/or personal charisma … but this post is about The Devil in the negative… it stands for social notoriety at the cost of personal integrity. It stands for the temptation of loosing yourself in greed.. the greed of money and or social acclaim .. and sexually addictive behaviors and secrets.. or having a double life.. being a two faced lying bastard.. the evil magician who uses the illusion of charm to seduce people into following him/her for the pure ego feed,money, lust and/or all forms of greed..many use the disguise or slight of hand to make it appear that they are trying to use fame to create a positive change for humanity..but truthfully their charities are tools of manipulation .. to create fame for the pure sake of ego feed or to make money.. the filthy rich love ” Their Charities ” as they are great forms of manipulation.

When I first put up my website and all online accounts..and tried to promote my book on foot through my local community I met The Devil in many people. They mistook the innocence and naturalness of the nudity in my book.. in the photography; as my own form of Devil’s Play..they mistook my honest and frank writing ..or maturity about women’s sexuality as seduction.. they saw me as the evil magician using sex to seduce..and so it brought out their own inner devils.. soon I found myself gazing into a pit of seething snakes..all clamoring one up against each other for social attention.. and I was seen as another competitor in the race for fame and fortune.

To many men in my local community I became the next hottest little thing.. many tried to seduce me to become another one of their mistresses or girlfriends.. many of them very overweight men.. or in some way not attractive..but they had social connections, money or both..and when I didn’t play a long.. I was labeled as a crazy bitch. I had one actually grab me from behind when I was alone in his home during a business meeting..he grabbed me and tore my dress to one side cupping my bare breast in his hand from behind..then he bit down on my neck and demanded to be pleased.. I most carefully and graciously peeled him from me before running out the front door.. ~ innocence lost ~

This sort of seductive behavior happened often in the first 2 years of trying to network within Kelowna society.. I was invited to dinner parties to arrive and find myself the only guest.. then I would make a quick exit .. using some lame excuse .. like my babysitting fell through.. but it wasn’t just men.. it was swinging couples.. I had to be so careful.. I was invited to those parties too ..to find myself the only guest..once again to leave as fast as I could….

But then I found myself also the brunt of mean girl jokes..I had women’s organizations that I attempted to network with haunt my blog to leave mean girl comments.. seeing me as the men saw me.. as mistress material.. as the woman putting it out their to climb the social ladder on rich men’s dicks..and so they hated me for it.. for their own insecurities and ignorance..and so I saw what I didn’t want to become.. them.

I have written on this blog about them and their prejudices.. and so they wish to see me torn down..as I showed them the monsters that they are.. while they tried to make me a monster like them..because they thought I must be..putting my sexuality out there like art..thinking I am all that..doing all that they dared not to do..so of course I deserved and deserve their darkness..their contempt and deep dark shadows.. yet they don’t see they have simply projected their devils onto me…

What I have found is that they don’t network..they use each other..as devils do.. they would just as easily drop each other or climb up on the other’s downing ..if it meant climbing higher socially.. they haven’t real friendships.. they lie to each other..butter each other up..and they say they are authentic.. yet their masks are so thick..

When I wrote about my journey into the abyss of Kelowna Society..when I wrote about their shadows..and their slight of hand.. I showed them their devils.. and that’s why they resent me so..Because it takes courage and character not to fall into temptation..as they crawl and clamor in it..drowning in the pitiful messes of themselves they have created..not knowing who it is that stares back at them in the mirror..forgetting who they are in the falseness of their own images they have created..calling it BRANDING and REPUTATION.. but really it’s all just illusion.

But I have this to take with me..and I bid them adieu.. as I bow out from a competition I did’t know I had signed up for..

I have my integrity.. I have my authenticity.. I have my truth..and with that you didn’t steal my light to own it for yourselves.. as you have been too afraid to earn it..as monsters and devils are always afraid.. and that is why they try to steal the light.. because they cannot bring themselves to taking off the masks that casts their shadows…

The question to ask is this.. without me .. now who will you blame and shame.. now that you cannot project your bullshit onto me..it ‘s your faces unmasked in the mirror that you will see.

Putting the dream to bed

 

It actually depends on the distance of the star from earth..but you get the point. Sometimes you just have to face reality..and learn to let go. Sometimes holding onto something can cause un-needed pain.. vs letting go of toxic people and toxic situations. Since giving birth to my dream ( My book ) I have gotten nothing but shit and shame..and a ton of muther fucking head games from my community. I have given it a run for it’s money.. holy shit have I paid my dues through their ignorance, prejudice and abuse.. the last straw.. was the guy I thought I had fallen in love with.. until he showed me his true self with his last text message.. his arrogance.. his snottiness.. his ” I am better than you because I have a rich daddy and everyone in this community supports and loves me.. compared to you.. you manipulating, seducing bitch.” stuck up.. holier than thou .. I am fucking prick attitude.. selfish.. self absorbed .. etc.. etc.. attitude.. but he represents all of them.. I am generalizing..but ya that’s pretty much the attitude of all the snobs in Kelowna.. people a part of the arts and business community..those allowed in.. those that suck up.. suck dick.. women who will actually fuck the ugly rich dues for social acceptance and favors.. or the one’s like him born into money.. then there are the one’s like the last photographer I let take my images for my free the nipple post.. ya he didn’t even edit them..because he learned by me telling him about my struggles ( stupid fucking me..thinking I could confide in anyone..wtf was I thinking? ) well he learned I am unpopular.. so he sent me the images raw ( I edited them myself ).. because he didn’t give a fuck enough to do any good work for me.. like he does or did for all the snotty uppity bitches .. who he can gain some social climbing through.. so that was another ( fuck this shit ) blow.. then one of his photographer friends who is trying to do some social climbing as well starts posting bullshit about what to avoid in looking for Ms.Right while dating.. much of his writing describing a woman like me.. or how people in the networking groups have labeled me anyway.. but no .. no one is gossiping.. and like Matthew said..he never gossips..but his close friends are hitting like on the post from this guy.. I am just like ( Fuck this shit ) but this is the mental shit..this is the mental confusion .. this is the fucked up shit these people do.. nothing is said up front..it’s eluded to..it’s manipulation..and the funniest most ironic part is they label me as the manipulative one ..while they are manipulating .. fucking mental warfare.. I am like ( fuck this shit )

So after 3 years of being socially shut out .. I am fucking done. One thing they love to do when I meet them in person is rub my fucking nose in it.. Just like Matthew did when we had tea together.. reminding me by telling me that I need a platform for my book ..that I need a place to speak about it.. that I need a team..a community.. letting me know how much I don’t have..that he has..because he is popular and rich through family association.. ya well ( fuck this shit )

I have people that I don’t even know glare at me in the grocery store.. my little boys says to me while playing in the cart with the steering wheel ” Mommy why are those old people glaring at you..they are looking at you like they hate you mommy..do you know those people?” what I want to say to my little boy ” Those people are assholes son.. remember that look so you can spot them as you grow up.. I wish I knew that look sooner.. those people don’t have dreams and fucking lives of their own so they need to crush other people’s dreams because they are muther fuckers dear.”

I thought to myself ” I know that I am not promoted by Kelowna’s media because I don’t promote tourism by telling the truth of my story.. by telling it like it is.. by standing up for myself it’s impossible for the arts and professional community to accept me.. or welcome me in..” but then I remind myself.. they never intended to let me in..because of my nipples,in my book, in the photography.. because I write about women’s sexuality..because I am not rich..because I am not popular..and it’s a gigantic fucking High School here.. the adults are more socially immature ( retarded ) then their own kids!

So I gotta let this SHIT go..

I am not going to promote my book in Kelowna anymore..and I am not doing it online anymore at all. I will be writing on my blog here..about whatever the fuck I feel like writing about..but I am putting the dream to bed so I can be happy.. I can release myself from their toxic shit..from their discrimination and ignorance.. Matthew may feel that he has won.. he did..he won the biggest asshole award.. he can put it up in the local arts center for all his snotty and popular friends to see.. I don’t give a fuck.

I need to to concentrate on my kids..on the simple things that make us happy… because life is to short for this bullshit..and all their bullshit..as far as I am concerned they deserve each other.. maybe when I am dead my book might make an impact in the world..but I am not going to keep fighting a loosing battle with people who don’t fight fair…

I realize these jerks don’t deserve me or my book.. quite frankly I cannot stand these people and their selfish fake, plastic and childish society.. they really do deserve each other..

I deserve to be happy.. I deserve love and respect.. I will never get any of that from them..and I realize now what I did wrong.. I kept trying.. I cast my pearls upon swine.

Free The Nipple and Goddess Movement

To the point – Both of these movements are about sexual liberation and gender equality.

            

 

Free the Nipple is an equality movement focused upon the double standards regarding the censorship of female breasts started by activist and filmmaker Lina Esco.[1] The campaign is not a crusade that exclusively advocates for women to bare their chests at any and all given times; rather, it seeks to strip society of its tendencies toward the sexualization of the female upper body, addressing hypocrisies and inconsistencies in American culture and legal systems that enforce its taboos. Ultimately, the campaign resolves to decriminalize female toplessness in the US and empower women across western nations in a greater effort toward global gender equality.

 

Of course not every woman wants to go topless were men can go topless; like the beach.. but not every man wants to take off his shirt either.. and that’s called freedom of choice.

Many old school feminist bash the movement because they have been taken in by sexual shaming and so they unknowingly shame their own sex by believing if a woman is sexy or sexual she cannot be professional, moral, ethical or taken seriously; because she is using her sexuality to get male attention.. they believe feminist need to minimize their sexuality to take on the stereotype of what a feminist looks like.. to be taken seriously..but that is exactly why women’s equality has stalled out. The new feminine/feminist movement promotes that BEING SEXY IS NOT A CRIME. The double standards promote that the world’s morality rests on the control of the womb.. or women’s sex..the over sexualization of women and girls is brought on by repression and objectification..the fine balance of natural sexuality becoming unbalanced by the polar opposites.. natural sexuality is body positive.. not sexual shaming or making women into sex objects to be bought and sold by a male based society.. an example of the double standards are.. men who have many sex partners are studs.. women who do are sluts.. men are encouraged to loose their virginity while women are made to feel dirty, or to have fallen from grace when they become sexually active.

     

 

 

Chris was very professional and easy going; he made me quite comfortable. We wanted to tell a story with these images; a story of natural sexuality, innocence and sensuality. We took these images first thing in the morning of the Summer Solstice.. I felt very much like Mother Nature .. It was a spiritual and artistic experience. Chris and I are both passionate artists.. we really enjoyed every second of the shoot.. even when the parks keepers seemed to be worried about what we were doing; but like true artist we kept shooting anyway. The water was very cold, but there were few people to worry about.. we saw eagles, deer and hawks.. it was a beautiful country morning. The images were shot at Bertram Creek Regional Park Kelowna BC Canada.. of course I was in my legal rights to go topless..but most people in Kelowna are not ready for that..it’s a repressive, conservative community…but that is why we needed to do this.

I am the country girl that decides to challenge social taboos and go for a swim topless.. just like every man has a right to do. The images are meant to show natural sexuality..sensuality and playfulness.

I know I will get a lot of hate from my local community for doing this.. I always do. People are really afraid of change and evolution.. but religion is outgrowing it’s usefulness to society.. traditions are now prejudices that cause inequality..

I hope to enlighten my community..but .. ” The truth will set you free but first it will piss you off ” ~ Gloria Steinem

You can find my book at this link http://bookstore.balboapress.com/Products/SKU-000576933/The-Goddess-an-Expression-of-the-Divine-Feminine.aspx

 

 

Kelowna’s networking

If you want to fly you have to give up the shit that weighs you down

 

In the Tibetan Book of the Dead.. the spirit goes through a series of test before it can be rebirthed.. the major tests are fear and temptation. I realize now through my latest experience with a person from Kelowna’s upper society..or networking groups ( clicks ) that this has been my test..it has been a diversion or temptation; fear keeping me from placing all of my energy towards my book.. towards my passions for women’s equality… their bullshit, their fake world hasn’t really held me back at all.. but I have let them by allowing their illusions of success and popularity..become my mental conflict. I have let their rejection of me rule my emotions and thoughts.. I have allowed the temptation of their circus to pull me in to their dramas.. their politics.. their sugar coated lies.

I  realize now that I don’t want anything to do with these people. I cannot talk out of both sides of my face.. I am not a bullshitting, ass kisser. I am too honest and too open to network with any of them..because to them networking means manipulating each other. So now I see why they don’t want me to show up to their events because I am the one without the mask on..and I will be the contrast that will cause them to have to give up the disguises. And I cannot be bothered. I really have gotten to the point were I don’t give a shit. I realize now I didn’t write my book for Kelowna..now that I have gotten to really know these people..to see their patterns of social behaviors of dripping in bullshit. I know my book and message are to real for them. I am too real for them..and they don’t deserve my presence at their events.. yup they are right I am too damn real to listen in the back to sugary shit and not say it’s sugary shit. I am going to point out the elephant in the room.. I am going to be me.. I am not what they want an will not pretend to be what other’s want;  like they do.

They will get as far as the Okanagan Valley.. or area.. that’s it..because their idea of networking and business ( bullshitting ) doesn’t speak to the entire world..my message does. I realize now what a waste of time they all have been. I realize now that I shouldn’t feel sad at all.. even when the art’s community rejected me..because it’s just the business community ..it’s just conservative bullshit..I don’t want anything to do with their gray cardboard art..fuck, I don’t want to compare my work to that shit.

I don’t want the flaky spirituality.. I think their ideals of being positive only are just more sugar coated shit. These people don’t want real, vulnerable or authentic..they just like the way those words sound.. they don’t walk their talk.. I do and that is why I am such a threat to them.. well good. I will not grace you with my presence or my pretty face and heart because you don’t deserve it..and I don’t deserve your backstabbing and gossiping, two faced crap.

What I need to do is let you be in your swill.. in your fancy swill.. it’s really just swill after all..as they say ” Don’t cast your pearls upon swine ” But thanks for the lesson..thanks for giving me the fuel to be reborn and transformed.. for making it perfectly clear to me that I don’t want to be anything like you people..

I am going to concentrate my energy on my life’s purpose now.. I will leave you to grovel among each other for bullshit social status in a small town that the rest of the world doesn’t really give a damn about..because ” Frankly my dear I don’t give a damn.”

Being a successful woman in Kelowna BC

I was asked by a local man who is friends with people in my local networking community ” How could you of approached these people differently for different results?”

Honestly the only way I could of gotten different or successful results from Kelowna BC.. would of been to be just like them. So to get straight to the point of this post. If you want to be a successful woman in Kelowna BC..blend. Follow trends.. kiss ass.. be a nice and well behaved woman..

If I was to do anything different it would of been not to have been different.. that is it in a nutshell.

Following a big dream comes with a huge sacrifice.. it comes with cutting so many people loose all the time; that want to hold you back and have you conform to their comfort levels.. hell it isn’t  just Kelowna BC..it’s all of CANADA.. my nation is so conservative.. if I wanted to be successful I would of just painted Goddesses for my book..and wrote about women’s sexuality in a tame.. toned down fashion of 3rd person. That way I wouldn’t be a personal or professional threat..and even some of the conservatives might of accepted me.

Kelowna’s business community is run by catty insecure women. That’s why they need The Goddess Movement to begin with. They see me posing as The Goddess in my book and writing about women’s sexuality and my own sexuality; as a way to get all the male attention in Kelowna. They see this because they are the ones that need all the male attention in Kelowna by acting like Alpha Females..by doing this Femme Fatal crap to me.. by pushing me out of their networking groups..telling me to quit..telling me no one wants you or your message..

Of course me standing up to the prejudice and writing about it makes me the manipulative bitch.. once again their projection. They are the one’s that feel insecure in their own sexuality and that is why they have taken jabs at mine..through gossip and social ostracization. Then they say online that they are about giving women their voices and empowerment..while obviously seeing me as competition ..therefore not being truly empowered themselves..because strong women hold other women up…not cut them down.

So because of this..because of this immaturity, it doesn’t matter how I approached anyone in my community.. there is a strong conformity here.. intense insecurities and thick masks.. I am a threat to them..as they have shown me through their projections of fear ..or the label of victim that they have placed onto me .. well here is a thought ” Stop victimizing me..because I am not going to do what the guy I was talking to did with his bully.. I am not going to please you so that you will stop being cruel.. nope.. I am not going to change who I am and my message.. I am not going to bend to your will and blend in.. just to make you comfortable..but what I will do and continue to do.. is cut you all loose.. I am not turning toxic. I AM GOING TO BE ME! If you like it or not! ”

It’s better to fly solo than to fly with the flock that is going in the wrong direction..

Peace out.

Break Through

He kept asking me ” If you could have one break through in your life right now what would it be?”

I realize now he is the one who needs to break through his own fears.. funny how projection works.. funny how he was afraid to show me his soul while I was having the courage to offer him my heart and soul wide open..

I don’t need seminars to tell me how to be brave.. I just jump in feet first.. just like I am the first one in the lake..the first one to swim in freezing cold spring waters while other’s my age watch amazed..

They need the to ” Break on through to the other side ”

They have organizations that profess to be for diversity .. but they exclude me due to their prejudice and fears.. they claim to be compassionate and philanthropist.. while in private messages and behind closed doors they are cruel.

They use the press to promote their fake spiritual trends and organizations.. the press it’s self being plastic as hell.. just like them.

They say they support the Goddess Movement holding full moon circles while being to fearful .. terrified of women’s sexuality.. their spirituality watered down..nothing real here.. nothing but pasteurized and purified ..bullshit spirituality.. the sacred made profane by washing it out ..to make it safe for even the fake and flaky .. there is no medicine here.. no Priestesses .. no Goddesses.. just a bunch of women playing it safe.. not realizing that being called a cunt and whore .. were actually complements to the Goddess.. many 1000s of years ago.. the cunt the yoni.. the sacred whore the bridge to heaven.. the passage of the initiation .. the way to life..

They all just skim the surface.. too terrified to really touch the cloak of the divine.. to lift the veil ..to open Pandora’s BOX.. ( they will not understand that metaphor )

They search for the magic in safe and structured places.. because they lack in faith and character..to be about it..to really be the change..

They will not go deeply into the darkest uncharted waters of the soul.. they will not go because others will not go with them.. to find the pearls of wisdom..

The wisdom isn’t found walking the path that others follow.. ( how they love to follow the easy path ).. the wisdom is found were Angels fear to tread.. were only GODS go..

My break through is this… I have the pearl..

And sometimes it is best not to ” Cast your pearls upon swine ”

So let them have their pretty surface organizations.. let them post what they wish they had the courage to do..

And I will keep doing it.. while they gather in groups of spiritual darkness…being to fearful to go deep to find the light within the dark night of the soul..

It’s the only way to find the treasure..to not just say you are about it..but to be it..

With that I hold the Golden Laurel..

I am the solution to the problem they have with me..

 

The problem is that I have taken on their problem.. my attitude to their problem has been to take the job of convincing them that they do indeed have a problem.. that I am not the problem but it is their attitudes about me; as to how they define what is and isn’t acceptable. I am not acceptable due to the fact that I am not like them..but that isn’t my problem so I have to stop taking on the attitude that I must fix them.. problem solved..

When I stop trying to convince them and I stop trying to fix them I can get on with my life purpose and passions in spite of them.. therefore I become the change I wish to see in the world..

It isn’t my problem that they may or may not come to change with the times.. it isn’t my problem that they wish to stay stagnant or in a hamster wheel..because they cannot or will not conceptualize change..

I am speaking about the professional world..but also about society in general..as to the root of the problem that inflicts my attitude of taking on being their savior.. I am not their Christ or Whipping Boy.. I am not taking on their sins.. I am not going to carry their crosses for them.. I will not die slowly for them.. I will not take on their angry, resentful and even hateful energy as my problem.. as the problem is theirs to own or deny.. it’s not my problem which they chose..

By not taking on their problem the problem evaporates.. it looses it’s power..it has no foundation..as it stops being a problem.. for me.

The professional world and society as a whole sees authenticity and open sexuality as threat.. because it shows those whom are not authentic and comfortable in their skin..that they are not authentic and comfortable in their skin..and so they label people like me as trouble makers, whores, ridiculous or absurd.. not to be taken seriously..to be socially shunned or seen as inappropriate …

Yet the new rage in the professional world is to use words like ( authentic ) as self promotion.. but when someone like me comes along who is truly authentic..we blow it up in their faces..

 

And so I have become aware of my weakness through how they perceive me.. I have let their perceptions of me..rule my mind and emotions..

When the truth is simply this.. I am much farther down the path of authenticity than they.. I am actually leading them..

Maybe one day some of them will catch up..???

Bitchy, Mean Girls

http://kelownawomeninbusiness.blogspot.ca/2012_09_01_archive.html

 

Bonita and I met at a Goddess Party.. held by a woman who really didn’t understand what it meant to be a Goddess.. turns out the Goddess movement in Kelowna is pretty wishy-washy.. just like Kelowna.. When I read from my book at the party..full of women.. I was hushed..as I was reading a piece from my book about religious repression of women’s sexuality and religious repression against sexuality as a whole.. The Goddess is all about women’s sexuality, exploring women’s sexuality and about women expressing their sex through the archetypes of all the ancient Goddesses.. but not in a bible belt.. in a bible belt speaking about such things is offensive..and so I was shushed.. while the other women went on to sing their songs..and read their writings .. I was hurt and shocked.. at the repression and the immaturity of these grown women.. but Bonita wanted to meet with me..

The next day.. we walked together down the lake front to go and have our dinner meeting.. it was October 2012.. it was a full moon that night.. during our walk I made a joke about loving to be naked..as I am topless on my website.. right away I saw Bonita cringe.. she didn’t get the joke..and she said something as to how it made her uncomfortable.. I could sense the stick up her ass..but my curiosity got the best of me.. I wanted to know what this was all about.. She started to tell me on our walk that other women were uncomfortable with my body language .. that I had a raw sexuality about me that they found threatening.. she told me that other women would fear for their husbands around me.. she said ” See how other women grab onto their men when you walk by?” She said..” You should dress like me, like a professional..than other women will not be offended and men will take you seriously.”

I thought ” This is going to be interesting..and this is getting catty and bitchy… I wonder what she will say during dinner.. ?” I just had to know.. this was fucked up..

During dinner.. she told me that other women she knew ( meaning Kelowna Women In Business) wouldn’t want to network with me with “those pictures on your website” She told me that I was seen as a whore..she then went into the etymology of the world.. going back to German roots.. saying it meant a lewd, prostitute.. VULGAR.. She told me that I was sexually injured.. that my chakras were all lower energy.. meaning I live in my crotch.. that I am not spiritually tuned into the universe like she is.. that I am not as evolved as she is..

She told me that if I wanted to network in Kelowna with women in Kelowna that I had to button up.. wear a dress suite.. be just like them to fit in and not be seen as a threat.. she told me TO STOP WEIGHT LIFTING!!! She said I should have a yoga body like hers..she told me that my muscle is a threat and not feminine to men..she told me I threatened men by my warrior like energy..that I am too strong, my personality is a turn off to men..because I have such a hard body..that women and men are both threatened ..

It became clear to me that she was speaking for Kelowna Women In Business..and it seemed as if Melonie Dodaro had sent her with instructions.. ” Get her to blend or push her out.”

With that cattiness and bitchiness coming at me I intentionally planted a seed.. just to see if it would grow into a rumor .. I thought ” I will give them something to talk about” I have had that mischief in me since I can remember.. it amuses me to tinker with small minds and fearful people.. so I told Bonita that I had slept with a married man.. I told her I did it just to see what the power trip would feel like.. I thought ” If they are so afraid for their husbands this rumor should spread like wild fire.” So I wonder.. did it? I bet as soon as she left me she got on her phone texting ” What a slut..she does sleep with married men.”

Anyway.. I wasn’t root chakra damaged before the meeting with Bonita..but I was afterwards..and I still am.. I hope writing this helps me heal.. I haven’t been with a man since or even really tried to date.. This entire experience of attempting to network with such cruel people.. has made me feel like there isn’t any love in this city..there certainly has been any for me..

I am including a piece from Psychology today about Feminine Foes.. why women do this sort of shit to other women..

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-therapy/201401/feminine-foes-new-science-explores-female-competition?tr=HomeEssentials

“”According to Benenson, a common way women deal with the threat represented by a remarkably powerful or beautiful woman is by insisting on standards of equality, uniformity, and sharing for all the women in the group and making these attributes the normative requirements of proper femininity.

Third, in extreme cases women may guard against potential competitors by means of social exclusion. If a new attractive woman shows up in the neighborhood (or school, or club), all the women in attendance may turn their backs on her, compelling her to withdraw from the scene, thus increasing their own chances with the surrounding males.”" ~Psychology Today

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