Posts Tagged ‘Dayleen Van Ryswyk’

Innocence Lost

“He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you.” Friedrich Nietzsche

 

The Devil Tarot is both good and evil.. the good of The Devil is positive social notoriety ( do something to create positive change for society, the earth or humanity as a whole ) also The Devil in the positive stands for a great and passionate, sexual relationship and/or personal charisma … but this post is about The Devil in the negative… it stands for social notoriety at the cost of personal integrity. It stands for the temptation of loosing yourself in greed.. the greed of money and or social acclaim .. and sexually addictive behaviors and secrets.. or having a double life.. being a two faced lying bastard.. the evil magician who uses the illusion of charm to seduce people into following him/her for the pure ego feed,money, lust and/or all forms of greed..many use the disguise or slight of hand to make it appear that they are trying to use fame to create a positive change for humanity..but truthfully their charities are tools of manipulation .. to create fame for the pure sake of ego feed or to make money.. the filthy rich love ” Their Charities ” as they are great forms of manipulation.

When I first put up my website and all online accounts..and tried to promote my book on foot through my local community I met The Devil in many people. They mistook the innocence and naturalness of the nudity in my book.. in the photography; as my own form of Devil’s Play..they mistook my honest and frank writing ..or maturity about women’s sexuality as seduction.. they saw me as the evil magician using sex to seduce..and so it brought out their own inner devils.. soon I found myself gazing into a pit of seething snakes..all clamoring one up against each other for social attention.. and I was seen as another competitor in the race for fame and fortune.

To many men in my local community I became the next hottest little thing.. many tried to seduce me to become another one of their mistresses or girlfriends.. many of them very overweight men.. or in some way not attractive..but they had social connections, money or both..and when I didn’t play a long.. I was labeled as a crazy bitch. I had one actually grab me from behind when I was alone in his home during a business meeting..he grabbed me and tore my dress to one side cupping my bare breast in his hand from behind..then he bit down on my neck and demanded to be pleased.. I most carefully and graciously peeled him from me before running out the front door.. ~ innocence lost ~

This sort of seductive behavior happened often in the first 2 years of trying to network within Kelowna society.. I was invited to dinner parties to arrive and find myself the only guest.. then I would make a quick exit .. using some lame excuse .. like my babysitting fell through.. but it wasn’t just men.. it was swinging couples.. I had to be so careful.. I was invited to those parties too ..to find myself the only guest..once again to leave as fast as I could….

But then I found myself also the brunt of mean girl jokes..I had women’s organizations that I attempted to network with haunt my blog to leave mean girl comments.. seeing me as the men saw me.. as mistress material.. as the woman putting it out their to climb the social ladder on rich men’s dicks..and so they hated me for it.. for their own insecurities and ignorance..and so I saw what I didn’t want to become.. them.

I have written on this blog about them and their prejudices.. and so they wish to see me torn down..as I showed them the monsters that they are.. while they tried to make me a monster like them..because they thought I must be..putting my sexuality out there like art..thinking I am all that..doing all that they dared not to do..so of course I deserved and deserve their darkness..their contempt and deep dark shadows.. yet they don’t see they have simply projected their devils onto me…

What I have found is that they don’t network..they use each other..as devils do.. they would just as easily drop each other or climb up on the other’s downing ..if it meant climbing higher socially.. they haven’t real friendships.. they lie to each other..butter each other up..and they say they are authentic.. yet their masks are so thick..

When I wrote about my journey into the abyss of Kelowna Society..when I wrote about their shadows..and their slight of hand.. I showed them their devils.. and that’s why they resent me so..Because it takes courage and character not to fall into temptation..as they crawl and clamor in it..drowning in the pitiful messes of themselves they have created..not knowing who it is that stares back at them in the mirror..forgetting who they are in the falseness of their own images they have created..calling it BRANDING and REPUTATION.. but really it’s all just illusion.

But I have this to take with me..and I bid them adieu.. as I bow out from a competition I did’t know I had signed up for..

I have my integrity.. I have my authenticity.. I have my truth..and with that you didn’t steal my light to own it for yourselves.. as you have been too afraid to earn it..as monsters and devils are always afraid.. and that is why they try to steal the light.. because they cannot bring themselves to taking off the masks that casts their shadows…

The question to ask is this.. without me .. now who will you blame and shame.. now that you cannot project your bullshit onto me..it ‘s your faces unmasked in the mirror that you will see.

Why I don’t trust anyone in Kelowna

I have tried so hard to be friends with people in Kelowna.. in the business and networking community. But it seems to me that many of them are trying to find a reason to discredit me due to my website and blog.. many women from the networking community have asked me very personal questions about my sex life and my income.. as if trying to find out for gossiping purposes if I am a slut and a welfare mom. Or even if I am a whore.. like am I actually being paid for sex. Anyways the point is the hate.. it’s the absolute hatred that I have gotten from these people that is so shocking.. cruel and mean.Dayleen Van Ryswyk professed to be about helping me.. she did show up at my book signing at Chapters.. she did hold me a book signing at her own home.. but I became suspect to her intentions when she mentioned inviting Melonie Dodaro to the signing.. and I began to think ( Is she for me or against me? Is this some twisted form of entertainment for these women?) I just don’t know? I met her through Lori Welbourne’s facebook.. Lori also professed to be about my cause ( Women’s Rights and Sexual Equality ) yet Lori didn’t show up to the book signing and didn’t help me promote it.. even though she did have me on her radio show for a short bit?? As soon as Lori found out who I was by me joining her facebook and contacting her through.. Joel Young.. of all people a man who sexual harassed me.. Lori changed everything on her facebook and her videos to be about what I was about.. but never really promoting me.. yet she watched as other artist and people in the community bashed me on her facebook for being about these things.. I just don’t know what to think? I asked Lori right out why she didn’t help me more; why she turned and changed when she found out about what I was doing in our local community.. I was honest with her and asked her if she was trying to steal my thunder.. But after what Dayleen said to me on facebook.. after the fact of watching them comment on other people’s online profiles who were discriminatory against me??? I just don’t know? So I have withdrawn .. drawn my forces inward. I stopped following Lori, I obviously stopped all contact with Dayleen.. as she was intentionally cruel, using all of the things ( weaknesses that I confided to her ) to use as knives to stab me with.. I do know for sure that they are best friends.. and so it is hard not to line them up together.. for my own emotional safety.. but it isn’t just them .. no it is Kelowna’s networking society.. it is the arts community..it is Kelowna’s professionals and Kelowna’s professional women.. it is cattiness .. mean girl shit. Exactly why women have trouble breaking the glass ceiling ..they cut each other out from the ankles before they ever get that high.
  • Gracie Ackerman

    Will you and Ed please lay off about me being unemployed. It isn’t funny to me it is humiliating. Your last comment made me cry

  • Facebook User
    Facebook User

    No one meant to make you feel bad and were sorry if we did. On the flip side, you post about being at the beach all day and work out, then say you need a holiday from your life. To 99% of your FB friends who work crazy hours day in and day out, it’s a little much. From where we stand, your life looks like a holiday none of us can afford. You made it sound like you’re unemployed because I didn’t hire you. That made me feel bad. We like you very much and we support you immensely! Sorry if you felt like you were being ganged up on, I tried to keep it teasing not mean.

  • Gracie Ackerman
    Gracie Ackerman

    Dayleen you mean you and Ed work crazy hours.And my life seems like a holiday to the both of you. You cannot speak for my other Facebook friends. I don’t owe you are anyone a detailed run down of my daily life. We all have our inner and outer wars. I keep many things in my life private from my website and Facebook because it isn’t anyone’s business but mine

  • Gracie Ackerman
    Gracie Ackerman

    Calling me a drama queen was really hurtful. The things you both seem to be implying are hurtful. You don’t know were I have applied or the hours that I need so that i can still be with my kids. My will not p

    Awe fyck

    Fuck it whatever

  • Facebook User
    Facebook User

    I’m sorry you took that the wrong way. I’m supposed to understand that you are kidding but you don’t understand that I’m kidding. If you think that what you say doesn’t bother people, well, I’m not sure what to say.

  • Gracie Ackerman
    Gracie Ackerman

    I am sorry that you and Ed are over worked. I am sorry that you have to work so hard to pay legal bills that you shouldn’t have to pay. But it is not my fault and saying sarcastic things about me and my situation isn’t going to change that. Just like me lashing out isn’t going to change my situation. I have a lot to juggle with 3 kids and no family or financial help. I cannot go to work full time in the summer and put the burden of my 7 year old very busy son on my 2 tween and teen daughters. My ex will not pay for half the daycare with out me taking him back to court. That can take up to 6 months. Working to pay for daycare is pointless . I need a job were I can work weekends when he has the kids and 6 to 10 at night when Tyler is ready for bed and not such a hassle for my girls. It is complicated

  • Gracie Ackerman
    Gracie Ackerman

    But the thing is I don’t owe you or my Facebook friends an explanation about my job or financial situation that is what makes me mad. To insinuate that I am lazy hurts my feelings and is degrading. I am not a drama queen because I am passionate

  • Facebook User
    Facebook User

    Question, if you have no financial help. How do you live and raise a family and pay for a club membership with no job? I’m not judging, it’s just a legitimate question, because we work 7 days a week, 12-16 hours a day and it would be nice not too. Raising 3 kids by yourself is hard work and completely thankless. Before you know it, they’ll be grown and gone.

  • Gracie Ackerman
    Gracie Ackerman

    I just joined 888888 fitness and I am going to apply there because they are open 24/7 and it is right by were u live so I can race home to my kids if they need me

    Dayleen am not going to get into my finances with you or anyone

    I don’t think it is fair that you even ask me for an explanation as to were I get the money for my kids

  • Facebook User
    Facebook User

    Gracie, you seriously are reading WAY too much into what I said. You are turning something into something it isn’t. I was trying to keep it light hearted. Sorry you don’t think so. Maybe think before you post. Since you can’t seem to understand how your words come across to people.

  • Gracie Ackerman
    Gracie Ackerman

    Maybe it is the other way around

    Please just stop insinuating that I am lazy

  • Facebook User
    Facebook User

    I couldn’t give a shit where your money comes from. You miss the point vim done with this. You refuse to see how what you say effects other people. All you do it come across like a victim if anyone says anything. I have enough drama in my life!

  • Gracie Ackerman

    You, Ed, Daniel and Lori are off my Facebook now you will not be offended by my supposed victim post or how I live my life. Hope you all have a great life and I hope everything works out for all of you. No hate just done, done, done , done with people pleasing

  • Facebook User
    Facebook User

    After all I’ve done for you this is the thanks I get.

  • Gracie Ackerman
    Gracie Ackerman

    If letting you help me means being available for smug attacks on my character I would rather not have that friendship as I don’t see that as true friendship. I am better off on my own

  • Facebook User
    Facebook User

    People are right. You’re crazy! You’ve taken the simplest of things and made it into some attack on you. You aren’t right in the head! No one has attacked you..grow up!! Stop whining about looking after your own children, you wanted them! Get a job and get into reality. No one was against you. YOU are your own worst enemy. You’ve made sure no one likes you. You’ve made a fool of yourself. You’ve created drama where there isn’t any. You live in a fantasy world. You invite sexual advances because you present yourself as a desperate woman. You have ruined your business contacts. You have ruined your own reputation. You are completely unprofessional. You’ve made your life what it is. You are a narcissist. You need to change, your nuts..not everyone else..YOU! I put my business reputation on the line supporting you publicly and this crazy fucked up shit it the thanks I get. Grow the fuck up!!!

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