Posts Tagged ‘Kelowna Capital News’

Putting the dream to bed

 

It actually depends on the distance of the star from earth..but you get the point. Sometimes you just have to face reality..and learn to let go. Sometimes holding onto something can cause un-needed pain.. vs letting go of toxic people and toxic situations. Since giving birth to my dream ( My book ) I have gotten nothing but shit and shame..and a ton of muther fucking head games from my community. I have given it a run for it’s money.. holy shit have I paid my dues through their ignorance, prejudice and abuse.. the last straw.. was the guy I thought I had fallen in love with.. until he showed me his true self with his last text message.. his arrogance.. his snottiness.. his ” I am better than you because I have a rich daddy and everyone in this community supports and loves me.. compared to you.. you manipulating, seducing bitch.” stuck up.. holier than thou .. I am fucking prick attitude.. selfish.. self absorbed .. etc.. etc.. attitude.. but he represents all of them.. I am generalizing..but ya that’s pretty much the attitude of all the snobs in Kelowna.. people a part of the arts and business community..those allowed in.. those that suck up.. suck dick.. women who will actually fuck the ugly rich dues for social acceptance and favors.. or the one’s like him born into money.. then there are the one’s like the last photographer I let take my images for my free the nipple post.. ya he didn’t even edit them..because he learned by me telling him about my struggles ( stupid fucking me..thinking I could confide in anyone..wtf was I thinking? ) well he learned I am unpopular.. so he sent me the images raw ( I edited them myself ).. because he didn’t give a fuck enough to do any good work for me.. like he does or did for all the snotty uppity bitches .. who he can gain some social climbing through.. so that was another ( fuck this shit ) blow.. then one of his photographer friends who is trying to do some social climbing as well starts posting bullshit about what to avoid in looking for Ms.Right while dating.. much of his writing describing a woman like me.. or how people in the networking groups have labeled me anyway.. but no .. no one is gossiping.. and like Matthew said..he never gossips..but his close friends are hitting like on the post from this guy.. I am just like ( Fuck this shit ) but this is the mental shit..this is the mental confusion .. this is the fucked up shit these people do.. nothing is said up front..it’s eluded to..it’s manipulation..and the funniest most ironic part is they label me as the manipulative one ..while they are manipulating .. fucking mental warfare.. I am like ( fuck this shit )

So after 3 years of being socially shut out .. I am fucking done. One thing they love to do when I meet them in person is rub my fucking nose in it.. Just like Matthew did when we had tea together.. reminding me by telling me that I need a platform for my book ..that I need a place to speak about it.. that I need a team..a community.. letting me know how much I don’t have..that he has..because he is popular and rich through family association.. ya well ( fuck this shit )

I have people that I don’t even know glare at me in the grocery store.. my little boys says to me while playing in the cart with the steering wheel ” Mommy why are those old people glaring at you..they are looking at you like they hate you mommy..do you know those people?” what I want to say to my little boy ” Those people are assholes son.. remember that look so you can spot them as you grow up.. I wish I knew that look sooner.. those people don’t have dreams and fucking lives of their own so they need to crush other people’s dreams because they are muther fuckers dear.”

I thought to myself ” I know that I am not promoted by Kelowna’s media because I don’t promote tourism by telling the truth of my story.. by telling it like it is.. by standing up for myself it’s impossible for the arts and professional community to accept me.. or welcome me in..” but then I remind myself.. they never intended to let me in..because of my nipples,in my book, in the photography.. because I write about women’s sexuality..because I am not rich..because I am not popular..and it’s a gigantic fucking High School here.. the adults are more socially immature ( retarded ) then their own kids!

So I gotta let this SHIT go..

I am not going to promote my book in Kelowna anymore..and I am not doing it online anymore at all. I will be writing on my blog here..about whatever the fuck I feel like writing about..but I am putting the dream to bed so I can be happy.. I can release myself from their toxic shit..from their discrimination and ignorance.. Matthew may feel that he has won.. he did..he won the biggest asshole award.. he can put it up in the local arts center for all his snotty and popular friends to see.. I don’t give a fuck.

I need to to concentrate on my kids..on the simple things that make us happy… because life is to short for this bullshit..and all their bullshit..as far as I am concerned they deserve each other.. maybe when I am dead my book might make an impact in the world..but I am not going to keep fighting a loosing battle with people who don’t fight fair…

I realize these jerks don’t deserve me or my book.. quite frankly I cannot stand these people and their selfish fake, plastic and childish society.. they really do deserve each other..

I deserve to be happy.. I deserve love and respect.. I will never get any of that from them..and I realize now what I did wrong.. I kept trying.. I cast my pearls upon swine.

Break Through

He kept asking me ” If you could have one break through in your life right now what would it be?”

I realize now he is the one who needs to break through his own fears.. funny how projection works.. funny how he was afraid to show me his soul while I was having the courage to offer him my heart and soul wide open..

I don’t need seminars to tell me how to be brave.. I just jump in feet first.. just like I am the first one in the lake..the first one to swim in freezing cold spring waters while other’s my age watch amazed..

They need the to ” Break on through to the other side ”

They have organizations that profess to be for diversity .. but they exclude me due to their prejudice and fears.. they claim to be compassionate and philanthropist.. while in private messages and behind closed doors they are cruel.

They use the press to promote their fake spiritual trends and organizations.. the press it’s self being plastic as hell.. just like them.

They say they support the Goddess Movement holding full moon circles while being to fearful .. terrified of women’s sexuality.. their spirituality watered down..nothing real here.. nothing but pasteurized and purified ..bullshit spirituality.. the sacred made profane by washing it out ..to make it safe for even the fake and flaky .. there is no medicine here.. no Priestesses .. no Goddesses.. just a bunch of women playing it safe.. not realizing that being called a cunt and whore .. were actually complements to the Goddess.. many 1000s of years ago.. the cunt the yoni.. the sacred whore the bridge to heaven.. the passage of the initiation .. the way to life..

They all just skim the surface.. too terrified to really touch the cloak of the divine.. to lift the veil ..to open Pandora’s BOX.. ( they will not understand that metaphor )

They search for the magic in safe and structured places.. because they lack in faith and character..to be about it..to really be the change..

They will not go deeply into the darkest uncharted waters of the soul.. they will not go because others will not go with them.. to find the pearls of wisdom..

The wisdom isn’t found walking the path that others follow.. ( how they love to follow the easy path ).. the wisdom is found were Angels fear to tread.. were only GODS go..

My break through is this… I have the pearl..

And sometimes it is best not to ” Cast your pearls upon swine ”

So let them have their pretty surface organizations.. let them post what they wish they had the courage to do..

And I will keep doing it.. while they gather in groups of spiritual darkness…being to fearful to go deep to find the light within the dark night of the soul..

It’s the only way to find the treasure..to not just say you are about it..but to be it..

With that I hold the Golden Laurel..

Born to do this

 

I know this sounds crazy.. but I am so passionate about women’s rights and issues that every night I dream about it. In my dreams I contact a higher power, we sit in a class room, office setting. We go over how women’s bodies are dismantled into parts; that we are judged by each individual part of our bodies..and how we do this to ourselves.. how we therefore give into our own objectification. In my dreams this higher power tells me why I cannot access the press.. the media.. the reason is that they want to keep women chained down and trapped in this way of objectifying themselves because they make money.. industry makes money off the objectification of women.

In my dreams, I dream of Joan of Arc.. she tells me how even back in her day she was used by the patriarchy to win battles..favors for her King.. she followed their rules and stayed a virgin.. yet still by keeping her alive and giving her credit were it was due; they knew it would empower women.. they couldn’t allow that..because entire religions and Government platforms are built on the body parts of women. So she was murdered by her own people for wearing pants. I dream of Marilyn Monroe.. she tells me in my dreams how she was groomed to sell women’s sexuality back to them. How she was used by a male industry ..never paid her worth, never given credit for how brilliant she actually was. The fullness of Marilyn wasn’t ever honored..instead she was treated like a prostitute .. she was pimped by the industry and by the Government of her time.. the fullness of her beauty .. her inner beauty not allowed to shine.. least it should truly empower other women..

These are but a few women that I dream of.. But these women are seeped into my subconscious and into the subconsciousness of all women.. and other women like them.. we are taught this pattern. We are taught that the fullness of our beauty.. our hearts and souls are not as important as our body parts.. we are chopped and butchered by society into ( Lips, hips and tits ) we are taught that smart women intimidate men..and men are taught that smart women intimidate them.. we are taught to dumb ourselves down least we should be seen as less attractive, should she be just as ambitious as a man, least she should lead like a man .. Like Joan of Arc did.. then she was murdered for daring to do an even better job, that the men of her time could not do.. because she wore the archetype of the female warrior like she was born to do it..she owned her own soul! And we see that when Marilyn demanded her worth and spoke out with her own true voice about being denied her own rights to her worth.. that she supposedly committed suicide at the prime of her life?

Even to this day I am reading in the papers how women are vilified for asking their worth..to this day a woman’s sexual worth is based on her virginity or purity.. while a man’s worth isn’t ever based on his sexual history.. but by the lack of it.. the double standards hold us all prisoner.. we look at how the church has put chains around our sexual organs.. how guilt and shame turned into a magic money machine; yet this machine is also used by the media to pit women and men against each other.. teaching men through music and art that they are entitled to just take from women what they want..entitled to make more money.. to just go and grab at and for what they need..be it a woman or a raise.. be it opportunity or date rape..because he has been taught entitlement and she has been taught to shut up.. look pretty, to know her place is were the male power dictates it to be.. least she should be punished .. become unattractive from the inside out ” You have such a pretty face, it’s too bad your such bossy bitch ”

So will I ever be given a media voice or a platform  to speak on this ..so that people can become educated to the dysfunctional patterns in our society? Not if the patriarchy can help it.. they want to keep women down..it’s the unpaid women’s work that is the needle and thread that secretly holds a male power based society together and makes them rich.. Men make the money..they invest the money were they see fit.. like in male sports, like hockey and soccer .. they don’t put male money into female sports..and they put their money into male power based adverts..that keep the patterns going..that keep opportunity and power in male hands.. but meanwhile a woman is cooking, sewing, sweating and toiling doing traditional manly chores, working in a traditional male based business or trade.. making less money.. not getting the promotion because she has a womb ..

They want to keep this message unheard and silent.. like they want to keep all women unheard .. silent in their ( Place )

Entrepreneur .. what I learned about failure

 

 

 

I have failed in attempting to promote my book in my home town of Kelowna BC Canada..

The first thing I learned …what I am made of; I am very tenacious, resilient, and determined. I went through incredible hardships doing my best to bash through social prejudice, sexism and bigotry put upon women’s sexuality. I learned that I am pretty strong.

I don’t think my approach would of mattered. Given the subject matter of the book; given that I am topless in the photography and that I candidly wrote about women’s sexuality and used my own sexuality in the book as an example.. I don’t think I could of approached anyone differently in my community .. or by approaching them differently would I have seen other results. By what I have been through I can see by a couple of years experience that these prejudices and sexisms are very well established in our society.. and they are..

1. To be taken seriously as a professional don’t publish topless images of yourself. But it’s ok to publish them of other women if that is your profession

2. You must have a degree to be taken seriously

4. You must know someone or many people within the professional and arts community to be given any help or press releases

5. You must be a part of a networking click to be acceptable

6. To talk about, write about, be about your sexuality as a woman, you are asking for harassment, bullying and to be shut out.

I failed by not knowing my society. I failed because I was childish in my perspective of others. I failed because I underestimated how conservative and repressed my local society is.

Looking back at what I know now; I wouldn’t of even attempted to retain some ground or a speaking platform in my city. I wouldn’t of put myself through such grief, pain and suffering.

I would simply of kept my work online and kept myself away from all of the ignorance.

I was given a wonderful opportunity from Chapters in Kelowna to have my book put in the local authors section. But looking back now, now, that none of them sold since the book signing and so the contract has been cancelled..but looking back now I wouldn’t of even attempted that.. as Kelowna is clearly not my market.

I know that if I did become successful by chance by promoting my book online; Kelowna would fully accept me..but I will not be accepted by Kelowna in any other way..

So the biggest lesson was to know my market.. but I honestly couldn’t of foreseen the intense prejudice in Kelowna without having directly experienced it myself..and it truly does blow my mind.

I have learned how naive and unsophisticated I am .. I was like a child in creating my book and dream.. like a child in expecting that I had equal rights..that I actually had freedom of expression as an artist in the first world.. instead I found that I dredged up what was at the very undercurrents of western society..and that is we haven’t really come that far at all since the 1950s as far as equality and women’s rights ..or for the rights of minorities in general..

I have learned this is truly why my book is needed..and why a new organization or society needs to take up root..so that we can truly live in our supposed freedoms and equalities ..

Even though I am sad at my failure and that I haven’t experienced any form of success in Kelowna.. I am proud of myself for working as hard as I have worked at it over the last couple of years..

By God what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger..and you sure learn.

 

Purchase my book The Goddess an Expression of the Divine Feminine off Amazon.ca

Follow me on Facebook and Youtube..and here on my blog.

Do something every day that scares you…..

 

I am once again showing my readers my journey.. my journey through promoting my book in my local community and in general. I was told by the kind PR specialist from New York to document this letter..and my experience today.. it keeps people honest..and many of my readers and online followers try to give me advice as to how to go about promoting myself.. as you can see I am doing everything that you and I can possibly think of doing.. contacting my local paper and radio stations ..all who have ignored me and or even go so far as to locking me out of their facebook pages.. having the manager of my local radio station 99.9 SunFm ” Mark” call me last spring to tell me that I was not allowed to comment on their facebook page..and that was why I was locked out of it..

Anyway.. I just sent this letter. He hasn’t had time to respond.. yet .. just went through this today..as usual it is very difficult for me to face people and to keep attempting to reach out to my local arts community..but here is to ” Smiling in the face of fear”.. here is ” Mud in your eye”..

 

Hi Mr. Leblanc

My name is Gracie Ackerman; I am a local artist and writer. I am the most controversial artist in Kelowna to date. I suppose it could be something to be proud of..given how unique my work is, but it is proving to be very difficult to promote my work in Kelowna due to religious prejudice.
I was just at the Rotary today; buying a ticket for the Comic Strippers tonight. I stopped and talked to Donna Lee and Lucas who works for the Alternator about the center helping me promote my book signing coming up at Chapters Book Store..here in Kelowna BC. I was asking that my book could just be exhibited and that I could advertise the book signing as a local artist/writer in our local arts center..but Donna Lee told me.. outright that she was not comfortable with my book or with displaying my book due to her religious beliefs. I asked her to repeat herself several times to me in front of Lucas.. and she did. I just couldn’t believe my ears..but at least this time it was being said to my face.. as I have been shown through discrimination tactics that Kelowna’s art world and society thinks and behaves in these prejudiced manners.
I had tons of trouble with Lynda Norman as well ..from Association of Arts for Creative Alliance.. I write about that on my blog..
If my book does hit mainstream media..it will be a damn shame that my own city wouldn’t give me an artistic platform to stand on.. that I am and was outright discriminated against due to people’s religious dogma.. How is this promoting or up holding the arts?
Donna Lee also said that she didn’t want young children seeing my book. I told her she could leave it out of reach and put it up at adult eye level.. although as I walked through the gallery I could see many paintings of nudes???
Below is my query letter that I am sending out to agents. I have had a very well known PR specialist from New York contact me.. I re-did my entire front web page..by his specifications..I think it is because of him that I was able to get a book signing at Chapters..he is helping me by giving me names of agents.

What makes my book different ?.. it is an authentic and realistic approach to spirituality, women’s sexuality and sacred sexuality.

 

How will it help humanity? Women’s sexuality has become lost in a plastic and pornographic world. We are sold one ideal of beauty that enslaves men and women towards constantly buying into an unattainable sexuality that inhibits true intimacy for both the sexes..not only does it inhibit true intimacy between couples but it causes us as individuals to lack intimacy and true love with the self. My book does have full color photographs using myself as the model to express the Goddess.. the book was completely created by women.. I created the concept, wrote the book and choreographed the photography and costumes.. and I employed female photographers to help me create the images.. I used my own money, talent and connections ( spiritual and otherwise ) ..meaning the book was completely created by the feminine for the feminine.. in a

way that no man could possibly conceptualize. The images are raw..they are natural and hardly touched up..as they are to show the true beauty of the natural, authentic sexuality of all women through me. I am not a typical model. I am considered short and chubby by media standards..but by the ancient archetypes of Goddess art.. I am a Goddess, as are all women.. The book will help humanity by bring back natural beauty, intimacy with the self and with couples..the book will help dissolve the shame heaped onto women who express and live freely in their bodies and sexuality..this book is the shift..an awakening..and evolution in human consciousness.

 

“”"How have I promoted my work? I have self published through a BalboaPress a division of Hayhouse. I have my own website and blog www.sexassacred.com that I use to promote the book. My blog is an authentic journey ..the journey of my own life ..trying to promote my book in my city that is very Christian/Conservative..that sees my work as witchcraft,evil and shameful..but the positive to this journey is that it is the story of “The underdog” I have many fans and readers who support me in my cause..people from all walks of life from all over the world..men and women..strait and gay.. ranging from the ages of 17 to 99. I also have a youtube channel..were I sing, dance and give advice. I am on twitter, instagram, linkedin,google.. etc… I have just landed a book signing at Chapters/Indigo Books in my city.

 

I understand that you have stated that you don’t publish full color photography books or poetry books..this book is much more than that..it is like nothing you have ever seen before..I am having trouble submitting to publishing houses because it doesn’t neatly fit into categories..but this is what makes it so special..and this is why I had to self publish the book..because it has to be seen in it’s finished state to be realized for what it is.. a work of art and literature.

 

I am sorry that I am not submitting to you as you have requested. I am hoping that you will go to my website and read the front page..and see a sample of the photography from the book on my site. The controversy surrounding the book is..in some of the images I am topless.. just as the Goddess is traditionally.. in my city,, in the conservative, professional society that I live in..this has been judged as inappropriate..but I know on a world stage this will be seen as brave and beautiful.”"

 

It is my hope that due to your credentials you will be able to look past our local communities religious discrimination to see the bigger picture and the larger scope of what my book and work has to offer..and that you will allow me to show my book in your galleries..

 

Thank you,

 

Gracie Ackerman

I am the solution to the problem they have with me..

 

The problem is that I have taken on their problem.. my attitude to their problem has been to take the job of convincing them that they do indeed have a problem.. that I am not the problem but it is their attitudes about me; as to how they define what is and isn’t acceptable. I am not acceptable due to the fact that I am not like them..but that isn’t my problem so I have to stop taking on the attitude that I must fix them.. problem solved..

When I stop trying to convince them and I stop trying to fix them I can get on with my life purpose and passions in spite of them.. therefore I become the change I wish to see in the world..

It isn’t my problem that they may or may not come to change with the times.. it isn’t my problem that they wish to stay stagnant or in a hamster wheel..because they cannot or will not conceptualize change..

I am speaking about the professional world..but also about society in general..as to the root of the problem that inflicts my attitude of taking on being their savior.. I am not their Christ or Whipping Boy.. I am not taking on their sins.. I am not going to carry their crosses for them.. I will not die slowly for them.. I will not take on their angry, resentful and even hateful energy as my problem.. as the problem is theirs to own or deny.. it’s not my problem which they chose..

By not taking on their problem the problem evaporates.. it looses it’s power..it has no foundation..as it stops being a problem.. for me.

The professional world and society as a whole sees authenticity and open sexuality as threat.. because it shows those whom are not authentic and comfortable in their skin..that they are not authentic and comfortable in their skin..and so they label people like me as trouble makers, whores, ridiculous or absurd.. not to be taken seriously..to be socially shunned or seen as inappropriate …

Yet the new rage in the professional world is to use words like ( authentic ) as self promotion.. but when someone like me comes along who is truly authentic..we blow it up in their faces..

 

And so I have become aware of my weakness through how they perceive me.. I have let their perceptions of me..rule my mind and emotions..

When the truth is simply this.. I am much farther down the path of authenticity than they.. I am actually leading them..

Maybe one day some of them will catch up..???

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