Posts Tagged ‘Fate’

Facing Fate

 

Blessings sometimes come disguised as troubles.. I have been sick off and on since the middle of March. Yesterday I woke up unable to see well, I was so sick I couldn’t drive my kids to school..anyway to make a long story short after taking a cab to the Walk-in Clinic I was sent promptly to the Emergency, because the doctor thought my sinus infection and eye infection may have progressed into meningitis ..they must of been very concerned because I was seen and tested within the space of about an hour..and thank the Fates that it was just a very bad sinus infection..but this is the blessing in the test.

 

The only thing I regretted was not saying good-bye to my children as I rushed out the door to catch the cab.

 

On my way to the hospital.. I thought of all the friends and some relatives that I had that died young and quite suddenly and so this made me question my own mortality seriously. My most important thoughts were of my children and how they would deal with my death..  {if I was indeed dying}  ( of course these were the thoughts traveling through my mind at lightning speed ..while in the cab driving to the Emergency) but I had no other regrets.. my biggest achievement is my children and the writing of my book and the creation of my website. I am so blessed to have my babies and to have given birth creatively.. I am so blessed to have the fearless spirit that has been bestowed upon me by The Fates..

 

I learned this about Fate.. there are things that you cannot control.. like what other people do or say.. like when your born..the family you are born into.. or when your life ends.. or when love will come and go from your life.

 

I thought of dying alone. I do not have a life partner and I thought to myself ” I don’t want my children to see me all gross and dying.. I don’t want them to remember me that way.. I don’t want to scare them”..these thoughts came to me so quickly! But even though, if I was going to die.. I would rather die alone than with people who didn’t really love me.. like my ex husband, sister and brother.. I would rather die alone with my dignity than surrounded by others just there with me because they felt a sense of duty…and so I had decided if I were dying .. I would do it bravely alone .. on my terms..

 

Most importantly.. I am so proud of myself and the way I have lived my life.. of course I have not been perfect and I will not be perfect..but I have loved fiercely .. I have been loyal to a fault.. I have been as honest as I can be.. and I have fought to be me in a world that worships conformity. I have lived my dreams.. I have created abundantly..and I have faced my fears.. I am proud of the way I have FACED FATE.. I have done my best..with what was given to me..and that is all I ever needed to do..it’s all any of us need to do!

 

I did feel sorrow at not having met the ONE.. ( you know what I mean.. the right person for me) but I am proud that I have not settled for the wrong one.. again FATE.. he just hasn’t arrived yet..and if he has he has not made himself known or FATE has not turned yet..but  it will when THE FATES allow ;)

 

Of course I thought ” I don’t want to die.. I have more books to write.. more love to give..and more things I want to do and experience.”

 

On my return home.. I held my children close.. I was in intense pain all that day..but the next morning I woke because I felt better! At 5 am all the antibiotics I have been taking for the last week must have kicked in.. the pressure in my head had subsided quite a bit..and I COULD SEE FULLY AGAIN..  ( I am not %100 yet but..) I laughed to myself as a line from the song Amazing Grace popped into my head ” I was blind but now I see”  ( these things amuse me greatly.. I am my best company) I turned on my BlackBerry next to my bed to hear it go off like a pinball machine.. and I thought ” WTF?” then I laughed again as I realized it’s my birthday today..and all my facebook friends were wishing me a Happy Birthday while I slept..

 

I woke up in more ways than one.. no matter who calls me down..be it in person, facebook, twitter or my blog and website.. I know who I am ..and I know were I am going and I know were I have been.. and I know I am right on target… and I know who my friends are!

 

Your can’t change Fate.. it’s all in how you Face it!

 

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