Posts Tagged ‘Kelowna arts and culture’

Kelowna Culture in Retrospect-fades to grey

 

When I moved to Kelowna BC from the small town of Armstrong BC, just an hour and a half away I thought it would be a city full of opportunity for me as an artist/writer/activist and on a personal level as a newly divorced, broken hearted single mother; I might find a new love.

I had always wanted to write my book; even as a small child I was accutely aware of the double standards, violence and sexism against women. I thought the Goddess or Wonder Woman was and still is a empowering archetype towards empowering women and girls. The main reason behind my book was to show that women and men could both be strong, emotional, compassionate and that both the sexes could strive towards true justice and equality. As a very small child raised in a strict christian household, I was still a wise old soul whom saw past the shame and sin placed on sexuality as unfounded and just silly. I would prance naked around my repressed mother as she squacked and clucked at me for my sinful nature with glee and mischeif. I just knew that logically the shame placed on sexuality and the body was unnatural not sex and sexuality.

Anyways upon moving to Kelowna and writing, producing the goddess photography or photographs of me as many goddesses, upon designing and publishing my website and blog, I was continually shocked at how the arts council and at how the leaders of Kelowna’s culture treated me as a second class citizen. I was not allowed to join in networking groups, I was not given the press release that the art’s council promised me. I was not allowed to show my book or other art in galleries or other art exhibits. I was not heard by Colin Basran, he called me to tell me there was nothing he could do about the outright prejudice and discrimination placed upon me by the leaders of Kelown’s cultural networking organizations. He told me he could not make people include me. I was made of mockery of by Laurie Welborn who’s name came up on our phone conversation. She did a video of the topless issue after pretending to be my friend off and on Facebook, it was obvious online bullying and even after she made the videos she then asked me to my face if I felt suicidal. During this time I was also harassed out of Brett Wilson’s gym by his female manager a close friend of Laurie’s, because I was told my online profile or my writing about the discrimination, sexuall harssment, sexual discrimination and women’s sexuality was a threat to Brett Wilson’s reputation. The Mayor of Kelowna was made aware of all these facts yet because I was not wealthy or well connected I simply didn’t matter to Kelowna’s socieity or culture. If I had, had a Batchelor of the Arts or other degrees I would probably of been given some credibility, but I am self taught, a natural talent, self read, self motivated, self starter and well studied and well read on my own; but in Kelowna this holds no credibility. In Kelowna’s culture of wealth and social status I was invisible. I was a minority I was an annoyance to the wealthy and connected that wanted and that wants to manipulate and mold Kelowna’s culture as they see fit; like Colin Basran, the wealthy and highly connected Cipes family and the private owners of KelownaNow. I was purposefully shut out of and silenced from Kelowna’s culture as a threat towards Kelowna’s professional and pristeen tourist orientated brand. Kelowna’s culuture has become a tourist brand. I was made invisible by sexual prejudice, ignorance and going by Laurie’s videos.. hate.

Looking in retrospect at Kelowna’s culture; it is culture based on wealth and the accumulation of wealth; as Kelowna tried to paint me over with shades of grey to make me invisible as a part from the culture or IMAGE they wish to create and brand, Kelowna is grey or bland in it’s culture as it steals from other cultures what it feels is culturally safe and acceptable- but isn’t this just the Canadian way of the arts in general? What is Canadian culture but a washed out version of American or US culture? And we wonder why Candian artist can’t make a go of it in Canada?

I was the biggest feminist in Kelowna but Kelowna effectively phased me out by overwhelming me and my children through me by it’s overt prejudice towards me. But my children and I are slowly loosing our Kelowna Culture wash; my kids are not feeling the need to be overly competative or to dress to impress others, and I am finding peace and solitude in the countryside. It is all slowly fading to grey.

I learned that I never needed to be in Kelowna to pursue my arts and feminist activism and that I would never of met anyone in that culture due to how they would be washed by that culture into seeing me through prejudice. I learned that I am unique and special, special enought to stand out from the crowd and make it on my own an on my own terms..and by make it, I mean being me and doing what I love. I can share and educate here through my own creations.

When She Own’s It

 

How many times do I have to write about this topic before it will sink into the collective consciousness of humanity? Women’s bodies and wombs are regulated by government, a government that is male based or strongly influenced by mainly men.. we call that The Patriarchy. The Patriarchy isn’t just in religion as religion is steeped into government mandates or rules and regulations.. hence abortion always being on the table or the mandating of the womb. The control of the hand that rocks the cradle..for as the old saying goes..an old saying put froth by the Patriarchy centuries ago

” The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.” and so it is that men { generalizing here} do everything to control the hand that rocks the cradle. Funny that the word ( Man ) is in ( mandate ) meaning to give over one’s authority to another. And so it is that a woman’s sexuality is only permissible if it passes through the gates of a male lens or certain standard. If a woman own’s it; if she is free with her own sexuality she is labeled as obscene and indecent. Such as the issue of women breastfeeding in public or going topless on public beaches. I suppose we need to mandate this in order to make men feel that they will not loose their sense of freedom by allowing women to have theirs.. did you notice the word ( allow ) and isn’t that just the core of the issue? How do men retain this control of women? It is simply through abuse. It is physical, financial, mental and emotional abuse.. many of these abuses we see present in the average daily relationships between men and women..but wait.. is it all his fault?

No it’s not entirely all his fault as much as it is the faulty way that society has taught all of us to view women’s sexuality through this tainted and unhealthy lens.. because these abusive patterns are rigid belief systems.. such as RELIGION .. stagnate us as the entire human race towards moving forwards to enlightenment or becoming conscious of our unhealthy and hurtful nature towards what is simply natural. A woman’s body will not make a man do evil things, or render him helpless to her sexual power.. that only happens if he tells himself that it will happen.. therefor using it as an excuse to loose power over his own common sense and better judgement not to be responsible for his own behaviors.

Quite simply the abortion and birth control debates are based on fear level thinking..not on fact or science. Seeing the human body as evil and or sinful for it’s nudity rather than seeing it as the natural beauty of art and science is also ignorant fear based thinking.. by those brainwashed by old and outdated social norms that create anything but normalcy. Shaming, blaming, controlling women and girls with the fears of violence, rape ( rape is sexual violence ) and it isn’t her rape to own.. it is his sickness to own .. financial manipulation by controlling a woman’s money .. ( society propels this by not paying women equal to men or making child care affordable.. or abortions legal..or birth control easy to access.. and then of course their is the emotional abuse )

” You crazy slut. Put some clothes on you nasty bitch. Wanna fuck whore.. you must wanna fuck because you look like you are dressed to fuck.” need I say more??? Seems I always have to say more.. falls on def ears.. ignorant ears that see my work about women’s sexuality as {Putting it out there}.. because * SHE SHOULD HAVE SOME RESPECT FOR HERSELF* I want to know how people equate a woman using her body as art in photography as me or other women not having respect for themselves? I don’t understand why you can’t be intelligent enough to catch yourself in your own knuckle dragging ignorance to not be able to see that I am doing this to prove a point here..and that is to expose ignorance and enlighten and educate the ignorant by living the message of women’s sexual freedom by being free.. so if you have half a brain you should be able to put 2 and 2 together by what I wrote above as to why I wrote my book ( The Goddess an Expression of the Divine Feminine ) and as to why I use my own image and story in the book.. let me go over it once again for you ” I am owning it” do you get it now?

And of course because of doing my best to expose ignorance..to turn the light on in the dark ages, to bring about the golden light of intellectualism .. the ignorant zombies came at me x3 fold.. funny how that works.. ” Don’t make us think and evolve it’s painful.. we like our stupid stupor .” And so I have met with sexism and hatred ..with name calling.. being blacklisted and black balled ..even by those who profess spiritual enlightenment, to promote equality, women’s rights and even intellectualism.. but dysfunction dies hard..and to deviate from the norm brings social ostracization .. even if the normal in society is sick with abusive behaviors.. even if society is killing it’s self by not living to it’s full potential by keeping half the gender down and enslaved by sexual shaming and perversions..

As we know women’s sexuality can be sold by men or the Patriarchy within what they deem as worthy of sale..and so with that women are enslaved by chains around the ovaries .. by their body image being sold back to them as an impossible ideal to obtain.. we are either Madonna or Whore..Good Girl or Bad Girl.. seen through the lens of the Patriarchy a woman’s psyche is torn in 2 ..as she is no longer the Earth Mother… the natural nurturer.. she not allowed to move in her full essence and so she is drained of her full power by men who are not true men ..as mature men welcome and relish in the full essence of woman’s juicy ” Owning it.” And  also she is drained by other women shaming her due to socialized patterns of behavior ingrained into them by a sick society, they rob themselves of the Goddess within them..by denying the Goddess in other women.

And so ” When She Own’s it” when she steps into her skin unapologetic.. when she redefines the word ” Bitch” as ” Queen” and that is “”Queen Bitch to you!”" she steps into her Goddess.. and that is what frail men..insecure men are terrified of because once she own’s it, he has to grow up and own his own shit.

So if the pictures that I am using in this post offend you.. it’s therapy .. the question to be asking yourself is ” WHY?” what are your issues?

Temptation

 

We are all made victim of temptation and of course every rose has it’s thorns.. for every cause an effect or consequence. But what would society be without some false pretense of morality? How would we sell sex if it wasn’t sinful? How could we promote religion without the sin of sexual temptation? Of course we will all be Fallen Angels..but who is to blame..is it the tempted or the tempter? ..as they say ” You cannot be seduced unless you want to be.” But what is life without seduction? What is love without lust? But then what is lust without love.. as it dies as quickly as it began? Why does the human species deny it’s own innate nature by definitions and dogma? Is it because we think, if we are fucking all day we will become a sexually addicted race and destroy ourselves by our base natures? Do we think that we will never achieve our long term goals if we are busy getting busy under the sheets? Looking at this rationally.. eventually we all have to put our clothes back on and get other things done.. if we fucked it all out of our systems don’t you think the world would be a better place? Imagine all of that underground sexuality that has been made unhealthy by our own immature repression, surfacing and becoming healed by our own awareness of our sexual retardation .. our sexual retardation as nations repressing the feminine sex as being made responsible for the seduction of men by being too sexy? How silly humans are.. That make rules of conduct for what comes natural to the rest of the animal kingdom.. and we wonder why we are the ones destroying our own natural environment.. it’s all that repressed sexual energy going into war and conquest .. imagine how much better the world would be if we put all of that hot sexual energy to good use between the sheets?

Bill Maher touched on this topic .. speaking about the sexual repression of the young boys in the US that shoot up schools.. he talked about their sexual repression and their hatred of women because they felt they wouldn’t ever get laid.. about the religions context .. going with that topic.. imagine how much happier men would be if they stopped repressing women’s sexuality..? Imagine women not being threatened by being sexy? Like Bill said .. there wouldn’t be so many guns and violence if men were actually courting women and doing  IT..rather than shooting at shit. Look at the sexual repression in the Middle East.. women being totally covered from head-to-toe .. being stoned and acid burned .. cut down and gunned down should they show any flesh.. now lets look at what the men are doing.. total self destruction and social destruction..absolute unchained violence..Bill is right.. they all just need to kill the religion that caused the sexual repression ( The three major world religions ) stop taking it out on their women and make love not war. Imagine if men stopped trying to own the world by using sex as a weapon? Isn’t the gun shaped like a penis.. the chamber the balls, the bullets like sperm..and the barrel the shaft? What if men stopped scaring the shit out of women..what if they were actually kind and loving..considerate, romantic and affectionate? What if men were actually gentlemen instead of self entitled bullies? ( by men I mean those who use the patriarchy or religion as an excuse to abuse women )

What if we stopped chaining each other down by false morality and self inflicted laws of conformity that causes us to be judge and jury to each other? I know this is starting to sound like a John Lennon song..but he had the right idea.

As a single woman I have noticed that romance, courtship and dating are on their death throws .. gasping for that last breath..the death rattle..Sex, love, lust ..bind us together in humanity…we have become a touch deprived society.. everyone is on their cell or just having quick hookups at best.. The rules are so fucked up and varied no one knows what to do anymore.

Yes I like writing about the Goddess archetypes.. yes I love expressing her ..but I am an ordinary woman.. I am a human being.. I would like to see humanity embrace being human so that we can show each other humanity.. and that begins be accepting our base nature as sexual beings.. if we don’t have that solid foundation on our basic psychology, we are doomed to self destruction by the lack of true human connection.. we need to emotionally mature.

Sex ed 101

Contemplating my bad

 

Mentally reviewing the last 3 years attempting to network my book in my local community.. I realize my bad was dramatically reacting to their bad.. but of course I didn’t know what I didn’t know.. and that is what I know now…and it’s that I wouldn’t ever be accepted or be welcomed in their house of belonging due to the subject matter of my book ” Women’s sexuality ” Even though my book is tasteful and factual.. even though it is artistic and intellectual.. although very amateurish.. I wouldn’t ever of been accepted into their polished, conservative perspectives.. as they are comfortable in doing things the way they always have done them.. and I had no idea that the art culture in Kelowna and area.. are to support professionalism.. vs professionalism supporting the arts.. or any form of balance between the two. I had no idea of the fact that the people who create the culture in Kelowna, through the arts they decide to promote or show.. through the networking groups and organizations that they have created and run.. are groups and organizations based upon professional conservatism ..and that they are subject to their perspectives of good clean family values or MORALS.

My bad or my fault was to keep trying to break down their barriers and prejudices.. my fault was to keep trying to break through their walls and to try to change them after I had realized they all held the same views and they were not going to change them. Yes what they did and how they do things is wrong.. it is black and white..if you profess to include everyone in your groups and organizations..but exclude me due to the subject matter of women’s sexuality that is sexism..that is prejudice and that is black and white.. WRONG..But by me getting beside myself with anger and frustration.. with that anger and frustration turning inward inside of me ..to lead to suicidal thoughts a year ago ( I am doing really well now thanks ) but by allowing them that room in my mind, and heart they had won..and it gave them an excuse to call me crazy and a drama queen.. it gave them an excuse as a group..as individuals.. to keep excluding me..to never let me in..to not allow me to network in their groups or have speaking platform.. because of my emotions.. me attempting to hold them accountable on my blog by writing about every experience .. it made them feel justified.. so the did win. I should of realized that it was a battle that I couldn’t win after loosing so many rounds in the fight.. I should of seen it was draining.. sucking my vitality and life force.. it was taking away my confidence..as I was starting to see myself through their eyes.. I should of just walked off that battle field and realized not a single one of them was ever worth it.. that belonging or being accepted by them wasn’t ever worth loosing my sense of self over.. I should of seen much earlier that they wouldn’t ever be my audience.. because they are afraid of change.. even though they peach change and equality.. even though they go on and on about authenticity and having the courage to be different and follow your dreams.. I should of seen much sooner that these were just words of self promotion.. but I didn’t know, then what I know now.. now that I have watched them..now that I have gotten to know their patterns of make believe personas .. I sure wish I knew then what I know now..  but I am headstrong…and sometimes being headstrong can be a double edged sword..it can make you tough..but also it can make you blind to your own stubborn.. and gawd I am that.

I have a temper and righteous anger.. but now I know how to spot them because they all sound the same.. the all run in the same circles and all spout the same self-righteous crap. I can see the arrogance ..as they think they can do no wrong..and they have the power in numbers to keep their delusion of grandeur. But my bad was believing it.. comparing myself to them.. feeling like I don’t measure up because I don’t have the qualification or the professional experience that they all seem to have..but I have learned that most of their qualifications are hyped up bullshit.. my bad was not seeing it sooner.

The truth is I was and still am, their mirror.. a mirror that doesn’t work through the lens of their own rose colored glasses..but a mirror that shows them their lies and prejudices.. a mirror that shows them the truth…and that is ” Same as it ever was.. same as it ever was.” and it will always be the same old..for them..and that’s exactly why they don’t want to let me in or anyone else in that doesn’t communicate or network with in the frames of their comfort levels.. because they are afraid …

And there is my bad again..I didn’t understand it was really their fear and ignorance..it really didn’t have much to do with me.. change is a painful process..that they don’t want to face.

If there ever is a similar circumstance in my life again.. I walking away sooner.. I not going to fight battles I cannot win when I could change my strategy and change what I can.. I will accept much sooner..what I cannot not change.

The Goddess

In my book I use photography and writing to express seven different Goddesses or aspects of The Divine Feminine. The Goddess that is my main archetype is Artemis.. she is the FEMINIST.. she fights for the rights of all women and their children.. she fights for The Underdog. I am also very athletic; very strong willed, proud and strong minded.. I am strong. I have had many women tell me I need to tone it down so that I can attract a man vs scaring them off with my intensity ..but I can only be who I am.. we can all only be who we are. Artemis is quick in every way.. her bow and arrow represent her quick wit…her intentions flying high and true.. she stands for justice..she was Wonder Woman before media made her into an Americanized Super Hero.. 

From the book ~ The Goddess an Expression of the Divine Feminine ~ Available on Amazon.ca

Artemis

 

Isis was the main Goddess of the East in which all Goddesses that came after were emulated from. This means that the different aspects of the Goddess Isis were broken down to being named as separate parts and personalities; but Isis was the first archetype or template of the wisdom, of the feminine aspect of the Divine.

Artemis is understood as the huntress; she was an independent, strong athletic Goddess. She resided in the woodlands and she was considered the Mistress of the Animals. She was also seen as the Mother Bear that would hunt and protect her young with her life. She was not to be taken for granted as she could do for herself and her young. She is the single mother, doing the job of both mother and father. Artemis is also the athlete; she represents endurance and great strength. In childbirth she was seen to oversee the mother; giving her the endurance and power to carry on through the pain and long hours of birth.

If she were to be a real person; her personality would be of a very earthy woman; she would bait her own hook if she was fishing, she would gut the fish, cook it and feed it to her young and clean up when all the eating was done.

Today she would be the single mother; if she was emulated today, she would be the woman bringing home the bacon and then mothering all alone. She would not take “NO” for an answer at work or at home; that is the reason today why many women find themselves alone. They may be alone for a while but soon they will meet the man that is man enough to understand her strength and respect her for it.

She is the tomboy; she is not afraid to get dirty, she is not afraid ofa rainy, windy day outside; she is the woman of the earth; she craves the race. For the right man she is his best friend and his lover; she keeps him on his toes. The woman that has the personality of Artemis is sure to be seen leading the pack; if it be in business or even in the home front; this woman know what she wants.

Compassion

 

What if I said to you, it is all right to feel blue?

What if I held you close to my heart and let you cry?

What if I understood your pain?

What if I didn’t make you feel ashamed?

What if I offered you comfort instead of blame?

 

This is the heart of compassion.

 

What if I let you talk until you’re done?

What if I stayed with you through and through?

What if I wiped away your tears and cried with you?

What if I didn’t tell you to get over it?

What if I stayed strong for you through your weakness?

 

This is the heart of compassion.

 

What if through my past pain I learned to care?

What if I learned mercy and released bitterness?

What if I chose to take up wisdom instead being a victim?

What if I shared my treasure with you?

What if through my understanding I could help you?

 

This is the heart of compassion.

 

What if I opened my heart instead of closed it?

What if I used my own lessons to unfold it?

What if I chose to show tenderness instead of selfishness?

What if I held my hands out to lift you up?

What if I brought hope to the hopeless?

 

This is the heart of compassion.

Surrender

 

Sweet sorrow

Sweet like the summer rain

Moist and tender like my heart

I surrender

 

I give in to the pain

I release myself to the rain

I fall softly in to myself

I surrender

 

I let go of control

I know to fight the tears is pointless

I cry

I surrender

 

My heart it bleeds

The red fresh pain released

I feel at least

I surrender

 

My heart so tender

Raw and alive

Oh how I cry

I surrender

 

I love the hurt

The pain it teaches me

Who I am supposed to be

I surrender

 

I surrender all of me.

The Goddess

 

( From the book ~ The Goddess an Expression of the Divine Feminine ~ ) Available on Amazon.ca

Isis the Star


Isis is the root of all the Goddesses of ancient times; she is the Divine Mother. Isis is the soul of the Star Sirius. Sirius is believed to be the gateway to the higher consciousness through the River of Stars. Therefore it is believed that Isis brought forth the higher consciousness of the Divine through her incarnation on this earth. Isis represents Mother Nature or the Mother of all humanity and all living things.

Isis incarnated to become The Muse of the civilized world; she was known as The Lady Of Love, protection, healing, beauty, fertility, art, music, abundance, mystery and magic; to name a few of her attributes.

As civilization sprang forth from Egypt it is believed that the root of all religion comes from this era in time. Isis, Osiris (her husband) and Horus (Their Divine Son) were all molded into Greek and Roman Mythology and through the Roman Catholic Church they were woven into Christianity. Mary Mother of Jesus is said to be Isis and Horus.

Jesus has been called the Morning Star in the bible as he originated from the belief that Isis and her descendants came from the Star Sirius and Sirius is the heavenly proof of their Divine Origin of the Higher Consciousness of Divinity.

 

It is believed that Isis and her family were real living people and that all of us come from this pool of DNA; our Divinity is our divine birthright. It is the established organized world order that wishes to keep control of their elite status through controlling the masses by fear. The fear that this so called cult or paganism will damn us all to hell; but in truth all is one and the root of the Egyptian Ancient culture taught that all originated from one divine source.

 

In moving away from sacredness and the wisdom that sex is an act of sacred union, we have soiled the sacred and lost ourselves in our own profanity. It is the goal of the elite to keep those under them down; the divine teaches that all is equal and that the truly civilized are wise enough to love and cherish the differences between the sexes and to understand the duality of the soul.  A truly divine civilization lives in a state of compassion. This is and was the Divine plan.

Heaven Sent

 

 

 

Heaven sent me to love,

Heaven filled me with light,

A light so bright,

Soft and white,

To pull you into my heart.

 

Heaven sent me to you,

To show you the right thing to do,

I am filled with warmth,

To comfort you,

I am here for you.

 

Heaven sent me to guide,

I am the pureness of truth,

I am to show you,

You,

I will bring you joy.

 

Heaven sent me to understand,

To show and bring wisdom in,

Into your heart,

To show you,

The soul you are.

 

Heaven sent me here,

To help and protect,

I  am here to remind you,

You are all,

You are light.

 

Heaven sent I am,

I illuminate,

I shine,

I bring in a higher way,

A pathway to the stars.

 

Heaven sent me to open your heart,

To show you the way through,

I will walk with you,

Through the pain and fear,

To bring you back,

To love.

 

Heaven sent the light,

The light is love,

Through the heart,

We all are saved,

We all have Heaven.

From Beyond

 

You saw me leave my body

But I am not gone

I am here as energy

I am here for eternity

 

I will never leave your side

I will guide you gently on

I was never gone

I am in the great beyond

 

I speak to you in your dreams

I live within a song

I move on the wind

I am and I will live on

 

I will fill your heart with love

I will bring hope

I am your shining star

I will carry you through

 

I whisper to your soul

I come to you unexpectedly

I come to you when your heart calls me

I will always be with you.

Use Me

 

I am nothing without you

I am your instrument

I need you to hold me

Hold me in your hands,

 

I empty myself

I make room for you

I need your divinity

Please use me,

 

I understand that I am your creation

I understand through this wisdom

I know that I live for this

For this time and place

To be in this space of nothingness,

 

Please use me

Play your music through me

Create using me

Bring peace through me

I live for this and nothing less,

 

I am your instrument

I am your paintbrush

I am your canvas

I am your pen and your paper

Please use me,

 

Nothing I want more than this

Is to set my ego aside

To see that I am more than this

To be your tool to create bliss

Please use me,

 

I surrender to this

This is my reason to exist

To be one with you

I must surrender myself

I must use my gifts,

 

I am filled with your light

I will help it shine

I will bring it forth,

By putting me aside

I am yours

When I chose to be the submissive

The Goddess

( From the book ~ The Goddess an Expression of the Divine Feminine ~ ) Available on Amazon.ca

The Martyr

 

You will find her busy all day and night; she seems to take on the world single handedly, she chooses suffering as service. She chooses to suffer by neglecting herself, by putting others needs before her own. Her house is never clean enough, her children never quite live up to her high standards and her mate cannot do as good of a job with the chores as she can.

 

She wears her suffering as a badge of high standing; the world owes her for her enduring suffering. She sleeps little; she doesn’t sit to eat, because she is still puttering around the kitchen. But those she serves are never at ease as they are made to feel uncomfortable with her steady glare as they sit down to eat. She is not enjoying her dinner, but you must enjoy yours to please her. But she cannot sit to eat; but you must, as it will make her happy to be unhappy.

 

She takes up every cause; she works at every charity, she works her fingers to the bone, she is out of shape, she says she doesn’t have the time for such things because someone has to do all the work; of course she means her. She tells you that it must be nice to sit and read, she tells you it must be nice to have time to have your nails done. She says she doesn’t have the time to do these indulgent things; the entire world would fall apart without her running things.

In her presents you must do as she thinks is right. Your house must be clean, just the way she cleans hers, you should live your life through your children as she does hers. She puts them first at all times, they are in all the sports and extra activities, even if it means she cannot afford things for herself. The Martyr puts herself last as all good women should. She suffers so much for you; but you don’t seem to care, she thinks, as you do not take care of her the way she takes care of you. She does everything for you; she thinks of you first, she doesn’t sleep at night so that all the coffee beans are ground just right for you. She folds all the laundry just right in the middle of the night; she gets up at 5 am to start making bread from scratch, she cleans the walls, she cans veggies from her garden and just like in the good old days; she hangs the laundry on the line. She does it all just for you. She smothers you with her advice that you are too selfish to take. She would die for you and she tells you so; but she says you don’t care enough about her to do the same.

 

Her husband pushes her away; he is so sick of the nagging, but he is spoilt by her constant care, the Martyr needs a jailor and he has taken up the role in the dysfunction by accepting and the expecting her constant care. She blames him for her over working and he blames her for his emotional misery; the circle is constant as they feed off each other’s codependence.

 

The Martyr lives in every woman to some degree as we have been taught by women throughout the centuries in these behavioral patterns. Good women cook and clean; good women do not complain; good women make the man the head of the household; good women are under him as his servant. A good women exist to make his life more comfortable at their own expense. Good women do not enjoy life; they do not play, they do not nurture themselves they nurture everyone else while becoming depleted, boring and bitter.

 

This woman is a child; she manipulates like a crying infant to get her way. What she wants is to be is the one taken care of by others, she manipulates by using her suffering to inflict guilt and shame on those she loves to bind them to her. If she gave herself love and nurturing instead of giving it all away to others she could find her emotional maturity. If she stopped playing the game of “Poor little me” she could have time to live her life instead of trying to live her life through others. The truth is she is afraid, she is scared of taking responsibility for herself, for her life and to take risks on her own of her own creations and passions. The Martyr hides behind others so that she doesn’t have to blaze her own trail; so that she doesn’t have to risk, fail and succeed on her own. The Martyr is afraid to live.

 

All women are socially conditioned to be her; we have been conditioned by princess fairytales through Hollywood; to live our lives through our men and children. It is time woman took control and responsibility of our own risk to succeed, fail and succeed.

The Goddess

 

Hidden Goddess

( from the book ~ The Goddess an Expression of The Divine Feminine ~ ) Available on Amazon.ca

Before the formation of the Christian church brought about through the Roman Emperor Constantine the 1st through the First Council of Nicaea in 325 AD; The Goddess was held in high esteem.

 

The temples of Egypt, Greece and Roman were filled with Priestesses and High Priestesses. The Priestesses existed to glorify the soft, beautiful sexuality of women. It was believed that a man came closer to the Divine through intercourse and intimacy of the Priestess; since the Goddess existed through all women, the intimacy that men and women shared glorified creation. It was thought that through her body his animal instincts could be tamed through the release of his sexual tension. This release of all sexual tension brought both the man and the woman closer to the wisdom of the Divine.

Men would enter a temple to be sexually intimate with a Priestess. It was common for a Priestess to have sex with many men, as it was her sacrifice that caused the betterment of all society.

The new emerging Christian Religion was causing problems for the rulers of that time. The religions were overlapping, causing a lack of organized rule. Jesus the man or the believed son of God had been gone for hundreds of years. Many books had been written about the history leading up to his birth and the New Testament was written long after his passing. Jesus the man showed through his actions and words that he saw women as equals; it is proposed that Mary Magdalene was a whore, that Jesus drank wine and that his followers were dirty low life fishermen. Yet the simplicity of the Man and his teachings were eaten up by doctrine, and the roles and the equality of women were marginalized; eventually the equality of women in the Christian faith was stripped away from women due to the rules of religion (doctrine).

Quite simply the Roman Christian faith used sexuality as a road to piety and away into purgatory; the way out of purgatory was through payment; whether the payment be through trade or money. This “damned if you do and damned if you don’t” scenario goes on to this day through all major world religions. State and Country rule through this moral code; a good man who is worthy of Office has a good puritan woman that behaves by his side. He parades his family and wife around with him while he sees to his daily work functions as a politician or as a world leader. The world has been caught up in this unhealthy state of our sexuality for thousands of years.

We are damned sinners for liking sex and then we are over sexualized by the media; as we are sex starved and sex as a taboo sells product.

 

The Goddess has been cast down from her holy and sacred throne by the need for power and control of the masses; simply put the powers that be, have the men by their balls and the women by their ovaries; it is that simple.

By the wisdom of seeing sex and the body as a sacred temple society will be set free of this emotional, mental, physical and spiritual bondage. Sex is not a sin; sex is sacred, the body is sacred, the copulation of men and women is wholesome, pure and natural.

God, The Universe, The Divine; however you wish to see or understand all that is; made men and women to make love, not just for the sake of marriage and babies. We were made to create love and lust to lead us to ecstasy and bliss. This sacred place is found in the sharing of each other.

 

Women have had the burden of hiding their sexuality through the ages; of behaving as society dictates in order not to be shunned by friends and family, church and country.

 

It is up to us to take back the sacred Goddess in each of us; the Goddess that has been hidden through dogma and doctrine; to control the masses through mass fear of damnation. It is true that most women feel damned no matter what direction that they take in life. To be a stay at home mom means not working, to some; even to their husbands, this can be seen as lazy. Mothers that do work out of the home are seen as being neglectful to their children and competing financially with their husbands. Women who chose not to have children to pursue their work and passions are seen as selfish. The Goddess is damned in each woman, if she is a virgin, she is to be respected but then she can be seen as frigid or even freakish. If a woman has sex with more than say 10 men in her life time she can be judged as a slut. If a woman enjoys sex and knows her body; she is sinful and dirty.

It is up to women to reclaim their inner Goddess; to live their lives as they see fit; to own their sex and their bodies. Men want to see us do it; men have missed her, the one that tames him and makes him more of a man by loving him with her body. It is time the Goddess rises to her rightful throne; beside her God, beside her man.

 

We have damned ourselves in hiding her way in dogma; we have raped the earth and depleted our resources out of control and rule. It is time that all becomes sacred again through her rising, it is time to come out of the Dark Ages, it is time for the Golden Age to begin through her wisdom.

The Goddess has been made dirty by society and religion; through this book, through this work, through the photography I mean to clean off the cobwebs and the dirt. To show The Goddess again renewed, reborn, and shining in her true priceless worth.

The Queen of the Universe shall take her rightful place beside her King. It is through their sacred love and the sacred union of their flesh that we come to the New Golden Age.  It is the Age of The Compassionate Heart.

The Goddess

 

The Photo Shoots

(From the book ~The Goddess an Expression of the Divine Feminine ~ ) Available on Amazon.ca

 

First off I am not a model; but that is the point. Through the sensual photography I am trying to show a softer side of sexuality; really if I had my way, I would do away with pornography for obvious reasons. I don’t see anything wrong with erotica because it usually benefits both the sexe’s sexual appetites; but porn shows women being degraded. To me erotica shows sex and romance; love and lust, something both sexes aspire to in the pursuit of love and lovemaking.

Anyway I am not what would be considered model material at all; I am 5ft tall, 120 pounds and I am 42. My body has conceived 7 times but I have given birth to three children; but this is the reality of being a woman; our age; weight, height don’t make us any less sexy; that is media hype to sell us youth and wieghtloss products that don’t work. Only healthy diet and exercise work. I am very healthy and fit; not skinny or fat, I have curves and real breast, and even my nails are real. The point in using me as the model is to bring back real beauty and health for women and no one else would do it!

 

I met Claire and Joan of Miss Sassy Pants Boudoir Photography in the summer of 2011; my ex had left me for another woman; I believe in my heart that the affair started while I was pregnant with our son. I needed a self-esteem boost; I had lost 40 pounds of baby weight, I was single again and I wanted to do something out of the ordinary. The photographs turned out beautifully. I used them on my blog to post (The Divine Feminine 1 through 6). I use them on my facebook as well.

 

I had the greatest Idea ever! I decided to write a book about the Goddess and as a very visual and artistic person, I knew in my heart that having Claire and Joan do the photography would make the book like sensual eye candy. It was hard to use myself; I know that there are some people that know me (especially family) who will think that I am conceited, crazy and glorifying myself through the book.  Yes I had to use myself; I couldn’t afford to pay someone else and I couldn’t find no one who had the courage to do it. The message of the book is so important to me; that I decided to take the leap of faith and risk it all myself and I am risking it all. Everyone will know me as the woman who posed in this book, not just the author of the book but the model; everyone who looks at and reads this book will know my body in a lot of detail. This does take away from my privacy; I chose not to have any shots with frontal nudity below the waist as that is very private to me, I am saving that part of me for me and for the man I will love and who will love me.

 

As a mother; it made it harder to come to the decision to do it; but as a mother I had to do it. I want to show my young daughters and my son how wonderful women really are, how real and beautiful, how sensual and strong real women are. I want to bring back romance and love; true equal partnerships between men and women for all of us and our future generations. It will be very interesting for me when the book is published and my nudity is made public. I can only hope that most people will have the maturity to see the beauty and the art for what it is; I can only hope that I will not be judged as a bad mother and a tramp. I can only hope to spread hope; and a new kind of liberation for men and women. I can only hope to build upon the equality of the sexes through this work.

 

The funny thing is that Hugh Hefner and I have the same birthday; April 9th. Both of us working with sex; but I am different as I do not want or wish to use sexuality to build an empire on; I wish to set us free from the bondage of the extremes. I wish to show true sexual freedom; that is not to hurt the other sex or the self in sexual expression; I want to help build upon the sensual, erotic art form of making love, not just having sex.

 

The first photo shoot was outside at Bertram Park in Kelowna B.C; I wanted to get Okanagan Lake in the photos, I love where I live and being Canadian. I do want to travel and see where all the Goddesses originated from though.

 

It is a public park; it was secluded enough in March, that we could take the nude photos; but of course really cold, it was below 10 degrees when we took the shots. In the shots of me as Athena; you can see Kelowna’s floating bridge in the background; I just love it!

We worked fast; it was very cold, for 2 hours I was near naked most of the time, but we were so into our creative adventure I hardly noticed the cold, I just wanted the shots! The rocks on the beach were the worst though; they were so COLD and Sharp. Claire and Joan were amazed at my tenacity; when I set my mind to my work, it will happen.

 

Standing on the cliff as Athena was hard; I kept getting dizzy because I was looking up at the sky, it was giving me intense vertigo, and cars along the road could see me, they were slowing down to look, I kept having to cover my naked breast with my shield. It was kind of funny.

 

Lying on the ground as Mother Nature felt great; that spot on the ground was really quite warm and I love the smell of the earth warming up; that was my most relaxed shot; they were quite quick.

 

Artemis was my favorite; I loved the bow and arrow; I loved the costume and I loved who she was. With every Goddess I had to get into character; Claire helped me with Artemis she asked me to hunt and to stalk my prey, it really helped. I just love what she stands for; later after the shoot I had a dream of her, not of me as her but actually of her. In my dream she had light red hair and grey/green huge eyes. She had an infant strapped to one side of her back and her arrows on the other side; she was rapid firing her arrows at her pray. It meant that she would be successful as she left no room for failure. She made sure all of her arrows flew straight and true. This is the Goddess of the brave; the mother bear protecting her young. I just loved stepping into her character; I can only hope to emulate her through my life.

 

When we walked out of the park; we passed the park keeper, he was cutting and chipping trees that had fallen in a storm. He was close to my age; it’s funny he must of seen something cause he just kept looking at us like he couldn’t believe it! So funny!

 

The next photo shoots were Isis and the High Priestess; we did the Priestess first. These shoots were harder for me as the costumes and makeup were more elaborate; wearing wigs drives me nuts! But to make the Goddesses look different and authentic it had to be done. I don’t mind dressing up once in a while; but the more natural Goddesses were more my style.  It’s comical that when I was doing the dancing shots my wig flew clean off my head! Claire reached her limit when the Runes fell between my butt cheeks; she drew the line at fishing them out!  But The Priestess is one sexy Goddess; she was very cat like, very sleek and sexy.

 

I read the Runes later on after looking at the shot; this is what they meant:  the first is the Rune of PROTECTION – I give myself protection through the awareness of my emotions; by having self control over my emotions and living in the moment. This is how to handle change and transition.

PAIN – some pain is necessary as the darkness teaches us about the light and the power of the self. We are initiated through pain to spiritual awareness. Keep faith and good temper to move through the pain of darkness into the light.

BREAK AWAY – break away from constricting beliefs. Experience the world of the archetypal mind.

PARTNERSHIP – Partnership with the Divine and personal relationships; gift of freedom from which flow other gifts.

I took this interpatation from “The Book of Runes” from Ralph H. Blum.

It has come true so far; the pain has manifested as people in my neighborhood that judge me for my blog and my work; the breakaway has shown up as me moving away, so that I have privacy from the judgment of people like this, once the book comes out it will get even worse because of my nudity. If they judge me now, well, I am sure it will get much worse.

 

I have yet to experience the last Rune of Partnership; I hope it is with the Divine and a relationship with someone special, kind and loving. That is long overdue!

 

While I was trying to stay in the character of Isis; Claire was joking around about my tits; it was so funny because Claire has and English accent, it was the way she said it I kept bursting out in laughter. You can see me smiling a tiny bit in the shot of me with the wings up in the air. That was because of Claire! Another thing that was really neat was that Joan and Claire decided on their own to put the blue misty effect in the Isis photos; they down loaded them to me at home that way; the interesting thing is that Claire and Joan had no idea that in mythology Isis is a star in the heavens. Claire and Joan added the effect by just following their creative instincts. I think that deep down in each woman’s soul, she understands the magic of the Goddess.

Trying not to laugh when Claire was telling me ” Your tits look great ” in her English accent

 

Isis was so regal; I did love stepping into the character of Isis; she is a Queen, she so royal. I can’t quite describe her. Isis is more of a Queen and more royalty then any earthly Queen could be. Isis is the star. I can’t believe how I would dream of every Goddess; they came to me in dreams in their true glory, mystery and magic. My dreams cannot be described in words; but I truly felt led in a spiritual sense. I felt the deep purity of the Divine Feminine; it truly has been a gift.

The white Goddess was the hardest; I really felt like a real bride does on her wedding day; I wanted everything to be just perfect. Not only did the flowers come on time but the Owner of Kelowna Rose and Garden, came early! The flowers were beautiful and to thank Joan and Claire I sent them home with a dozen roses each as we had three dozen and the little wedding bouquet. I didn’t feel pretty that day; I just didn’t so I had to get my head around it and get into the character of The White Goddess. The shots of the side of my body with the jewels were very hard for Joan and I; she had to get up on a step ladder and take the shot without looking into the camera; so we had to take many shots with me on my knees. It was tough and it hurt! The candle shot was hard too; we couldn’t get the light right. I forgot the matches and Claire searched the building for someone who would have a lighter, thank goodness she found one. The candle shot was the most important to me as it shows The Compassionate Heart. In mythology and in many ancient writings the bride is ready for the groom when she lights her lamp or candle. It shows purity of the heart. It was a painful shot as the hot wax dripped on my fingers over and over again until we got it right; but the bleeding heart, is a feeling heart, so that symbolism was worth the pain.

 

So by this time, it was really starting to feel like work; as a mother of three it took a lot of juggling and planning to get the costuming and the babysitting just right. I couldn’t of done the costuming without Calowna Costumes in Kelowna B.C.; this store I made up 90% of the costumes. They were great; I had to bring my kids with me to pick out and shop for the costumes; they were wonderful when it came to putting up with my 5 year old son running around the store like 5 year old boys do. They gave the kids free goody bags full of cool stuff one day.

 

The photo shoots have brought me memories that I will treasure for a lifetime; it was an adventure!

The Goddess

 

 

Introduction

( From the book ~ The Goddess and Expression of the Divine Feminine ~ ) available on Amazon.ca

The Artist

 

You can usually pick us out in a crowd; most of us have a style of our own, we have a vacant look sometimes as we are contemplating upon our next creation.

 

The musician moves to his/her own beat. They wake up in the morning with a melody in their head as they dream up new lyrics. To an artist; the place of dreams, the deep subconscious, is a place that holds the treasure of our creations. Many of us use our dreams as spring-boards for our creations. The musician, singer or lyricist can’t help but to feel and hear music in everything. The beat and the tempo are in the way they walk, talk and communicate. They just can’t help themselves; the vibrations of the universe move through them like their very pulse.

 

The actor/actress seems detached in many ways; as they are watching you and other people to create their next character, they study voice, body language and emotions. Most who are into acting study human nature as second thought. Actors stand out; they love drama; they love laughter and sorrow. They may seem odd to most people but we can’t help but be drawn to the flame of passion that burst forth from their dramatic flair.

 

The photographer, painter and sculptor, see through the matrix of creation; we see the core, we see the essence and we wish to capture it in color, light and form. We are also somewhat detached as we need to see; to really see, to understand creation past the self. We love passion; all artist love passion.

 

The dancer is sensual; the body an instrument for their passion; they love the music, the burn of muscle as they push their bodies past what would be considered normal; for the sake of it. To become the music, to fly with the music..for the passion!

 

We create drama; and live our dreams for the passion. It takes great courage to be an artist of any type; as society and family members will say that an artist in the family is hopeless dreamer. They may say you are wasting your time on something that will not make you money.

 

Many artists are called crazy and deluded by others that have chosen normal jobs that give them a guaranteed pay check. Artists have to be fighters; they have to live for their passion. Most of us have to work at other jobs to support our craft. Society needs artist to create beauty and drama; without us to entertain and enlighten the world it would become a very dull and ugly place.

 

Yes we are different; dramatic, passionate, and odd. We express ourselves through everything we do as it is in our nature to do so; but without us life would lose meaning, culture would disappear and society would become gray and flat.

 

Artist need support; through family, friends and society. Without us you wouldn’t have movies; theaters, galleries, photographs of history or beauty, we keep record of the civilized world. Artist bring about civilization through creation for the sake of passion.

 

Instead of thinking “ Who the hell does he/she think she is up there on that stage, or wanting me to read their writing or look at their art ?” try to see that someone has to dare to have the courage to stand out, to bring beauty into the world and be different. They were born to stand out.

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