Posts Tagged ‘inequality’

The best financial advice for women

When I was 13 my mother died. I went to see a grief therapist who’s name was Dr. Linford. The best over all advice he ever gave me was simply this ” Cover your own ass.”  He then explained himself, he said ” So many girls and women give into the damsel in distress archetype Gracie,and that is how they end up victims of men and society. Never put your eggs in one basket and never leave all your money or property in a man’s hands to do with it what he will. You will be told by society and religion that if you are a ” good girl and a good wife.’ you will trust him to make all the financial decisions and to have the final say with the money.. and that is how you will loose your power. Don’t loose yourself in the role of wife and mother; always have your own passions and money..even if it is just a small part time job..always have something saved away for a rainy day.. that keeps a man in check and keeps him from over powering you. Men are socially programmed to dominate and control women; the easiest and most acceptable way to control women is through the purse strings. To be an equal you must demand and command your equality by covering your own ass.”

I did listen to him. I always had my own income even in common law relationships. I always had other interests other than a man or men in general. I wasn’t boy crazy.. but of course I slipped. When my ex husband and I met he had nothing and his small landscaping business was failing. I helped him up an out of his dept hole by teaching him how to choose better partners, to sell the old business and through my own hard work I was able to get a business grant through the federal government by taking a month long course and writing a detailed business plan.. to get that grant he had to legally sign over 51% ownership of the business { guess the government was onto some guys as I was given the grant for being a young female minority } I had legal signing authority over the bank accounts.. but while pregnant with our second child we moved to a different city and opened up new accounts..and while very pregnant the bank manager asked me in front of my husband while he was holding our toddler ” Would you like a lawyer present for formal legal signing authority over the counts?” My then husband answered for me ” Oh we don’t need that, you trust me don’t you sweet heart?” and so I declined the offer.. my ass was then fully exposed to be screwed over.. and so to make a long story short.. by the time our third child was born he had himself a midlife crisis ” it was my fault of course because I didn’t make like perfect enough for him” he left to Mexico with his mistress and best friends .. and locked me out of the business accounts and drained our personal account to 0.00 balance… point proven right  :(

And then I went through a sexist legal system that didn’t respect my rights and equality in the marriage..by me not respecting myself enough not to give him full financial authority over me..and so I was denied justice and was cut short by thousands of dollars in the sale of the our house that he thought primarily to belong to him..as women’s work doesn’t matter and as women’s time isn’t as valuable as a man’s time??? Or so he thought and still thinks to this day..but men are socially programmed to believe that women are not as valuable as men..and that is why we cannot fall into the trap of believing that ourselves.

I don’t care how long you have been married or in a relationship; you must have your own source of income, you must have your own car, you must have your own interest, talents or intellect on which you can draw upon to guide you towards making an income for yourself. Many women who become newly single through death or divorce simply focus on finding a new man for financial safety and resources .. when they should be working on their own way to generate for themselves.. we see many women fall into the same patterns of behavior with future relationships and then they wonder why they keep getting financially abused?

These are the realities of the real world.. what do you think would happen to Cinderella if Prince Charming decided she got to old and the parlor maid was to hot to ignore? What happens to her then? Cinderella didn’t own the Kingdom .. it’s all in his name and she is simply an item to discard at his will..

So cover your own ass.. I am now, and I will never make that mistake again.

The Feminine Feminist

 

I want to get straight to the point of this post.. to generalize old school feminists seem to think they have to cover up or tone down their sexuality to be taken seriously in the world as feminists. The people they are attempting to please with covering up or dumbing down their sexuality are men. So it is easy to conclude that by doing so they own you ( The Patriarchy ) by your very basic nature… to connect the dots further, it’s my conclusion that this further dis-empowers women and that is why feminism hasn’t gained anymore ground since the 1970s.. If women feel that they have to wear no make-up; wear frumpy clothes, or just be frumpy in general… not talk openly and honestly or even scientifically about their sexuality … well they have washed out their own empowerment.. by being twice as educated as men to be taken seriously by men .. trying to look or blend in with men. trying to discourage sexual advances in their professional or personal lives.. is to say they are in essence responsible for any sexual harassment or sexual discrimination should they shed the sexual shame or repression and step fully into their own bodies.. they are owned by their sexuality just as much as Mother Teresa was owned and labeled saintly by the Patriarchy for staying within the sexual repression or stigmas.. they are owned by the media or social Patriarchy just as much as Marilyn Monroe was owned and made into a sex symbol or ( thing ) by Hollywood Patriarchy..

Everything needs a revision.. including feminism. Upon reading comments posted under a article about Free The Nipple… a movement posed by the next generation of Feminist.. about women being just as free in their bodies as men are in public places.. I read from older women claiming to be feminist; how slutty these young women were.. wanting to have the same sexual freedoms as men… older feminist indoctrinated into their own sexual shaming. slut shaming young women because they ultimately see them as a sexual threat..and they are projecting their own fears of being socially shunned or taken seriously by men. ..onto the next generation of feminists. The young women wanting to show their nipples in the same public places as men show theirs..were not shameful.. it is the sexual repressive attitudes of older feminist in their 60s and up.. it’s a shame that they cannot see were their generation went wrong.. were they cannot see were they gave into their own sexual repression and it is the freeing of their own sexuality that will truly empower them… whatever level their sexuality many or may not be..if they be more masculine or feminine within themselves.. no one has a right to sexually repress others into attempting to place them within a mold of conformity for their own comfort.

I know not every woman is comfortable going topless in public places were men go topless.and it’s their right to do as they please.. if women believe that to go topless at the beach they have to have perfect young bodies..think again..just take your examples from men.. trust me they go shirtless at all fitness levels..ages and body types.. men don’t give a shit and neither should we..if we want to be free in our sexuality..well then fuck the unequal beauty standards placed on women.. it’s up to us to stand our ground in our own skin..

I have had many men tell me I am too feminine to be a feminist… I hope that the next generation changes that.. men and women are both feminist if they believe in equal rights and opportunities for both men and women.. the feminist stereotypes need to be smashed..freedom doesn’t live in a box.

Comparison is the thief of joy

Or it is an examination of reality..and reality bites.

” Be like water.. flow” Or ” Only dead fish float”

Success .. how do you define success? Is it to rise above others.. to stand out from the crowd by having more than what others have..be it fame or money? I define success as helping others rise.. this is my calling and this is me being truly myself. I have seen the inequalities by comparison my entire life.. from a small child I could see the entitlement of men over women..and racists attitudes and beliefs in our cultures.. I could see from the time my feet hit the earth.. how religion and other organizations brainwashed society into these unequal patterns ..that we act out daily against one another.. and so I rage against the machine.. I rage against the bullshit.. break out of the box and raise my fist against it..and I expose it..I write about it.. to help society rise.

Yes comparison is the thief of joy.. but it is those who place the comparisons that are the true thieves of equality.. they are the black magicians.. the wolves in sheep’s clothing… the lions that seem to be tamed.. the capitalist that calls himself a philanthropist.. is really the wolf hunting the sheep.. in the camouflage of the sheep’s skin.. of the last one he ran through with his hidden agenda.. ” Welcome to the Jungle it gets worse here everyday, ya learn to live like an animal, in the Jungle were we play, if you got a hunger for what you see, you will take it eventually, you can have anything you want but you better not take it from me ” Guns N’ Roses mentality..but the truth will set you free.

If we stop comparing.. we will become food for those who eat people’s faces off.. the lion that you thought you had tamed.. but you loved the lion..you fed the lion.. you even coddled the lion.. and the lion was like a child to you..but when you were alone with the lion.. were no one could see.. the true nature of the lion came out to play..and the lion ate your face off.. this is the nature of the beast.. the nature of greed for those who define their successes as having others bones beneath their feet… it is in the lion’s and the wolves nature to feed.. because this is the Jungle.. and the laws of nature apply.. so you better get wise.. you better watch them for what they do..not for who they say they are.. you better fucking compare sheep to lions.. wolves to rabbits.. victimizers to victims so that you be neither .. these are street smarts .. required by those born into the Jungle.. were you learn to run before you walk.. you learn to get the fuck outta there when the air gets heavy and hot.. you trust your instincts..when the hair raises on the back of your neck you know your being hunted.. you know your being stalked.. to not become the cruel flesh eater.. you don’t join in the feeding frenzy.. you don’t move with the pack.. you become the lone wolf.. the one that goes against the nature of the beast.. to not become the victim you get wise to your own nature.. your own inner beast is the one you tame.. not the beasts outside of yourself.. you don’t walk away you run.. you get gone when the air gets think with blood lust.. this is the wisdom of the lone wolf..of the lion that has truly become the King of the Jungle.. he/she moves at their own pace.

But if women stop comparing inequalities of the 77 cent dollar compared to %100 male dollar the beast will continue to feed on the flesh of the weak that choose to go belly up and float.. if African American’s don’t compare white justice to true justice .. justice will never be manifest.. it will stay The Jungle..and the saints and angels will always be portrayed with white skin..and those of color will remain less than.. this is reality and it bites.. it bites down hard with the intention of tearing flesh down to bone.

So joy walks hand in hand with sorrow.. so we can know joy by comparison towards the depths of deep sadness.. this births wisdom.. because in The Jungle only the prey go belly up.

” In The Jungle, Welcome to the Jungle, watch it bring you to your..It’s gonna bring ya down – HA!”

Why men fear feminism

 

I have been talking to a lot of my male friends about this topic, younger, older, married, single.. some with blue collar jobs and some quite wealthy.. this was the main and the foremost reason given..

MEN FEAR FEMINISM BECAUSE THEY FEAR LOOSING POWER AND PRIVILEGE BECAUSE POWER , CONTROL,LEADERSHIP, AND DOMINANCE ARE SOCIETIES DEFINITION OF MANHOOD OR WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A MAN.

So the answer to this problem is to redefine manhood. But that is a big problem, because that means we need to completely turn society on it’s ear. Because religion creates traditional beliefs  ( like men being the head of the household ) and puts these traditional beliefs into politics, that influence law and justice, governments and all social structures; including media that objectifies women and butchers the ideal of feminism into man hate. This fear ( man hate ) further propels us into a war of the sexes ( that is competition instead of co-operation ) between the sexes.

Men are taught to compete through sports and business; as we see a traditional media headline as MEN,POLITICS,SPORTS & BUSINESS 

 

So what does a guy do when he sees a woman as competing against his power and control but to attempt or to power and control over her, as men are socially conditioned to believe that they are entitled to this power and control. Men also have the added pressure from other men to keep power and control away from women, not to be powered over or controlled by women or he will be judged by other men as not living up to his manhood.

Now adding sex to the equation .. men are taught by society to objectify women, that having many women at hand makes them more of a man; so when a woman does the same as a man she is controlled by society by slut shaming towards making her way back into traditional roles. When a woman is in her sexual power; or being the same as a man, and not answering to the double standards she is then feared as disrespecting manhood in general. Men also see women asserting their sexuality as being sexually manipulative; using their sex to confuse and control him..and so he will view that as further competition against his manhood, as they say rape is about power and control not about the sex. For many men the sexual turn on has become the power, control and abuse of a woman way before the actual act of sexual intercourse. So when women want sexual freedom it is seen as a direct assault against his manhood, and that is why women worldwide are punished by society by the control of their sexuality. She is seen as having it coming to her for daring to compete.

So if this definition of manhood is the root cause of social strife, lack of justice and the evolution of the human condition; we need to redefine manhood as men protecting women. It seems to be deep within men’s biology to serve; to serve a purpose, that purpose being a higher purpose is to uphold and protect women and children not to power and control over them.

I think the biggest injustice to men; towards this old pattern of macho behaviors, is that it keeps men from becoming team players and builders, instead it teaches men to destroy as they concur for the pure sake of conquest.

If the war of the sexes continues the heart of humanity will die; it is dying, we need to evolve for the pure sake of psyche or soul.

As women we need to be firm but gentle with our men and boys; by understanding there is a shift of consciousness happening now, in these times. This evolution or change; growth can be a painful process for humanity; by placing blame upon each other we solve nothing. What we should be doing is learning from the problems, but not focusing on the problems; we need to be working as a team or as a whole by focusing on the solutions.

THE TRUTH IS NEUTRAL

 

These comments are copied from my facebook, youtube, and email..  I have tried to maintain journalistic integrity.. I am simply attempting to show the truth without prejudice ..

First off I was simply attempting to reach these women with my message of equality.. I was attempting to communicate with them .. to show them how they were promoting inequality by placing higher value on other people that have wealth and influence in society.. also I am attempting to communicate with them that I wish to network with them and that I need their help to promote my book and message through their connections .. networking and publishing connections. What I have learned is that there is an intense prejudice in Kelowna.. or in the Okanagan due to how I have been treated as an individual without wealth or social connections by the women below and by their networking organizations such as Kelowna Women in Business.

 

In the last comment by Melonie Dodaro..she says that she did not know who I was until I commented on her facebook .. yet she was one of my first followers on Twitter .. I found KWIB through her online social connections to them as she was a member of the board in June 2012..I also tweeted her..and she answered me.. KWIB’s lawyer emailed me with their address when I named them when I filed my claim against them and another networking organization .. to the BC Human Rights Tribunal..due to prejudice against the sexuality of my book and website.. since she networks very closely still with KWIB it is highly unlikely that she does not know me.

 

As you will…come to your own conclusions..

 

From me.. Gracie Ackerman to Okanagan Women’s Magazine

 

I picked up and read your magazine at the local walk-in clinic.. I think you have the wrong woman on the cover. The Postpartum Hotline saved my life a few years back when I had just had my son. My now ex husband was having an affair on me and my sister was passing way from brain cancer..I was on the phone with these ladies often..and when I didn’t check in they called me. I think a woman promoting selfless acts of kindness deserves the recognition you bestowed upon a woman that all ready has everything. I don’t see the woman on the cover as a truly empowered woman as she was, and still is given a huge hand up by the men in her family. She was given the land, the education and the opportunity..she didn’t have to work for these things herself..although she maybe working the family investments..and land she is not a woman waging war on her own..as she seems to be very much daddy’s little girl or even princess.. you wrote about her juggling work and family..but I am sure given her income level and opportunity that she has nannies and maids that help her with her domestic chores..

 

I am wondering if she paid you to be put on the front cover and to be made the cover story to help promote her winery? Or is that your magazine only promotes the most affluent in our society? I do not believe that this woman represents the average Okanagan Woman..this is the title of you magazine ..so why are you not promoting us? It seems that you have given us an unreasonable role model to live up to.. how many women are given big chunks of land to groom into successful wineries? I don’t believe that your magazine promotes woman’s empowerment..as it seems the title of one of your articles says ( handing over control) bad choice of wording I fear.. I would like to see you write about and promote empowered women.. women who have made it or who are attempting to make it..without daddy’s help.. or without being fully indorsed by male money..

 

I take up issue with most of the magazines in the Okanagan as they seem to promote affluence.. intense wealth and greed.. there seems to be little substance. intellectual thought or any depth included in most of the articles..and then when you do have a great cover story you past it by making it secondary to write an article that is shallow at best.

 

To conclude.. Okanagan Woman does not represent Okanagan Women

 

Okanagan’s Women’s Magazine reply to me

Hi Gracie

Sadly, I had no option but to remove your post. :-(   You are entitled to

your opinion, which I am happy to print, but your comments were a personal

attack on a woman who graciously consented to being featured in Okanagan

Woman magazine. Your language was aggressive and had a bullying tone. I will

not tolerate that.

 

I am very glad that you were able to receive the support you needed from The

Postpartum Hotline. We featured Tascheleia Marangoni, the founder of the

Postpartum Depression Awareness Project in our SheRoes section because of

her dedication to perinatal mood disorders.  We hope that story encourages

others suffering from post partum depression to seek out PPDAs services and

know they are not alone. I’m sure you will agree that this is not a shallow

or fluffy subject.

 

We published a story about a woman who lost her mentally ill son and her

crusade to find him and to help others in similar situations. I don’t think

her story is shallow or fluffy. Are Wendy Bosma and Tascheleia Marangoni

“real women” by your definition?

 

Okanagan Woman magazine celebrates ALL women, regardless of their financial

situation. The Okanagan is comprised of women from all walks of life and we

celebrate them all.

The cover model is chosen based on the merits of the photo. We believe a

beautiful woman in a beautiful dress and gumboots, walking in an orchard is

very symbolic of Okanagan women.  Jennifer Turton-Molgat was born and raised

in the Okanagan and has inherited the same strong work ethic of her

ancestors. She runs a successful winery and gives back to the community

through The View Cares: Red Shoe Program which raises funds and donates

thousands of bottles to charity and community events. Surely, that isn’t

frivolous.

 

There is no shortage of deserving, wonderful Okanagan women; but there is

only room for one of them  on the cover.  We believe we made an excellent

choice and we are thrilled that Jennifer Turton-Molgat allowed us to use her

photo.

 

I see that you have a lot of passion to change the world. You CAN effect the

change you want to see, however, you might be more effective by offering

kind, honest criticism, rather than hostile, vehement remarks. Our Facebook

page allows readers and fans to inform, inspire and celebrate women from the

Okanagan. It is not meant for individuals to make judgemental and cruel

comments about ANY woman. For that reason I removed your post.

 

Okanagan Woman is not trying to be perfect. We are simply a small business,

doing our best. Remember, be kind – you never know what other people are

going through.

 

Best regards

TJ Wallis

Publisher/Editor

 

My Posting on Melonie  Dodaro’s  face book

 

I am not one of your friends; you blocked me on twitter for simply saying that one of your tweets didn’t help small business; that it could only be meant for large corporations how was that comment worth blocking me over? It was not a personal attack on you; I simply stated that the information was not useful to me.. How is it that someone that uses her voice to make a living will not allow me to have a voice or an opinion? I have been treated very unfairly by you and the networking community that you call your friends and business associates.. as I have been labeled as ( inappropriate) I have been shut out of the networking community..and even on social networking you all block me. Your a hypocritical and going by your actions of socially shunning me due to the sexual nature of my work ( sacred sexuality and the Goddess archetype) you all seem to be very sexually immature and lacking in sexual education or understanding arts and culture as my book and photography are also considered to be such. I have simply wanted to learn how to market my book and to find a platform to speak about my work.. simply by your actions and by the actions of others that you network with you are in need of this new information. It is simply a new culture.. a new way to look at sexuality and women’s sexuality ..all issues pertaining to equality. You have all treated me with prejudice and with inequality by shutting me out.. I am like the colored woman be told to get to the back of the bus were I belong.. this is prejudice due to my artistic expression of sexuality and also it is religious prejudice ..as it seems you are all Christian owned and operated business that network together. To many fundamental Christians the Goddess may seem satanic..this is also a lack of understanding. I use Carl Jung`s archetypes to help take the sigma away from the Goddess.. You are all sorely misunderstanding the meaning behind my work. I am sure now you will take me off your facebook..but at least I have had my say and have not been silenced by you via social networking before I could.. Like I said ironic that you promote social networking and face to face networking while shutting me out..just because I don`t fit into your mold.

 

Melonie Dodaro’s reply to me on her Youtube Video.. I do not have an exact copy of my comment to her as she deleted it.. but it was something like

“ At least I am open minded enough to use your information to help me with my linkedin profile and not be prejudiced against your information by the way you treat me.”

Melonie Dodaro’s reply to me via youtube that I couldn’t reply to because she blocked me off of youtube, twitter and facebook.

Gracie I am glad you enjoyed my video. Yes I have blocked you from Twitter & now from Facebook due to inappropriate comments. Until today I had no idea who you were or what you do until your personal attack on my Facebook profile. I use social media to provide value and build positive relationships. Anyone who is negative, critical or just plain nasty I absolutely block. I wish you nothing but success with your business but will not allow my personal profiles to used for negativity of any kind!

 

Links