Posts Tagged ‘Earth Goddess’

The Goddess

On a personal level Gaia or Mother Nature is another powerful archetype for me. I am an Aries but 4 of my astrological houses are in Taurus .. my Venus, Mars, Mercury and Saturn .. I am an nurturer by nature. I love the idealism of purity by organics. To me dirty is clean living. I have always loved the smell of fertile soil and getting my hands dirty in it. In the photography of me as, Gaia I had to fight my own ego.. I had to step into being round, plump and soft to show fertility; I had to channel or step into character of The Great Mother..so I had to release the image of myself as the athlete .. to be fully in her.. she is the VOID.. the womb.. the waters of all creation. Love the Earth..for she is your MOTHER. I am sharing this chapter of my book on the day of the Full Moon Blood Eclipse in Aries.. I hope that it creates MAGIC and CHANGE.

From the book ~ The Goddess, an Expression of the Divine Feminine ~ Available on Amazon.ca

click on images to enlarge 

Mother Nature

 

Mother Earth manifest herself through every woman and through every female aspect of nature as, she is the seed and the womb; she is pregnant with ideas as well as her children; she gives birth constantly like the Queen Bee in the honey hive. She nurtures life at all cost and her creations that spring from her life giving forces. Her opposite is Father Sky; like her, Father Sky manifest himself through the masculine forces of nature that seek to impregnate the feminine force for the pure sake of the expansion of all life. Father Sky holds Mother Earth in his constant embrace of enduring passion and love for one another; hence we are reminded through our feet on Mother Earth and our eyes on Father Sky, of the divine force within us.

 

She is endless abundance; she adorns herself with her creations; her butterflies, flowers, ladybugs, snowflakes, and waterfalls are her jewelry. She has no need for the superficial as she is pure and sweet in her natural beauty. She is beauty. She is life. To her the man-made world is needless as she supplies through her breast ( heart ) all that is needed to nurture and sustain life. She feeds the world as she is everything in everything; even what has been perverted by mankind through the manipulation of her elements comes from her as all matter; comes from her source. As we can pervert anything through the perception of the ego we pervert her landscape and we make her dirty with our greed.

 

As she is all women and all women have manifested from her energy we pervert a woman’s sexuality as we pervert our earth with our pollution. When we pervert something or someone we alter it for abnormal purposes; this means that we manipulate what was once pure to suit our greed or lusts. Having lust is not necessarily a bad thing; it is healthy to be passionate and lustful towards life our one’s lover; but it is when lust turns into obsession and a need to control or own another, or an aspect of society that greed turns lust into perversion. It is this perversion that causes us to hurt, destroy, control, manipulate or take away the rights of others, for the sake of selfishness. This selfishness has been inflicted on Mother Nature since the Industrial Age; since this time we have concentrated our pollution on what was once a pure landscape.

Our return to Mother Nature is to respect the abundance of what has always been; not to take her for granted or use and abuse her resources as we have come to use and abuse her manifestation of womankind.

 

Gaia’s Song

 

 

 

In your greed you have forgotten,

 

In your greed you have lost your way,

 

In your need to be put above others,

 

You have gone astray.

 

 

 

In your race towards fame and fortune,

 

You have become bitter and selfish,

 

You have put your wants above justice,

 

You have learned to lie so well,

 

You don’t even see yourself.

 

 

 

Your need to own me and society,

 

Has brought such great suffering,

 

Your children are raped and beaten,

 

Your women are owned and berated,

 

The old are put away and forgotten,

 

You have brought in shame.

 

 

 

My skin you have polluted,

 

You pour oil in my waters,

 

You spill your chemicals in my veins,

 

You build up concrete on my meadows,

 

And you alter what was perfectly made,

 

You say you do these things to make life better,

 

But you believe your own lies,

 

As all you do is just for your own gain,

 

Everything is just to own the masses,

 

But evil is what you have created,

 

 

 

Children starve worldwide,

 

They are left in graves unmarked.

 

You will never know their names,

 

You will never feel their mother’s pain,

 

As you turn a blind eye,

 

You are cruel and so jaded,

 

 

 

I call to you my children,

 

I call to you as it is almost too late,

 

In these unmarked graves of your women and your children,

 

I have placed your name,

 

I am Mother Nature,

 

I will have the final say,

 

 

 

You have been so arrogant,

 

You have turned into my cruel children,

 

Do you really think that it can go on much longer?

 

You have become my cancer,

 

This disease you have created,

 

You are my cancer,

 

With your evil cruelty to one another,

 

You have polluted reality,

 

I will shake you from my skin,

 

As all creation must go on without you,

 

 

 

Did you really think you are my only children?

 

The world is teaming with life other than yours,

 

I will cut you out like a bad cancer,

 

Like the parasite that you have become,

 

I will do away with this evil.

 

 

 

You fear hell,

 

You fear damnation,

 

But it’s your fear you have created,

 

You have dug your own graves,

 

You have created your own karma,

 

And I will give you your way,

 

 

 

You can save yourself by your own hand,

 

If you learn to become a hero,

 

If you do to help others,

 

If you lift up the weakest ones,

 

If you can feed the starving children,

 

By loving the women that created them,

 

 

 

This is how you will change this imbalance,

 

By doing good just for the sake of doing,

 

By spreading love instead of greed and hate,

 

Stop trying to own the world,

 

Stop trying to take all there is to take,

 

Share with one another,

 

This is the only way,

 

 

 

Greed is your undoing,

 

Greed has caused this hate,

 

Greed has caused all the killing,

 

Religion has just been your excuse,

 

To execute the blameless,

 

To bring the balance back you must be honest,

 

 

 

Be honest with yourself,

 

Be honest with your ego,

 

Be honest with your manipulations,

 

Be honest with your motivations,

 

Bring up the weak,

 

 

 

Bring up the meek,

 

Bring up the sick and the broken,

 

Bring up you women, your aged and your children,

 

This is the only way,

 

To a new day,

 

To clean your soul,

 

You will clean the world,

 

To save yourselves,

 

Please listen, my dear children.

 

Retreat

 

Sometimes I get so tired of the world. I hear young people say all they want is to make lots of money. I think to myself; they are missing the point of existence. I think we have all been put here to make the world a better place.

 

There is so much selfishness; and we are groomed from the time we are young to think and act selfishly. We learn that all the popular kids are the best looking and they wear the most fashionable clothes. My children are starting to inform me of this as they approach middle school. It makes me feel so sad; what happened to making your mark by what you do, not by what you look like, what you have or who you know?

 

I just need to turn the TV off; it makes me sick how we are so brainwashed; everything is just so disinfected and so fake and perfect, we have forgotten how to be organic. We have become artificial; like the food that we eat; like the plastics that store our food and that we wear in our clothing, we have forgotten about the soul.

 

So I turn off the TV and I stay away from Facebook and I stay away from the mall; because it starts to make me feel so hopeless; it starts to make me physically sick. I get pulled into the undertow; just like everyone else, before I know it I am watching what I say, what I do, what I wear, so that I can fit in and not be judged too. It is such a hard thing to walk away from, to retreat from; the worldliness it surrounds us.

 

Even the artificial spirituality wants us to believe that if we only concentrate on happiness it will magically come to us. If we only say nice things and think nice thoughts; we will manifest a magical world, but this too is artificial; because we have to FACE what is WRONG to make it RIGHT! It will not fix it’s self. It will not go away if we ignore it! This is not organic thinking this is not real; this is not facing reality. Problems must be dealt with; they must be worked through; emotions must be felt, vented and expressed to be released. We must clean up our messes to get rid of them.

 

For the world to come into NEW REALITY we have to face the one we live in to make the world what we want it to be; what is it that we all want? EQUALITY! We want everyone to have a fair chance at life; we want everyone to succeed and grow into the fullness of who they are.

 

But we are shown through the world we should want fame and fortune only for ourselves, we should want to stand out of the crowd; of course it means that others should have less than us; it means they should be and feel beneath us. It isn’t that we shouldn’t have what we have worked for; it isn’t that we should give to others who are lazy and would just use us; but we should share and bring other’s up who need and deserve a break; others who work hard to make a difference but don’t have the opportunities that we have; so we should share our good fortune to make the world a better place.

 

Real spirituality is real; it’s not fluffy words; IT IS WORKS! What are you doing to make a difference that doesn’t just make you money? How are you reaching out to others instead of just reaching out your hand to receive for yourself; how are you giving back? Words are empty without ACTION; simple as that, Meaningless dribble without participation! ACTION WITH INTENTION IS THE CHANGE.

 

I am human too; I get sucked in too; to the artificial, superficial, fake and faceless world; so I retreat to take the time to get myself strait again.

 

I hope that by writing my book I help to make a difference it the world; I am not looking for fame and fortune; I am not looking to feed my ego. I am hoping that bring the Goddess Archetype into the awareness of society will bring about compassion, justice and equality.

 

We have forgotten mercy, grace, love, empathy; we have forgotten how to feel for strangers; we have forgotten that everyone is us. If we cannot feel for others than how will anyone feel for us?

 

What is more organic than kindness?

 

My soul longs for tenderness; my soul needs mercy; as I am a part of you, the world longs for mercy.

 

I wish to help end suffering; through love.

My Grandfather’s Native Wisdom

 

My earliest memory of my Grandfather.. My mom and dad were staying with my grandparents in Carson City Nevada.. I was sleeping in my grandparents bed with my sister and I think my cousins ( it was such a long time ago so I am doing my best with my cloudy memories ) I woke up with a start as I heard my grandfather Cecil exclaim loudly ” Holy Mackerel ” ( he loved to say that when he was excited ) I remember reaching for the glass of water that my grandmother had placed on the night stand, to find it full of small floating, dead bugs .. my grandmother then burst into the bedroom ..she leaned over us and said softly ” Your grandpa wants you to get up and come outside to see the meteor shower.” I remember how excited my grandfather was; when we all sat on the front porch at his feet to watch the stars fall.. he was the biggest kid of all..and he said ” Father Sky is showing Mother Earth how much he loves her ” My grandmother loved that because she hugged him.. it was magical.. my grandfather had a way of making nature magical.

Around that same time; way back in the very early 70s.. my grandfather decided one night that we should go for a drive in his beat-up pick-up truck to go and chase the full moon.. I remember how he stuck his head out the window to howl like a coyote.. but he got the real coyotes going.. I remember that desert night being so bright with moon light and magic..and my grandfather saying ” You could drink the Milky Way through a straw tonight ” and it was like that in the desert ..back then anyway.. there wasn’t any artificial light .. just the stars and the moon…and on some nights the desert storms would cast their natural fireworks..

My Grandfather taught me much about the sacred… he loved to build a fire… one night in Washington.. we camped by a swamp.. it smelled so bad. I complained and complained about how much it stank.. he said to me ” That isn’t a bad smell, it’s the smell of life.. White people think everything should be perfect.” ( When I refer to my grandfather saying white people.. he meant tamed and overly domesticated people..or conformist..to him ” The Man” meant people who invented the plastic world of consumerism ) He said of the swamp ” Everything must rot and die back to make room for new life.. that smell is life.. with out things decomposing .. that would be the real crap.. Mother Earth is completing a cycle.. that smell is the smell of green ” It was from that moment on that my favorite color became green.

As we sat by the fire and it sparked up into the sky.. my grandfather said to me ” Do you see how the sparks are like the stars Gracie? Do you see how you are like the stars Gracie? Do you see that your ancestors are like the stars..do you see that the stars.. the fire is inside of you.. do you see that you are your ancestors Gracie? We are ancient.. do you see that Gracie?” I was about 9 years old..and I said ” Yes grandpa.. you helped me see I am the stars.” I could tell he was pleased.. He then picked up his banjo.. and he started to beat it like a drum.. like a heart beat.. and I knew it was the heart beat of the earth that he was playing.. my heart, his heart, your heart, the universal heart.. he began to play the strings.. and then the music took him away.. you could see his body but you knew his spirit traveled on the musical vibration.. to become one with the cosmos.. he was like a whirling dervish.. he was reaching a state of ecstasy.. he was in a trance and in communion with The Great Spirit.. The fire crackled and sparked.. orange and yellow.. black and red..and my grandfather hunched over his banjo..his long hair falling over his face.. he was star traveling.

My grandfather smelled like sweet pot and zippo lighter fluid..and he always had zig-zag rolling papers on him.. he was a hippy.. but he said.. ” Native Americans were the first hippies..the real hippies. We are not vegetarians.. that’s hippy dippy shit.. we hunted for survival not sport.. we didn’t waste a thing… our ancestors only took what they needed.. and they only left behind the hides they took.. their bones and foot prints( meaning no living will or belongings ).. that’s a real hippy.. everything else is bullshit. The White Man has to own the land; they took what was perfectly imperfect and made it into sparkly shit.. they depressed us with taking our Mother away from us.. we are wild in spirit and need to roam .. but they took that away from us and domesticated the land.. they domesticated us..and our true spirit grieves the freedom of the land to be one with the earth.” He told me then, what many people are just understanding now ” Pot, mushrooms, peyote isn’t bad; it helps us connect with The Great Spirit”  As a child I loved the scent of pot and zippo lighters.. because they reminded me of my grandfather’s hugs and laughter. My grandfather’s laughter was so honest..and explosive.. it wasn’t tamed or toned down..and when he laughed everyone around him laughed.. I haven’t seen many domesticated white men laugh like that.. their social masks are too thick… they might crack.

My grandfather would tell me how much I was like his mother..he explained to me that she was like a medicine woman.. because she saw between the worlds; she was wild inside.. like a wild dove; wild woman.. she could see through people and she knew when they had bad spirits ( when they were crazy )

One day my grandfather and grandmother came to visit us in Canada.. we were living in Langely BC.. I was 11 .. It was August..and I was outside on my own collecting snakes and grasshoppers. I was a tomboy.. so sometimes I played alone because the other girls.. including my sisters didn’t like to get that dirty ..or collect snakes and bugs. I wore my bikini out into the open fields and streams .. nothing but a walking stick and a bucket to collect creepy crawlies in.. My grandfather came looking for me..and when he found me he had such a look of love on his face.. he said ” Look at you being like your great grandmother.. a wild child with dirt on her face and grass in her hair! Now show me whatcha got in that bucket!” He was like a child again..as we sat in the long marsh grasses.. feeding the snakes in the bucket grasshoppers.. I could tell he was proud of me then.. and he said ” I am so glad to get way from all the chatty women .” it was our moment.

My grandparents divorced..and my grandfather became truly free.. he was like the wind..sometimes no one would see him for long spaces of time.. I don’t think I saw him again until I was 19..he came to Canada..by that time I was living here in Kelowna BC Canada.. He met my then boyfriend..and I could tell he didn’t like him.. he said to me ” Gracie, lets for a walk in the open hills above you.” I knew he wanted to talk..and to be out in nature.. what he said to me was truly prophetic .. he said ” That boy you are with is an asshole you deserve better.. you will leave him ( I did a few years later ) Gracie what do you want from life? ” I said ” I want to get married, have some kids and own a home.. I want some land and horses.” He said to me ” You think you want that shit but you don’t Gracie.. you will get those things and you will think you are happy for a little while.. you will find a man and he will try to tame you..and he will think he has.. but he will be wrong.. because you have an ancient wild spirit within you.. The Wild Woman.. she cannot be tamed or domesticated.. you are your great grandmothers .. great grand daughter.. she had the same look in her eyes.. one day that spirit will come to a knowing of it’s self..and she will roar like a flame with in you..and he will run ( and he did ) but you will be free..and the next one who comes will be free..and he will have the wild within him” and then he continued on..” Gracie were do you think you go when you have an orgasm?” I was speechless..because I don’t think I had really had one yet..and because I had spent too much time away from my grandfather ..and so I wasn’t used to his honesty and openness anymore ( my white was showing .. I was somewhat domesticated to white shame ) my grandfather was wise..he knew it.. so he said to me ” Marriage is bullshit.. it condones ownership .. and it sexually represses..and teaches sexual shame.. there isn’t any shame in sex Gracie.. when you have an orgasm.. even if you just give yourself an orgasm..you are becoming one with the cosmos.. that is sacred..sex is sacred.. not shameful..it is natural and beautiful.. religion is bullshit.. there are no rules or doctrine to becoming one with The Great Spirit.. Nature is the only church you need..and your body is the temple.. the orgasm is the bridge to the cosmos.. ” And so it was my grandfather gave me a spiritual sex education.. he said ” One day you will walk away from this shame Gracie and when you do you will know you are a medicine woman just like my mother.. your great grandmother..and when the shame of nature and all that is natural is cast aside from society..all nature will heal.. including the Native Peoples.”

And like the wind..like the gypsy he was.. I never saw my grandfather again..and years ago he passed on.. but under the full blue moon.. while I was skinny dipping alone in the wilderness of Okanagan Lake.. I heard him speak to my soul.. and I heard him say as I stood in the hot night wind..naked and wet.. alone .. he said ” Wild Child.”

And I was reminded that I must write about him..and his ancient wisdom.

{ In memory of Cecil Ackerman }

POWER of the GODDESS

My heart was like an over ripe cherry, that has been rained on in July.. bursting open.. dripping sweet dark juice.. a love for him that I cannot deny..even though I try.  And so I drove into the woods to be with Mother Nature… to rest my heart in the hands of the Goddess.. to give her the love that he wouldn’t accept or acknowledge ..

As I walked upon her; I removed my shoes..to become one with her on the sacred ground..the sacred place I go to feel her the most.. and I said to her ” Great Mother.. I need you.. I need to know you intimately .. I need to lay my heart here so that you may heal it with your love.. my heart is an over flowing cup.. and it bleeds.. I make a mess of everything.. I shouldn’t of told him how I felt.. I shouldn’t of done the things I did in the pain of rejection.. in the pain of his words.. I shouldn’t of said the things I said.. were are you Mother?.. Goddess.. love and creation.. please take my heart and stop the bleeding.” and then I felt her.. I felt her so strongly.. I hadn’t felt her like that since I was a child..when I would wander for ages.. avoiding my abusive father..and she would hold me.. she would touch me with her winds and warm me with her sun..and sing me sweet bird song.. and she would remind me that I was her child..and that I was a Goddess.. and then as I felt her and I remembered .. these memories from so long ago.. I felt her speak to my heart and she said ” I am here under your feet.. I am the ground you walk on and I am the air that you breath.. I am the food that nurtures you.. I am in your mother and the mother of your children.. I am your mother’s mother..and her mother too..and my dear I am inside of you.”

I and I cried..and I was humbled..and I was held in her mercy.. in the mercy that no one has shown me .. and then she reminded me of my own sacredness.. she has no shame in her sexuality.. she has no shame in giving birth to new life..in openin up the doorways to death..and her womb to conception.. she makes love to all things.. to all things she loves.. she loves them with gentleness and with tough love..for she is fierce like me.. she sweet like me.. she gets angry like me..and she gets hurt just like me..and she gives to much to those who don’t deserve it .. just like me.. and she gets used just like me..and she gets abused just like me..but she isn’t a victim.. and I am not a victim of them.. I am a survivor.. just like her.. she storms and she rages..and then she forgives and she blooms.. she loves again even after all the abuses.. even after all hope seems lost.. yet she gives hope to the hopeless.. and shelter to the homeless.. for she is home..she is the heart of humanity..and she is me..and she told me ” Don’t ever be ashamed of who you are and what you survived.. don’t ever be ashamed of showing anyone your heart.. don’t be ashamed of asking for help, for love and for friendship..because you deserve all those things.”

And then I walked with her.. upon her..and she showed me beauty even in death.. she showed me how the deer carcass made the flowers grow… how the sweet stench of death.. is the metaphor for the sweetness of the sleep of death before rebirth..she showed me bone washed clean in the water and the sun..she showed me wild fruit..and and she called the hawk to me to show me how to soar above the pain of other’s words and judgments .. to see that it is their fear..it was his fear.. it was not mine to fear or to blame myself for what he couldn’t see in me.. that unlike the hawk that can see for miles and miles..he saw what his fear showed him..and it’s not my fault.. but my fear reacted to his fear..and so I must forgive myself.. I must forgive him for his own humanity..and she walked with me.. and she held my heart.. and she said to me ” Your heart is full of sweetness.. like the cherry it just wants to nurture someone with it’s abundance..and that is what an open heart exists to do.. someone will come along that sees all of the good and the bad in you..and they will love you anyway..just like you are able to do with others.”

I am a Goddess.. I am like her.. I want to be untamed..and wild.. I want to dance naked in the moon light..and swim naked in the dark.. My house is full of sacred things..bones, stones, feathers.. special things that keep me close to The Mother.. My name means Love, Flower and Farmer.. and it wasn’t given to me by accident..it was given to me by her energy..because it describes my soul.. I want to grow wild things..and I want to lay in wild flowers..and I want to love with abandon.. I don’t want to calculate love.. I don’t want to over think love.. I just want to be love.. to give love..and to be loved..

Like her my body is wonderland.. my body is abundant and decadent .. it is food..it is nurturing.. it is marked by birth and babies.. it is like fruit..sweet, tangy..and I love the scent of myself.. I smell wild.. I am crazy.. I am a gypsy .. I think with my soul.. I am intuition.. I feel so much.. I am so sensitive..my feelings and my body to the touch..

Like her.. my roots go deep..my sensuality is all of me..there isn’t any separation from my sexuality and my mentality..for I am present..as she is present.. in my heart, my soul, my mind, and my flesh..because the forbidden fruit is the one that feeds the soul..

And one day when my bones are made pure by the surf and the sun..I will be reborn through her sweet softness.. I will be in the womb..the womb within the womb..a sweet and sensual dance as ancient as the stars..

This stone represents the sacral chakra.. pleasure

And so my heart..it still runs with sweetness to overflowing .. like a July cherry burst open by tears that fall like summer rain.. but I wouldn’t want it any other way..tis the heart of a gypsy…crazy and untamed.

Listen to the music

I created these art selfies in the park while being inspired by the piano man. I wanted to show you what the music looks like.

So many things and so many people have broken my heart.. my mind has been greatly troubled and my demons had their way with me.. Everything surfaced when I met with another person who is quite popular and well know in my local community. I knew our experiences were night and day.. I knew that meeting with him would prove to be painful.. yet I had to try.. just try. But afterwards I saw that he was very good friends with many of the people who deliberately hurt me.. by excluding me from organizations.. by being prejudiced against me as an artist..because I don’t create safe wine art..or coffee table art..or decor.. my art is raw and meaningful..sexual and passionate.. intellectual and intelligent .. my art is controversy and so I am controversy.. but the old wounds that didn’t have time to heal..that were still seeping in pain..burst open.. and my mind was filled with the worms that came from the can of worms that was reopened.. upon meeting with a man who has so much more than I have.. one that is my direct opposite in comparison towards being fully accepted vs being labeled as inappropriate..

musical magical spell

So I finally cried myself to sleep last night.. finally the damn burst inside of me..the frustration weeping from me ..turning into silent hot ..scolding tears of the words that couldn’t give verse.. to expressing the rage..that words cannot explain..but only hot silent tears can tell.

I was still in my funk when I took my kids to city park.. my oldest daughter wanted to sunbathe as she did her sketching..and my son wanted to skateboard with the big boys.. I was bitchy from feeling surrounded by Kelowna..feeling sick of Kelowna; as we drove up to find some event going on in the park.. but as we set up..and spread our blankets..unpacked our snacks..the music started to play.. live music..and I felt my self .. start to relax.. I felt the anger start to leave me.. as my children played..and the music played..and the burning sun, kissed my shoulders..

musical bliss

Then a man who wrote his own music and lyrics started to play the piano..it was only him..his heart..and the piano.. and he played it will all heart..

the music in my heart

I felt the tears well up..and my heart climbed into my throat.. his music was so rich.. opulent .. he turned joy to sorrow and sorrow to joy.. it was as if his fingers played the keys and then my heart at the same time.. it was the music.. it broke the evil spell that was cast over me..by me comparing myself to them again.. knowing that they all laugh at me because I am nothing like them.. I, myself knowing, I couldn’t ever be like them.. knowing I will never fit in.. I will never be accepted by them or be appropriate to them.. but somehow the music cast a new spell..a sweet spell of magic that brought me to my knees on the inside.. I prayed to the music as I was present with each note.. fully there on each scale..and then the crescendo broke my heart wide open.. raw and vulnerable .. pure but damaged.. I was with the music..with the passion and purity..with the sweetness and the rage.. ripped apart..wide open ..a bloody heart full of feeling..ripe and bleeding..

music

And I knew this artist playing.. I knew he knew that none of this shit matters.. none of these people matter.. it’s the art that matters.. it’s the music.. it is the creative bliss that makes one bleed on the keys of the piano.. they all listen to him..but it is just him and the piano and they are one.. one with the universal flow of creative energy.. the life force.. and so artist die to their craft to be truly alive…

crazy artist

Every artist walks with a heart that is never fully mended.. we take our pain and we use it to paint our bliss..

blissful surrender to the music

Many who read this will never understand what it is like to walk the earth with your heart bleeding droplets of ruby red…

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