Posts Tagged ‘forgive them because they are afraid’

The Seduction of Kelownafornia

 

Before I moved to Kelowna to start over after separating from my cheating husband, I was the type of person that loved simplicity, nature and spirituality. I loved staying at home with my children and working part time on the family business from our 110 year old farm house. I have always been intensely spiritual and very physical. I really enjoy working outside and being with nature on a spiritual level. I have never been one for crowds nor do I need a lot of friends. My circle has always been small due to my spiritual sensitivity that makes me emotionally sensitive. I had no idea that Kelowna would make me into a monster eventually.

I am not what they made me into. I am a home body; I love to cook healthy meals, garden, and be domestic. I like to keep my home clean and fresh because it makes me feel good, and on a spiritual level it keeps my energy flowing..on the level of intellect and intelligence it is a metaphor for a well organized mind. I am much the same with my athletics, and before I had my children I was also very athletic..and so athletics keep my energy grounded due to me being very whimsical and spiritual.. being physical keeps me here on the earthly plane. I am not what they ( Kelowna society ) made me into.

When I first moved to Kelowna as a single mother who had just lost the baby weight, I came across jealous and catty women. I am not like that and I have been naive to women like that. I honesty didn’t know what to do with the catty and bitchy behaviors and so I sometimes blamed myself. But that was just the beginning.

I am an artist, writer and spiritualist. Since I was a young girl I had the dream and vision of writing my book { The Goddess, and Expression of the Divine Feminine } so when our marital house sold and I had the money to produce and self publish the book I joyfully undertook my spiritual mission. By my unworldiness I had no idea how horribly it would be received by Kelowna society and culture. I was so naive and childlike to think that it wouldn’t not just offend many but intimidate many as well. Not only did it intimidate many but it also branded me as a gold digger and whore..and I was treated as such. I was systematically shut out of society ..now to the point that I cannot be employed due to what I have online to promote my book as the subject matter is freeing women from sexual repression and I am topless in some of the photography that expresses the Goddess in typical Greek fashion. Now I know.. you would think that it’s art and so artist should be free to express themselves and then move about society freely and with all their rights intact.. but women’s rights have so much father to go and we haven’t even begun to free women from repression as my personal story proves.

I also refused to meet personally and alone with a very wealthy man that is basically The King of Kelowna, that own’s businesses and land in Kelowna.. he showed me how powerful and worldly he is by having me thrown out of all privately owned local gyms in Kelowna.. I have had to take down everything I wrote about my experiences with him so that he doesn’t continue to attempt to crush me by attempting to make me suicidal or to actually suicide. So yes in that way he has won. I am the weaker in the fact that he has the ability to pull strings like a puppet master and make people do horrible things for his favor.. but did I miss a golden gold-digging opportunity or did I escape with my soul?

How do I forgive all of these people? How do I forgive a man who could of shown me mercy but showed me only pure cruelty? I forgive them because I have to; I have to forgive them because I don’t want to become them. I was becoming them while trying to fight them. I was becoming them by becoming bitter because justice wouldn’t come.. mercy wasn’t to come to me by them and so I have to have mercy upon myself by releasing them so that I can go back to myself..because they branded me The Seductress while they seduced me into their worldly mess of over competition and affluent-disease. You see everyone wants to be rich here at all costs and they compete against each other ruthlessly to obtain more than others. They compete against each other in the fitness community as nothing is ever good enough and then they make themselves sick by over dieting and over working their bodies..they make themselves sick with jealousy and greed.. and they pulled me in and seduced me with inflicting their ruthless nature onto me..and I lost myself as their names or branding stuck to me like a mask, covering my true divine nature. Kelowna’s spiritual community is also a reflection of Kelowna as those involved compete to be the most enlightened and of course that leads them away from true enlightenment. True enlightenment comes from being present in our humanity not by denying our basic human nature. Spiritual detachment doesn’t mean being detached from empathy and compassion towards other’s struggles or suffering..but we accept suffering to move through suffering; we move through suffering by seeing the gifts of wisdom found in that suffering..and so Kelowna’s spiritual community is lacking in wisdom and true depth.

When I wrote my book I didn’t know what ” Business Branding ” was ? I was just a child-like artist with a wonderful idea; I was just a spiritualist that wanted to gift the world with The Divine Feminine to help humanity find balance and peace. I was just an nerdy intellectual that wished to help educate the ignorant to enlighten..but to them, I just thought I was ” all that ” to them I was competing and trying to reel in rich men like The King of Kelowna..

I got caught up in the rat race.. on a hamster wheel going nowhere because I didn’t ever want to get to where they are.

I am so glad I was pushed out now. I am so glad to be moving out of Kelowna back to me and back to simplicity.

I can hardly wait to find my quiet and solitude so that I can hear my spirit guides and the Goddess speak to me that much clearer.. I finally see though the fog and confusion.. and I am leaving it all behind..

To garden, paint, write and run like a child in the sun.

Stay Sweet

 

We all live in a world were everyone is pretending .. it’s just the way it is. It starts in high school. Everyone wants to fit in.. be popular.. liked and accepted. We are shown through media projections; by branded personalities how to be cool.. how to put on the social masks that everyone worships and adores. But by doing so we loose ourselves and our true identities and so we become bitter. We become bitter by fear.. fear of rejection.. we become bitter because we sell ourselves out.. for social acceptance, and we think social protection. But if one becomes popular and adored by many people for projecting a image that they want.. we are truly not accepted at all..because we are not really being ourselves. So you can have the love of many while not being loved at all..and worse… you not loving yourself.

The most difficult thing to do is to really be yourself and love yourself past other’s insecurities and social rejections… but it is the only way to stay sweet..it is to stay and be vulnerable; to be humble. Courage is putting your heart out there..while knowing far well, that you will probably be rejected. When you are truly authentic, open, raw and vulnerable you are a threat to those who wear the thickest social masks.. because you are their mirror. A truly authentic and raw person is clear and blinding truth to those who are in the greatest denial of the social mask that they wear; and so it is that the nerdiest, nicest, sweetest and strangest people are the most rejected by society. We make people uncomfortable..because conformity is comforting.. the sweetest and most loving people wear their hearts on the outside..so we are labeled as victims by those who would victimize the open hearted for the very fear of being open and vulnerable themselves.

In the worldly way.. being truly vulnerable is labeled as weak.. but who is really being weak? I think those who have lost themselves in groups of people and organizations have lost.. those who are vulnerable and have the courage to constantly lay their hearts on the line.. well this is true strength..to put your heart out, even though it is wounded..bloody and raw from being constantly rejected.. attacked for being open.. seen as a target.. this takes in credible strength.. people like me .. we are true spiritual warriors.. because we are giving the world and example of the compassionate heart.. even thought it is constantly being torn and ripped apart by those who fear true depth and feeling.. those who have been hurt and cut.. sometimes they are the one’s that will cut us the deepest. But being truly vulnerable, real, raw, authentic and open regardless of constant emotional, mental and spiritual attacks, takes the greatest strength.

We live in a very cold and plastic society.. not just in my city.. even though outsiders confirm that their is a higher than normal concentration of assholes in Kelowna BC.. but the only way to open other’s cold and fearful hearts is to stay open and brave.. to stay vulnerable .. raw.. broken .. and compassionate.. it is to do our very best to forgive them..because in their, inner terror, they are lost..lost to themselves.. washed away .. in the conformity of fitting in..rather than standing brave.. being nerdy.. goofy.. making mistakes..failing..being perfectly/imperfect ..

Stay sweet.. stay open.. an love no matter what.. because love favors the brave.

Don’t let fear and bitterness make you bitter.

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