Posts Tagged ‘intuition’

Chiron Tears

 

Sometimes there is a gift or two in sadness, suffering and sorrow. We are a society that is constantly searching outside of ourselves for happiness and fulfillment. But what if it is the constant searching that makes us unhappy? We are always waiting for a better tomorrow and a brighter day but when we do this, we are not being in the moment or being present in our truth ,and the reality that we are currently facing. I have been doing this by telling myself that when I meet my soul mate my life will begin again. I have put myself in a frozen holding pattern by telling myself I will not be fulfilled unless a man loves me romantically again. I have wanted to prove to my ex husband that I am lovable by finding a man to love me the way he refused to do. But then if I believe this I am not loving myself and I will not be loving the man I could be with. I would just be in love with love or romantic notions rather than with myself or with the person that I am with.

I have been doing this with my book as well. Telling myself my life will begin as soon as I reach the success of having a publishing house publish me, and by reaching public notice, that my life will then begin. But the truth is my life and I have always been here this entire 8 years since my husband left me with our three kids. The truth is just the fact that I wrote a book and self published the bo0k has been a level of success that few people ever reach. The truth is that happiness has not evaded me but I have been finding excuses to ignore it.

I learned this lesson from the last man I dated just a few days ago. I fell into the online fantasy again and did what I said I would never do. That was texting and face timing with a man for hours before meeting with him in person to see if there was a physical connection. In the last 8 years of my single life it has always ended badly. You see it is easy to construct a romantic fantasy online. It is easy for men and women to profess to be much more online than in person. It is like building a castle in the clouds. It is nothing but fantasy that cannot be in reality. When I was on my way to meet him I felt a deep sadness because inside I knew what was going to happen. It crashed and burned. He told me he didn’t find me attractive by text message afterwards. I felt the fall again. The fall from the castle in the clouds. I went over everything he said to me in my head ” I really feel like something amazing is happening between us, something very special.” that’s what he said; and I fell for it like a total fool. Like I said, this wasn’t my first rodeo. I have had so many of these meet up dates over the last 8 years I can’t possiblily remember them all, it must be over 100. Yet here I was falling into the same patterns of longing and yearning for the fantasy man who would ride in on his white horse and save me from loneliness.

One of my worst fears is dying before I am loved by a man

But then what if I drop the false hope? What if I drop the yearning and the longing and I let myself fall deeply into the wound of loneliness? What if I stay in the wound for awhile and explore the pain? What happens when I just allow myself to be in the reality of being alone? What if there is never going to be anyone? Can I be happy just being alone? Can I learn to except myself as the loner, weird artist, spiritualist that has always never fit in? What if I just accept the reality of the place that I am? It’s drinking my tears to heal my wound because the wounds of abandonment cannot be healed if I keep abandoning myself in this loneliness. And that is the gift in the suffering, itis  learning to accept myself as I am, it is learning that real love isn’t a fantasy and anyone that tries to sell you on a fantasy isn’t looking for the real thing; and wouldn’t know the real thing if they think a fantasy is love. Because real love is accepting yourself and others for all their imperfections and wierdness. I was willing to look past his imperfections but he was not willing to do the same. Sometimes it is better to be alone. I felt myself fall and get pulled down by crashing reality because I allowed the fable.

Sometimes being hopefull is actually being in denial because my heart knew and my intuition knew exactly what was about to happen because my subconscious was waking up to my denial. So there is no fairytale ending but there is a real and honest happiness in facing the truth. No one can make me happy but me and no one can heal my emotional pain and wounds but me. My happiness is my responsibility, moment to moment because the moment is all we have.

My book is available on amazon.com ~ The Goddess an Expression of the Divine Feminine ~ by Gracie Ackerman

Spiritual Ego Persona

 

The spiritual ego persona is the branding of a person or persona towards the marketing of a spiritual practice. Examples of spiritual practices – yoga, meditation, reciting and creating mantras, fasting or vegan diets, prayer, sweat lodges, spiritual retreats, readings and vision quests. The marketing of these practices turns the spiritual practice into dogma and even into fundamentalist beliefs and perspectives. Spiritual practices are meant to be given by a spiritual teacher towards helping the seeker find away towards breaking negative and destructive patterns of behavior. Spiritual practices are meant to be uniquely crafted by the spiritual teacher for the seeker so that they can make their specific unconscious patterns of behavior conscious, or raise them up towards the surface of awareness to be healed.

I am writing this because I am seeing an online trend towards just about anyone picking up a deck of tarot cards or oracle cards and doing live videos on Facebook, then projecting a spiritual ego persona that is leading people away from true awareness and  spiritual health. I was working for a YouTube famous astrologer who had a media lady take over her marketing. I learned through her trying to create a spiritual persona for me, to market me, just how fake spiritual marketing can be. It is dangerous. Many people who are hired by people like this media lady are often just as misguided as the people they are selling their guidance to. I was hired by the astrologer before the media lady came on board, and because I wouldn’t lie I was soon phased out and given no promotion by her and so I quit to go and work on my own; choosing to release myself from the negative energy. The people that her media specialist chose to hire after she phased out the many like myself that had a true talent and connection to a higher place; well they are desperate people who are willing to be puppets of manipulation just for money. I am sorry to tell you that many spiritualists and readers online have a persona and are willing to sell you endless readings leading you in circles just to keep you paying for more.

I recently had a client tell me I was wrong in one of my readings, she was upset. I told her the truth ” I am wrong sometimes because I am a human being. I am not a guru but I do have a natural talent and high intuition.” but many of the fake spiritualist online will tell you they are 100% accurate all the time. I see people as paying for my time and my 90% accuracy and so that is why my rates are affordable. A reader or spiritualist cannot affect your free will or the free will of others, we can only tell you what our guides and the cards show us.

And so as synchronicity would have it,  as I was thinking about writing this post I asked my guides and angels to help me find more information towards confirming my thoughts and towards helping me explain myself, or to clarify. I came upon a page on Facebook called Tantra where they posted a video bite from Stephen Wollinsky called ( Nothing comes from Nothing ) on Youtube, were he was talking about the spiritual traps or the illusions of spirituality, then by comments they sent me to the full video, that is just over 2 hrs long. I took some short notes on what I gathered from him and his wisdom to share with you.

The spiritual ego or persona perpetuates the need for perfection or purity for the sake of lifestyle or trends, as to how you look, the clothes you wear, how you act or behave that leads one more towards the material world than awareness.

Spirituality or the trap of being caught in spiritual practices for the sake of ego persona leads to ego illusion instead of towards the nothingness or absolute. Spirituality becomes a game and it leads to dogma and manipulations when practiced through a persona rather than as a path towards higher paths that lead to the state of zen, that brings us to the absolute or cosmic mind.

The place of zen or the way towards the cosmic mind is through the paradox of ( I am and I am not ) ( There is everything and there is nothing ) it is the space between the breaths or the cracking of an atom.

False Gurus or spiritual teachers are about who they are rather than about who you are, they are about you following their spiritual personification or ego rather than helping you find the right path towards becoming your own Guru or awareness.

Real Gurus are not popular because they practice the zen of being within the paradox; not being within their personifications. They know I am and I am not. I real spiritual leader or teacher will not sell you instant gratification or glamour, they will not sell you on sugar coated words; a real Guru will crack your ego personifications wide open. A real Guru or teacher will show you the unconscious parts of your soul and help you expose them to the light. There is nothing glamorous and glitzy about the real teachers.

A false Guru or teacher traps you with spiritual games such as dogma and guilt trips; a real Guru sets you free.

We also see some that preach about manifestation, really preaching about desire that promotes lack rather than abundance as it draws our attention to what we don’t have, rather than gratitude. Some abundance manifestation is really the greed of the material world rather than seeking the abundance of love and health as well as worldly wealth. Some abundance manifestation practices can lead us to attachment rather than awareness and true enlightenment.

The awakened do not desire through the perception of the ego for there is nothing to desire in a world of illusion but to become aware and conscious of the dream or illusion.

The dangers of New Age Marketing is that it is leading us away from the soul’s journey, and towards more ego density or desire.

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