Posts Tagged ‘Kelowna Networking’

Innocence Lost

“He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you.” Friedrich Nietzsche

 

The Devil Tarot is both good and evil.. the good of The Devil is positive social notoriety ( do something to create positive change for society, the earth or humanity as a whole ) also The Devil in the positive stands for a great and passionate, sexual relationship and/or personal charisma … but this post is about The Devil in the negative… it stands for social notoriety at the cost of personal integrity. It stands for the temptation of loosing yourself in greed.. the greed of money and or social acclaim .. and sexually addictive behaviors and secrets.. or having a double life.. being a two faced lying bastard.. the evil magician who uses the illusion of charm to seduce people into following him/her for the pure ego feed,money, lust and/or all forms of greed..many use the disguise or slight of hand to make it appear that they are trying to use fame to create a positive change for humanity..but truthfully their charities are tools of manipulation .. to create fame for the pure sake of ego feed or to make money.. the filthy rich love ” Their Charities ” as they are great forms of manipulation.

When I first put up my website and all online accounts..and tried to promote my book on foot through my local community I met The Devil in many people. They mistook the innocence and naturalness of the nudity in my book.. in the photography; as my own form of Devil’s Play..they mistook my honest and frank writing ..or maturity about women’s sexuality as seduction.. they saw me as the evil magician using sex to seduce..and so it brought out their own inner devils.. soon I found myself gazing into a pit of seething snakes..all clamoring one up against each other for social attention.. and I was seen as another competitor in the race for fame and fortune.

To many men in my local community I became the next hottest little thing.. many tried to seduce me to become another one of their mistresses or girlfriends.. many of them very overweight men.. or in some way not attractive..but they had social connections, money or both..and when I didn’t play a long.. I was labeled as a crazy bitch. I had one actually grab me from behind when I was alone in his home during a business meeting..he grabbed me and tore my dress to one side cupping my bare breast in his hand from behind..then he bit down on my neck and demanded to be pleased.. I most carefully and graciously peeled him from me before running out the front door.. ~ innocence lost ~

This sort of seductive behavior happened often in the first 2 years of trying to network within Kelowna society.. I was invited to dinner parties to arrive and find myself the only guest.. then I would make a quick exit .. using some lame excuse .. like my babysitting fell through.. but it wasn’t just men.. it was swinging couples.. I had to be so careful.. I was invited to those parties too ..to find myself the only guest..once again to leave as fast as I could….

But then I found myself also the brunt of mean girl jokes..I had women’s organizations that I attempted to network with haunt my blog to leave mean girl comments.. seeing me as the men saw me.. as mistress material.. as the woman putting it out their to climb the social ladder on rich men’s dicks..and so they hated me for it.. for their own insecurities and ignorance..and so I saw what I didn’t want to become.. them.

I have written on this blog about them and their prejudices.. and so they wish to see me torn down..as I showed them the monsters that they are.. while they tried to make me a monster like them..because they thought I must be..putting my sexuality out there like art..thinking I am all that..doing all that they dared not to do..so of course I deserved and deserve their darkness..their contempt and deep dark shadows.. yet they don’t see they have simply projected their devils onto me…

What I have found is that they don’t network..they use each other..as devils do.. they would just as easily drop each other or climb up on the other’s downing ..if it meant climbing higher socially.. they haven’t real friendships.. they lie to each other..butter each other up..and they say they are authentic.. yet their masks are so thick..

When I wrote about my journey into the abyss of Kelowna Society..when I wrote about their shadows..and their slight of hand.. I showed them their devils.. and that’s why they resent me so..Because it takes courage and character not to fall into temptation..as they crawl and clamor in it..drowning in the pitiful messes of themselves they have created..not knowing who it is that stares back at them in the mirror..forgetting who they are in the falseness of their own images they have created..calling it BRANDING and REPUTATION.. but really it’s all just illusion.

But I have this to take with me..and I bid them adieu.. as I bow out from a competition I did’t know I had signed up for..

I have my integrity.. I have my authenticity.. I have my truth..and with that you didn’t steal my light to own it for yourselves.. as you have been too afraid to earn it..as monsters and devils are always afraid.. and that is why they try to steal the light.. because they cannot bring themselves to taking off the masks that casts their shadows…

The question to ask is this.. without me .. now who will you blame and shame.. now that you cannot project your bullshit onto me..it ‘s your faces unmasked in the mirror that you will see.

Kelowna’s networking

If you want to fly you have to give up the shit that weighs you down

 

In the Tibetan Book of the Dead.. the spirit goes through a series of test before it can be rebirthed.. the major tests are fear and temptation. I realize now through my latest experience with a person from Kelowna’s upper society..or networking groups ( clicks ) that this has been my test..it has been a diversion or temptation; fear keeping me from placing all of my energy towards my book.. towards my passions for women’s equality… their bullshit, their fake world hasn’t really held me back at all.. but I have let them by allowing their illusions of success and popularity..become my mental conflict. I have let their rejection of me rule my emotions and thoughts.. I have allowed the temptation of their circus to pull me in to their dramas.. their politics.. their sugar coated lies.

I  realize now that I don’t want anything to do with these people. I cannot talk out of both sides of my face.. I am not a bullshitting, ass kisser. I am too honest and too open to network with any of them..because to them networking means manipulating each other. So now I see why they don’t want me to show up to their events because I am the one without the mask on..and I will be the contrast that will cause them to have to give up the disguises. And I cannot be bothered. I really have gotten to the point were I don’t give a shit. I realize now I didn’t write my book for Kelowna..now that I have gotten to really know these people..to see their patterns of social behaviors of dripping in bullshit. I know my book and message are to real for them. I am too real for them..and they don’t deserve my presence at their events.. yup they are right I am too damn real to listen in the back to sugary shit and not say it’s sugary shit. I am going to point out the elephant in the room.. I am going to be me.. I am not what they want an will not pretend to be what other’s want;  like they do.

They will get as far as the Okanagan Valley.. or area.. that’s it..because their idea of networking and business ( bullshitting ) doesn’t speak to the entire world..my message does. I realize now what a waste of time they all have been. I realize now that I shouldn’t feel sad at all.. even when the art’s community rejected me..because it’s just the business community ..it’s just conservative bullshit..I don’t want anything to do with their gray cardboard art..fuck, I don’t want to compare my work to that shit.

I don’t want the flaky spirituality.. I think their ideals of being positive only are just more sugar coated shit. These people don’t want real, vulnerable or authentic..they just like the way those words sound.. they don’t walk their talk.. I do and that is why I am such a threat to them.. well good. I will not grace you with my presence or my pretty face and heart because you don’t deserve it..and I don’t deserve your backstabbing and gossiping, two faced crap.

What I need to do is let you be in your swill.. in your fancy swill.. it’s really just swill after all..as they say ” Don’t cast your pearls upon swine ” But thanks for the lesson..thanks for giving me the fuel to be reborn and transformed.. for making it perfectly clear to me that I don’t want to be anything like you people..

I am going to concentrate my energy on my life’s purpose now.. I will leave you to grovel among each other for bullshit social status in a small town that the rest of the world doesn’t really give a damn about..because ” Frankly my dear I don’t give a damn.”

Best Selling Author

I told myself I wasn’t going to write on my blog this morning..told myself I was going to relax on my leather couch and enjoy my morning coffee..savor my strong coffee while my kids slept..before I had to get them up for school.. I always get up a few hours before them.. I have researched that this is a trait of successful people ;)

But I got to thinking..about how many people in my local professional community call themselves best selling authors.. of course it just sounds good on LinkedIn..and it is a resume; self professed slight of hand.. These are the ( successful ) people in the organizations that have basically banded me from joining them due to the ( sexual content of my book ) because obviously my book is better LOL… and they wouldn’t want me to actually reach media and become an actual best selling author.. past their dribble.. most of them are just stealing from other’s who have written books before them about success and the steps of success.. copying from men like Richard Brandson… or ( Stealing like Artists ) from books like the Secret.. Just love their terminology.. ” Stealing like Artists ” Jerks..

But to really put it into perspective.. ( I just love perspective ) to take away from the smoke and mirrors of their organizations..and groups.. where they all talk each other up ( lie to each other ).. Kelowna is a little tiny fishbowl compared to the entire world.. and if you have made it big in Kelowna.. well really your nothing new at all.. because to make it big in Kelowna you have to pretend to be someone else.. so when they use the terminology of being ” authentic ” it’s truly laughable.. they dress the same.. talk the same speal..because it’s an old sales man’s trick.. it’s like selling knives out of the back of your truck.. or selling a $100 vacuum for $800 bucks..

So what does a REAL best selling author look like.. well.. how about Stephen King or J.K. Rowling..because guess what  ? you all actually heard about them! ..they are on the world stage.. because even being a best selling self published author on Amazon.ca; really in reality, it means shit!.. SHOW ME THE MONEY!.. get a grip!

In my second to last post I wrote about what successful people think and do..the actions that they take.. a part of having reason.. is to face reality..if you don’t start from directly were you are at.. by the ground on which you stand.. you cannot change or effect that reality.. so if you are full of shit.. calling yourself what you are not.. you will always be full of shit.. good luck changing that.. you will be the small fish in a small fishbowl with other small fish…because you refuse to see the small fishbowl.. you will always be trapped.. your not going to risk taking a leap of faith and jumping from the small fishbowl into reality or the great big sea..because that’s just scary.. it’s way more comforting to believe your own bullshit and the bullshit of others around you saying ” Wow.. we are really big fish!”

So here is my reality.. I am not a best selling author at all.. I can’t swim with the other little fishies even.. they don’t like my bright colors.. I don’t fit in..and I don’t go along with the vacuum sales man’s speal .. I keep it real.. they don’t like that at all.. I see an elephant in the room.. I say ” Elephant’s in the room ” they say ” Don’t come to our networking groups.. we can’t make you not come..but we really don’t want you there ” poor little fishies..

But here is the thing.. I know I am in a deficit with my book.. I have rocked some people’s reality in the little fishbowl of Kelowna BC by offering up a world view of world problems.. the problem that I show is the solution.. but they love pre-packaged processed messages that they can steal like artists from..

Me as Venus. From my book ( The Goddess, an Expression of the Divine Feminine ) about women’s empowerment through the emancipation of their sexuality.. repression caused by religious dogma

The point is.. I am facing reality.

What did I do that was so different that it is offensive to them.. I wrote about book about women’s sexuality.. I wrote about my own sexuality as an example.. I used professional photography in the book..and am the model in the book as the Goddess Archetypes.. and I am topless just like the classic paintings of the Goddess..of Venus and such.. and because no famous person did it before me..because it is my own creation.. it makes me a slut LOL

here is the link to my failure.. my book.. the best thing I ever failed at.. the failure that I love.. I love my baby anyway.. even if other’s don’t ( yet )

http://bookstore.balboapress.com/Products/SKU-000576933/The-Goddess-an-Expression-of-the-Divine-Feminine.aspx

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