Posts Tagged ‘love is all powerful’

In love

 

I didn’t expect it to happen.. I don’t know exactly what happened.. I thought you would just be like the rest of them.. just another guy but you have something so special inside.

It was like an inner, tiny, micro explosion when your eyes locked with mine.. all of the walls that I carefully kept up..that I had built with fear and apprehension.. fell to dust… when your soul met mine.

And now I am confused..so powerful and supernatural ..so transcendental is this transformation of my heart from caterpillar to butterfly.. that I feel so humble as the holy light of dawn rushes in were only darkness once lived.. the melancholy turned to bliss..but a bliss that is so fragile.. leaving me weak and vulnerable.. such is the love of words not yet spoken.. held tenderly in the heart so fearful of once again being broken.. how you have me under your spell.. that I can not believe that you could also love me like this? Could you? Could you love as the moon loves the sun’s first morning kiss?

Could you love in the dreamy dream of the moonstruck madness of love not yet spoken of.. not yet spoken of between me and you.. as a candle freshly lit.. the flame yet to breath in the reality of its own existence.. the miracle of what it is just becoming.. a light to light the world and many candles yet not knowing the joy.. the joy of you ..of your eyes.. the light of your soul that I see dance beneath your diamond irises .. how could you be so beautiful? Could you love my soul as I love yours? Oh how we have lived such parallel lives.. how we walked the same roads and talked to the same people.. never to meet but suddenly to meet like this.. how could you love me as I love you like the beat of my own heart?.. ¬†others will divide us.. even though our souls are of the same light.. we are kindred in spirit .. we beat with the same heart..but our lives are so different.. they will tear us apart. But even so.. I love you anyway.. for your love has opened my heart.. your love has set me free.. your love has softened me.. from the brutal cold hearts; the mean and the cruel.. you have given me back wonder and innocence.. wings to fly.. you have unlocked the prison that they trapped me in with their cruelties .. you are poetry..the painter of my soul…you have given my wounds sweetness and balm.. you healed me instead of injuring me.. you my love pulled arrows from the breast of the swan.. you are my song.. music and delight.. you are a pleasure just to behold in the sun’s golden light.. I see your soul glitter through your eyes.. your voice like the warm summer breeze.. sounds so soft as madrigal poems.

But I know this.. meeting you has made my heart so delicate.. like rose petals and gossamer wings… like silken threads of spider’s webs.. my heart it is so sensitive… and so I weep of words I dare not speak should you not feel the same for me..should I break the spell of love so sentimental that the luxuriousness will be lost by your denial..and so I write here.. my heart sequestered .. I hide away in this secret place least the fairy dust should settle.. the fall to earth would be more than I can take..for my heart has already been shattered, I know I would break.

Could you love like this too? Could you love me like such a childish fool? Of all the things I will dare to do.. of all the dangers that I willingly face.. I cannot tell you to your face.. that I love you..

Yes there is love at first glance.. you are the one who showed me that.

Manifesting My life Partner

My sister 1986 at 17

I should start this with the dream visitation I had from my dead sister last night.. but I am going to start with the Instagram conversation I had with a relationship coach; who is in a great relationship..and tells people how important it is to have great sex everyday. I told her that I don’t have a soul mate to have sex with everyday..and that it’s getting on my sexual frustration nerve that everyone is bragging online about the great sex they have. She suggested that I am responsible for my own lack of manifesting my soul mate. I found this pretentious because ( it is ) and because of all of things that I have done to manifest said soul mate.

First I had professional counselling to help me heal from the affair and the abandonment of my ex husband ( because it’s important not to be bitter when manifesting love )

Then I made up a manifestation board suggested to me by a relationship coach who gave me a reading using love cards.. So I made up this poster board full of pictures of how I wanted my next relationship to be. Lots of travel and spontaneity; I want to live in sin and be like gypsies. I want him to be kind, funny, talented, passionate and eccentric.. spiritual and romantic.. someone who would be great to my kids but know that he didn’t have to pretend to be their daddy.. someone who could handle my passion, temper and fire.

Then I had some professional boudoir photography done; to help me get in touch with my inner Goddess.. my Divine Feminine and this led me to using boudoir photography in my book and then writing about the Goddess.. ( You think that would of been enough to manifest a great man right there! )http://bookstore.balboapress.com/Products/SKU-000576933/The-Goddess-an-Expression-of-the-Divine-Feminine.aspx  link to my book

I purchased loads of lingerie.. I have a drawer full of it..

I hit the gym hard to ground myself into my flesh and sexuality ( and because I love to be fit just for me ) I took belly dancing, pole dancing and burlesque classes.

I decorated my bedroom using feng shui colors and placements to bring love and money into my bedroom.. I have two treasure chests by my bed .. one is for me and one is for him..one full of feminine decorations and one full of masculine decorations. I did paintings with romantic ancient symbols for lovers .. so many paintings that they are all over my home.

I purchased crystals and tantra candles..and with two heart shaped candles I did a ritual for manifesting my soul mate.. in my bedroom is a brass cupid with a crystal in his bow and arrow.

I purchased angel love cards.. and from Italy I purchased the heart shaped tarot..so I could place the lovers card by my bed with a rose quarts heart on it..to manifest this soul mate..

It has been six years and he hasn’t manifested.

I took action by joining several different dating sites.. sometimes I would go on fifty quick coffee dates in sixty days.. but these dates were funny, sad and even sometimes creepy.. after a couple of years of trying to date online and meet someone at local events.. I just went off line and stopped trying..because it was all the same guys.. just pointlessness..

So either manifesting doesn’t work..or I just suck at it?

But now to the dream of my sister that I had last night.. in the dream…

( My sister who had died of cancer was somehow in my bed; she held me close as I wept on her chest.. I cried so hard because I knew it was just a dream.. I was lucid dreaming. I wept because as she held me I could feel how tiny the cancer had made her.. how weak her muscles were..and in the dream I relived in an instant the terror of loosing her..of feeling helplessness towards a disease that had complete control of her body..of me keeping her safe ..” I just didn’t want you to suffer .. I just didn’t want you to suffer.. It isn’t fair how you suffered and died like that ” I bawled in her arms.. she said to me ” You did everything right Gracie. Everything we talked about when I was dying.. you lived your dreams.. the dreams I didn’t get to live because I was afraid.. you were so fearless writing your book.. doing what you did to help all women..it was a true sacrifice and the karma has been building over here in the spirit world for you.. you have good karma on the way..great karma Gracie.. just hold on a little longer. Did you feel me on your walk yesterday? In the wild roses? I was the roses that surrounded you to remind you of your childhood dream.. you know they are my birth flower.. and my birthday is on the 2nd of June..it’s my birthday soon.. I used the roses to show you how much love there is for you.” and then in my dream I cried harder knowing that I was going to wake up soon..I could feel it..” but they all hate me now for writing my book.” I wept.. tying to hang onto the dream..to her.. ” Just a little longer Gracie… just hang on”

And then I awoke in actual tears.. but I felt her spirit and the dream linger… ” just a little longer…”

So just maybe this manifestation thing might work after all.. or maybe I am just dreaming?

Love is all powerful

 

I met someone and I thought that we had clicked… but I was wrong again. I was wrong because it appears that he didn’t feel the same way. I was so sure; that when he didn’t respond like I thought he would.. I cried and I cried tonight. Of course when these things happen I feel so foolish and silly.. I feel so vulnerable and damaged..and I am really. My heart has a million scares and wounds.. I am a bleeding heart.. I am mush. It’s especially sad because it isn’t often that I feel that click with a guy..because I am so different and picky. But I opened up my already broken heart that never really seems to mend ( because I am a sensitive soul ) and once again I found myself in my own pool of tears on my pillow.

It’s a constant craving.. this craving for ” The One ” that I have apparently never met..and then it is a continual heartbreak when I dare hope that maybe this someone new could be him..and then my heart is dashed against the rocks like a ship lost at sea.. and all hope seems lost again..and I must grieve the loss of a love that never blossomed.. a light.. like a lighthouse that seems so faraway .. he is so far away from..so far that I just can’t see.. why is he so faraway from me?

And I say to The Angel of Love..” Why do you play with my heart like this? Why can’t you send me somebody to love? Send me someone to heal my broken heart.. to protect me from others who would see me suffer?”

It is such a dangerous thing to feel.. to open up your heart.. to be exposed to others.. to cry..even alone.. to truly allow yourself to be in sorrow..

Love is all powerful.. men and some women they want money and fame and they think that is powerful.. but you can have all of those things but to not have someone truly love you for all of your faults and strengths.. everything else means like nothing at all.. so love is all powerful.

Love is the muse for the artist.. it is the creative force.. without love the world would be gray and barren.. emotionless and pale.. love is everything..

But even though I feel him in my heart.. I cannot find him..

The craving will never leave.. the longing for his strength and touch.. the sound of his voice.. his scent .. his presence .. this will never leave me..

Until I find him I will be raw..

And the tears will fall..

Like rose petals on silk sheets..

My heart like crushed fruit.

 

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