Posts Tagged ‘ego death’

The Cosmic Flow of the New and Full Moon Eclipses for September 2016

 

The Universe is asking us to ask this question ” Who have you been pretending to be so that everyone will like you?’

With the New Moon Eclipse in Virgo we were energetically being purified of ego; purified of our own ego lies or shadows from within that were coming to the surface or to the light of our awareness. Many of these shadows were things that we were doing to fit in or to gain favor from our peer groups or from society. Did you personally experience it? I was forced into seeing it by being shocked by the selfishness of others around me in my community; and forced to see that I had been slowly selling myself out to belong or get along in a community that was totally submerged in deep and heavy ego energy. I was forced by shocking events into becoming suddenly awakened towards my own ego and the fact that I had been drawn into their games unconsciously by trying to play games with them. I learned that I live in an area that is overly competitive and that I was drawn into that overly and unhealthy competition by constantly trying to prove my worth to them. By a shocking event my Neptunian rose colored glasses shattered and the ego fog parted and I was able to see just what they had made me into or rather what I had allowed them to make me into; I knew if I didn’t purge myself and distance myself from that community, I would become just like them. I knew then I had to move away..and go back to myself. I also saw my own horrible ego that got caught up in materialism and pride. A part of the Virgo Eclipse was to forgive them and myself and to cut all ties that bound me to them.. to go back to a pure state spiritually and back towards a healthier state of mind and being.. a very Virgo-nian way of making life simple, pure and orderly.

In between these Eclipses we are being asked by the Cosmos to find the zero point or still center within to ride out the intense cosmic energy of going from ego back to the pureness of spirit; simply put the ego doesn’t want to die back or be released; pride and prejudice both die hard and being critical of the self and others can be very seductive, destructive but mostly addictive. The way to the way is to just allow the mind to think while being aware of it’s thoughts and then just letting them go.. just letting them flow like waves; while not allowing them room to stay or become a reality as they once were before becoming aware of them. This is letting go of old patterns; old addictions and mine has been to be overly critical and easily frustrated by ignorance.. by fighting every ignorance and taking it personally into my ego or energy, I am keeping myself and soul from growth and inner peace.

The Eclipse in Pisces is here to show us the way back towards a higher state of being spiritually; to remind us that this is the material reality, but this is just a stop over for the soul or a school for the soul; this material reality is not the soul’s true home.. and so we are being drawn into the place of.. the infinite or cosmic void and being shown that what we think we are is not what we are. We are being brought deep inside to the seat of the soul, to the very essence of our being where hope resides eternally. In the shadow of the Pisces Eclipse we will all be given a peek behind the veil of mystery..all of us who are willing to sit within our center will be brought into the Cosmic flow or void..and we will simply be in awe of being present with the soul, so that we will no longer pretend to be what we are not to make other’s happy but we will be busy being and that is the way towards true happiness.

Deeply

 

I looked into the abyss and it looked back into me; and I found that I didn’t like what I saw or what I had become. When you fight monsters you do become a monster yourself.

I wrote about the monsters; and I thought by doing so I would expose them and bring them to justice but instead I hooked them on a line to myself and my ship..and as I reeled them in I brought the darkness to me. I brought the dark energy right to me and into my heart. Their darkness painted me with a dark lens; and their energy merged with mine..and I became egocentric like them..

I was a dolphin swimming with sharks pretending to be a shark so that I wouldn’t get eaten..but they still took bites out of me and chunks of energy from me.. until this last time.. the last time that woke me up from my own denial.. that dolphins cannot swim with sharks.. I am not a shark. I never wanted to be a shark.. yet to survive in shark infested waters I had to deny my basic nature.

This last attack was an awakening to my psyche; as it was a direct attack on my spirit or the essence of my soul..and it was the Universe saying listen to what they are saying to you ” You do not belong here and you do not fit in here because you are not meant to be here..so leave.. leave and never look back.. go and find those who match your soul.” My bleeding out confirmed the fact that I cannot survive in a place that is ruthless…for my nature is not ruthless but loving and peaceful..

So I cut the ties that bind me to them. I took down all of the blog post that I wrote about them; like cutting the lines to the monsters under my ship, awakening me from the nightmare. I left the battle that cannot be won as there are no winners..to leave them to compete and fight among themselves; as sharks do for blood in the water. Monsters consume each other in a world based on material wealth and not the abundance of the heart or of love.

I cut the lines to free my soul; to free my ship and I set the sails into the wind to go towards peace, serenity and beauty. The little dolphin swimming on her own to find her own kind.. to find those who create love and bliss.. rather than those who consume and compete, who destroy themselves by destroying others.

I will find my home and my soul family.. I have awakened from my own denial.. I am waking from the nightmare.. and leaving the monsters behind me.

I Dream of Buddha

I have had a very difficult few days promoting my book online. I have been called many names, and I have learned of lies and gossip spread about me; and I have learned of those believing the lies instead of listening to the truth. I have been directly contacted and told by some how horrible I am. How I am pretty but it is a shame that I am so negative. I am negative for telling the truth about those who have discriminated against me. I have been told I am an unhappy person in denial by those in denial of the truth of their own behaviors, actions/in-actions towards me. Many allow the discrimination by turning a blind eye to it, because to admit that it is happening would mean they would have to do something about it. They don’t want to help me because it would disrupt their comfort and positions in society..

I experienced a huge range of emotions.. from hopelessness, sorrow, shock, anger and then my in my conscious defense ( humor ) humor to fight the ignorance and stupidity.

Last night before falling asleep I asked the Universe or the Divine for a dream to help guide me or to help me.. this is called lucid dreaming. I have been able to lucid dream since I was a child; but I am not always answered by the Divine or Universal Energy.. but I was last night.. I am finding as my struggle with society begins to become even more heated that I feel the presence of the I AM.. with me directly. The dream I had last night almost feels miraculous ….

” I sat still and motionless on the lily pad.. I was the small green fog. I was still within the pod.. I floated without effort..I was the lily pad. I quietly opened to the sun..as my petals peeled back one by one and my fragrance filled the air.. I was the lily. The light breathed through me.. I carried it with in me.. I was the air. I burned my warmth forth without effort.. I was the sun. I looked within.. I was in everything; I wasn’t trying, I just was.. the Buddha.” ~ The Dream

I hope you can see the beautiful humility in the words. Humility is the greatest force of The Divine.. it is only through humility that we find the God/Goddess within us. It is only through humility that we are able to see through or own egos and the egos of others..

The Buddha didn’t speak to me but spoke through me and through the peace of tranquility .. The Buddha carried both the masculine and the feminine in my dream… this represented balance again..or the still center. In my dream the Buddha was blue.. this is the color of truth.. and the Buddha was showing me it’s eye wide open.. it was the color of tropical waters or turquoise.. the spiritual meaning of turquoise is peace.. meditation, mediation, protection, comfort, calm, stillness, healing.. turquoise is the color of basic truth and deep wisdom.

The Buddha was telling me that I am dealing with ego’s that are steeped in illusions .. My society and all society is mesh of illusions projected by ego.. the emotions of these egos.. or their projected perceptions of how they see themselves and how they see the world is being projected onto me..as they attempt to label me to fit me into their illusions. I am provoking their response by not allowing myself or them to tangle me up in their illusions.. to be my truth or the truth is highly offensive to them..as their illusions give them great comfort, status, wealth or prestige in society..the only way for them to find Nirvana was for the Buddha to find Nirvana.. by seeking only the truth past illusion or ego..

If I were to accept their illusion.. I would be crushed by it.. as they seem to have to put me into the victim role for them to excuse themselves from their own dysfunctional attitudes and behavior… and that has been denial of their own egos..

And so it is that I find Nirvana.. by seeing the truth.. for truth ..by the stillness and humility of internal balance.. meditation.. by being the Buddha within all things..

And so it is that this dream brought me peace, protection, tranquility..and the power to keep being the truth.

{ 3 things cannot be hidden long;

The sun

The moon

The truth } ~~ Buddha

Ectoplasm

 

 

I am empty.. my self interest gone.

I learned this from my sister as she was passing on.

She came to me in deep darkness of the night.. her body miles away in the hospital but still she spoke to me up close and personal.

She showed me in dreams and visions how her ego peeled away as she was being made ready to walk through the doorway.

She was frightened, hanging on.. as she feared the nakedness of her soul.. so vulnerable to be exposed

She came to me in this time..she was letting go of her own story..the story of lies owned by the ego.

The ego like a cloak covering up the true power of the soul…the ego was afraid to die.. as her soul knew there was no death.

Then she came to me in the morning light.. in the Garden of the Souls..as light as light..she told me of real power.

We are so much more than this..we are so much more than what we see.. we are royalty.

And so it is.. in my living body I am attempting to do the same..as she told I would eventually.

This is why she came to me.. to show me how.. to show me how to let go of me and the lies I tell myself.

I prepare to walk through..in this deep dark day and night.. into the light..

I new reality is bursting forth.. lies will be shown..so I learn to carry them no more.

I learn humility and vulnerability of admitting my lie is me.

Purity

 

 

 

 

And so it is with great reflection and meditation that I have decided to let go of my delusion, yes it is the illusion..the self-deception that I dig this grave. Yes here it is within this pit that I chose my spoilage.. it will be through this putrefaction that I will experience my purification .. like the delicate bride, dainty, sweet and innocent, I will then again rise..but on this day I die.

For the old me did deceit myself..”The smiler with the knife and cloak”.. I lied.. I lied.. I lied. For you see it was the lying that I hated the most..the ones who hid from the truth but as it is, I soon found I believed the lies because I lied to myself. I knew the truth..deep inside, I hid it within blaming others for my calamities that were mine because I lied that they were not lies..and so it is I come here to purify my soul.. I come to decompose.

This treacherous thing that I once was must once and for all return to the dust..ah yes to resolve the dept upon my soul..to be made once again ” as pure as the driven snow” and so it is that the funeral begins to banish and to exorcise what no longer serves me in this life.. ah yes it has to die.

Like a tree in the the Autumn all must fall away.. the fruit so ripe that it drops, tumbles down to meet it’s reduction on the ground.. ah yes all must descend to meet it’s end..topple, topple down… to decay down to the core as the little vermin disassemble further more the life and energy therein…such imperfection working for perfection. Like the apple so the bone..flesh slowly decomposed as tiny insects play within creating the decrenscendo..bring all to the earth again.

As a blanket, I cover myself with the rich rotting stench of the soil and my dead self.. am not asleep, no just resting here for a while.

I become nothing but the seeds with in the fruit; that is now nothing due to the savage deterioration .. oh the sweet beauty of decomposition.. to purge..to clean the bone so white.. to take what was old and renew it for another life.

Death so sweet so easy to surrender, what was once brutal now so tender.. gentle and humane..we all must die to the self again and again..

Beauty and romance.. in a death that knows it’s time and place..

And so it is I die with grace.

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