Posts Tagged ‘Courage to Love’

Until love finds away

 

I will do my very best; put on my pink dress until love finds away

I will love myself and everything all around until love finds away

I will make make beauty out of ugliness until love finds away

I will soar with the doves to heaven above until love finds away

I will be like a child and go outside and play until love finds away

I will adore all that I see with child like eyes until love finds way

I will be grateful for all that have until love finds away

I will seek health and happiness until love finds away

I am going to be just sweet little me until love finds away

I am putting on my make up and flowers in my hair until love finds away

I will be sweet, kind and gracious until love finds away

I will be all that love seeks so that love will find away

All I ever wanted..

 

All I ever wanted was your heart

The diamonds, the sapphires, rubies and sparkly things couldn’t fill my arms ..

All I ever wanted was your heart

Just sit and stay with me; talk with me and walk with me and hold me closely ..

All I ever wanted was your heart

I wasn’t like the rest; I really was looking out for your best..

All I ever wanted was your heart

I didn’t need the big parties; I didn’t want everyone to see the things you bought for me..

All I ever wanted was your heart

Sit with me by the hearth; in your arms I have everything I have ever wanted..

All I ever wanted was your heart

I know you worked so hard to show the world what a man you are..

All I ever wanted was your heart

I didn’t need the fancy gowns or a golden crown or the crowds..

All I ever wanted was your heart

I was the one that waited alone in our bed for you to finally come and rest your head..

All I ever wanted was your heart

Oh I how I cried and cried and cried when you just would walk on bye..

All I ever wanted was your heart

I would beg and I would plead “Baby please stay a while with me..”

All I ever wanted was your heart

Now time has gone bye and we are far apart..

All I ever wanted was your heart

I am his oasis

 

I am his oasis.. as the world is a barren place.. he comes to me to fill his heart and slake his thirst. I am his nourishment and his sweet fruit.

He comes to me dry and parched many arrows run through his heart; as he has been to warring in a world full of cruelty he needs me.

I am his oasis

There is no need for his white trusty steed; he shakes his dented armor free as he comes to have his fill of me.

On my soft breast he rests his weary head; to cry brittle tears; as he has been strong for far to long but I judge his weakness not.

I am his oasis

His bitter tears of pain untold turn to sweetness within my folds and then within he takes what he needs from me.

My cup is full and it runneth over; he can take so much more of me forever more over and over.

I am his oasis

In me he sheaths his sword and plants his seed and then I grow for him the new strength he needs.

I am his oasis

The world promises him dreams of fortune and fate; but with his battlement it doth pay, but at a price of leaving him dry.

For fortune and fate cannot mandate the depth of a woman’s heart that heals his wary soul’s plight.

I am his oasis

I give to him soft rest and breast, sweet thighs that await him to penetrate them.

In the morn he brave again, is ready to raise again to the fight.. because..

I am his oasis

My love is the cup that fills his dry parched soul again, again, for I am his for the taking.

I am his oasis

Declaration of LOVE

 

On this love hope floats

On this love everything grows

On this love my heart explodes

On this love

On this love

I will not give up; I will not give in to despair.. I will will repair

On this love

On this love

My heart and yours blossoms and blooms on what is new and alive

On this love

On this love

I declare that sorrow cannot stay as the rays of hope and warmth dissipate hate

On this love

On this love

Grief cannot stay and the heart it cannot stray away into a sorrowful place

On this love

On this love

There is grace a glorious poetry of blessings that bring kindness and beauty

On this love

On this love

We can see the music of all reality playing out in you and me

On this love

On this love

All is elegance, beauty, loveliness and charms singing on the notes of hope

On this love

On this love

All joy flows in harmony and the melody is in you and me

On this love

On this love

I declare the end of war, and greed, all misery, desolation and heartache

On this love

On this love

We emancipate all of mourning and melancholy towards grace

On this love….

To pieces

 

I think I will just fall apart to pieces..

Shatter

holding it in and holding it down..

Shatter

If I break then I create ..

Shatter

I am not afraid anymore to break..

Shatter

am not holding back anymore..

Shatter

I am not pretending it’s ok anymore..

Shatter

I am not being you for you anymore..

Shatter

I going to explode and implode..

Shatter

don’t care what they think anymore..

Shatter

wanna crack, wanna deconstruct to reconstruct it..

Shatter

stuck by fate and lightning, broken and bent..

Shatter

whats wrong with giving in to it..

Shatter

the ache is my powerlessness..

Shatter

not faking it, not denying it, not mending it..

Shatter

Longing for him…

I didn’t write the post below.. it’s a facebook post that I just copied and pasted. I just love it.. it speaks my heart and I am sure the heart of many women who have done their internal work.. it’s exactly how I feel. So many people shame women for wanting to have a relationship when they are single. And so many people who are in long term relationships or marriages have advice to give.. most of the time they don’t know what the fuck they are talking about.

I am happy to share this with you..I take no credit at all.. follow the links to find the page on facebook..

I hope I find him or he finds me..I hope you find the love that you desire too <3

 

So fucking beautiful

WANTING A MAN, BUT WILLING TO WAIT</p>
<p>I'm tired of feeling 'less than' because I desire a man in my life. I refuse to let someone tell me it's weak, needy, or pathetic to desire a partner.  </p>
<p>I don't want to raise my kids alone.  I don't want to sleep alone. I don't want to 'own' my orgasm or to be touched by my own hands more than I want to share the experience with a magnificent partner.</p>
<p>I want to crawl into bed after a long day and melt into my man. I want to breathe him in, feel his strong arms wrapped around me, touch his body and know I am safe. Not just physically safe because he's bigger and stronger then me, but emotionally safe too. </p>
<p>There is strength in a partnership. To feel supported, heard, acknowledged and valued. There is opportunity for growth when you are challenged and shown a different point of view. There's nothing wrong with wanting that. Why would admitting I want to share my experience of life make me any less of a woman?  If I'm guilty of anything, it's not feeling ok to acknowledge my truth for fear of appearing weak, needy or like I alone am not enough.</p>
<p>I've done my work. I've fallen in love with myself and I love myself first. I recognize my value and I think I'm pretty fantastic. I know my strengths and I'm working on my weaknesses. I don't feel like I need someone to complete me - because I'm already complete, but I DO want to share my life with someone. </p>
<p>Someone I can laugh with, cry with, dream with, create a beautiful life with, raise a family with, begin traditions that will last decades with, be physically and emotionally naked with. I want to feel excited in the morning when I roll over and see his face. I want to feel absolutely blessed each night when his lips meet mine in our goodnight kiss moments before we fall asleep.</p>
<p>I crave a man I trust completely. A man who's living his purpose and stands firm in his truth with intensity and courage.</p>
<p>I desire to love and be loved in a level I know exists but haven't experienced yet. I want to be desired, fucked, claimed, chosen, taken and experienced by a man who can't get enough of me. I want to fully surrender to a man I completely trust. I want to open all parts of me, specially those parts that have been damaged, hurt, closed off and hidden away for so long. </p>
<p>I don't want to have to protect my heart, I want to let go of my fear. I want to feel safe and find a man worthy of my heart. I want to be the woman who is worthy of his. </p>
<p>Am I willing to wait for a conscious man? Absolutely. Will I enjoy each day until he's in my life? Yes. But I'm going to allow myself to open up and say, ‘This is the kind of man I want and desire.'</p>
<p>Jenn ❤️</p>
<p>Join the conversation here:<br />
http://www.facebook.com/groups/1488651694707587

WANTING A MAN, BUT WILLING TO WAIT

I’m tired of feeling ‘less than’ because I desire a man in my life. I refuse to let someone tell me it’s weak, needy, or pathetic to desire a partner.

I don’t want to raise my kids alone. I don’t want to sleep alone. I don’t want to ‘own’ my orgasm or to be touched by my own hands more than I want to share the experience with a magnificent partner.

I want to crawl into bed after a long day and melt into my man. I want to breathe him in, feel his strong arms wrapped around me, touch his body and know I am safe. Not just physically safe because he’s bigger and stronger then me, but emotionally safe too.

There is strength in a partnership. To feel supported, heard, acknowledged and valued. There is opportunity for growth when you are challenged and shown a different point of view. There’s nothing wrong with wanting that. Why would admitting I want to share my experience of life make me any less of a woman? If I’m guilty of anything, it’s not feeling ok to acknowledge my truth for fear of appearing weak, needy or like I alone am not enough.

I’ve done my work. I’ve fallen in love with myself and I love myself first. I recognize my value and I think I’m pretty fantastic. I know my strengths and I’m working on my weaknesses. I don’t feel like I need someone to complete me – because I’m already complete, but I DO want to share my life with someone.

Someone I can laugh with, cry with, dream with, create a beautiful life with, raise a family with, begin traditions that will last decades with, be physically and emotionally naked with. I want to feel excited in the morning when I roll over and see his face. I want to feel absolutely blessed each night when his lips meet mine in our goodnight kiss moments before we fall asleep.

I crave a man I trust completely. A man who’s living his purpose and stands firm in his truth with intensity and courage.

I desire to love and be loved in a level I know exists but haven’t experienced yet. I want to be desired, fucked, claimed, chosen, taken and experienced by a man who can’t get enough of me. I want to fully surrender to a man I completely trust. I want to open all parts of me, specially those parts that have been damaged, hurt, closed off and hidden away for so long.

I don’t want to have to protect my heart, I want to let go of my fear. I want to feel safe and find a man worthy of my heart. I want to be the woman who is worthy of his.

Am I willing to wait for a conscious man? Absolutely. Will I enjoy each day until he’s in my life? Yes. But I’m going to allow myself to open up and say, ‘This is the kind of man I want and desire.’

Jenn 

Join the conversation here:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/1488651694707587

Sending out love.. a message in a bottle

 

I have found, through experience, Kelowna BC Canada is a loveless place…

Just seems that no matter how much I have reached out to people I just find I get nothing back. Nothing but empty promises of friendships or an echo of a promise of a potential lover.. So many say that they stand for this or that.. love, courage, bravery, equality, justice.. but it when it comes down to showing it through actions.. it never materializes into reality.. instead they don’t show up, or they remain silent when they should speak up..

Even now writing this I am washing things (memories) recent an old; around in my head thinking ” What is the point to even writing this” selfish people don’t care. I think the most fucked up thing is.. when I have the guts to write about what others don’t have the guts to even dare to think about.. these cowardly people are the the first to attempt to shut me up.. they are the ones who stood by and watched me get bullied out of my old gym.. they are the ones that shut me out of networking events and organizations.. making it impossible for me to promote my book on a local scale.. making it then even harder for me to promote my book on a global scale with out a local platform.. These are the ones that said they were my friends within the local arts community.. who never spoke up for me..when they had the power to make a difference.. because they didn’t want their own personal comfort put at risk with in Kelowna’s social network.. nope they sit and stuff their faces with wine and cheese, take in the local events, network with the organizations that I am not welcome to attend.. yet they know deep within that they are selfish cowards…

Even looking at the men that I cared about.. whom I thought were my friends, whom I thought could be my friends..and a very select few whom I had considered as lovers… they shrank back too.. professing to be about courage, masculinity, authenticity, truth, upholding what is right.. justice.. yet I had nothing to offer them.. no social connections, no money, and of course.. I suppose love and sex was not worth the risk .. of taking a stand for a woman who has been labeled and reputable .. a socially scorned woman..and worse yet a single mother..without family or social status.. why risk their own worth for someone whom society has labeled so worthless?

And yes I know I am not worthless..so don’t be stupid about this.. ( no messages telling me how negative this is.. no messages telling me..” But Gracie your not worthless” I fucking know I am priceless..)

I know that what I did for society was out of love..that my book was written out of love..and that I still write this out of love.. to help others see that they are not alone.. not alone in sending messages of love.. out in bottles.. out into the deep dark sea of unconsciousness.. the unconsciousness of a city… A city that is superficial .. full of people wearing thick masks.. to afraid to do what I am doing for fear of being treated how I have been treated.. using authenticity as buzz word for self promotion.. using spirituality as fucking TREND.. using religion as an excuse to be self righteous hypocrites.. conservative professionals using ” It’s just business” as an excuse to dehumanize. But yet somehow love has to win ..

And strength has to prevail.. through adversity..the dream cannot be abandoned and crushed by the cruelty of greed and cold hearts.. of assholes who only see people as worthy if they have something for them to use.. like social connections, money or some form of status…

Somehow the pureness of heart, the purity of dream has to survive the rough, tough seas of hatred and sorrow, of those who would do anything to stab an open loving heart just for the false power-trip..

Somehow..they say.. love floats.. on hope..

Love floats on the hope..that someone will have the courage to open up .. to actually hear the message, and to share it.. someone.. who has the connections, the heart, the courage.. to make those who chose to be unconscious.. conscious of facing their own inner demons.. so that they too.. can have the courage to send out..

A message in a bottle

 

Why it is getting easier and easier for me to stay celibate

 

 

 

It’s getting easier because I am seeing what is out there in society today. Even at my gym I watch married people flirting ..attempting to carry on ( at the very least ) emotional affairs so that they don’t have to face the responsibility or take ownership of their own integrity in their relationships to their spouses. People want fluff, they don’t seem to want anything deep and meaningful. It seems both men and women don’t understand that the spark ( the Ideal) of the relationship cannot last forever..it usually only last a couple of years ..then the rose colored glasses dim..and you are faced with loving the real person not the ideal that you thought they were..and if you cannot do that..then have the integrity to leave the relationship before side-stepping into another one with someone else.. and then those who flirt with married people.. wtf are you doing? Have the integrity not to allow yourself to be played into someone else’s games.. the game of hide and seek from their own truth.. of not wanting to grow up and face their own problems.. that is what a real meaningful relationship teaches us.. others show us our strengths and weaknesses.. it isn’t meant to be easy .. sometimes it’s damn hell.. It is supposed to be both heaven and hell..as both the light and dark lives in each soul.

Now switching over to men.. this is what I see.. selfish men who don’t actually want a woman that is equal to them..they are macho not masculine.. macho in that they need a woman to fill a role and to complete an emptiness that is inside of them.. that emptiness is caused by men who need a woman to dumb herself down..so that she doesn’t challenge him into evolving into a full manhood. A dumb woman that knows her place in his life.. as a servant to his ego; doesn’t cause him to question his own selfish motives.. What I see are men intently and with greed, accumulating their own social status and toys will giving as little of themselves and their time, their emotions or intellect to a woman as is possible.. They don’t want to be truly intimate, to share their lives or resources..what they want is to get as much as they can from a woman while giving as little as possible.

I see men being boys..breaking a woman’s sense of her self worth by playing her against other women .. making her feel easily replaceable unless she gives herself up to him.. I will not give a guy like this my time, my energy or even a thought.. he isn’t worth it.. he is not worthy..

I see lots of men.. who say the are men, who profess to have courage..but when the the time comes to show courage by action..the use excuses or remain silent, or make themselves scarce.. What I am saying..is that I see boys fooling themselves into believing they are men. I see boys who are afraid, afraid to stand by one good woman, who are afraid to go into emotional depths, who are afraid to invest their hearts into the heart of one good woman.. Instead it is easier to date and sleep with girls who are not real women..because a real woman wouldn’t allow herself to be treated like second best..a second, third or forth place on his list of priorities.. a real woman would make sure she was his first priority, and the he was her’s.. but what I see are people who are settling ..to be treated without dignity or respect..

This makes it easier and easier for me to remain celibate.. I will not be treated with coldness or brutality, I will not be put last on his list, I will not allow selfishness and immaturity into my life.. and I will not show my children by bad example how to be treated with disrespect..

I respect myself .. I respect my kids.. and I respect the good man that is out there somewhere.. I respect him enough not to settle for anything less but him..if he manifests into my life or not.. I am not giving myself away to little men who are not worthy of a good woman. I will do for myself.

What if Women Manned up?

 

I tried it..and it isn’t working for me.. I thought I was expressing my inner divine masculine.. trying to be one of the boys..but I am not one of the boys..  I have had to accept that and embrace my Femininity.. not expressing my emotions isn’t tough..it is weak.. a strong heart is brave enough to feel, to care..it doesn’t mean I am to sensitive or that I am taking things to personally..it means I am brave enough to FEEL.. a scary prospect for many people in an overtly masculine society.. as women think they need to man up to be taken seriously in a male based society and professional world..but then we are left with insensitivity, repression and denial of emotions..because women don’t want to be called dramatic and overly emotional in a professional world.. what is professionalism anyway..it was created by male based logical thinking.. it wasn’t created to encompass the female mind.. our minds are based on instinct of nurturing..women read body language more than we read words..we are highly sensitive to other’s moods because our feminine DNA created us to nurture ..to be highly sensitive to an infant’s body language and tone.. because babies cannot use language..and so to not allow the feminine qualities to be seen as valuable as masculine qualities stops humanity and society from the full expression of the human condition.. what do we loose when we deny emotions .. compassion and empathy, intimacy, unconditional love, nurturing, we loose softness, kindness and tenderness..

The rise of the Feminine brings balance back into our world…

I am not going to repress my womanhood anymore..to make others more comfortable.. I am not going to “suck it up” and I feel sorry for people who are to repressed to express their emotions..because if you cannot have compassion for the self, softness and kindness for the self.. you cannot express these things towards others..

Truly men are trapped in their tough guy social conditioning.. I have a son..and I know how much he loves his mother’s softness, tenderness and long hugs.. I think men crave women to be women.. I think he wants someone he can fall apart with ..someone he can fall into that isn’t going to expect him to ” suck it up and be a man”

This tender heart..the heart of compassion is missing in society.. strong women are the ones who are brave enough be fully women and express their emotions..and love their bodies.

To answer the question ” What if women manned up?” The world would become a hard cold place ..barren of all intimacy, love and affection..and we would grieve the mother in every woman.

Organic Love

 

I think this is the ideal of love but not the reality of love.. so I am going to do something completely different.. I am going to turn it around.. from a purified, pasteurized love into something realistic, organic, whole and honest..

 

I will not always be patient.. but I will still love you

I will sometimes be unkind.. but I will still love you

I will get jealous from time to time.. but I will still love you

I will brag, be arrogant and forget myself in my ego.. but I will still love you

I will be rude sometimes.. but I will still  love you

I will be selfish now and then.. but I will still love you

I will get angry and loose my temper now and then… but I will still love you

I will tell little white lies .. but I will still love you

I will loose hope and become sad and depressed from time to time .. but I will still love you..

I know that love cannot always endure all things.. like big lies, and affairs.. addictions..and abuse..

I know that loosing trust breaks the bonds of love.. and I understand that is the reality..

That things can be forgiven but never forgotten..and sometimes we have to love each other from a distance..

Sometimes we have to move on and find another to love..

I understand that love is not perfect.. because people are not perfect..

But when we really love someone we don’t hold them up to impossible standards..

We just treat each other the best we can..

Because real love is raw..

It is passion..

It is compassion..

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