Posts Tagged ‘http://bookstore.balboapress.com/Products/SKU-000576933/The-Goddess-an-Expression-of-the-Divine-Feminine.aspx’

Butterfly

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d5NsUXqGy2U

As I watched this video of Kelowna Society become totally undone.. I found myself freed of all the mental confusion due to their prejudices put on me because of my blog and website.. I found their exclusion to be a blessing in disguise. They don’t like my topless pictures; they don’t like my frank talk about women’s issues and sexuality.. or the frankness about how religion has repressed women.. and the flaky spiritual circles in Kelowna don’t want to include womb worship or Goddess Sexuality in their teachings.. but the point is this..after watching this video ..seeing them ignorantly attempt to get Oprah’s attention to bring her into The Okanagan Valley.. I came to the conclusion that they are all suffering from some form of mass hysteria caused by ” Look at me syndrome ” You really should watch this video.. it’s in shocking poor taste.. They wear wigs to mimic Oprah’s hair style..it gets worse at the end.. really bad. In one part the owner of a well known resort calls her ” African Queen” a total racial slur.. he says he will treat her like the African Queen she is ..while wearing a wig that mimics her hair style..but it gets even better.. she is propositioned by a gigolo wearing a wig .. offering himself up to her shirtless in a bed..  I was dumb struck watching the video the first time..but then after that I began to laugh.. I laughed at how ridiculous and absurd all these so called professionals were.. including the then mayor of Kelowna.. I laughed because I knew by being told by Lori herself..that her comedy partner had bailed on her due to the poor taste of Lori’s comedy..because Lori loves to make other look bad to make her look good..and I saw that happen in this video..I laughed because I watched another video of Lori doing a video of the voice message that Lisa left her…telling Lori what a piece of shit she is..and telling Lori to go fuck herself..I laughed because there was total truth to that.. and I wished I had done it .. I laughed because Lori doesn’t know how true it is..I laughed and I laughed at how Lori got all the big wigs in Kelowna Society to look like total morons ( wearing wigs )..and they did it for a moment of fame.. it’s just so circus/circus .. oh yes..their monkey’s their circus.. for the ” Look at me syndrome ” that caused their mass hysteria ..and then I laughed some more when my 13 year old daughter said.. ” Mommy could you image how funny it would be if they did a video of Oprah’s reaction of her watching this video? Now that would go viral!” And then I laughed some more outside in the playground as I showed some other common sense parents the video.. OMG they had the same reaction that I did ” WTF did we just watch.. lets watch that part again with the gigolo and were he calls her African Queen.. OMG were they seriously thinking this was funny and Oprah Winfrey would want to come here and hang with those jerks?”

But then I explained to them how much better it made me feel.. not having the same opportunities to network in the groups they all network in..how I didn’t just dodge a bullet.. I dodged an entire Valley of dumbass.. And we laughed..and laughed ..and I felt myself become light.. and I lighten-up for the first time in along, long time..and the it dawned on me how blessed and lucky I am not to have been put into the same space as these people.. and I saw for the first time that they must be jealous of me..that I really stand for something other than just my own ego..and society bullshit.. And then I was reminded that my book and it’s message are so much bigger than the crap in this valley..

But my daughter made a good point..she said ” Mom .. Kelowna is so pretty…and there are so many good people here..but that video makes us all look like morons.” ( outta the mouth’s of babes )

Lori’s last video addressed to Ellen Degeneres wasn’t much better…it was along the same lines of poor taste and classlessness ..as she goes topless in front of the mayor at City Hall..in a professional setting .. saying she is for the issue of Free The Nipple.. that is about women going topless were men can go topless ( Lori doesn’t actually go topless.).. Lori mocks the issue https://youtu.be/33Pd6sikcCQ.. the difference with this video is that Lori obviously bought views and dragged in all her media contacts to duplicate and splice the video .. she was media wise this time.. lots of her elder followers don’t realize how this works on YouTube .. most of her views are fraudulent… and it amazes me how she can drag so called professional and local politicians into her media frenzy for fame? It has to be some sorta madness.. it’s just so crazy.

But I have learned.. if it doesn’t kill you by-god it teaches you..and I learned about society.. I learned about how many in Kelowna will tell you to ” go break a leg” and actually mean it..” If breaking your leg gets me famous.. I will break your fricken leg bitch.” but it’s so funny..because for what? It put everything right back into perspective for me.. it made me see what a small fishbowl the valley really is..and it made me aware of how small and ignorant some people’s thinking is in this valley.. and also it made me feel ” What a pity it’s such a beautiful piece of land..and there are many great non-society types that live in the valley” ..and ” Let’s hope Colin ..the current mayor of Kelowna doesn’t fall for this bullshit.. he seems to be a classy guy..so stay classy Colin”

But the point of this story..is that I let go of what was weighing me down.. I really don’t give a shit about their groups..they are all bullshit..and I never needed them anyway.. I am blessed to have had them leave me out..and deny me access..their prejudices worked in my favor.. I cannot imagine hanging out with people that slimy LOL.. gawd it’s funny now!

So I am free

Irrelevant

 

I had a conversation just now with a younger woman from my gym who goes topless at a local beach. I went topless with her last summer when Lori Welbourne was pretending to give a shit about the issue to get on the Ellen Degeneres Show.. to recap Lori found out about my book and website through Facebook.. used the issue of women’s sexual repression and many of my ideas to float her own show boat. It didn’t work out for her because she is an asshole ..she couldn’t handle the heat..and a lot of the stuff she did was intended to secretly make a mockery of me so that she could gain favor in our local community clicks..” well Karma is only a bitch if you are Lori..” but anyway Lori promoted this younger woman on her Facebook.. me still thinking Lori was my friend..well I showed up and actually went topless with this girl.. while Lori was missing in action ( Typical of people in Kelowna.. not practicing what they post ) bullshitters.

But the young woman showed me a picture of herself topless on the same beach.. with her graduation cap on.. when I was putting my make up on in the gym change room. I told  her she was brave.. she told me how passionate she felt about women’s topless rights..then we started to talk about my book.. basically her message to me was that my book was irrelevant to intellectual circles and women’s advocate groups because it’s just me, my story.. my image as seven different Goddess archetypes .. my perspective was a mute point because it wasn’t based on hard core data or I didn’t cite my research in the book..but she was relevant because she just graded with a degree and she was on the beach not looking for attention but making ground in Kelowna.

I tried to tell her my book isn’t just for intellectuals ..but for every woman and that every woman’s story is relevant just based on their experience and perspective.. like the micro in the macro.. I tried to explain the archetypes because she wasn’t aware of them. I tied to explain the prejudice in our local arts community due to patrons of the arts being very religions and conservative. Tried to explain to her that my book was much bigger than just a beach.. that putting my website out to the whole world was meant to cover much more ground than just a small unknown beach.. not that what she was doing was irrelevant at all..

I tried to explain world wide religious repression of women’s sexuality, including in our culture, that has caused the repression of my work and my personal sexuality due to my work in our community..but she wanted data.. just like a good student that just graded would.. I tried to explain to her reality vs just hard, cold data and stats.. and then I tried to explain to her that even if a woman was going topless on a beach for attention it doesn’t matter because lots of men go topless for sexual attention.

I tried to explain to her about artistic expression and how that it is just as intellectual as data..if not more so because you have to use your own mind and perspective to appreciate art and literature ..it’s not just data it’s painting with words and images.. but she clearly didn’t understand that.

She didn’t understand what it’s like to put it out there on a larger scale.. what it’s like not to have a boyfriend to sit with me topless on a beach..as I am topless on the web without male protection.. and she didn’t understand that the cops on the beach in the background of her cell phone pic; were actually protecting her and the other woman that were going topless on the beach.. I don’t have that protection.. this is the hard cold reality of a woman expressing her sexuality .. it’s not all hard cold data and studies.. this is the real deal.. a real woman’s story and I think every woman has or will go through the shit I write about to some degree or another.. just for looking sexy or being a sexual being on her own terms or on male patriarchal sexual control forms, like playboy..

I don’t think my story; writing or work..is irrelevant.. just as I think every woman’s story is relevant.. including hers.. I truly hope she totally wins that beach over for all women who want to practice their right to be topless were men can be topless..as I hope for my success as well..to be found and picked up by a publishing house or some big time celeb who will help me fly this dream for the sake of all women..

As for Lori.. it’s a damn shame that other women have to attempt to build a false dream on the real dreams of other women.. that is sad..very sad.. women must stop the competition for a true sisterhood and or Goddess Movement to emerge from the ashes of a Patriarchy we wish to burn down to the nasty roots it sprung from.

http://bookstore.balboapress.com/Products/SKU-000576933/The-Goddess-an-Expression-of-the-Divine-Feminine.aspx  find my book on this link

Mother’s Day & The Single Mom Struggle

 

I used this image of myself because one of the first things I faced becoming a single mom.. by my exes midlife crisis choices ( that I obviously couldn’t control, nor am I responsible for ) well one of the first things I faced was family members, old friends and even society expecting me, to divorce my own sexuality away from my motherhood.. just like we divorced away the marriage .. [ I like how marriage sounds like mirage ] because it wasn’t real to him. But back to divorcing away my own sexuality. I think it’s because people view sexy mom’s as loose welfare bums; it’s a stigma. Many married women have said to me ” OMG if my ex died, left me or had an affair I wouldn’t ever date again, I wouldn’t ever have sex again. I couldn’t do that to my kids and I just couldn’t imagine dating again or having sex with anyone else.” Mind you I felt that way at first too; the first year I grieved hard, the second year I became curious and by the third year I was really horny. Nature is what nature is; and time may not heal intense heartache but it sure helps. Now when I hear women say that to me I could just scream. They don’t know what they don’t know.. and I find it to be an insensitive selfish statement..almost.. a ” Look at me I am married, I am having sex { it might not be great sex; stats show it’s not..but it’s not the nothing I am getting or the guilt trips I get for wanting it } and I have a man to fix the car, put lotion on my back and go on date nights with.” well fuck you too!

One of the most difficult things about being a sexy single mom.. is being seen as a perceived threat as a potential husband thief. I really hate that! My ex cheated on me, so why would I want to be with a cheater; and it’s not a complement it’s an insult. It’s saying I have no morals or ethics.. then I think ” Why did you marry him then?” and ” Stop putting your fucking marital problems onto me I have enough fucking problems of my own.”

I also think that I scare married women because they fear they could just as easily be me.. and they could. It’s a more intense struggle for me vs some single moms that have their parents and other family members to help them. I don’t have that luxury; I have to save every penny; I have to keep a little extra for emergencies. When my car breaks down I don’t have parents to call and help me. I think my situation scares the shit out of many married women. I think that is why they blame me for my predicament.. it gives them a sense of control; if they can exclude fate or the fact that they cannot control what their husbands may or many not do to them it makes them feel better. So it’s easy to resent single mothers; when you are a married woman fearing the same fate.

My fault was that I couldn’t turn myself into the imaginary perfect bitch my ex had in his head. I failed miserably at behaving myself; I talked back and gave him shit when he treated me like shit. I guess I wasn’t submissive enough. I am too much of a rebel, I am too smart, I am too energetic , I think for myself..and I just didn’t worship him like the god he thought himself to be.. yup it was totally my fault!

This single mom gig.. it’s tough. I do break down in tears from loneliness. I cannot have some jerk around my kids; or me for that matter. I cannot allow myself to be depleted by some arrogant know-it-all again. Casual sex is just heartbreaking; so it’s complicated. My body longs to be touched lovingly and I long for rough sex too.. it’s horrible sometimes..it’s torture sometimes. It’s very sad.

I wish I had someone to take care of me once-in-awhile ..and I wish I had someone to take care of..some times the longing feels like it will kill me. It’s been over 6 years now; I never thought it would be this long; I have had many guys interested in me; but there isn’t that spark ( I don’t want to make the same mistake I made last time, I don’t trust myself )

My ex is such a dick that he schedules all his weekends without consulting me; even though he was ordered to in court; but going back to court is horrible. There are so many sexist, dick head judges that talk to single moms as if we are criminals..anyway the ex scheduled his weekend to be with the kids on Mother’s Day again.. for the 6th year in a row. I told him I am keeping the kids. Now he has told me it might be weeks till he sees them again { because he thinks he can punish me by disobeying his mighty orders.. see I just cannot obey } But as a single mom; I am making us breakfast tomorrow. We are going to have ham, pancakes and scrambled eggs.. then we are going to be ultra lazy until noon..then go out and play in the sun..

I hope the car starts Monday :) Monday..back to the mechanics.. fuck

Born to do this

 

I know this sounds crazy.. but I am so passionate about women’s rights and issues that every night I dream about it. In my dreams I contact a higher power, we sit in a class room, office setting. We go over how women’s bodies are dismantled into parts; that we are judged by each individual part of our bodies..and how we do this to ourselves.. how we therefore give into our own objectification. In my dreams this higher power tells me why I cannot access the press.. the media.. the reason is that they want to keep women chained down and trapped in this way of objectifying themselves because they make money.. industry makes money off the objectification of women.

In my dreams, I dream of Joan of Arc.. she tells me how even back in her day she was used by the patriarchy to win battles..favors for her King.. she followed their rules and stayed a virgin.. yet still by keeping her alive and giving her credit were it was due; they knew it would empower women.. they couldn’t allow that..because entire religions and Government platforms are built on the body parts of women. So she was murdered by her own people for wearing pants. I dream of Marilyn Monroe.. she tells me in my dreams how she was groomed to sell women’s sexuality back to them. How she was used by a male industry ..never paid her worth, never given credit for how brilliant she actually was. The fullness of Marilyn wasn’t ever honored..instead she was treated like a prostitute .. she was pimped by the industry and by the Government of her time.. the fullness of her beauty .. her inner beauty not allowed to shine.. least it should truly empower other women..

These are but a few women that I dream of.. But these women are seeped into my subconscious and into the subconsciousness of all women.. and other women like them.. we are taught this pattern. We are taught that the fullness of our beauty.. our hearts and souls are not as important as our body parts.. we are chopped and butchered by society into ( Lips, hips and tits ) we are taught that smart women intimidate men..and men are taught that smart women intimidate them.. we are taught to dumb ourselves down least we should be seen as less attractive, should she be just as ambitious as a man, least she should lead like a man .. Like Joan of Arc did.. then she was murdered for daring to do an even better job, that the men of her time could not do.. because she wore the archetype of the female warrior like she was born to do it..she owned her own soul! And we see that when Marilyn demanded her worth and spoke out with her own true voice about being denied her own rights to her worth.. that she supposedly committed suicide at the prime of her life?

Even to this day I am reading in the papers how women are vilified for asking their worth..to this day a woman’s sexual worth is based on her virginity or purity.. while a man’s worth isn’t ever based on his sexual history.. but by the lack of it.. the double standards hold us all prisoner.. we look at how the church has put chains around our sexual organs.. how guilt and shame turned into a magic money machine; yet this machine is also used by the media to pit women and men against each other.. teaching men through music and art that they are entitled to just take from women what they want..entitled to make more money.. to just go and grab at and for what they need..be it a woman or a raise.. be it opportunity or date rape..because he has been taught entitlement and she has been taught to shut up.. look pretty, to know her place is were the male power dictates it to be.. least she should be punished .. become unattractive from the inside out ” You have such a pretty face, it’s too bad your such bossy bitch ”

So will I ever be given a media voice or a platform  to speak on this ..so that people can become educated to the dysfunctional patterns in our society? Not if the patriarchy can help it.. they want to keep women down..it’s the unpaid women’s work that is the needle and thread that secretly holds a male power based society together and makes them rich.. Men make the money..they invest the money were they see fit.. like in male sports, like hockey and soccer .. they don’t put male money into female sports..and they put their money into male power based adverts..that keep the patterns going..that keep opportunity and power in male hands.. but meanwhile a woman is cooking, sewing, sweating and toiling doing traditional manly chores, working in a traditional male based business or trade.. making less money.. not getting the promotion because she has a womb ..

They want to keep this message unheard and silent.. like they want to keep all women unheard .. silent in their ( Place )

Men are stupid

 

I just figured out what the glass ceiling is all about.. it’s cause men are stupid when it comes to women.. and they are driving me fucking crazy. Even you guys will agree to this.. what causes the male IQ to drop below ground zero faster than a speeding bullet? .. we all know the answer.. every single one us in puberty or past it knows.. it’s BOOBS!!!

BOOBS.. turn men into BOOBS..and big babies.. they drool and fall all over themselves… it makes them feel vulnerable.. ( nailed it ) I just nailed it! It is why men want women to cover up.. dress appropriately and be proper ladies.. because they fear acting out like drooling, stupid idiots in front of a woman who is sensual and sexy.. so they have placed the ownership of their sexual vulnerable underbelly onto us .. So that’s why a woman who is dressed ( what any man my deem as too sexy ) isn’t to be taken seriously.. because by doing so she ( according to society ) is giving him permission to treat her like a walking rack of BOOBS.. So the glass ceiling will keep us in our PLACE until the majority of men can grow the fuck up.

Guess what? In my book I show my boobs.. so guess what? That makes men treat me like a bimbo.. and of course according to society I am asking for the disrespect..

So in order to break this glass ceiling women have to dare to step out of place.. but as usual it’s the circle or cycle of ” damned if you do, damned if you don’t” really sums up what its like to be a woman in all aspects of life as female.. because the male run societies of the world have us trapped in a call back loop.. you know what mean? It’s like an answering service.. that only uses computers.. you never get though to an actual person.. that’s what it’s like as woman living in a male run world.. I sure have found that out trying to promote my book.. it’s like.. impossible! I have to have a man champion me and my cause to make headway.. it’s like headway being a penis.. penis head..get it? I have said it many times..” I wasn’t born with a dick but I need a dick ( man ) to help me penetrate the male world” I know it’s like homosexuality.. I don’t have problem with that..but it’s a boy’s club.. I am so fed up! I am going fucking crazy!

I could give so many examples.. even in the fitness world..I am not taken seriously because I don’t man up.. I don’t look masculine..if I looked super muscular than men wouldn’t get so stupid..because I wouldn’t be so curvy and my boobs would shrink down to almost nothing.. so they could control themselves better around me.. and it’s like that in the professional world too.. you have to suit up.. if you’r too pretty and too feminine then you are a distraction.. even in grade schools the girls are being taught not to show bra straps so they don’t distract the boys.. ( Thanks Stephen Harper.. you really know how to train youth about sexual repression, rape culture thinking, and you are teaching young boys that they are not responsible for their own sexual impulses..but girls are? wtf? )

Taking a look at media promoted sexuality ( that is male sexuality.. because the world is run by men.. a huge majority of high powered positions are held by men world wide.. and so they use their money to build all industry including the sex industry and sexuality in general.. like the fashion industry and the fitness industry.. and of course the porn industry ) looking at the sex industry or sexuality in society in general.. as a metaphor.. we can see it behaves and runs just like the male sex drive.. it’s porn or puritan.. because when men are turned on they are turned on.. so we have the Madonna/Whore complex imposed upon all women world wide.. very elementary..but so is the male sex drive.. the only way a man cannot get it up, is if he feels to much pressure to get it up or he is sick.. other than that just looking at a voluptuous woman.. tree.. piece of fruit.. a strong breeze with get most healthy men hard and ready… and stupid..

So this is what is causing all my frustration ( pun intended ) It drives me absolutely fucking crazy.. because men are stupid.

If anyone is actually interested in some intellectual, informative .. but entertaining reading.. or arts and culture please purchase my book off

http://bookstore.balboapress.com/Products/SKU-000576933/The-Goddess-an-Expression-of-the-Divine-Feminine.aspx

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