When I wasn’t even fully awake this morning; my eyes not yet even open, the thought that came into my consciousness was ” No more assholes.” I was waking up in the country to open my drapes to see the snow covered mountains to the sound of the early morning train. I love the sound of the train at night and the coyotes. The coyotes sound so hauntingly beautiful and mysterious on the cold and snowy winter nights. I woke up to waking up; to a feeling of coming back to my senses or the center of myself. It was a peaceful yet a radical awakening as I realized I didn’t ever have to fight anyone for anything when I was living in the city of Kelowna. I realized I didn’t even have to move to Kelowna to create my book and I realized, I can and I will, create whatever the fuck I want, whenever I fucking want to. When I left the city I left them to their own devices and I realized upon awakening that I always should have. I should of never cared what they thought of me or how they labeled me to suit their own purposes and insecurities. There ignorance was theirs to own not for me to trouble myself with even addressing, towards giving them or their issues any of my time.
My soul feels nourished once more and I do feel whole once more and reborn into myself and my own internal power. It is like I walked back into a mirror to walk into myself. All the names that they called me and all the things that they would have me believe myself to be, have fallen away and they are with them in Kelowna.
Before I awoke to my thought of ” No more assholes.” I had a dream. In my dream I was in a hologram and I was erasing parts of the illusion until it was gone. I stepped out of the hologram and back into my own life.. and so it was that Kelowna, I was in a 6 year bad dream that I allowed to be real by accepting the illusions that others projected towards me. My dream was my subconscious becoming conscious and awakening me to myself while I awoke. It was a dream of everyday magic; and that my friends is true awareness.
I have a new attitude towards my life now, I have a new attitude towards others who question my life and me as a person ( You are not my problem and I don’t have to explain a damn thing to you about my choices or my life )
I don’t need to fight anyone to be heard. If you don’t want to hear me that is your choice and it’s my choice not to give a damn and my choice to move towards life and happiness and way from assholes.
I am not going to waste my life and that is my time here on this planet, attempting to be the asshole whisperer. I am going to walk towards the light and happiness and teach my children to do the same. I am going to spend my time and energy on people who respect me, love me and who want to hear my message. I am turning my attention towards love, hope and joy. I am being fully emotionally present with my children, as in the past asshole’s nasty energy took my energy and time away from my kids. Not anymore. I am turning my back on all those who don’t matter and giving my love and attention to those who do..including myself.
I know logically it will take another 100 years or so before women have the same sexual freedoms and rights as men. I have done my part for society and for the human race upon writing my book ( The Goddess an Expression of the Divine Feminine ) available on Amazon.ca
So now I am going to let it ride on the hands of fate. I will keep writing, but I am not pushing and I am not fighting.. what is meant to be will be.. I am going to enjoy my life and peace.
The reason we compete is to gain the approval of others and to qualify ourselves as better than others.. the truly strong or empowered know they are their own competition. I am not just talking about sports.. I am talking about life. Since writing my blog and website I have had many women assume that I put my topless pictures online and have written about my sexuality simply to get male and media attention. I understand the assumptions and the confusion as many women and men use their sexuality online to compete against others and simply for the sake of attention.. like getting 15 min of fame.. like making stupid people famous.. becoming famous for showing tits and ass.. with no other reason except for the sake of deep rooted insecurities and immaturities. I used my nudity in a very calculated and intellectual way to promote natural sexuality and sexual health… to out sexual repression. Quite frankly when another woman poses herself as my competition online or in my daily life I think it is a ridiculous waste of her time and energy.. if she truly wants to be great she should just be herself.. if she truly wants to be great she should do something for humanity outside of herself.. and I think when other women compete against other women they are comparing themselves..if you are truly an empowered woman you know no one can compare to you..as you are unique.. I truly empowered woman is not a brand she is an icon.
In a competition you compete were your so called competitors are competing .. and you have accepted them as your competition by allowing it and accepting them as such.. the iconic run their own race..and metaphorically speaking; it’s a jump off a very high cliff..and they build their wings the way down… this isn’t a race against any competition.. no one else has racing numbers pinned to them.. running beside them ..with a predetermined start and finish line.. you see; for the iconic the finish line is their last breath.. it’s a risk of falling from grace.. to climb all the way back up to the top with a pack full of lessons.. when they plant that flag.. the flag of ” Fuck you ” fuck you.. to the ordinary.. the daily grind.. fuck you to the I wanna be just like them so I can fit in.. fuck you to coloring in the lines..fuck you to rules..fucking stupid rules that keep you on a track already defined by others.. defined by fear..and fuck you to fear.. NO FEAR!
I am not going to stand up in a line up of bikini clad women..who have stripped all the fat off their bodies to see who can look most like the mold ( white ) by white I mean the white entitled definition of beauty were every single women in a beauty contest has to try to look as European as possible.. break that fucking mold.. why the fuck do you want to look like everyone else? Why the fuck do you want to look like the most polished version of plastic crap? Real empowered women don’t compete against other women..they don’t do fashion shoots all lined up with their asses sticking out.. looking like a dime-a-dozen.. looking like they blend one into the other..” Take your pic..or fuck them all” nothing new here.. nothing different.. nothing exciting.. take a good look then move along and forget about it…nothing to remember here.. just the same old..same old ..same as it always was.. women dumbing themselves down to fit into the box.. to fit the mold of beauty lost..the beauty of imperfections and character.. it’s just plastic perfection and the projection of insecurities of women clawing over each other fake eyelashes and nails.. bleached blond, crunchy.. overly processed hair..
But you did something.. or so you think.. you got a trophy and a plastic crown to go with your plastic perfection.. you showed those other bitches who the best and biggest bitch is.. but you are lost.. lost in a rat-race, circle of competition.. lost your true self or any real message.. lost yourself in comparing apples to oranges.. trying to be one.. when you were a peach… but peaches are not trendy right now.. so you had to make yourself into what you are not… and so you blend right in.. all the magic in you lost for nothing… and what you won was the same thing the next girl will win..and you will blend into the pictures on the wall of tinsel fame..that means nothing at all..
It’s degrading.. it’s downgrading … it’s a chipping away of the perfectly/imperfect Goddess that you are..
To take this post in another direction.. I have recently been reading post on The Globe and Mail that feminists are starting to wear granny panties vs thong panties and they are not shaving their legs or arm pits..seems to me that feminist are also being placed into a box by media… it is to say that you have to follow this look of going against what is seen as typical beauty to be a feminist..as if being a feminist means being ugly .. like would you stop showering if it labeled you as a feminist by the media and the world? It is to say that you have to look like this mold or version of a feminist to be taken seriously in the world as a feminist.. well fuck that shit.. A feminist is who the fuck she wants to be.. a feminist is herself..
So write your own story.. create your own art..stop stealing from others.. be original..be an icon.. break the mold..color outside of the lines..wear your freckles with pride.. rock your curves.. be proud of your sexuality.. your own body.. take a leap of faith.. get off the beaten path.. free yourself of mediocrity..don’t be a carbon copy.
http://bookstore.balboapress.com/Products/SKU-000576933/The-Goddess-an-Expression-of-the-Divine-Feminine.aspx link to my book