Posts Tagged ‘Fringe of Society’

Contemplating my bad

 

Mentally reviewing the last 3 years attempting to network my book in my local community.. I realize my bad was dramatically reacting to their bad.. but of course I didn’t know what I didn’t know.. and that is what I know now…and it’s that I wouldn’t ever be accepted or be welcomed in their house of belonging due to the subject matter of my book ” Women’s sexuality ” Even though my book is tasteful and factual.. even though it is artistic and intellectual.. although very amateurish.. I wouldn’t ever of been accepted into their polished, conservative perspectives.. as they are comfortable in doing things the way they always have done them.. and I had no idea that the art culture in Kelowna and area.. are to support professionalism.. vs professionalism supporting the arts.. or any form of balance between the two. I had no idea of the fact that the people who create the culture in Kelowna, through the arts they decide to promote or show.. through the networking groups and organizations that they have created and run.. are groups and organizations based upon professional conservatism ..and that they are subject to their perspectives of good clean family values or MORALS.

My bad or my fault was to keep trying to break down their barriers and prejudices.. my fault was to keep trying to break through their walls and to try to change them after I had realized they all held the same views and they were not going to change them. Yes what they did and how they do things is wrong.. it is black and white..if you profess to include everyone in your groups and organizations..but exclude me due to the subject matter of women’s sexuality that is sexism..that is prejudice and that is black and white.. WRONG..But by me getting beside myself with anger and frustration.. with that anger and frustration turning inward inside of me ..to lead to suicidal thoughts a year ago ( I am doing really well now thanks ) but by allowing them that room in my mind, and heart they had won..and it gave them an excuse to call me crazy and a drama queen.. it gave them an excuse as a group..as individuals.. to keep excluding me..to never let me in..to not allow me to network in their groups or have speaking platform.. because of my emotions.. me attempting to hold them accountable on my blog by writing about every experience .. it made them feel justified.. so the did win. I should of realized that it was a battle that I couldn’t win after loosing so many rounds in the fight.. I should of seen it was draining.. sucking my vitality and life force.. it was taking away my confidence..as I was starting to see myself through their eyes.. I should of just walked off that battle field and realized not a single one of them was ever worth it.. that belonging or being accepted by them wasn’t ever worth loosing my sense of self over.. I should of seen much earlier that they wouldn’t ever be my audience.. because they are afraid of change.. even though they peach change and equality.. even though they go on and on about authenticity and having the courage to be different and follow your dreams.. I should of seen much sooner that these were just words of self promotion.. but I didn’t know, then what I know now.. now that I have watched them..now that I have gotten to know their patterns of make believe personas .. I sure wish I knew then what I know now..  but I am headstrong…and sometimes being headstrong can be a double edged sword..it can make you tough..but also it can make you blind to your own stubborn.. and gawd I am that.

I have a temper and righteous anger.. but now I know how to spot them because they all sound the same.. the all run in the same circles and all spout the same self-righteous crap. I can see the arrogance ..as they think they can do no wrong..and they have the power in numbers to keep their delusion of grandeur. But my bad was believing it.. comparing myself to them.. feeling like I don’t measure up because I don’t have the qualification or the professional experience that they all seem to have..but I have learned that most of their qualifications are hyped up bullshit.. my bad was not seeing it sooner.

The truth is I was and still am, their mirror.. a mirror that doesn’t work through the lens of their own rose colored glasses..but a mirror that shows them their lies and prejudices.. a mirror that shows them the truth…and that is ” Same as it ever was.. same as it ever was.” and it will always be the same old..for them..and that’s exactly why they don’t want to let me in or anyone else in that doesn’t communicate or network with in the frames of their comfort levels.. because they are afraid …

And there is my bad again..I didn’t understand it was really their fear and ignorance..it really didn’t have much to do with me.. change is a painful process..that they don’t want to face.

If there ever is a similar circumstance in my life again.. I walking away sooner.. I not going to fight battles I cannot win when I could change my strategy and change what I can.. I will accept much sooner..what I cannot not change.

Madonna/Bill Maher and 50 shades of WTF?

 

I am going to write this like I am addressing Bill.. just explaining myself cause some people are a step behind ( slow )

I was thinking about ageism today too Bill.. before I watched your vid on your Facebook page about your take on it.. and it’s true ..age is just a number when it comes to wisdom, looks, talent and most abilities.. Lets take Madonna’s performance at the Grammys.. she was incredible. But guess what? Lots of conservative 50 shades of beige thinkers say she is too old to pull off sexy and sassy anymore. I have been reading jerk-offs comments on many media feeds and their ageism reigns supreme.. because according to said douchbags she is an “Old hag; without class, with a saggy ass that is an embarrassment to herself and the music industry.. ” So yes Bill your right.. our western culture is very much at the maturity level of high school.. promoting youth and stupidity over talent and progressive art.

Now lets look at 50 shades of What the fuck did I just read and why the fuck did they make that crap into a movie? Why the fuck is everyone reading and watching that shit? How the fuck does that shit get promoted? What is the fucking angle by the media machine?

I really tried hard to read the first book.. but as a smart, well read person that actually understands what the fuck I am reading; that has studied sexuality, intimacy, sociology and other heavy similar topics; it became clear I was reading a brainwashing tool for stupid people. The most frightening fact is that many young girls will sneak this book out of their mother’s night stand; like my daughter did without anyone explaining the sexual and social implications perverted in the book..and it’s not a good perversion either.. because it puts puritan and porn together…and that’s just fucking lovely.. the worshiping of virginity with the degradation of pornography.. a female character that hasn’t explored her own body at the age of 22, had a drink or figured out how to self care.. but needs a man to teach her about her body.. her sex, and tell her when to basically take a crap..and young girls are reading that crap and thinking it romantic.. looking at how sick society is.. we have a mature woman like Madonna expressing her sexual freedom with artistic talent being called down by the masses as a nasty old whore.. but I bet most of the loosers read 50 shades of ” I am fucked up” but cannot handle the empowerment of women taking charge of their own sexuality.. so yes Bill your right.. America is fucked up.. how fucked up are they?

The movie..50 shades of dysfunctional sex .. ( this makes me laugh at just how fucked up this is) was premiered on Valentines Day.. a day of LOVE not Obsessive LUST.. how about that? How fucked up is that? If it was honestly promoted and written by; say a psychologist .. it would have the title of ( The Co-dependent and the Narsissist; everything wrong in relationships today) I mean fucking seriously.. or ( Fucking is more important than love) or ( Train the bitch to love the word whore cause she is a slut anyway).. ( beat the bitch she has it coming ) ( your orgasm matters more than hers) ( Virgins need to be trained by your dick ) ( Fuck love just fuck) ( if she doesn’t listen cut her off) ( don’t love her just fuck her) ( she doesn’t have a brain anyway.. so why love her) etc.. etc.. etc..

I know you know this Bill.. that if we take a intelligent look at society..we can see we are pretty much doomed to another 100 years of this shit! As a society we make stupid movies and books like this famous that promote patriarchal thinking with the glorification of virginity ( youth ) with the love/hate of the whore.. it’s so fucking unhealthy.. we are a culture addicted to LUST.. we want fame and riches, we want the fucking rush all the time.. but we haven’t anything substantial like meaningful relationships because western culture is so fucking immature we cannot commit to anything long term or truly intimate.. so forget brains or talent..fuck that? That isn’t entertaining..bullshit and quick sex, fast money and hot young ass that isn’t anything but dumb young hot ass; that is were it’s at in America.. and then we go to the other extreme..because we are so fucking immature..so lets be all conservative and repressive and try to pass laws that ban yoga pants.. it’s so fucked up. We are so out of touch with our natural nature.. with our bodies, with true relationships.. ( I just did a face palm with both hands) Lust isn’t bad.. but it needs to be balanced with love..and it’s not that all relationships will end up being loving relationships.. just that the majority should to help promote a healthy society.. lust is the beginning stage of a relationship.. that can lead to love; but the way our society is functioning we are loosing love and compassion in many aspects in many different types of relationships.. even in the work place. We are loosing our humanity in our pursuit of mostly lust and lusty behaviors.

We cannot be intimate in our arts and culture cause we cannot be intimate in our society..isn’t that the bottom line? It’s like in seeing Madonna being a beautiful, talented older woman owning it !!! We fear it.. we fear the intimacy in ageing and ultimately facing death.. that is western culture.. we repress reality like a bunch of fucking kids spending the rent money to go get drunk and get high on a Friday night.. Imagine if people actually got off their asses and educated themselves and questioned the shit they read..the movies they watched.. TV.. the media fucking feed of dribble ..it’s all just fucking sugary lust ( sugary lust ) it doesn’t feed the soul or challenge the mind.. it’s just instant gratification… people wanna believe their Government’s got their back.. and it’s all about young ass crack.. and meanwhile life is passing them bye.. the good stuff.. like a good conversation..a deep book or poem.. someone who is emotionally healthy and will be there for them when things turn shitty..

No western culture wants the unhealthy highs and lows of the sugar rush..

Done my rant now Bill..

I wrote a book about this ( The Goddess, an Expression of the Divine Feminine)

May Madonna rock on ,,they can kiss her talented ass!

My mind is full..and it runneth over

 

Have you ever tried to see yourself outside of yourself? Have you ever tried to solve a problem with the solution? How do you begin with the end? Have you ever attempted to soar so high above your own identity that you were able to see the great big, grand scheme of the Universal plan of intelligent order outside of the human perspective?

Does your brain hurt yet by these questions?

Do you really think that the life your living today will really matter 100 years from now..? How about 1000 years from now? And does it even really matter? What makes it matter? I think it is just changing things for the better.. like quality of life for all living things.. for future living things.. but to be able to make that ripple in the order of things one has to be aware of what causes the quality or over all functioning of life to be stunted, harmed or even plunging towards it’s own demise .. or am I digressing.. or is digressing the answer or the solution .. or is it even really a problem…because what if it is meant to be that life as we know it has to end so that a new life or way of being can be birthed.. or is this more thoughtful digression.. needless to say I have lost about 50% of my readers who cannot be bothered to go this deep.. so onto another topic that sorta links up to this topic.. just down grading a bit to common everyday life problems.. that is how to  change a society that is rowing merrily down it’s own stream of dysfunctional patterns ..

And so it is that I was having a cup of chia tea ..with almond milk at a local coffee shop with a local guy friend talking about our local society..and about my book and this website, through these writings.. me attempting to change society or put a positive ding in the Universe by educating people towards sexual equality.. women’s rights, sexual maturity, sexual repression though religion, arts, the science of psychology ( the study of how people think ) and the sociology ( the study of social behaviours and organizations ) We talked about how I wasn’t accepted or seen as acceptable by our local society because I dared to ” Put it out there” or to bring any of my new readers up to speed.. I published topless pictures of me in my book to show freedom of women’s sexuality or a mature sexuality by being a Goddess or Goddesses in my book through the writing and imagery. What I did was become what was considered to be unacceptable by society to prove the prejudices and social immaturities by society towards women’s natural sexuality…but by doing this I became un-networkable by organizations based upon outdated beliefs and patterns that no longer function to create a stable environment for all the members of society.. or more than %50 whom are women and their children. What is really an irony is that I have been told by these organizations including arts councils that they must protect children in our society from me and my book or the sexual content of the work.. when it is the children who will benefit the most from the change the work could promote for future generations.. sexual shaming or an immaturity towards sexuality is something that is socialized into children from birth into adulthood.. but the problem is if the adults are steeped into this dysfunctional perspective towards a natural and healthy sexuality ..then how can we break this cycle for future generations?

And so he asked me ” Will you show up to any of the networking and arts events to show them that they don’t own you?” my answer ” There isn’t any point in speaking to a def crowd. Putting myself in a positions to be further abused and bullied by those fearful and lacking in maturity towards me and my message would be self abuse. There wouldn’t be any ground to be made, and it would do the opposite towards me standing my ground as it would only depress me. ” Do not cast your pearls upon swine ” is a biblical saying that holds ancient wisdom.. or ” he who hath an ear let him hear.. he who hath an eye let him see” They have no ear to listen and no awareness to see.. to go to those meetings would be futile.”

So how does one change a society that is steeped in the trenches of deep dysfunction towards seeing women’s sexual freedom as dangerous, sinful and immoral? How does one break out of the cage of conformity?Were is the key? Who is the jailer? These questions are answered in my book… it will take many women to step up and out to break down the walls of conformity..but I haven’t found these women in my local community.. I have found the opposite.. those who are afraid of change or who are so unaware they are not even aware of their captivity through the shame imposed upon their sexuality,, they are ignorant..

Looking at the book in marketable terms.. it isn’t marketable in Canada as Canadian society is highly Christian conservative.. meaning that the book and the sexuality of the Goddess Movement is highly repressed and miss understood by the ignorance of sin placed upon the wombs of women.. or that a conservative society sees that the virtue of society balances upon the sexual morality of women..and that morality is based upon a society that is over 2000 years in the past..and so it is Canada hasn’t evolved past those patterns of thinking and behaving. The book is marketable in the United States .. in places like New York and California that are much more progressive; but I am unable to travel because my young children are in public school and I cannot afford it.. I have done my best to network online but this venue is saturated ..it’s like being in a crowed subway screaming over masses of people trying to be heard 200 ft away..

And so here we are down to earth again..swimming in the deepest depths of the problems and the issues.. so was the solution to the problem never to attempt such a feat of change in the first place? Were the components to the problem to varied and complex? Did we get lost in equating the equation? Because the unknown variable or X amounts to = ignorance..and so here were are again back to the beginning .. shall we wipe the board clean and try again.. or was the solution the problem?

I digress and my mind is full and it runneth over once again…

The Metaphor

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am the likening, I am the symbol.. I am similar .. I am the poetic .. I am the poem.

In the deepest darkness, the soul was driven.. deep into the shadows…hell was known.

There was no escape from this damnation…I was the dark horse…it was my termination. My death. There was no hope, no faith, no love..I had no salvation. My reality was my disintegration.

In this place..of nothingness I let go.

I stopped fighting.. I stopped trying to change what I could not change..

The death was.. it was a long death.. but then like a light in the gloom..  like a lighthouse penetrating the impossible blackness.. my inner light began to glow.. somehow.. somehow..and it became stronger..it became brighter..and I became more..I was in the process of transforming.

It was the next morning.. when I felt a universal flow take me and send me and become me and make more of me than I ever knew was possible.. it felt like the impossible but it became and I became the possible..and I did transform.

I stopped looking outside of myself. I stopped looking towards a broken society for the answers.. I stopped and I stood still..and I flowed.

I accepted I am the metaphor.. I am the fringe.. I am the seeker and the keeper of truth.. I just am.

I have no need to fight the society that is now.. I have no need to compete… because it is not necessary as it is the way it should be now..and all will change..I am truth.. I am the symbol.. I am myth..the spirit knows the myth..the spirit will flow.

I let go.

I will find the others,

The others that keep the truth,

The others will find me,

We will no longer be the fringe of society,

We will remake and renew the tribal ways,

I let go to make way for a new way..

As the ancient ways are reborn.

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