Posts Tagged ‘Fred Sarkari’

She isn’t safe to express her sexuality because….

I was just having a conversation about women’s sexuality with my 16 yo daughter over a dinner of homemade nachos.. she came out of her room demanding to be fed just half hour before..saying ” Mom when are you going to make food?” Teenagers are strange animals. They hide in their rooms until feeding time. ;)

So as we ate we talked about ” The Game of Thrones” about how she and her 14 yo sister are not allowed to watch it because of the almost pornographic sex scenes. Then my oldest said ” We watched people actually have sex in a documentary at school mom; penises and vaginas are not pretty and romantic at all..” then I said jokingly ” It depends on who’s junk it is.” my 14 yo thought that was funny. Then my 16 yo said ” Girls don’t want or like sex as much as guys do mom.” I told her this..

Most women and girls do like sex just as much as men and most women and girls are just as visual as men. Penis size does matter to most women unless she actually does have a lower sex drive .. that does happen to some women and men equally, but most of the time women need an average size penis to be satisfied. The problem with dating or being in a relationship with a man that has a much smaller than average penis is that he will more than likely be very insure and suffer from having a complex. Complexes make people act out, or project their insecurities onto their lovers.

The difference with men and women is due to how society portrays both the sexes sexuality. Men are free to express their sexuality and by watching porn and other media they are taught and encouraged to put women into one of two categories ( Good Girl or Bad Girl ) women are also slut shamed into seeing themselves as being possibly branded by society into ( Bad Girl or Slut.. asking for it..that is disrespect ) if they should express their sexuality as freely as a man would..

For instance a woman is judged for showing too much skin..even at the beach were she is expected to wear a swim suit..but a man can walk out in public topless just about anywhere and not be stared at or glared at.. he will not be given negative body language or told to cover up. A man can freely brag about his sex life and talk openly to others about his conquest ..he is free to adventure into many sexual appetites .. while women are given the magic number of 10.. { There was a movie made about that } if a woman sleeps with more than 10 men in her lifetime she is easy and not respecting herself. A woman is judged as not being respectable by how she does or doesn’t control her sexual appetites ..and so we come to the issue of her feeling safe..

If a woman doesn’t feel safe she cannot mentally give herself permission to be sexually aroused. A women’s sexual arousal starts with feeling safe and secure around men. The problem in our society is that men are given the entitlement through being socialized by religion and media to sexually discriminate against, become sexually violent against ( Rape ) or verbally abuse women whom they deem as disrespecting themselves by how they present themselves to them..and so most women would be just as ready to have sex as most men are, if they had the same freedoms to express their sexual nature in our cultures. Of course the more extreme the culture is against women’s sexual expression and therefor freedoms or personal rights.. the more likely it is that these women themselves are sexually repressed from within due to fear.

My daughter also expressed that the girls in her school that only date girls seem to be freer in expressing their sexuality among themselves .. I told her ” It is because other women are less likely to shame their same female partners whom they are having sex with, because they are women to women; they understand the need to feel safe and nurtured to be turned on. It is also much less likely that another women will beat or rape another women due to using sex as a weapon of control. It is quite possible that, that is the reason most girls experiment with girls or even prefer girls to men.. it is because they feel safe.”

So how do we stop this from happening?

The answer is by me writing things like this; society needs to be educated. Also by women like me walking free in there sexuality.

I had someone ask me today if I do sex work because I told them my book and website are based on women’s sexuality and sacred sexuality.. but do you see how ignorant the question was? To assume that I sell my body because I write and talk openly in a mature and cultured manner about sexuality.. just shows how far the social stigmas have to go before they are broken down.

But if I was a old lady with a million PHDs.. basically not sexy .. it would be acceptable of course.. because society views women’s sexuality as too potent and hot.. too taboo..

How silly is that?

So we have made women world wide stifle their sexuality in fear and then men complain when it’s hard to get some.. oh the irony!

The Goddess in Every Woman

 

The simplified definition of a Goddess is a woman who lives her life in balance.

The opposite of a Goddess is a woman who is a martyr. A martyr is someone who suffers for others. A woman in her Goddess or who has brought her Inner Goddess to the surface ” made conscious of the fact that she deserves love and respect ” refuses to allow herself to be used or abused. She isn’t going to attempt to save others who are not worthy of her time or energy; she will not give herself or time to others who take her for granted.

A Goddess understands that she needs to fill her metaphorical cup first to overflowing before she can nurture others with her love and time. A Goddess knows that she deserves the first sip of her cup of love; simply because she must love herself first to truly love those around her.

We see society making women into martyrs by socializing women into being nice girls that give and give and give until they are totally depleted, bitter, frustrated { including sexually frustrated } and angry.. an unheard anger that can simmer under the surface as rage.

I have been researching other authors or bloggers post about how they believe a Goddess should be ” She would walk with her heart fully open. She should be full of grace and sweetness. She should give unconditional love. She should be very beautiful. She should always be forgiving. She should be giving always. She should wear light make up. She should look natural. She respects herself by not having sex with multiple partners as she is saving herself for The Divine Masculine man.” etc.. etc.. these so called Goddess attributes or characteristics are not of the Goddess archetype but rather of the Saint or Martyr archetypes .. The Goddess would be considered to be more hedonistic as she has an appetite for pleasure. Yes she is compassionate, loving and beautiful within the right context.. but she is also assertive, strong, powerful and a force to be reckoned with. We must also reason that beauty is in the eye of the beholder .. and so the Goddess is analysed into or organized into multiple templates of archetypes…because yes that is how complicated womanhood is.. she is the trinity; The Maiden. Mother and Crone.. Daughter, Mother and Grandmother.. and she is also

Mawu or Gaia – Mother Earth.. all that is natural

Artemis – Guardian.. huntress

Ishtar – Sacred Whore, lover, Mother and Savior

Sophia – Holy Spirit, wisdom and female God

Freyja – Female Warrior

Kali – The Beginning and the End, the infinite of death and life. The Destroyer!

Maat – Justice and fairness; the Universal Law

Bast – Independent and vengeful

Isis – Mother of Creation and Culture

Vesta – Domesticated house wife

Venus – Love, lust and beauty or hedonist

A woman in her Goddess is authentically who she is with out apology, she is her own beauty in it’s unique form; she is an individual. A Goddess has learned her lessons from the Crone aspects of her own psyche..from the Baba Yaga within her, that has shown her the world is full of beauty and ugliness.. that a wise woman doesn’t leave her heart open to strangers.. first she tests them with riddles and waits upon their responses and actions.. in other words.. you have to earn her total trust..and because she is wise to the ways of the world by trusting her own intuition she trust herself above all others.

As you see it has very little to do with attracting men.. that was another post that I read written by a man. She isn’t enlightened, awakened or walking in her Goddess for a man as his approval isn’t needed..and that is essence is a true Goddess.. Your approval isn’t needed!

A Goddess isn’t ashamed of her body, or her sexuality, she doesn’t hide or make small.. she isn’t here to save your ass.. or to entertain men’s fancies.. she is here to save her own ass. The Goddess will not carry your cross ” Your inner baggage.” nope..she will set it down beside you and leave you to it while she continues on her own path of spiritual enlightenment.. she isn’t Christ or a Saint .. she is Goddess..

She has sex the way she wants to with whom she wants to, and spends her time the way she wants to with out feeling any martyr guilt.. why should she; that’s your shit?

She values herself by knowing her time is valuable so don’t count on taking up space in her head either.. she has better things to do. She knows the value of the moment.

So as you see this is a very realistic definition of a Goddess.. and I think really one of the only true definitions that you will find online..that isn’t flaky and hokey.

Imagine a world were women stopped allowing the world to use them? A world were women’s time was just as valuable as a man’s time? Imagine the balance outside in the world if it was within each and every woman? Imagine her taking time for self care and nurturing? Imagine women satisfied in and out of the bedroom? What a happy world this would be.. but it starts with women drawing boundary lines..it starts with women saying ” No! I don’t have endless time and energy to give away.. I am saving some of me for me!” We would all be better off.

Of course we need men to balance their inner Goddess so that she can be a God too.. it’s perfectly acceptable for men to nurture themselves by expressing and exploring their inner emotional worlds. So as you can conclude being of The Divine Masculine and Feminine simply means to balance your inner world or archetypes { Anima and Animus } to find inner peace or enlightenment… this isn’t just flaky spiritual stuff, this is psychology..

So to those who put on the mask of being enlightened .. who call themselves Goddess of this that or the other, or Shaman so and so.. have you really done the inner work?

This isn’t just about just being pretty or sexy .. this is about healing yourself to heal the world..

It all starts within ..as Carl Jung said ” He who looks outside of himself dreams.. he who looks within awakens.”

That is the path of Gods and Goddesses.

 

You can find my book ( The Goddess an Expression of the Divine Feminine ) on Amazon.ca under Gracie Ackerman

When She Own’s It

 

How many times do I have to write about this topic before it will sink into the collective consciousness of humanity? Women’s bodies and wombs are regulated by government, a government that is male based or strongly influenced by mainly men.. we call that The Patriarchy. The Patriarchy isn’t just in religion as religion is steeped into government mandates or rules and regulations.. hence abortion always being on the table or the mandating of the womb. The control of the hand that rocks the cradle..for as the old saying goes..an old saying put froth by the Patriarchy centuries ago

” The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.” and so it is that men { generalizing here} do everything to control the hand that rocks the cradle. Funny that the word ( Man ) is in ( mandate ) meaning to give over one’s authority to another. And so it is that a woman’s sexuality is only permissible if it passes through the gates of a male lens or certain standard. If a woman own’s it; if she is free with her own sexuality she is labeled as obscene and indecent. Such as the issue of women breastfeeding in public or going topless on public beaches. I suppose we need to mandate this in order to make men feel that they will not loose their sense of freedom by allowing women to have theirs.. did you notice the word ( allow ) and isn’t that just the core of the issue? How do men retain this control of women? It is simply through abuse. It is physical, financial, mental and emotional abuse.. many of these abuses we see present in the average daily relationships between men and women..but wait.. is it all his fault?

No it’s not entirely all his fault as much as it is the faulty way that society has taught all of us to view women’s sexuality through this tainted and unhealthy lens.. because these abusive patterns are rigid belief systems.. such as RELIGION .. stagnate us as the entire human race towards moving forwards to enlightenment or becoming conscious of our unhealthy and hurtful nature towards what is simply natural. A woman’s body will not make a man do evil things, or render him helpless to her sexual power.. that only happens if he tells himself that it will happen.. therefor using it as an excuse to loose power over his own common sense and better judgement not to be responsible for his own behaviors.

Quite simply the abortion and birth control debates are based on fear level thinking..not on fact or science. Seeing the human body as evil and or sinful for it’s nudity rather than seeing it as the natural beauty of art and science is also ignorant fear based thinking.. by those brainwashed by old and outdated social norms that create anything but normalcy. Shaming, blaming, controlling women and girls with the fears of violence, rape ( rape is sexual violence ) and it isn’t her rape to own.. it is his sickness to own .. financial manipulation by controlling a woman’s money .. ( society propels this by not paying women equal to men or making child care affordable.. or abortions legal..or birth control easy to access.. and then of course their is the emotional abuse )

” You crazy slut. Put some clothes on you nasty bitch. Wanna fuck whore.. you must wanna fuck because you look like you are dressed to fuck.” need I say more??? Seems I always have to say more.. falls on def ears.. ignorant ears that see my work about women’s sexuality as {Putting it out there}.. because * SHE SHOULD HAVE SOME RESPECT FOR HERSELF* I want to know how people equate a woman using her body as art in photography as me or other women not having respect for themselves? I don’t understand why you can’t be intelligent enough to catch yourself in your own knuckle dragging ignorance to not be able to see that I am doing this to prove a point here..and that is to expose ignorance and enlighten and educate the ignorant by living the message of women’s sexual freedom by being free.. so if you have half a brain you should be able to put 2 and 2 together by what I wrote above as to why I wrote my book ( The Goddess an Expression of the Divine Feminine ) and as to why I use my own image and story in the book.. let me go over it once again for you ” I am owning it” do you get it now?

And of course because of doing my best to expose ignorance..to turn the light on in the dark ages, to bring about the golden light of intellectualism .. the ignorant zombies came at me x3 fold.. funny how that works.. ” Don’t make us think and evolve it’s painful.. we like our stupid stupor .” And so I have met with sexism and hatred ..with name calling.. being blacklisted and black balled ..even by those who profess spiritual enlightenment, to promote equality, women’s rights and even intellectualism.. but dysfunction dies hard..and to deviate from the norm brings social ostracization .. even if the normal in society is sick with abusive behaviors.. even if society is killing it’s self by not living to it’s full potential by keeping half the gender down and enslaved by sexual shaming and perversions..

As we know women’s sexuality can be sold by men or the Patriarchy within what they deem as worthy of sale..and so with that women are enslaved by chains around the ovaries .. by their body image being sold back to them as an impossible ideal to obtain.. we are either Madonna or Whore..Good Girl or Bad Girl.. seen through the lens of the Patriarchy a woman’s psyche is torn in 2 ..as she is no longer the Earth Mother… the natural nurturer.. she not allowed to move in her full essence and so she is drained of her full power by men who are not true men ..as mature men welcome and relish in the full essence of woman’s juicy ” Owning it.” And  also she is drained by other women shaming her due to socialized patterns of behavior ingrained into them by a sick society, they rob themselves of the Goddess within them..by denying the Goddess in other women.

And so ” When She Own’s it” when she steps into her skin unapologetic.. when she redefines the word ” Bitch” as ” Queen” and that is “”Queen Bitch to you!”" she steps into her Goddess.. and that is what frail men..insecure men are terrified of because once she own’s it, he has to grow up and own his own shit.

So if the pictures that I am using in this post offend you.. it’s therapy .. the question to be asking yourself is ” WHY?” what are your issues?

Goddess of Love

 

 

It’s Valentines weekend. It is very easy to get caught up in all the fuss. Valentines Day is supposed to be a day of love or a day for lovers; but actually it is just a great day for retail. Lovers should share their love everyday, and single people should love and value themselves as singular people everyday..  I think it is important to keep grounded and real during the hype.. if you are in a relationship or not, because Valentines Day can make people feel bitter and resentful, jealous and stressed; rather than loved and grateful. It is  important to stay in the moment and to take stock of what is truly valuable and meaningful.. like the simple things..as love is beautiful simplicity .. it’s human’s that make love complicated.

As a woman it is very important to value and love yourself first before ever getting involved with any one romantically. Why go on a date with someone who isn’t worthy of you just to go on a date for Valentines Day or any other day for that matter? I know so many single women giving their time and energy away to men who don’t deserve it.. the players, cheaters and the men that don’t actually want to commit ..the game players.. a woman who is in her Inner Goddess or Queen, Diva etc .. wouldn’t and will not put herself in that position. Using myself as an example; I didn’t haunt dating sites or pursue men.. because what is meant to be will be.. instead I focused my attention and energy on myself and my kids.. I focused on being grateful for the beauty that I have already in my life.. and like a true Goddess I create and am creating a beautiful life all around me.

To become or come in contact with your Inner Goddess.. is to simply be more and more of yourself everyday.. to love and honor yourself, spiritually and physically.. to express your sexuality on your own terms.. whatever that may be to you. To become a Goddess is to be authentic, real, raw, brave and unique. A Goddess is iconic.. not like what the fashion or media world would like us to mimic.. because Goddesses come in all shapes and sizes..all races and ages..as she is timeless and infinite.. if a woman tells you that you must behave, look or act like what she thinks a Goddess is; don’t follow her because she is speaking from ego and conceit, not from the Divine.. because SHE  ( The Goddess ) wants you to be you.. the Great Goddess..the MOTHER of all Creation whats you to be as she birthed you..because you were born that way! You were born to be you!

There are many misconceptions as to why I do this.. many men think that I express my sexuality and use my image to get male attention and many women think I do it for the same reasons. A Goddess expresses her sexuality for herself.. that is what makes her a Goddess.. she doesn’t pretend or become anything for anyone else and she doesn’t give a fuck about what other people think about her being herself. A woman’s sexuality is as much apart of her as is her personality or name.. she is what she is..and a Goddess is whole unto herself… and yes this is intoxicating and powerful..and frightening to many people..because it is rare.. society teaches both men and women how to behave..and women are taught to become what men judge as sexually pleasing as men are taught to become what is sexually pleasing by mainstream media.. and so then we wonder why women and men cannot connect intimately or why both men and women are so confused in relationships. It is because we can only pretend for so long..and then the mask falls off .. when a woman or man is authentic and unique it is powerful and potent.. it is awe .. he becomes The Divine Masculine and she The Divine Feminine.. when both a man and a woman carrying their Inner God and Goddess come together the Earth moves.. And so I am waiting for my God.. he is simply a man that takes no shit..and is himself.. he doesn’t give a shit what you think.. he is a man that cherishes and protects women.. he hasn’t any need to compete or control.

As a Goddess I love and cherish myself the way I want to be loved and cherished by a man. Giving myself this type of photography makes me feel sensual and beautiful. Giving myself roses on Valentines Day is my way of telling myself that I am worthy of love..I am worthy of a great and powerful love..and that love already lives inside of me..because I am me.

It is my hope that this blog post inspires you to be uniquely you.. I hope you find away to pamper yourself and cherish yourself.. and when that special person comes along may you both pamper and cherish each other

Happy Valentines Day

Love

Gracie

Open Letter to Justin Trudeau

 

To get to the point, the subject of this letter is women’s rights and equality. My book and life are based on this subject. I am the subject in question as are all women and/or Canadian women.

My qualifications are not based on PHDs or graduate degrees, my spelling, punctuation and grammar will not be perfect upon writing this post. I am a single mother so I cannot afford to have someone edit my blog. Like most single mothers I am very busy; as I write this my three children are settling in bed.. let’s hope they stay that way so I don’t loose my train of thought.

I want to share my personal experience as a woman living in Canada, under Canada’s flawed and sexist justice system.

I found out how unfair the justice system is going through my divorce. I learned through the judges and lawyers that my work wasn’t as important as my ex husbands work. I learned through them that he was actually the leader in the marriage and the one that was truly responsible for the family landscaping business. It didn’t matter that I had to work for a Government Grant to fund the start up of the business. A grant were I was taught how to write a business plan; were I had to pitch the plan to a board, and that I had to compete for the 3 grants up on the table against 30 other competitors. But I learned the 51% of the business that he had signed over to me to fully qualify for the grant didn’t really mean anything in court. I told them that the business didn’t actually need him for me to run it on my own. I told them that everything he did I could hire out to be done and I could still turn a profit. But that didn’t matter to the judges, the lawyers or the mediators. You see men’s work is more important than women’s work because they told me he was the business and so it should be his. And I wasn’t named on the mortgage, because of student loan dept at the time; it turned out that when the house sold he could take 1/3 more of what was not his. Of course I could of kept lawyers after him, but with no money and legal aid a complete joke ( basically you have to sell your car and almost be on the street to get legal aid ) my ex got away with an extra $22,000.00 and the business. I got $600 a month in alimony.

So Mr. Trudeau how will you change the system so that this doesn’t happen to other women? Are you going to change legal aid? Can you somehow teach lawyers and judges that women’s work is just as important as a man’s work? I want to know if you are going to implement equal pay? I don’t think it is fair that just because a woman can give birth she should be put behind in the pay grade.. do you?

Later on I found it impossible to get my ex to pay for his share of daycare. I tried to go back to school using a big lump sum of Family Allowance back pay. You see my ex wouldn’t sign the papers for the Government stating that we were legally separated; he still wanted to do income splitting with me to help himself ( he thinks he is more important than me and the children, and I wonder why that is? ) I had to get lawyers to get him to sign..so I was given a nice fat sum of $7,000.00 I went to college to get upgraded on my Executive Secretary. But my ex refused to pay his half of the childcare. I couldn’t afford keep hiring lawyers so with no help from legal aid my abusive ex caused me to have to drop out. I had to pay the childcare owning by him, myself. But wait it gets even better. A year or so later my ex took me to court because my car has an electrical problem and I can’t drive it long distances to drop the kids off to him; and so he comes to get them and drive them home. The judge wouldn’t even look at the papers my mechanic gave me as proof in court. The judge refused to make my ex pay for childcare as I didn’t provide proof that I was working or looking for work..( I didn’t know I had to provide proof I wasn’t applying for welfare ) but then they told me I had to find a full time job not a part time job and they wanted my preteen daughters to take the bus home from school across the city while I was going to be working at said full time job. The judge threatened me by saying ” If I wanted to I could make you pay for the last year of your ex husband’s gas.” The judge refused to listen to me when I told him that I was entrepreneuring a book, a concept and movement towards freeing women from sexual repression. He refused to look at the book; and in the minutes later mailed to me.. he refuse to acknowledge that I had even wrote a book.. he said ” Wants to write a book.”

Mr. Trudeau I was invisible in that court room. What are you going to do about this? Why is hearsay ( rumor or gossip ) sound like her-story..and history is recorded fact? Why are male voices heard and female voices passed up as non-important? It was like I was a ghost.. was I even really there to them? Why are judges able to financially abuse women with threats of back pay on what isn’t owed?

Mr. Trudeau when our house sold I wanted to use the money to move to Vancouver from Kelowna to launch my book. Kelowna and the Okanagan is a very Christian/Conservative community. Writing a book about women’s sexual repression to sexually liberate all women wasn’t going to be received will here. It wasn’t. My ex took me to court to order the court to stop me from moving. It would of only been a 4hr drive for him and he has family in the area. My future career and my right to the freedom to live were I choose were taken from me using the children as an excuse. I wasn’t moving them out of province or across the country. I was told by the judge that I had to remarry or be making more money than my ex husband to have that right.

Mr. Trudeau why do I have to be a man’s wife to have more rights and freedoms? Why do I have to have money to have more rights and freedoms? If I was a man I know the same wouldn’t of applied.

Mr. Trudeau I want to know why they system wants to make it so hard for me to be an independent and successful woman in my own right? I want to know why women have to work around this crap when men don’t. I want to know why many men get away with working under the table, thereby not paying the full amount of child support that they should? I want to know why the Government doesn’t audit these fathers? I want to know why the Government doesn’t make men parent? I want to know why these double standards still exist in a first world country? How can we set an example for the rest of the world if we don’t treat women with equality in a first world country?

Mr. Trudeau we are just at the tip of the iceberg here. My girlfriend was murdered by her husband in her house with her children in her house with her. He shot her. He hid her body in the house with the children in the house for over 12 hrs. This happened in Abbotsford BC. She is gone, her children are without a mother. He got out on bail 2 years after the fact. Don’t women’s lives matter in Canada? I want to know what you are going to do about that? Don’t you think this just sends a message to men that they can abuse and murder women with just a slap on the wrist? This says ” Women don’t matter”

I want to know why a Canadian judge can say to a rape victim in court ” You should of just kept your legs together” and then he is just up for review? How the hell did he become a judge in the first place? Why wasn’t he fired instantly for being a sexist pig? I want to know what you are going to do about this Mr. Trudeau?

I want to know why when I was treated with prejudice by Kelowna’s business community, by not being allowed to network within groups and organizations the Human Rights Tribunal didn’t have a clause to protect me from sexual discrimination; yet it has clauses protecting homosexual and transgender people from sexual discrimination. Why am I and not other women protected with the same rights? Why is it that if I was of East Indian decent and I wasn’t allowed into an organization the Human Rights Tribunal would of protected my rights; but as a woman writing about women’s sexuality I can be discriminated against? You have some explaining to do Mr. Trudeau.

As a woman I want to know why abortion is up for debate in Parliament? I want to know why the female body is owned and regimented by the Government and Churches? I want to know why the bible is allowed in the court room as it clearly creates a prejudice. People should just swear to tell the truth. Not everyone believes in the same God, and religion represses women. Religion states women as being under men..I think that is clearly what is wrong with the justice system. It is tainted by prejudice to create inequalities. What are you going do about this Mr. Trudeau?

Mr Trudeau I know that you have created a base of equality within your cabinet by hiring equal amounts women to men; but are the women being paid the same as the men? You have done some amazing things in the last couple of months for Canada. I think it is very compassionate of you to let in Syrian refugees. But as you can see there is so much more to do. And we both know you need to do it, we need to do it because it is the year 2016..and it’s about damn time..

Mr Trudeau I am sure your wife would agree with me that it is time for The Divine Feminine to rise. It is time that we do away with the double standards placed on women so that the entire world can become a better place for everyone. To find out more about me and my book google Gracie Ackerman.

I hope this letter was enlightening to you; I hope I have helped create positive change and evolution.

There needs to be a peaceful revolution..humanity needs to grow and evolve.

To Kiss Him

 

My heart will not forget him. I try so hard to harden my heart as his heart is hardened to me.. I tell myself ” What is meant to be will be.” but oh how I miss him..

Spring..a warm day as we sat on the beach.. and I looked into his sparkling, diamond, green eyes.. to see his soul.. a soul so sweet that I was swept off my feet.. and the walls around my heart; they did crumble and fall.. leaving me vulnerable and weak.. oh, how I miss him.

And the words ” I Love you.” they wanted to cascade off my lips like waterfalls of bliss.. but I caught them before they fell.. before they made a sound..but my heart still yelled ” You love him.” and I wondered what it would be like to kiss him..?

I watched his lips then, as he spoke his words then ..and I wondered ” How soft they seem to be.. how sweet and tender .. how would he taste to me ?.” and my heart broke wide open.. weepy and sweet like honey at his feet.. yet he seemed not to believe me..and why should he? So many bitter and broken women had come before me..speaking sweet words that were just candied poison..and so he miss read me.. for my heart is true.. and I am truth.. and I fell in love with the god within him..

And so he cast me off as days went on.. thinking me like the rest.. like the women who whispered of love and passion but hid the blade until he feel upon it.. leaving him bleeding and broken. I saw the wounds .. I felt his pain and with all my heart I wanted to mend them.. to hold him in my arms like a newborn babe .. to give him love to heal them.. to bring him light and love..to bring him joy and bliss..but he thought me to- good- to- be- true..and so he pushed me away from him.. and he did to me what they did to him..and because I understand; I forgive him..because I love him.. like a mother loves her babe.. because I know the soul within him..

So spring turned to summer..and summer to fall..now fall to winter.. under the Christmas moon.. my heart longs for him..and I wonder ” What would it be like to kiss him?” and I felt his soul brush with mine..or was it just wishful thinking.. and I saw him in my imagination.. his fuzzy beard.. his wavy hair..and then I kissed him..

A conversation with my daughter about beauty

 

Just when I thought I was setting a good example for my children with my bodybuilding training the tables turned on me.

My 15 y/o daughter informed me while I was cooking dinner tonight that she wanted to go on a strict diet. She isn’t overweight at all; she is healthy, rosy cheeked and very opinionated. She told me that there were parts of her body that she didn’t like ..she said ” I want my tummy to be concave mom. I want my skin to be perfectly clear so that means no fat or sugar in my diet.” I told her that restricting her diet would lead to a lifetime of an unhealthy relationship with food.. that it would be best to just moderate fat and sugar and workout some more..but she had been watching YouTube ..she wanted instant results.. I felt myself becoming very sad and emotional at the fact that she had said there were parts of herself that she didn’t like..but I felt she needed some space to eat her dinner and then be alone in her room for a while..and I needed to get my emotions under control.. it was then that I approached her alone in her room..

I sat on the end of her bed and said to her ” I want you to know that you are an amazing young woman. I brag about you all the time to the ladies at the gym. I brag about how driven you are. I brag about your 4.0 and your honors courses.. I brag about how healthy and rebellious you are in the right ways. You are a strong minded, head strong girl with leadership qualities..it takes a very strong girl to put up with a very strong mother and forge her own way and identity. I want you to love yourself flaws and all.. I am so proud of you as a person and I am so blessed to have you as my first born daughter.” we both started to tear up..and she said ” Mom you don’t have to say this.” and I said ” I really want you to hear me and to take this into your heart.. outward beauty is nothing without inward beauty..outward beauty fades but a strong mind and spirit only get stronger.. you may not see yourself as Hollywood beautiful but you are the whole package of beauty.. the world needs more girls and women like you in the world.” and then I kissed her as she sorta, kinda pretended to push me away.

I then I told her from the end of her bed ” I am doing the bodybuilding to get my mind off of not being able to get through people’s ignorant thick heads about the sexual repression and inequalities towards women.. it’s so they don’t drive me crazy. I see it as a sport and a spiritual practice on sobriety.. not a beauty contest; although if I do compete; it is a beauty contest to many of the other’s competing..and to them it maybe only superficial. To me it is to make me more mentally sharp..spiritually balanced and centered.. I don’t want you to think that I see outer beauty as a means of myself worth and I don’t want you to see me as setting an example of that for you.” and then I took a breath between tears of love and adoration for my daughter.. ” The most beautiful people truly love themselves and that is how they can love others..that is the most important thing you need to do in your life..and a well cultivated brain is ultra beautiful.. there are so many outwardly beautiful people that do nothing for humanity but stand as ornaments ..the most important thing you can do with your life is to do something with your life that will help humanity evolve.. it will be a girl like you that will change the world.”

And with that I gave my daughter another hug and went into my own room to wipe away my proud mommy tears.

Temptation

 

We are all made victim of temptation and of course every rose has it’s thorns.. for every cause an effect or consequence. But what would society be without some false pretense of morality? How would we sell sex if it wasn’t sinful? How could we promote religion without the sin of sexual temptation? Of course we will all be Fallen Angels..but who is to blame..is it the tempted or the tempter? ..as they say ” You cannot be seduced unless you want to be.” But what is life without seduction? What is love without lust? But then what is lust without love.. as it dies as quickly as it began? Why does the human species deny it’s own innate nature by definitions and dogma? Is it because we think, if we are fucking all day we will become a sexually addicted race and destroy ourselves by our base natures? Do we think that we will never achieve our long term goals if we are busy getting busy under the sheets? Looking at this rationally.. eventually we all have to put our clothes back on and get other things done.. if we fucked it all out of our systems don’t you think the world would be a better place? Imagine all of that underground sexuality that has been made unhealthy by our own immature repression, surfacing and becoming healed by our own awareness of our sexual retardation .. our sexual retardation as nations repressing the feminine sex as being made responsible for the seduction of men by being too sexy? How silly humans are.. That make rules of conduct for what comes natural to the rest of the animal kingdom.. and we wonder why we are the ones destroying our own natural environment.. it’s all that repressed sexual energy going into war and conquest .. imagine how much better the world would be if we put all of that hot sexual energy to good use between the sheets?

Bill Maher touched on this topic .. speaking about the sexual repression of the young boys in the US that shoot up schools.. he talked about their sexual repression and their hatred of women because they felt they wouldn’t ever get laid.. about the religions context .. going with that topic.. imagine how much happier men would be if they stopped repressing women’s sexuality..? Imagine women not being threatened by being sexy? Like Bill said .. there wouldn’t be so many guns and violence if men were actually courting women and doing  IT..rather than shooting at shit. Look at the sexual repression in the Middle East.. women being totally covered from head-to-toe .. being stoned and acid burned .. cut down and gunned down should they show any flesh.. now lets look at what the men are doing.. total self destruction and social destruction..absolute unchained violence..Bill is right.. they all just need to kill the religion that caused the sexual repression ( The three major world religions ) stop taking it out on their women and make love not war. Imagine if men stopped trying to own the world by using sex as a weapon? Isn’t the gun shaped like a penis.. the chamber the balls, the bullets like sperm..and the barrel the shaft? What if men stopped scaring the shit out of women..what if they were actually kind and loving..considerate, romantic and affectionate? What if men were actually gentlemen instead of self entitled bullies? ( by men I mean those who use the patriarchy or religion as an excuse to abuse women )

What if we stopped chaining each other down by false morality and self inflicted laws of conformity that causes us to be judge and jury to each other? I know this is starting to sound like a John Lennon song..but he had the right idea.

As a single woman I have noticed that romance, courtship and dating are on their death throws .. gasping for that last breath..the death rattle..Sex, love, lust ..bind us together in humanity…we have become a touch deprived society.. everyone is on their cell or just having quick hookups at best.. The rules are so fucked up and varied no one knows what to do anymore.

Yes I like writing about the Goddess archetypes.. yes I love expressing her ..but I am an ordinary woman.. I am a human being.. I would like to see humanity embrace being human so that we can show each other humanity.. and that begins be accepting our base nature as sexual beings.. if we don’t have that solid foundation on our basic psychology, we are doomed to self destruction by the lack of true human connection.. we need to emotionally mature.

Sex ed 101

The Goddess

This chapter in my book is very special to me; as she represents wisdom and intelligence.. she is the female Albert Einstein..and that is why I based this chapter on infinity..or the contemplation of reality. Albert Einstein also understood music as mathematical. As he was so is she. Sexy woman are also very intelligent and intellectual people.

~From the book ~ The Goddess an Expression of The Divine Feminine ~ Amazon.ca

click on images to enlarge them

Hecate

 

The Triple Headed Goddess; The High Priestess; she has many names. The keeper of the crossroads and the hidden places; she lifts the veil to the Inner Temple, the subconscious. She is the woman who dreams, dreams of long forgotten places and remembers things. She dreams, dreams of the future that come to pass, she sees past lies and deceit by using her inner compass.

 

She represents the lunar cycles in all phases; the new moon is the virgin; the full moon the mother and the waning moon the matron. She is daughter, mother and grandmother, as all women have been and will be in each state within their lifetimes. She is mystery and secrecy, as all women keep their secrets from men; as it isn’t any of his business how many men had come before him or how she felt about them; because she knows the fragile male ego needs not know for it’s own good. She keeps her secrets from her own mother and even sometimes from her best friends, as secrets are secrets.

 

She is feline; sleek and sexy in her mystery, she can overwhelm a man with her inner sight as just when he may think that he has fooled her, he finds her looking deep inside. She looks right through him like a cat looking into the spirit world; this does scare him because in her coldness he knows that she has seen strait through him. His only defense is to call her crazy; but as wise as she is she knows to ignore his pitiful attempt at hiding from her.

 

She is a woman that keeps her own council; she knows her intuition very well; wise and strong, this makes her very sexy, but in a dangerous way to men. But the danger of her deep wisdom causes him to want her more, because he just cannot grasp her inner mystery.

 

This is woman whom men will come to asking for advice; because they know that it will be given with unfaltering truth and deep wisdom. She is the woman; that with her intuition sees around corners, she can connect the past, present and future. This mysterious woman understands that time doesn’t run in lines it runs in circles, understanding the rhythm of life, knowing that it all conjuncts back to crossroads, she can see the next entrance. Light and darkness; youth and aging, life and death all circle into infinity.

Infinity

 

 

Oh to contemplate infinity.. Where to start.. First with the symbol of infinity the # 8 turned on its side.. This is the number of abundance and endless possibilities, as this is what infinity is.. It is nothing=everything and everything=nothing.. If you look at the symbol were the lines meet in the middle; if you were to crop this, it would look like and X marking the spot where the treasure of the infinite is propelled out from the center.. The center is the symbol of the # zero which really isn’t a number at all as it holds no value.. As it equals nothing.. but the zero is infinite as it holds place value ( following me here.. )

The place value is, it holds the other numbers up to equal, lesser or greater value.. This is the nature of infinity..(Sorry I love this) this is the number of infinity on the digital clock 10:01.. The 10 the completion the 01 the beginning of the journey.

To look at the symbol of infinity is to see that reality, space, time and mass all conjunction to meet at nothing.. Making everything come together to become NOTHING…ahh infinity..So does this mean that there is no mass, space, time or even reality.. Or does this mean that when they join they create timelessness.. Does this mean that nothing is really as it seems that we are deluding ourselves into perceiving reality?..(I love this…mind bending isn’t it?)

Zero is the womb waiting conception…10 is the conception brought to fruition and one is the conception..(Interesting isn’t it?).. Infinity is based on numbers.. Negative and positive.. When they pass through the conjunction of infinity.. The cross roads on the path to nowhere and everywhere they become Zero.. They become the possibility of negative or positive numbers or experience.. Or time, or space or mass…

Is the journey ever really complete? Has it ever even been started? Does time hold a place in the everything or is it nothing at all.. If everything is nothing and nothing is everything then the possibilities are endless.. Limitless.. Fathomless…

I hope I gave you something to think about.

Sacred Whore

 

The Sacred Whore was the High Priestess of the temple. She was not the whore of today; the reason that she is known as a whore is that she accepted payment for her services.

 

When we envision a whore; we see a rundown woman with no self worth or respect, stung up on drugs, using the payment from her customers to buy more drugs so that she can numb herself into living through her terrible life. This was not the whore of ancient times.

 

The High Priestess was from noble blood or family; giving her virginity to paying noble men was seen as a sacred sacrifice to the divine. She was encouraged to enter into the Priestess hood upon puberty. Men would pay her as a sex therapist and councilor; this was a sacred bond of secrets between her and her client; who were mostly high ranking men, she was the soft place to fall into; they could divulge all of their inner most secrets; wishes and fears to her and then make love to her and with her. This was the place where he could fall to pieces but still keep his self-respect.

 

When the High Priestess was ready to re-enter normal life; she would more than likely marry one of the noble men that she had been a consort to; she was revered and respected for her contribution to society and to the divine union of the masculine and the feminine.

 

Today she exists in every woman as the understanding wife, girlfriend and lover. Her payment is still the same (respect and trust) to trust and respect her; she too will do the same for her man; if she is a dignified woman, a woman of class and grace, she will take his inner most secrets to the grave with her. She will not use his secrets against him; it will be and stay bedroom talk until he mentions it to her again as she will understand and respect his vulnerability.

 

In the tarot deck she is seen as the Strength card; The Whore of Babylon, she tames his inner beast with beauty, sweetness and grace; as well with a good amount of lusty lovemaking.

RHYTHM

 

 

I love to dance and sing

Music is everything

I hear and feel such passion move through me

I can’t help but move my feet

My heart burst out across my lips

As the melody takes over me.

 

The drum beat sends me

The piano owns me

The strings touch my heart

The strings of the guitar and the harp

The violin so sad and sweet

Soulful and so spiritual

Music swirling sends me twirling

 

Like a child again

I am wild again

I am freed by this passion

Fiery euphoria sweep me up

I fly to the stars

I grove hard

 

Music, music be my muse

I swing as I move

Fluid as the waves of bliss that send me

Send me, ohhh send me

Send me to sweet poetry

Oh the dance of life it courses through the score

 

Fiero, sotto voce, furioso

Boldly, softly, wildly

Take me to the angels

Take my body and my soul

I sing and dance

I make music for the sake of it.

 

Ohhhoohhhooh Bliss!

MAGIC

 

 

Suddenly I can see past reality

I can see eternity

I understand infinity

I am everything and everything moves through me.

 

In a place deep inside of my soul

I can learn to let go

I know that my gifts are my tools

My natural born abilities create more for and of me.

 

When I learn to soar on the winds of change

When I let myself float down stream

When I cease to fight

When I chose to do what feels right I win.

 

There is magic inside of each one of us

A magic that is powered by faith and trust

By following our hearts and souls

We find our way to this enchanted space and place.

 

Destiny is given room

Destiny and fate are found in a quieted state

It is in the place of surrender

Surrender where we create and find our miracles.

 

The miracle is the magic

The magic of turning sorrow into treasure

The magic of wisdom matured

We chose tenderness over bitterness.

 

Creation is at your finger tips

We can cause miracles by following our hearts

It is through living our dreams

That God lives through each and every one of us.

 

Magic is the infinity of the possibilities

That nothing lived through the heart is impossible to conceive

When we manifest our dreams

We become one with God and live in our own divinity.

 

So quiet your mind and still your soul

You have the power at your calling

To call upon all of creation

You can become whatever you chose as infinity is within you.

 

The Goddess

On a personal level Gaia or Mother Nature is another powerful archetype for me. I am an Aries but 4 of my astrological houses are in Taurus .. my Venus, Mars, Mercury and Saturn .. I am an nurturer by nature. I love the idealism of purity by organics. To me dirty is clean living. I have always loved the smell of fertile soil and getting my hands dirty in it. In the photography of me as, Gaia I had to fight my own ego.. I had to step into being round, plump and soft to show fertility; I had to channel or step into character of The Great Mother..so I had to release the image of myself as the athlete .. to be fully in her.. she is the VOID.. the womb.. the waters of all creation. Love the Earth..for she is your MOTHER. I am sharing this chapter of my book on the day of the Full Moon Blood Eclipse in Aries.. I hope that it creates MAGIC and CHANGE.

From the book ~ The Goddess, an Expression of the Divine Feminine ~ Available on Amazon.ca

click on images to enlarge 

Mother Nature

 

Mother Earth manifest herself through every woman and through every female aspect of nature as, she is the seed and the womb; she is pregnant with ideas as well as her children; she gives birth constantly like the Queen Bee in the honey hive. She nurtures life at all cost and her creations that spring from her life giving forces. Her opposite is Father Sky; like her, Father Sky manifest himself through the masculine forces of nature that seek to impregnate the feminine force for the pure sake of the expansion of all life. Father Sky holds Mother Earth in his constant embrace of enduring passion and love for one another; hence we are reminded through our feet on Mother Earth and our eyes on Father Sky, of the divine force within us.

 

She is endless abundance; she adorns herself with her creations; her butterflies, flowers, ladybugs, snowflakes, and waterfalls are her jewelry. She has no need for the superficial as she is pure and sweet in her natural beauty. She is beauty. She is life. To her the man-made world is needless as she supplies through her breast ( heart ) all that is needed to nurture and sustain life. She feeds the world as she is everything in everything; even what has been perverted by mankind through the manipulation of her elements comes from her as all matter; comes from her source. As we can pervert anything through the perception of the ego we pervert her landscape and we make her dirty with our greed.

 

As she is all women and all women have manifested from her energy we pervert a woman’s sexuality as we pervert our earth with our pollution. When we pervert something or someone we alter it for abnormal purposes; this means that we manipulate what was once pure to suit our greed or lusts. Having lust is not necessarily a bad thing; it is healthy to be passionate and lustful towards life our one’s lover; but it is when lust turns into obsession and a need to control or own another, or an aspect of society that greed turns lust into perversion. It is this perversion that causes us to hurt, destroy, control, manipulate or take away the rights of others, for the sake of selfishness. This selfishness has been inflicted on Mother Nature since the Industrial Age; since this time we have concentrated our pollution on what was once a pure landscape.

Our return to Mother Nature is to respect the abundance of what has always been; not to take her for granted or use and abuse her resources as we have come to use and abuse her manifestation of womankind.

 

Gaia’s Song

 

 

 

In your greed you have forgotten,

 

In your greed you have lost your way,

 

In your need to be put above others,

 

You have gone astray.

 

 

 

In your race towards fame and fortune,

 

You have become bitter and selfish,

 

You have put your wants above justice,

 

You have learned to lie so well,

 

You don’t even see yourself.

 

 

 

Your need to own me and society,

 

Has brought such great suffering,

 

Your children are raped and beaten,

 

Your women are owned and berated,

 

The old are put away and forgotten,

 

You have brought in shame.

 

 

 

My skin you have polluted,

 

You pour oil in my waters,

 

You spill your chemicals in my veins,

 

You build up concrete on my meadows,

 

And you alter what was perfectly made,

 

You say you do these things to make life better,

 

But you believe your own lies,

 

As all you do is just for your own gain,

 

Everything is just to own the masses,

 

But evil is what you have created,

 

 

 

Children starve worldwide,

 

They are left in graves unmarked.

 

You will never know their names,

 

You will never feel their mother’s pain,

 

As you turn a blind eye,

 

You are cruel and so jaded,

 

 

 

I call to you my children,

 

I call to you as it is almost too late,

 

In these unmarked graves of your women and your children,

 

I have placed your name,

 

I am Mother Nature,

 

I will have the final say,

 

 

 

You have been so arrogant,

 

You have turned into my cruel children,

 

Do you really think that it can go on much longer?

 

You have become my cancer,

 

This disease you have created,

 

You are my cancer,

 

With your evil cruelty to one another,

 

You have polluted reality,

 

I will shake you from my skin,

 

As all creation must go on without you,

 

 

 

Did you really think you are my only children?

 

The world is teaming with life other than yours,

 

I will cut you out like a bad cancer,

 

Like the parasite that you have become,

 

I will do away with this evil.

 

 

 

You fear hell,

 

You fear damnation,

 

But it’s your fear you have created,

 

You have dug your own graves,

 

You have created your own karma,

 

And I will give you your way,

 

 

 

You can save yourself by your own hand,

 

If you learn to become a hero,

 

If you do to help others,

 

If you lift up the weakest ones,

 

If you can feed the starving children,

 

By loving the women that created them,

 

 

 

This is how you will change this imbalance,

 

By doing good just for the sake of doing,

 

By spreading love instead of greed and hate,

 

Stop trying to own the world,

 

Stop trying to take all there is to take,

 

Share with one another,

 

This is the only way,

 

 

 

Greed is your undoing,

 

Greed has caused this hate,

 

Greed has caused all the killing,

 

Religion has just been your excuse,

 

To execute the blameless,

 

To bring the balance back you must be honest,

 

 

 

Be honest with yourself,

 

Be honest with your ego,

 

Be honest with your manipulations,

 

Be honest with your motivations,

 

Bring up the weak,

 

 

 

Bring up the meek,

 

Bring up the sick and the broken,

 

Bring up you women, your aged and your children,

 

This is the only way,

 

To a new day,

 

To clean your soul,

 

You will clean the world,

 

To save yourselves,

 

Please listen, my dear children.

 

Retreat

 

Sometimes I get so tired of the world. I hear young people say all they want is to make lots of money. I think to myself; they are missing the point of existence. I think we have all been put here to make the world a better place.

 

There is so much selfishness; and we are groomed from the time we are young to think and act selfishly. We learn that all the popular kids are the best looking and they wear the most fashionable clothes. My children are starting to inform me of this as they approach middle school. It makes me feel so sad; what happened to making your mark by what you do, not by what you look like, what you have or who you know?

 

I just need to turn the TV off; it makes me sick how we are so brainwashed; everything is just so disinfected and so fake and perfect, we have forgotten how to be organic. We have become artificial; like the food that we eat; like the plastics that store our food and that we wear in our clothing, we have forgotten about the soul.

 

So I turn off the TV and I stay away from Facebook and I stay away from the mall; because it starts to make me feel so hopeless; it starts to make me physically sick. I get pulled into the undertow; just like everyone else, before I know it I am watching what I say, what I do, what I wear, so that I can fit in and not be judged too. It is such a hard thing to walk away from, to retreat from; the worldliness it surrounds us.

 

Even the artificial spirituality wants us to believe that if we only concentrate on happiness it will magically come to us. If we only say nice things and think nice thoughts; we will manifest a magical world, but this too is artificial; because we have to FACE what is WRONG to make it RIGHT! It will not fix it’s self. It will not go away if we ignore it! This is not organic thinking this is not real; this is not facing reality. Problems must be dealt with; they must be worked through; emotions must be felt, vented and expressed to be released. We must clean up our messes to get rid of them.

 

For the world to come into NEW REALITY we have to face the one we live in to make the world what we want it to be; what is it that we all want? EQUALITY! We want everyone to have a fair chance at life; we want everyone to succeed and grow into the fullness of who they are.

 

But we are shown through the world we should want fame and fortune only for ourselves, we should want to stand out of the crowd; of course it means that others should have less than us; it means they should be and feel beneath us. It isn’t that we shouldn’t have what we have worked for; it isn’t that we should give to others who are lazy and would just use us; but we should share and bring other’s up who need and deserve a break; others who work hard to make a difference but don’t have the opportunities that we have; so we should share our good fortune to make the world a better place.

 

Real spirituality is real; it’s not fluffy words; IT IS WORKS! What are you doing to make a difference that doesn’t just make you money? How are you reaching out to others instead of just reaching out your hand to receive for yourself; how are you giving back? Words are empty without ACTION; simple as that, Meaningless dribble without participation! ACTION WITH INTENTION IS THE CHANGE.

 

I am human too; I get sucked in too; to the artificial, superficial, fake and faceless world; so I retreat to take the time to get myself strait again.

 

I hope that by writing my book I help to make a difference it the world; I am not looking for fame and fortune; I am not looking to feed my ego. I am hoping that bring the Goddess Archetype into the awareness of society will bring about compassion, justice and equality.

 

We have forgotten mercy, grace, love, empathy; we have forgotten how to feel for strangers; we have forgotten that everyone is us. If we cannot feel for others than how will anyone feel for us?

 

What is more organic than kindness?

 

My soul longs for tenderness; my soul needs mercy; as I am a part of you, the world longs for mercy.

 

I wish to help end suffering; through love.

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