Posts Tagged ‘Kelowna Women in Business’

Contemplating my bad

 

Mentally reviewing the last 3 years attempting to network my book in my local community.. I realize my bad was dramatically reacting to their bad.. but of course I didn’t know what I didn’t know.. and that is what I know now…and it’s that I wouldn’t ever be accepted or be welcomed in their house of belonging due to the subject matter of my book ” Women’s sexuality ” Even though my book is tasteful and factual.. even though it is artistic and intellectual.. although very amateurish.. I wouldn’t ever of been accepted into their polished, conservative perspectives.. as they are comfortable in doing things the way they always have done them.. and I had no idea that the art culture in Kelowna and area.. are to support professionalism.. vs professionalism supporting the arts.. or any form of balance between the two. I had no idea of the fact that the people who create the culture in Kelowna, through the arts they decide to promote or show.. through the networking groups and organizations that they have created and run.. are groups and organizations based upon professional conservatism ..and that they are subject to their perspectives of good clean family values or MORALS.

My bad or my fault was to keep trying to break down their barriers and prejudices.. my fault was to keep trying to break through their walls and to try to change them after I had realized they all held the same views and they were not going to change them. Yes what they did and how they do things is wrong.. it is black and white..if you profess to include everyone in your groups and organizations..but exclude me due to the subject matter of women’s sexuality that is sexism..that is prejudice and that is black and white.. WRONG..But by me getting beside myself with anger and frustration.. with that anger and frustration turning inward inside of me ..to lead to suicidal thoughts a year ago ( I am doing really well now thanks ) but by allowing them that room in my mind, and heart they had won..and it gave them an excuse to call me crazy and a drama queen.. it gave them an excuse as a group..as individuals.. to keep excluding me..to never let me in..to not allow me to network in their groups or have speaking platform.. because of my emotions.. me attempting to hold them accountable on my blog by writing about every experience .. it made them feel justified.. so the did win. I should of realized that it was a battle that I couldn’t win after loosing so many rounds in the fight.. I should of seen it was draining.. sucking my vitality and life force.. it was taking away my confidence..as I was starting to see myself through their eyes.. I should of just walked off that battle field and realized not a single one of them was ever worth it.. that belonging or being accepted by them wasn’t ever worth loosing my sense of self over.. I should of seen much earlier that they wouldn’t ever be my audience.. because they are afraid of change.. even though they peach change and equality.. even though they go on and on about authenticity and having the courage to be different and follow your dreams.. I should of seen much sooner that these were just words of self promotion.. but I didn’t know, then what I know now.. now that I have watched them..now that I have gotten to know their patterns of make believe personas .. I sure wish I knew then what I know now..  but I am headstrong…and sometimes being headstrong can be a double edged sword..it can make you tough..but also it can make you blind to your own stubborn.. and gawd I am that.

I have a temper and righteous anger.. but now I know how to spot them because they all sound the same.. the all run in the same circles and all spout the same self-righteous crap. I can see the arrogance ..as they think they can do no wrong..and they have the power in numbers to keep their delusion of grandeur. But my bad was believing it.. comparing myself to them.. feeling like I don’t measure up because I don’t have the qualification or the professional experience that they all seem to have..but I have learned that most of their qualifications are hyped up bullshit.. my bad was not seeing it sooner.

The truth is I was and still am, their mirror.. a mirror that doesn’t work through the lens of their own rose colored glasses..but a mirror that shows them their lies and prejudices.. a mirror that shows them the truth…and that is ” Same as it ever was.. same as it ever was.” and it will always be the same old..for them..and that’s exactly why they don’t want to let me in or anyone else in that doesn’t communicate or network with in the frames of their comfort levels.. because they are afraid …

And there is my bad again..I didn’t understand it was really their fear and ignorance..it really didn’t have much to do with me.. change is a painful process..that they don’t want to face.

If there ever is a similar circumstance in my life again.. I walking away sooner.. I not going to fight battles I cannot win when I could change my strategy and change what I can.. I will accept much sooner..what I cannot not change.

The Goddess

 

The Photo Shoots

(From the book ~The Goddess an Expression of the Divine Feminine ~ ) Available on Amazon.ca

 

First off I am not a model; but that is the point. Through the sensual photography I am trying to show a softer side of sexuality; really if I had my way, I would do away with pornography for obvious reasons. I don’t see anything wrong with erotica because it usually benefits both the sexe’s sexual appetites; but porn shows women being degraded. To me erotica shows sex and romance; love and lust, something both sexes aspire to in the pursuit of love and lovemaking.

Anyway I am not what would be considered model material at all; I am 5ft tall, 120 pounds and I am 42. My body has conceived 7 times but I have given birth to three children; but this is the reality of being a woman; our age; weight, height don’t make us any less sexy; that is media hype to sell us youth and wieghtloss products that don’t work. Only healthy diet and exercise work. I am very healthy and fit; not skinny or fat, I have curves and real breast, and even my nails are real. The point in using me as the model is to bring back real beauty and health for women and no one else would do it!

 

I met Claire and Joan of Miss Sassy Pants Boudoir Photography in the summer of 2011; my ex had left me for another woman; I believe in my heart that the affair started while I was pregnant with our son. I needed a self-esteem boost; I had lost 40 pounds of baby weight, I was single again and I wanted to do something out of the ordinary. The photographs turned out beautifully. I used them on my blog to post (The Divine Feminine 1 through 6). I use them on my facebook as well.

 

I had the greatest Idea ever! I decided to write a book about the Goddess and as a very visual and artistic person, I knew in my heart that having Claire and Joan do the photography would make the book like sensual eye candy. It was hard to use myself; I know that there are some people that know me (especially family) who will think that I am conceited, crazy and glorifying myself through the book.  Yes I had to use myself; I couldn’t afford to pay someone else and I couldn’t find no one who had the courage to do it. The message of the book is so important to me; that I decided to take the leap of faith and risk it all myself and I am risking it all. Everyone will know me as the woman who posed in this book, not just the author of the book but the model; everyone who looks at and reads this book will know my body in a lot of detail. This does take away from my privacy; I chose not to have any shots with frontal nudity below the waist as that is very private to me, I am saving that part of me for me and for the man I will love and who will love me.

 

As a mother; it made it harder to come to the decision to do it; but as a mother I had to do it. I want to show my young daughters and my son how wonderful women really are, how real and beautiful, how sensual and strong real women are. I want to bring back romance and love; true equal partnerships between men and women for all of us and our future generations. It will be very interesting for me when the book is published and my nudity is made public. I can only hope that most people will have the maturity to see the beauty and the art for what it is; I can only hope that I will not be judged as a bad mother and a tramp. I can only hope to spread hope; and a new kind of liberation for men and women. I can only hope to build upon the equality of the sexes through this work.

 

The funny thing is that Hugh Hefner and I have the same birthday; April 9th. Both of us working with sex; but I am different as I do not want or wish to use sexuality to build an empire on; I wish to set us free from the bondage of the extremes. I wish to show true sexual freedom; that is not to hurt the other sex or the self in sexual expression; I want to help build upon the sensual, erotic art form of making love, not just having sex.

 

The first photo shoot was outside at Bertram Park in Kelowna B.C; I wanted to get Okanagan Lake in the photos, I love where I live and being Canadian. I do want to travel and see where all the Goddesses originated from though.

 

It is a public park; it was secluded enough in March, that we could take the nude photos; but of course really cold, it was below 10 degrees when we took the shots. In the shots of me as Athena; you can see Kelowna’s floating bridge in the background; I just love it!

We worked fast; it was very cold, for 2 hours I was near naked most of the time, but we were so into our creative adventure I hardly noticed the cold, I just wanted the shots! The rocks on the beach were the worst though; they were so COLD and Sharp. Claire and Joan were amazed at my tenacity; when I set my mind to my work, it will happen.

 

Standing on the cliff as Athena was hard; I kept getting dizzy because I was looking up at the sky, it was giving me intense vertigo, and cars along the road could see me, they were slowing down to look, I kept having to cover my naked breast with my shield. It was kind of funny.

 

Lying on the ground as Mother Nature felt great; that spot on the ground was really quite warm and I love the smell of the earth warming up; that was my most relaxed shot; they were quite quick.

 

Artemis was my favorite; I loved the bow and arrow; I loved the costume and I loved who she was. With every Goddess I had to get into character; Claire helped me with Artemis she asked me to hunt and to stalk my prey, it really helped. I just love what she stands for; later after the shoot I had a dream of her, not of me as her but actually of her. In my dream she had light red hair and grey/green huge eyes. She had an infant strapped to one side of her back and her arrows on the other side; she was rapid firing her arrows at her pray. It meant that she would be successful as she left no room for failure. She made sure all of her arrows flew straight and true. This is the Goddess of the brave; the mother bear protecting her young. I just loved stepping into her character; I can only hope to emulate her through my life.

 

When we walked out of the park; we passed the park keeper, he was cutting and chipping trees that had fallen in a storm. He was close to my age; it’s funny he must of seen something cause he just kept looking at us like he couldn’t believe it! So funny!

 

The next photo shoots were Isis and the High Priestess; we did the Priestess first. These shoots were harder for me as the costumes and makeup were more elaborate; wearing wigs drives me nuts! But to make the Goddesses look different and authentic it had to be done. I don’t mind dressing up once in a while; but the more natural Goddesses were more my style.  It’s comical that when I was doing the dancing shots my wig flew clean off my head! Claire reached her limit when the Runes fell between my butt cheeks; she drew the line at fishing them out!  But The Priestess is one sexy Goddess; she was very cat like, very sleek and sexy.

 

I read the Runes later on after looking at the shot; this is what they meant:  the first is the Rune of PROTECTION – I give myself protection through the awareness of my emotions; by having self control over my emotions and living in the moment. This is how to handle change and transition.

PAIN – some pain is necessary as the darkness teaches us about the light and the power of the self. We are initiated through pain to spiritual awareness. Keep faith and good temper to move through the pain of darkness into the light.

BREAK AWAY – break away from constricting beliefs. Experience the world of the archetypal mind.

PARTNERSHIP – Partnership with the Divine and personal relationships; gift of freedom from which flow other gifts.

I took this interpatation from “The Book of Runes” from Ralph H. Blum.

It has come true so far; the pain has manifested as people in my neighborhood that judge me for my blog and my work; the breakaway has shown up as me moving away, so that I have privacy from the judgment of people like this, once the book comes out it will get even worse because of my nudity. If they judge me now, well, I am sure it will get much worse.

 

I have yet to experience the last Rune of Partnership; I hope it is with the Divine and a relationship with someone special, kind and loving. That is long overdue!

 

While I was trying to stay in the character of Isis; Claire was joking around about my tits; it was so funny because Claire has and English accent, it was the way she said it I kept bursting out in laughter. You can see me smiling a tiny bit in the shot of me with the wings up in the air. That was because of Claire! Another thing that was really neat was that Joan and Claire decided on their own to put the blue misty effect in the Isis photos; they down loaded them to me at home that way; the interesting thing is that Claire and Joan had no idea that in mythology Isis is a star in the heavens. Claire and Joan added the effect by just following their creative instincts. I think that deep down in each woman’s soul, she understands the magic of the Goddess.

Trying not to laugh when Claire was telling me ” Your tits look great ” in her English accent

 

Isis was so regal; I did love stepping into the character of Isis; she is a Queen, she so royal. I can’t quite describe her. Isis is more of a Queen and more royalty then any earthly Queen could be. Isis is the star. I can’t believe how I would dream of every Goddess; they came to me in dreams in their true glory, mystery and magic. My dreams cannot be described in words; but I truly felt led in a spiritual sense. I felt the deep purity of the Divine Feminine; it truly has been a gift.

The white Goddess was the hardest; I really felt like a real bride does on her wedding day; I wanted everything to be just perfect. Not only did the flowers come on time but the Owner of Kelowna Rose and Garden, came early! The flowers were beautiful and to thank Joan and Claire I sent them home with a dozen roses each as we had three dozen and the little wedding bouquet. I didn’t feel pretty that day; I just didn’t so I had to get my head around it and get into the character of The White Goddess. The shots of the side of my body with the jewels were very hard for Joan and I; she had to get up on a step ladder and take the shot without looking into the camera; so we had to take many shots with me on my knees. It was tough and it hurt! The candle shot was hard too; we couldn’t get the light right. I forgot the matches and Claire searched the building for someone who would have a lighter, thank goodness she found one. The candle shot was the most important to me as it shows The Compassionate Heart. In mythology and in many ancient writings the bride is ready for the groom when she lights her lamp or candle. It shows purity of the heart. It was a painful shot as the hot wax dripped on my fingers over and over again until we got it right; but the bleeding heart, is a feeling heart, so that symbolism was worth the pain.

 

So by this time, it was really starting to feel like work; as a mother of three it took a lot of juggling and planning to get the costuming and the babysitting just right. I couldn’t of done the costuming without Calowna Costumes in Kelowna B.C.; this store I made up 90% of the costumes. They were great; I had to bring my kids with me to pick out and shop for the costumes; they were wonderful when it came to putting up with my 5 year old son running around the store like 5 year old boys do. They gave the kids free goody bags full of cool stuff one day.

 

The photo shoots have brought me memories that I will treasure for a lifetime; it was an adventure!

Butterfly

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d5NsUXqGy2U

As I watched this video of Kelowna Society become totally undone.. I found myself freed of all the mental confusion due to their prejudices put on me because of my blog and website.. I found their exclusion to be a blessing in disguise. They don’t like my topless pictures; they don’t like my frank talk about women’s issues and sexuality.. or the frankness about how religion has repressed women.. and the flaky spiritual circles in Kelowna don’t want to include womb worship or Goddess Sexuality in their teachings.. but the point is this..after watching this video ..seeing them ignorantly attempt to get Oprah’s attention to bring her into The Okanagan Valley.. I came to the conclusion that they are all suffering from some form of mass hysteria caused by ” Look at me syndrome ” You really should watch this video.. it’s in shocking poor taste.. They wear wigs to mimic Oprah’s hair style..it gets worse at the end.. really bad. In one part the owner of a well known resort calls her ” African Queen” a total racial slur.. he says he will treat her like the African Queen she is ..while wearing a wig that mimics her hair style..but it gets even better.. she is propositioned by a gigolo wearing a wig .. offering himself up to her shirtless in a bed..  I was dumb struck watching the video the first time..but then after that I began to laugh.. I laughed at how ridiculous and absurd all these so called professionals were.. including the then mayor of Kelowna.. I laughed because I knew by being told by Lori herself..that her comedy partner had bailed on her due to the poor taste of Lori’s comedy..because Lori loves to make other look bad to make her look good..and I saw that happen in this video..I laughed because I watched another video of Lori doing a video of the voice message that Lisa left her…telling Lori what a piece of shit she is..and telling Lori to go fuck herself..I laughed because there was total truth to that.. and I wished I had done it .. I laughed because Lori doesn’t know how true it is..I laughed and I laughed at how Lori got all the big wigs in Kelowna Society to look like total morons ( wearing wigs )..and they did it for a moment of fame.. it’s just so circus/circus .. oh yes..their monkey’s their circus.. for the ” Look at me syndrome ” that caused their mass hysteria ..and then I laughed some more when my 13 year old daughter said.. ” Mommy could you image how funny it would be if they did a video of Oprah’s reaction of her watching this video? Now that would go viral!” And then I laughed some more outside in the playground as I showed some other common sense parents the video.. OMG they had the same reaction that I did ” WTF did we just watch.. lets watch that part again with the gigolo and were he calls her African Queen.. OMG were they seriously thinking this was funny and Oprah Winfrey would want to come here and hang with those jerks?”

But then I explained to them how much better it made me feel.. not having the same opportunities to network in the groups they all network in..how I didn’t just dodge a bullet.. I dodged an entire Valley of dumbass.. And we laughed..and laughed ..and I felt myself become light.. and I lighten-up for the first time in along, long time..and the it dawned on me how blessed and lucky I am not to have been put into the same space as these people.. and I saw for the first time that they must be jealous of me..that I really stand for something other than just my own ego..and society bullshit.. And then I was reminded that my book and it’s message are so much bigger than the crap in this valley..

But my daughter made a good point..she said ” Mom .. Kelowna is so pretty…and there are so many good people here..but that video makes us all look like morons.” ( outta the mouth’s of babes )

Lori’s last video addressed to Ellen Degeneres wasn’t much better…it was along the same lines of poor taste and classlessness ..as she goes topless in front of the mayor at City Hall..in a professional setting .. saying she is for the issue of Free The Nipple.. that is about women going topless were men can go topless ( Lori doesn’t actually go topless.).. Lori mocks the issue https://youtu.be/33Pd6sikcCQ.. the difference with this video is that Lori obviously bought views and dragged in all her media contacts to duplicate and splice the video .. she was media wise this time.. lots of her elder followers don’t realize how this works on YouTube .. most of her views are fraudulent… and it amazes me how she can drag so called professional and local politicians into her media frenzy for fame? It has to be some sorta madness.. it’s just so crazy.

But I have learned.. if it doesn’t kill you by-god it teaches you..and I learned about society.. I learned about how many in Kelowna will tell you to ” go break a leg” and actually mean it..” If breaking your leg gets me famous.. I will break your fricken leg bitch.” but it’s so funny..because for what? It put everything right back into perspective for me.. it made me see what a small fishbowl the valley really is..and it made me aware of how small and ignorant some people’s thinking is in this valley.. and also it made me feel ” What a pity it’s such a beautiful piece of land..and there are many great non-society types that live in the valley” ..and ” Let’s hope Colin ..the current mayor of Kelowna doesn’t fall for this bullshit.. he seems to be a classy guy..so stay classy Colin”

But the point of this story..is that I let go of what was weighing me down.. I really don’t give a shit about their groups..they are all bullshit..and I never needed them anyway.. I am blessed to have had them leave me out..and deny me access..their prejudices worked in my favor.. I cannot imagine hanging out with people that slimy LOL.. gawd it’s funny now!

So I am free

Innocence Lost

“He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you.” Friedrich Nietzsche

 

The Devil Tarot is both good and evil.. the good of The Devil is positive social notoriety ( do something to create positive change for society, the earth or humanity as a whole ) also The Devil in the positive stands for a great and passionate, sexual relationship and/or personal charisma … but this post is about The Devil in the negative… it stands for social notoriety at the cost of personal integrity. It stands for the temptation of loosing yourself in greed.. the greed of money and or social acclaim .. and sexually addictive behaviors and secrets.. or having a double life.. being a two faced lying bastard.. the evil magician who uses the illusion of charm to seduce people into following him/her for the pure ego feed,money, lust and/or all forms of greed..many use the disguise or slight of hand to make it appear that they are trying to use fame to create a positive change for humanity..but truthfully their charities are tools of manipulation .. to create fame for the pure sake of ego feed or to make money.. the filthy rich love ” Their Charities ” as they are great forms of manipulation.

When I first put up my website and all online accounts..and tried to promote my book on foot through my local community I met The Devil in many people. They mistook the innocence and naturalness of the nudity in my book.. in the photography; as my own form of Devil’s Play..they mistook my honest and frank writing ..or maturity about women’s sexuality as seduction.. they saw me as the evil magician using sex to seduce..and so it brought out their own inner devils.. soon I found myself gazing into a pit of seething snakes..all clamoring one up against each other for social attention.. and I was seen as another competitor in the race for fame and fortune.

To many men in my local community I became the next hottest little thing.. many tried to seduce me to become another one of their mistresses or girlfriends.. many of them very overweight men.. or in some way not attractive..but they had social connections, money or both..and when I didn’t play a long.. I was labeled as a crazy bitch. I had one actually grab me from behind when I was alone in his home during a business meeting..he grabbed me and tore my dress to one side cupping my bare breast in his hand from behind..then he bit down on my neck and demanded to be pleased.. I most carefully and graciously peeled him from me before running out the front door.. ~ innocence lost ~

This sort of seductive behavior happened often in the first 2 years of trying to network within Kelowna society.. I was invited to dinner parties to arrive and find myself the only guest.. then I would make a quick exit .. using some lame excuse .. like my babysitting fell through.. but it wasn’t just men.. it was swinging couples.. I had to be so careful.. I was invited to those parties too ..to find myself the only guest..once again to leave as fast as I could….

But then I found myself also the brunt of mean girl jokes..I had women’s organizations that I attempted to network with haunt my blog to leave mean girl comments.. seeing me as the men saw me.. as mistress material.. as the woman putting it out their to climb the social ladder on rich men’s dicks..and so they hated me for it.. for their own insecurities and ignorance..and so I saw what I didn’t want to become.. them.

I have written on this blog about them and their prejudices.. and so they wish to see me torn down..as I showed them the monsters that they are.. while they tried to make me a monster like them..because they thought I must be..putting my sexuality out there like art..thinking I am all that..doing all that they dared not to do..so of course I deserved and deserve their darkness..their contempt and deep dark shadows.. yet they don’t see they have simply projected their devils onto me…

What I have found is that they don’t network..they use each other..as devils do.. they would just as easily drop each other or climb up on the other’s downing ..if it meant climbing higher socially.. they haven’t real friendships.. they lie to each other..butter each other up..and they say they are authentic.. yet their masks are so thick..

When I wrote about my journey into the abyss of Kelowna Society..when I wrote about their shadows..and their slight of hand.. I showed them their devils.. and that’s why they resent me so..Because it takes courage and character not to fall into temptation..as they crawl and clamor in it..drowning in the pitiful messes of themselves they have created..not knowing who it is that stares back at them in the mirror..forgetting who they are in the falseness of their own images they have created..calling it BRANDING and REPUTATION.. but really it’s all just illusion.

But I have this to take with me..and I bid them adieu.. as I bow out from a competition I did’t know I had signed up for..

I have my integrity.. I have my authenticity.. I have my truth..and with that you didn’t steal my light to own it for yourselves.. as you have been too afraid to earn it..as monsters and devils are always afraid.. and that is why they try to steal the light.. because they cannot bring themselves to taking off the masks that casts their shadows…

The question to ask is this.. without me .. now who will you blame and shame.. now that you cannot project your bullshit onto me..it ‘s your faces unmasked in the mirror that you will see.

Putting the dream to bed

 

It actually depends on the distance of the star from earth..but you get the point. Sometimes you just have to face reality..and learn to let go. Sometimes holding onto something can cause un-needed pain.. vs letting go of toxic people and toxic situations. Since giving birth to my dream ( My book ) I have gotten nothing but shit and shame..and a ton of muther fucking head games from my community. I have given it a run for it’s money.. holy shit have I paid my dues through their ignorance, prejudice and abuse.. the last straw.. was the guy I thought I had fallen in love with.. until he showed me his true self with his last text message.. his arrogance.. his snottiness.. his ” I am better than you because I have a rich daddy and everyone in this community supports and loves me.. compared to you.. you manipulating, seducing bitch.” stuck up.. holier than thou .. I am fucking prick attitude.. selfish.. self absorbed .. etc.. etc.. attitude.. but he represents all of them.. I am generalizing..but ya that’s pretty much the attitude of all the snobs in Kelowna.. people a part of the arts and business community..those allowed in.. those that suck up.. suck dick.. women who will actually fuck the ugly rich dues for social acceptance and favors.. or the one’s like him born into money.. then there are the one’s like the last photographer I let take my images for my free the nipple post.. ya he didn’t even edit them..because he learned by me telling him about my struggles ( stupid fucking me..thinking I could confide in anyone..wtf was I thinking? ) well he learned I am unpopular.. so he sent me the images raw ( I edited them myself ).. because he didn’t give a fuck enough to do any good work for me.. like he does or did for all the snotty uppity bitches .. who he can gain some social climbing through.. so that was another ( fuck this shit ) blow.. then one of his photographer friends who is trying to do some social climbing as well starts posting bullshit about what to avoid in looking for Ms.Right while dating.. much of his writing describing a woman like me.. or how people in the networking groups have labeled me anyway.. but no .. no one is gossiping.. and like Matthew said..he never gossips..but his close friends are hitting like on the post from this guy.. I am just like ( Fuck this shit ) but this is the mental shit..this is the mental confusion .. this is the fucked up shit these people do.. nothing is said up front..it’s eluded to..it’s manipulation..and the funniest most ironic part is they label me as the manipulative one ..while they are manipulating .. fucking mental warfare.. I am like ( fuck this shit )

So after 3 years of being socially shut out .. I am fucking done. One thing they love to do when I meet them in person is rub my fucking nose in it.. Just like Matthew did when we had tea together.. reminding me by telling me that I need a platform for my book ..that I need a place to speak about it.. that I need a team..a community.. letting me know how much I don’t have..that he has..because he is popular and rich through family association.. ya well ( fuck this shit )

I have people that I don’t even know glare at me in the grocery store.. my little boys says to me while playing in the cart with the steering wheel ” Mommy why are those old people glaring at you..they are looking at you like they hate you mommy..do you know those people?” what I want to say to my little boy ” Those people are assholes son.. remember that look so you can spot them as you grow up.. I wish I knew that look sooner.. those people don’t have dreams and fucking lives of their own so they need to crush other people’s dreams because they are muther fuckers dear.”

I thought to myself ” I know that I am not promoted by Kelowna’s media because I don’t promote tourism by telling the truth of my story.. by telling it like it is.. by standing up for myself it’s impossible for the arts and professional community to accept me.. or welcome me in..” but then I remind myself.. they never intended to let me in..because of my nipples,in my book, in the photography.. because I write about women’s sexuality..because I am not rich..because I am not popular..and it’s a gigantic fucking High School here.. the adults are more socially immature ( retarded ) then their own kids!

So I gotta let this SHIT go..

I am not going to promote my book in Kelowna anymore..and I am not doing it online anymore at all. I will be writing on my blog here..about whatever the fuck I feel like writing about..but I am putting the dream to bed so I can be happy.. I can release myself from their toxic shit..from their discrimination and ignorance.. Matthew may feel that he has won.. he did..he won the biggest asshole award.. he can put it up in the local arts center for all his snotty and popular friends to see.. I don’t give a fuck.

I need to to concentrate on my kids..on the simple things that make us happy… because life is to short for this bullshit..and all their bullshit..as far as I am concerned they deserve each other.. maybe when I am dead my book might make an impact in the world..but I am not going to keep fighting a loosing battle with people who don’t fight fair…

I realize these jerks don’t deserve me or my book.. quite frankly I cannot stand these people and their selfish fake, plastic and childish society.. they really do deserve each other..

I deserve to be happy.. I deserve love and respect.. I will never get any of that from them..and I realize now what I did wrong.. I kept trying.. I cast my pearls upon swine.

Free The Nipple and Goddess Movement

To the point – Both of these movements are about sexual liberation and gender equality.

            

 

Free the Nipple is an equality movement focused upon the double standards regarding the censorship of female breasts started by activist and filmmaker Lina Esco.[1] The campaign is not a crusade that exclusively advocates for women to bare their chests at any and all given times; rather, it seeks to strip society of its tendencies toward the sexualization of the female upper body, addressing hypocrisies and inconsistencies in American culture and legal systems that enforce its taboos. Ultimately, the campaign resolves to decriminalize female toplessness in the US and empower women across western nations in a greater effort toward global gender equality.

 

Of course not every woman wants to go topless were men can go topless; like the beach.. but not every man wants to take off his shirt either.. and that’s called freedom of choice.

Many old school feminist bash the movement because they have been taken in by sexual shaming and so they unknowingly shame their own sex by believing if a woman is sexy or sexual she cannot be professional, moral, ethical or taken seriously; because she is using her sexuality to get male attention.. they believe feminist need to minimize their sexuality to take on the stereotype of what a feminist looks like.. to be taken seriously..but that is exactly why women’s equality has stalled out. The new feminine/feminist movement promotes that BEING SEXY IS NOT A CRIME. The double standards promote that the world’s morality rests on the control of the womb.. or women’s sex..the over sexualization of women and girls is brought on by repression and objectification..the fine balance of natural sexuality becoming unbalanced by the polar opposites.. natural sexuality is body positive.. not sexual shaming or making women into sex objects to be bought and sold by a male based society.. an example of the double standards are.. men who have many sex partners are studs.. women who do are sluts.. men are encouraged to loose their virginity while women are made to feel dirty, or to have fallen from grace when they become sexually active.

     

 

 

Chris was very professional and easy going; he made me quite comfortable. We wanted to tell a story with these images; a story of natural sexuality, innocence and sensuality. We took these images first thing in the morning of the Summer Solstice.. I felt very much like Mother Nature .. It was a spiritual and artistic experience. Chris and I are both passionate artists.. we really enjoyed every second of the shoot.. even when the parks keepers seemed to be worried about what we were doing; but like true artist we kept shooting anyway. The water was very cold, but there were few people to worry about.. we saw eagles, deer and hawks.. it was a beautiful country morning. The images were shot at Bertram Creek Regional Park Kelowna BC Canada.. of course I was in my legal rights to go topless..but most people in Kelowna are not ready for that..it’s a repressive, conservative community…but that is why we needed to do this.

I am the country girl that decides to challenge social taboos and go for a swim topless.. just like every man has a right to do. The images are meant to show natural sexuality..sensuality and playfulness.

I know I will get a lot of hate from my local community for doing this.. I always do. People are really afraid of change and evolution.. but religion is outgrowing it’s usefulness to society.. traditions are now prejudices that cause inequality..

I hope to enlighten my community..but .. ” The truth will set you free but first it will piss you off ” ~ Gloria Steinem

You can find my book at this link http://bookstore.balboapress.com/Products/SKU-000576933/The-Goddess-an-Expression-of-the-Divine-Feminine.aspx

 

 

Celibate Sex

 

My sexy shopping spree was brought on by a bad dream I had last night.. I know this sounds funny but dreams are funny things..and the dreams that startle you awake rise directly from your subconscious. ( It’s a fact ) this dream did just that. In my dream I was with random no-name guy. Just some dumb, faceless guy in my life because I was sexually frustrated and lonely. I know a lot of women who make that mistake.. I hate that mistake and I have learned from that sorta mistake years back.. no-name, random guy is a waste of time and energy. In a spiritual sense giving your sexual energy away to someone who doesn’t vibrate at your level is spiritually damaging.. it leaves dark empty holes in your aura.. just like it leaves them in your heart..

With the moon being in Taurus and my Venus being in Taurus; even though I am an Aries. it was time to upgrade on my sex toys..and to treat myself to some sensuality..it was a sensual day ..because I was also reading tarot cards for women concerning questions about their sex lives and exploring their own sexuality..it was a day full of feminine sexuality. A nice break from all the male sexuality promoted all over social media.. feminine sexuality it so nurturing vs male sexuality that can be so aggressive.

The city I live in is very prudish… me writing about my own sexuality, spiritual sexuality or sacred sex..and women’s sexuality is taboo.. If I was ugly, unhappily married and had a PHD well that would be acceptable LOL..because I wouldn’t be sexually intimidating or threatening… silly I know..but this is a retirement community. I just found out today that Sears stopped carrying women’s thong panties because the seniors don’t like to see them in the store! Seriously! They don’t carry my favorite Jessica thong pantie anymore!

I knew the woman who was working at the Adult Store.. we got into a conversation about how and when Kelowna became so repressed, uptight and prudish. It was in the mid 1980s when they got rid of the Regatta, the Flinstone’s theme park and the roller rink.. they started to build condos for the seniors, or the rich that retired early.. everything became about wineries and golf.. The male employee called it ” The end of fun ” OMG he was so right.. Kelowna is so uptight. With attempting to network my book in a prejudiced networking community,  that acts like being prudish and sexually repressed is professional.. I have found the repression put on me to be stifling!  I have had to work very hard on my own internal dialog not to take on the sexual shaming that they put onto me by saying things like ” She is unprofessional and inappropriate ” because I write about sex..and I am topless in my book.. I have had to work really hard at maintaining my sexual energy through their projections..

The sexual energy is called SHAKTI ..it is the primal force that created and creates the UNIVERSE..basically it can be described as the essence of the GODDESS..so if a woman wants to keep this energy flowing..her creative juices..her life force.. her connection to the universe or her own Divinity..while she is without a partner she must self pleasure..often.. scientifically; through the lens of biology it keeps her healthy .. healthy mentally as well..as orgasms fight depression by flooding the body and brain with feel good hormones.

I also think that a woman who keeps her sexual spark alive while waiting for the right partner.. keeps bitterness at bay. A Goddess isn’t bitter or dried up.. she keeps her body and spirit connected through pleasure. My pleasure today was though chocolate, new toys, and shopping for new panties.. the erotic movie that I bought is erotica made for women by a woman.. it was pretty good..comparing it to porn made for male viewers.. the sex scenes were empowering vs degrading to women.. Goddess sexuality is empowering ..the Shakti energy is EMPOWERING…

Shakti (Sanskrit pronunciation: [ˈʃʌktɪ]) (Devanagariशक्ति; from Sanskrit shak, “to be able”), meaning “Power” or “empowerment,” is the primordial cosmic energy and represents the dynamic forces that are thought to move through the entire universe in Hinduism.[1] Shakti is the concept, or personification, of divine feminine creative power, sometimes referred to as ‘The Great Divine Mother’ in Hinduism. On the earthly plane, Shakti most actively manifests through female embodiment and creativity/fertility, though it is also present in males in its potential, unmanifest form.[2]

Not only is Shakti responsible for creation, it is also the agent of all change. Shakti is cosmic existence as well as liberation, its most significant form being the KundaliniShakti,[3] a mysterious psychospiritual force.[4] Shakti exists in a state of svātantrya, dependence on no one, being interdependent with the entire universe.

Kelowna’s networking

If you want to fly you have to give up the shit that weighs you down

 

In the Tibetan Book of the Dead.. the spirit goes through a series of test before it can be rebirthed.. the major tests are fear and temptation. I realize now through my latest experience with a person from Kelowna’s upper society..or networking groups ( clicks ) that this has been my test..it has been a diversion or temptation; fear keeping me from placing all of my energy towards my book.. towards my passions for women’s equality… their bullshit, their fake world hasn’t really held me back at all.. but I have let them by allowing their illusions of success and popularity..become my mental conflict. I have let their rejection of me rule my emotions and thoughts.. I have allowed the temptation of their circus to pull me in to their dramas.. their politics.. their sugar coated lies.

I  realize now that I don’t want anything to do with these people. I cannot talk out of both sides of my face.. I am not a bullshitting, ass kisser. I am too honest and too open to network with any of them..because to them networking means manipulating each other. So now I see why they don’t want me to show up to their events because I am the one without the mask on..and I will be the contrast that will cause them to have to give up the disguises. And I cannot be bothered. I really have gotten to the point were I don’t give a shit. I realize now I didn’t write my book for Kelowna..now that I have gotten to really know these people..to see their patterns of social behaviors of dripping in bullshit. I know my book and message are to real for them. I am too real for them..and they don’t deserve my presence at their events.. yup they are right I am too damn real to listen in the back to sugary shit and not say it’s sugary shit. I am going to point out the elephant in the room.. I am going to be me.. I am not what they want an will not pretend to be what other’s want;  like they do.

They will get as far as the Okanagan Valley.. or area.. that’s it..because their idea of networking and business ( bullshitting ) doesn’t speak to the entire world..my message does. I realize now what a waste of time they all have been. I realize now that I shouldn’t feel sad at all.. even when the art’s community rejected me..because it’s just the business community ..it’s just conservative bullshit..I don’t want anything to do with their gray cardboard art..fuck, I don’t want to compare my work to that shit.

I don’t want the flaky spirituality.. I think their ideals of being positive only are just more sugar coated shit. These people don’t want real, vulnerable or authentic..they just like the way those words sound.. they don’t walk their talk.. I do and that is why I am such a threat to them.. well good. I will not grace you with my presence or my pretty face and heart because you don’t deserve it..and I don’t deserve your backstabbing and gossiping, two faced crap.

What I need to do is let you be in your swill.. in your fancy swill.. it’s really just swill after all..as they say ” Don’t cast your pearls upon swine ” But thanks for the lesson..thanks for giving me the fuel to be reborn and transformed.. for making it perfectly clear to me that I don’t want to be anything like you people..

I am going to concentrate my energy on my life’s purpose now.. I will leave you to grovel among each other for bullshit social status in a small town that the rest of the world doesn’t really give a damn about..because ” Frankly my dear I don’t give a damn.”

Being a successful woman in Kelowna BC

I was asked by a local man who is friends with people in my local networking community ” How could you of approached these people differently for different results?”

Honestly the only way I could of gotten different or successful results from Kelowna BC.. would of been to be just like them. So to get straight to the point of this post. If you want to be a successful woman in Kelowna BC..blend. Follow trends.. kiss ass.. be a nice and well behaved woman..

If I was to do anything different it would of been not to have been different.. that is it in a nutshell.

Following a big dream comes with a huge sacrifice.. it comes with cutting so many people loose all the time; that want to hold you back and have you conform to their comfort levels.. hell it isn’t  just Kelowna BC..it’s all of CANADA.. my nation is so conservative.. if I wanted to be successful I would of just painted Goddesses for my book..and wrote about women’s sexuality in a tame.. toned down fashion of 3rd person. That way I wouldn’t be a personal or professional threat..and even some of the conservatives might of accepted me.

Kelowna’s business community is run by catty insecure women. That’s why they need The Goddess Movement to begin with. They see me posing as The Goddess in my book and writing about women’s sexuality and my own sexuality; as a way to get all the male attention in Kelowna. They see this because they are the ones that need all the male attention in Kelowna by acting like Alpha Females..by doing this Femme Fatal crap to me.. by pushing me out of their networking groups..telling me to quit..telling me no one wants you or your message..

Of course me standing up to the prejudice and writing about it makes me the manipulative bitch.. once again their projection. They are the one’s that feel insecure in their own sexuality and that is why they have taken jabs at mine..through gossip and social ostracization. Then they say online that they are about giving women their voices and empowerment..while obviously seeing me as competition ..therefore not being truly empowered themselves..because strong women hold other women up…not cut them down.

So because of this..because of this immaturity, it doesn’t matter how I approached anyone in my community.. there is a strong conformity here.. intense insecurities and thick masks.. I am a threat to them..as they have shown me through their projections of fear ..or the label of victim that they have placed onto me .. well here is a thought ” Stop victimizing me..because I am not going to do what the guy I was talking to did with his bully.. I am not going to please you so that you will stop being cruel.. nope.. I am not going to change who I am and my message.. I am not going to bend to your will and blend in.. just to make you comfortable..but what I will do and continue to do.. is cut you all loose.. I am not turning toxic. I AM GOING TO BE ME! If you like it or not! ”

It’s better to fly solo than to fly with the flock that is going in the wrong direction..

Peace out.

Whores want ATTENTION!

Or she isn’t doing it for attention.. you are a fucking asshole.. a misogynistic woman hating; chauvinist pig.. and you hate her because you can’t have her.. because she knows you are a misogynist, woman hating pig..and she wouldn’t let you touch her with another woman’s vagina..or another man’s dick..

She is pretty you are a piece of crap.. she isn’t a whore.. whore is a subjective term used by men like you.. and so what if she wants attention; it’s normal to want attention from the opposite sex when your looking for a mate, for both men and women. .. it’s her body to do with what she wants.. go fuck yourself.

The END..

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