Posts Tagged ‘Keeping it real’

Too fat and fucked up to be his girlfriend

 

Doesn’t seem to matter what a woman does, it’s just not good enough for many men. It seems to me many guys have this make-believe perfect, weird science bitch living in their heads. I think she is different for most men; but she has similar traits expressed by most men. First off she is calm and kind ( a push over ) and she has the perfect body type. She isn’t too tall or too short; she isn’t too muscular or too thin.. and she never ages. She never gets mad and she does what he expects her to do without having to be told what to do.. she just knows exactly what he wants ( mind reader ) she is a lady in public but a sex freak in private for him.. but not too freaky least she should make him feel insecure ( that she may of had better than him or that he isn’t enough to satisfy her ). She doesn’t ever upstage him.. she gives him all the glory and the limelight .. she worships him and treats him like a GOD.

I am not her. I have my good moments I guess ???…but I have a temper..my temper is like a summer storm; it’s hot, fast and then it blows over just as fast.. makes you wonder if it even happened at all. I am short, I can be shy and then I can be a show off. I like the little bit of fat on my tummy.. it’s just a little bit..but I find it feminine. I am fit and I think fabulous but I am not a bodybuilder chick.. I train for strength and conditioning..but I am the one who will save us all from the zombies when they attack. I am not going to starve myself or go on ultra strict diets to please men or any man.I like my curves and my muscle.. I am aging and I am going to do that gracefully. I am not going to lie about my age and I am not going to feel shame about my body changing.. I am not going to compete with other women for a man’s attention of affections.. I have too much dignity and self-respect to jump through hoops like a trained poodle to coddle some guys ego.I am strong willed and strong minded.. I don’t want some guy in my head taking up all my intellectual space .. I have better things to think about then what the fuck he might be thinking about..

It’s so ironic that people preach about being authentic when they are too chicken shit to be truly authentic..being authentic means accepting your imperfections.. if they be physical or personal..

I just cannot imagine ever being in another relationship with a man who has to pick me apart to feed his own fragile ego.. I was married to a guy like that.. always looking over the fence to see how much greener the grass was.. because he wasn’t taking care of our relationship or putting his full intentions into our relationship..and I find that most of the single divorced men my age still haven’t taken full ownership of doing that themselves in their last relationships.. yet they say ” My ex wife was a bitter angry woman ” my thoughts on this ” Yes I bet she was since you were always comparing her to that make-believe, weird science bitch that lives in your head.. and you were always comparing her to every perfect looking or seemingly perfect woman that walked by.. yes I bet she was right pissed off at your shit ” I am thinking as he sits beside me on our coffee, meet up date..and he weighs and judges me with his eyes.. seeing something or hearing something from me that just doesn’t look or sound perfect enough.. because I am too short.. or my hair is the wrong color or length.. my boobs are not perky enough.. my teeth are not strait enough and I have a blemish on my chin… I am bloated because it’s the first day of my period..and no, I don’t want to body build and shred my body fat to look like the bitch in his head…

I wonder how many men have passed up some pretty damn amazing women because they can’t get past their own bullshit and insecurities..because they are getting older, and fatter and shorter.. because things are sagging on them…and their male hormones are making them softer..they just ain’t as hard as they used to be.. I think if they came to their own acceptance and grew the fuck up.. they would find that imperfections are uniqueness ..and character.. imperfections are endearing .. and imperfections are sexy ..

So I guess I need man who just as fucked up as I am… I am sure he going to be sexy as hell.

On being a FAN

You can tell its a rainy stormy day because this is my second post today…

I am not a groupie fan.. even though I am a fan of some other artist and media personalities work. But I am too much of a free thinker and an artist myself, to follow someone with my head up my ass like many groupie type fans do. I don’t respect the groupie type fan because for the most part they are stupid; they live vicariously through their star of choice rather than just seeing them as a real and fallible person like the rest of us. It’s a big mistake; because the higher up you put someone and the higher up they allow themselves to be worshiped .. the harder the fall..for them and their fans.

I really have very little respect for celebs that turn their fans on to people who question their motives; I find it immature; irresponsible and cowardly.

I have come up against some celebs by questioning their motives or intentions.. to have them turn their fans onto me.. I guess it’s a lot easier than actually having to question themselves. I think the greatest fault is actually believing that your invincible or above humanity.. the universe always has away of giving a person like that sudden smack in the face.

I think the fans that question you hold the most valuable lessons for you..and that is why, when my followers question me.. I let them. It’s a very hard thing to do; because you have to weight the truth of the statement from other’s issues that they may or may not be projecting onto you… but listening and humility is the key to personal growth.

I don’t want to come off as a conceited jerk; or a shallow selfish person.. and so if anyone says to me that I am giving off that vibe I want to hear from them as to how and why. Many people have said to me ” Why don’t you block that jerk.” and I say ” Because it’s fascinating how people perceive me.. I could have something to learn here..but if they get down right abusive I will block them”

I never allow anyone to call down other people on my Facebook or on my other online profiles; I let them speak their truth and stand up for what they believe in.. but I don’t allow gay bashing, sexism or physical threats or if possible character bashing..because I am responsible for my profiles.

Of course I am not famous.. not by a long shot.. but if I was I wouldn’t have anything to hide..and I wouldn’t allow or use my fans to hide behind..

I think if your a celeb people have a right to question your motives; if you say you stand for something you damn well better stand for it.. or get off your high horse and off the red carpet.

Like Madonna says to her haters ” Bitch please your a fan.” and they are.. I feel that my haters..or what some people might call trolls; have taught me some very valuable lessons..

I think that questioning yourself; your integrity, your path, your message, your talents..and if your putting anything new or relevant out into the world is the key to true artistry ..

I am sure that’s just too fucking humble for some celebs.. but that is exactly what is going to keep them from breaking boundaries..from writing lyrics ..singing new songs or doing anything that will change society for the better.. if you keep your head up your popular ass and don’t listen to the public.. your just going to keep your same boring, plain Jane groupies.. sugar coating it for you.

But hey if that’s what you want.. keep it comfortable.

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