Posts Tagged ‘love’

Love is all powerful

 

I met someone and I thought that we had clicked… but I was wrong again. I was wrong because it appears that he didn’t feel the same way. I was so sure; that when he didn’t respond like I thought he would.. I cried and I cried tonight. Of course when these things happen I feel so foolish and silly.. I feel so vulnerable and damaged..and I am really. My heart has a million scares and wounds.. I am a bleeding heart.. I am mush. It’s especially sad because it isn’t often that I feel that click with a guy..because I am so different and picky. But I opened up my already broken heart that never really seems to mend ( because I am a sensitive soul ) and once again I found myself in my own pool of tears on my pillow.

It’s a constant craving.. this craving for ” The One ” that I have apparently never met..and then it is a continual heartbreak when I dare hope that maybe this someone new could be him..and then my heart is dashed against the rocks like a ship lost at sea.. and all hope seems lost again..and I must grieve the loss of a love that never blossomed.. a light.. like a lighthouse that seems so faraway .. he is so far away from..so far that I just can’t see.. why is he so faraway from me?

And I say to The Angel of Love..” Why do you play with my heart like this? Why can’t you send me somebody to love? Send me someone to heal my broken heart.. to protect me from others who would see me suffer?”

It is such a dangerous thing to feel.. to open up your heart.. to be exposed to others.. to cry..even alone.. to truly allow yourself to be in sorrow..

Love is all powerful.. men and some women they want money and fame and they think that is powerful.. but you can have all of those things but to not have someone truly love you for all of your faults and strengths.. everything else means like nothing at all.. so love is all powerful.

Love is the muse for the artist.. it is the creative force.. without love the world would be gray and barren.. emotionless and pale.. love is everything..

But even though I feel him in my heart.. I cannot find him..

The craving will never leave.. the longing for his strength and touch.. the sound of his voice.. his scent .. his presence .. this will never leave me..

Until I find him I will be raw..

And the tears will fall..

Like rose petals on silk sheets..

My heart like crushed fruit.

 

Married again?

 

After my nasty divorce; after having been married to selfish, mean man, I never thought I would ever consider marriage again. I realize now it’s because I have been afraid the same thing would happen..because I would unknowingly attract the same sort of man into my life again. More than it wasn’t; I didn’t trust men or ever hated men, it was that I didn’t trust myself. Back then I didn’t have the sense of self worth that I have today. I didn’t love myself. I found it very difficult to be alone, I was lonely alone with myself; not anymore. I really enjoy my own company. I take good care of myself for myself. I am not desperately seeking anyone or anything. I haven’t given up on love I just understand what love is now. I know the difference between, romantic love, lust and passion vs an endearing long lasting love. I don’t date men whom I don’t think qualify as long lasting.. meaning I don’t go on many dates. I am selective.. I am looking for quality but not perfection.

I am not qualifying men by looks or money alone; I am looking for a man with heart and soul.

When I do meet him many things will be different from my first marriage.. not just that he isn’t my ex.. but we both will be mature. There will be no babies, no toddlers.. we will have more freedom to do other things. It’s an entirely new dynamic.

I am a different person than I was way back in 1997 when I met my ex husband. I was in a rush, I was 27 and I wanted a family.. I wanted babies and so I overlooked many of his flaws that were more like red flags. He took no responsibility for his short comings, he blamed others for his faults and weaknesses instead of facing them head on and dealing with them. He didn’t want to cook or do any domestic chores; he was controlling. My fault was giving myself away; being too willing to throw myself at his feet because I wanted to be a mother and he was willing to be a father. I have grown so much as a person. I know who I am ..and I know that my strengths can also be my weaknesses. I am very passionate, high spirited, dramatic, emotional, a nonconformist. I need someone who can stand up to me but also let me go .. set me free, accept the artistic, sexy little freak in me.. I know it’s a lot to ask for.. to find that in a man, and to be attracted to him physically, mentally, emotionally and soulfully.. that’s why I am still single!

But I believe for the right guy I could commit for the long term.. I think what is meant to be will be, when it is meant to happen it just will..

I think that putting romance into perspective is the key; it isn’t just about a pretty ceremony .. ( although I would love that again ) it’s about looking at things long term.. being best friends is the key.. knowing you have each others backs equally..

Life is to short to be bitter and to not hold out hope for someone and something better.

Core

 

I exposed my heart to you now what are you going to do..

I am vulnerable, soft and sweet a tender treat..

I shared my secrets; my deepest demons and my angels too..

but I have no regrets in telling you that I love you..

I now that you know that I am broken what will be my punishment..

will there be vengeance from you my darling nemesis?

I am torn in shreds and that I don’t regret, because I have spent all my rage..

my heart is out of it’s cage..

I am crushed like ripe grapes..

my heart is pulp, bloody red and raw..

but the ecstasy has transported me to deep euphoric harmony..

I am enraptured in the depths of ravishment that overpowers me..

how exquisite this emotion like a fine wine drizzled on my tongue..

I am undone; the art of ripping a heart apart..

to the core, to the essence of the center open and sore..

abraded, inflamed by a passion untamed,  that has bewitched me..

but my heart is free from rationality that imprisoned me..

I didn’t know I was ravenous and starving for lust..

so devastate me, plunder and dissenter to liberate me..

break me in pieces so beautifully to be enchanting and ravishing..

I surrender willingly..

Sensitive

 

Love is so painful and raw; no matter how down-to-earth I try to be I cannot help but be swept off my feet..

sensitive

My heart is tender and compassionate and so my passions run free towards sentimentalities..

sensitive

This sensuousness in me stimulates me to deliciousness and it brings me to my knees..

sensitive

So much pleasure brings so much pain but I cannot help but love the sweet punishment that it brings..

sensitive

Exposed, open and bare, ravished by a a hunger that leaves me famished I am engorged for more..

sensitive

There is no rational, no lucid or logical for I am sensual, captivating, eager and willing for the taking..

I am sensitive

I am deep, and awaiting penetrating of his piercing, sharp gaze into my soul he breaks though my defenses..

sensitive

My fragrance is the essence; carnal surrender as I give the core, the thrust towards the sweetness within..

sensitive

I am overwhelmed and overwhelming by the breathtaking way  he plunges in with resolute desire  to enslave..

sensitive

He descends and submerges in his urges as I shiver with pure concentrated pain that becomes my pleasure..

sensitive

And as I quiet, as I sink into the bliss he begins again to take with earnestness what is oh so juicy and tender..

sensitive

I made it all up

 

I made you what I needed you to be..

But it was all my own make-believe..

I told myself that you were like a living daydream or a falling star..

So I could get through another day..

I made it all up..

I made it all up..

I made you into my Prince Charming; so disarming my fears..

So that I could have this Never,Never Land inside my head..

I needed to lie to myself so I could get bye..

I didn’t want cry and cry..so I..

I made it all up..

I made it all up..

I lived in fancy place inside my head..

I made you my saving grace to save face..

I didn’t want to face the truth..

That world is cruel full of cruel ones like you..

I made it all up..

I made it all up..

I needed to spend time in this magic place just for while..

I enjoyed the magic spells that cast even though they didn’t last..

I just needed a rest from the real world..

But eventually reality found you and me..

I made it all up..

I made it all up..

Just go away

 

Just go away

I am not gonna play your stupid games..

Don’t pretend that you care just because you want to sleep with me..

Just go away

Find some other girl who wants to play..

Find some else who will believe your lies..

Just go away

I know you will never love me, you have no feelings for me..

I know you just want to get laid..

Just go away

I am not gonna see you through rose colored glasses..

I am not gonna make you out to be who I want you to be..

Just go away

I know you will say whatever it takes to get with me..

I know you want to break down my walls just to take..

Just go away

You will never give me your heart..

You will never be true..

Just go away

I have been down this road before..

I have had many play these games..

Just go away

I am lonely and my heart is tender..

I am dreamer and I am sensitive but not desperate..

Just go way

I am not going to play

I am so sorry

 

I am so sorry for the harsh words that I said in anger..

I am so sorry for the way I looked at you when I was mad..

It wasn’t even your fault but the words spit out like hot burning coals of fire..

I forgot myself and I fell into the deepest pit of my humanity.. so many mistakes I made, when I should of caught myself.. there is no excuse for hurting you..

And to see you crying because of the words I used with abandon and abuse..

I am so sorry..

I adore you .. and when I hurt you I hurt myself too.. you are the other half of my heart.. the reason that I breath.. please don’t leave..

The thought of loosing you because I lost my cool is more than I can bear.. I can’t spare one single day without you here..

Please ,, please forgive me… I am so sorry..

I humble myself.. I am on my knees.. begging you to please see I was just in pain and acting out that way was my release..

I am so sorry..

I hit the bottom now.. not knowing if you will forgive me baby..

I am so sorry..

How could I hurt such a warm and tender heart.. you’r so devoted and so caring.. I was hateful and so mean, please.. please forgive my brutality..

I am so sorry..

I am lucid now that the heat has cooled in me and I comprehend that I need to mend this rift between you and me..

I am so sorry..

I am so blessed to have you dear.. you are priceless and I cherish this love so much so that I can admit I was wrong..

I am so sorry..

Baby please forgive me

Until love finds away

 

I will do my very best; put on my pink dress until love finds away

I will love myself and everything all around until love finds away

I will make make beauty out of ugliness until love finds away

I will soar with the doves to heaven above until love finds away

I will be like a child and go outside and play until love finds away

I will adore all that I see with child like eyes until love finds way

I will be grateful for all that have until love finds away

I will seek health and happiness until love finds away

I am going to be just sweet little me until love finds away

I am putting on my make up and flowers in my hair until love finds away

I will be sweet, kind and gracious until love finds away

I will be all that love seeks so that love will find away

All I ever wanted..

 

All I ever wanted was your heart

The diamonds, the sapphires, rubies and sparkly things couldn’t fill my arms ..

All I ever wanted was your heart

Just sit and stay with me; talk with me and walk with me and hold me closely ..

All I ever wanted was your heart

I wasn’t like the rest; I really was looking out for your best..

All I ever wanted was your heart

I didn’t need the big parties; I didn’t want everyone to see the things you bought for me..

All I ever wanted was your heart

Sit with me by the hearth; in your arms I have everything I have ever wanted..

All I ever wanted was your heart

I know you worked so hard to show the world what a man you are..

All I ever wanted was your heart

I didn’t need the fancy gowns or a golden crown or the crowds..

All I ever wanted was your heart

I was the one that waited alone in our bed for you to finally come and rest your head..

All I ever wanted was your heart

Oh I how I cried and cried and cried when you just would walk on bye..

All I ever wanted was your heart

I would beg and I would plead “Baby please stay a while with me..”

All I ever wanted was your heart

Now time has gone bye and we are far apart..

All I ever wanted was your heart

Madness, Madness, Madness

Madness, Madness, Madness

How I love thee, take me so deeply into the untamed seas,

Madness, Madness, Madness

Oh suffering so sweetly, completely engulf me in sultry,smokey sorrow like honey,

Madness,Madness, Madness

I give into you, I submit my will to you,I sink so deeply with the melancholy,

Madness, Madness, Madness

Oh tears fall like diamonds, tears like falling stars, oh how mysterious you are,

Madness, Madness, Madness

Blood red moon, oh how I swoon, black swan swimming on the rain soaked pond,

Madness, Madness, Madness

You bring to me what happiness cannot see; sorrow is so bitter sweet and heightens creativity,

Madness, Madness, Madness

In you all sensuality, sexuality, love and lust, romantic thrust in you, I trust in you,

Madness,

Madness,

Madness

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